|The Case of the Curiously Quoting Dean
Author: dreamlitnight PM
A silly story featuring Dean and Sam. Full of smirking, hurt Dean and annoyed, comforting Sam. Enjoy the madness of my muse.:0Rated: Fiction K - English - Humor/Angst - Dean W. & Sam W. - Words: 3,798 - Reviews: 2 - Favs: 7 - Follows: 1 - Published: 11-09-09 - Status: Complete - id: 5499945
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Disclaimer: The Winchester's no-ot mine.
A/N: So, this is a little story with a lot of quotes. My youngest teenage son and I play this game all the time, much to the annoyance of my other two teenage sons and my DH. For some reason dumb movie dialogue sticks in our heads (lots of it apparently). Why doesn't useful information stick in there like that? Hmmm, It's a conundrum. Anyway... Two of my boys read it and thought it was funny, hope you enjoy it. Maybe you will recognize some of these quotes, most of them are ones that my son and I use all the time. Sad, huh? Thanks for reading.
One more thing... I was having trouble with this editing program, all the quotes are supposed to be in bold so they stand out, hope it worked this time.
"The Case of the Curiously Quoting Dean" or "Leave No Quote Un-turned"
Sam realized he must be slipping when it took a few hours of his brother flinging quotes into every other sentence for him to figure out it was going to be one of those days. One of those days where he wished he could lock his brother in the trunk of the Impala and ignore him for, oh, about a day. Yeah, everybody has a dream.
They were in a small town looking into a case of a spirit gone bad. It looked like a probable salt and burn. Most likely an angry spirit, was causing the chaos. There were seven counts of people being injured, with two of the incidents resulting in death. The trouble started when the newly built museum had opened six months ago.
"I'm chaos, and he's mayhem. We're a double act." Dean announced jerking a thumb in Sam's direction.
"No, No. He's kidding." Sam said trying to smile as he held out his badge and nudged his annoying brother to do the same. "We're with the FBI sir. My partner loves to crack jokes."
The Sheriff, with a confused glance between them, commented, "Hmm, I always thought you guys were pretty stiff lipped and all that." Then he turned to lead them to his office.
As they followed the man, Sam lectured in a stern whisper to a smirking Dean. "Now is not the time Dean. Are you quoting Lethal Weapon?"
Dean slapped his jaw lightly and whispered"Bad llama."
"What?" Sam whispered back frowning.
His brother just smiled mysteriously and kept walking.
Sam shook his head, this was going to be a long day.
"There's a parking spot by that chevy cutlass." Sam directed.
"Cutlass? I'd like a veal cutlass." Dean said smartly.
"Did you acquire some kind of curse that I need to know about?"
A smirk was his answer.
He tried again, "Are we playing some kind of game that I didn't know about? What's with all these random quotes?" Sam asked in frustration.
"Just keepin' you on your toes little brother."
"Really? This is going to keep me on my toes? I think it's just going to drive me crazy."
"Same thing." Dean laughed as he got out of the car.
"Okay Dean you need to concentrate and help me out here."
"This is gonna hurt , but George has to do it."
"For the love of ... Dean, I'm gonna hurt you. Please...Shut. Up. Is that George of the Jungle? Really? Come on let's just find out what is going on here."
"Yes, the enigma will say its word, the sphinx will speak, the problem will be solved." Dean said with a wry smile leaning back in his chair.
"Let's get this figured out Einstein."
"Now you're quoting Les Miserables? Who are you?"
"Head in the game, Sammy. Problem solving time."
"This has got to stop dude."
"You've got to nip it in the bud Andy. Nip. It. In. The bud."
"Andy Griffith?" Sam asked incredulously.
"That's right Opie. Now you're gettin' it." A delighted grin lit his face.
Pinching the bridge of his nose, Sam muttered. "I'm thirsty, let's go get a drink and just take a break. Hmm?"
"But why is all the rum gone? Dean asked as he headed to the Impala.
"I wish I knew why Dean. I wish I had some right now, or something stronger."
"Dean do you ever wonder why everyone seems to believe us? I mean you just kind've expect to be questioned once in awhile. You know?"
"I like to think it's because our hearts are pure." Dean answered solemnly.
"I should have known you would throw a Batman quote in there eventually and I was serious. We spend a lot of time fooling people. It gets old."
"I pity the fool."
Sighing Sam remarked, "Well, Mr. T, I'm beginning to pity me today. I really should have had rum to drink when I had the chance."
Sam's smiles had been growing steadily more strained as the day wore on...
"This is ridiculous. We're not finding squat." He complained, shutting another book.
"This is bad, crossing the beams, bad." Dean returned, nodding seriously.
"Aha. You're wrong Dean. That's a misquote it's,"Don't cross the streams. It would be bad." "Argh!" Sam whined. "Look what you have brought me to. Now I am correcting you."
His brother raised an eyebrow, "Oh, Sammy, You are good."
Sam huffed in exasperation. How much longer could or would, his brother keep this up? "Let's just go talk to the ME. Maybe he can tell us something."
"Doctor Jones... No more parachutes!"
Apparently his brother had an unending plethora of unrelated quotes to share and wouldn't be stopping anytime soon, Sam concluded, much to his dismay and embarrassment.
The Doctor gave them a quizzical look.
With a tight lipped nod Sam told the doctor, "Thank you for your help Dr. Jones, we'll get back to you." before glaring at his smiling brother.
"Oh, Hey I get it. Doctor Jones. Indiana Jones reference right?" The Doctor called laughingly before they had taken more than a few steps away from him. Dean turned back to give him a thumbs up.
The stoop shouldered be-speckled man said with a sort of sad smile. "I don't get that as often as you would think. You know? Being compared to Indiana Jones. You would think I would, with us both being Dr. Jones'."
"Go figure..." Dean offered with a consoling look and then caught up with Sam. "You let the good doctor beat you to the punch line."
"I didn't care about the punch line Dean."
"Awww Sammy don't be like that."
"Let's just get in the car and go get some lunch. Okay? I'm starving."
"Where do you want to eat? There's that one diner near the motel or that..."
Sam interrupted, "I don't care. It all tastes the same lately."
"If one place is as good as any other, it's high time we decided. Otherwise when we get there, we won't know we've arrived."
"I. Do. Not. Care where we go Dean." Sam said with gritted teeth. "Dr. Doolittle? Seriously?"
"Oh yeah! Emma Fairfax, very cute.", he answered, waggling his eyebrows.
"Ugh...I am so sick of Diner food." Sam dropped his fork in disgust. "Next town, we are finding a nice steak house and we are having a good meal."
"Sure Samantha, I'll try to hustle some extra pool to take you out for a fancy dinner. But right now, "Please sir, May I have some more?" "
"Well we are officially orphans and I'm still hungry. Where's that waitress? She is smokin'. " "If she were President, she'd be Babe-raham Lincoln." " Dean leered at his brother and winked.
"You have officially sunk to a new level. Wayne's World?" Sam dropped his head into his hands. He wasn't sure if he could get through the rest of the day with this continuously quoting version of his brother.
"Okay, I think I've got something..." Sam pointed to the page he had up on his laptop. "Right here. It says local woman, Katherine Peltman, was thought to be the start of the epidemic that caused 45 deaths in 1956. They believe it was some sort of contagious fever."
" 'Katherine the Curst' A title for a maid, of all titles the worst."
"Dude! You read Shakespeare? The Taming of the Shrew?" Sam Sputtered.
"With a title like that, I was curious... and my English teacher, Ms. Watts was hotttt!" Dean smiled hugely.
"Of course she was. Why am I not surprised that a woman was involved?" Sam sighed in defeat. "Well, anyway this seems to fit. She was the start of this fever thing... her husband and their daughter both died .... but her son..."
"Like Yellow Fever?" Dean interrupted.
"Huh? No. Yellow Fever is a tropical disease. There have been outbreaks in the U.S. but we've had vaccine for it since the late 1800's."
"Nobody calls me Yellow."
"I wasn't calling you... Yeah, Back to the Future. That quote doesn't even fit Dean." Sam shook his head "Anyway, her son, Richard Peltman survived and was pretty much ostracized by the townspeople for the rest of his short life. They blamed the whole thing on him and he died few months late. ... uh... His death was labeled as accidental, but there were "mysterious" circumstances. Plus, their home was on the property where the new Museum now stands. He definitely fits the bill for an angry spirit. I think we should dig up Richard and send him on his way. It says here, that he is buried in the family plot, located in the historical section of the town cemetary."
"Lay on Macduff."
"Macbeth now? Do you even know what that quote means?" Sam asked rudely, shutting his laptop.
"Yep, it means, "Go for it dude." ". Dean laughed at his brother's expression. "Elementary, my dear Watson.". Which by the way Sam, that quote is a misquote. Lots of people think it is in the Conan Doyle series, but he never wrote that particular phrase in any of his books."
Sam looked at his brother, mouth agape, "Dean, do I even know you? "You have more layers than an onion." "
"Think you can trip me up? That's a version of the ogre's quote in Shrek. Ha! I am the King of Quotes Sammy."
"Sure Dean. Whatever helps you sleep at night. Let's go hunting. Okay? I for one am ready for this day to end." Sam mumbled in an aside trailing behind his brother, ".... really wished I could get you into that trunk brother." Smiling to himself, he pondered the possiblity, Yeah but even if I could get my brother in, I would have a bigger problem when he got out and I know he would find a way to escape. Only a few more hours and this day would be over. "Only a few more hours." He repeated to himself. He could survive anything for a few hours.
He had been wrong. He wasn't going to survive this. His brain was going to implode before daylight, he was sure of it.
"He's dead Jim." Dean raised his voice to be heard above the sounds of his shovel striking the rocky soil.
"Of course he's dead, that's why we're digging up his corpse. Could we just hurry and get this done, please?" Sam urged.
"I'm givin' her all she's got cap'ain." Was his brother's snarky reply.
"...Two Star Trek quotes in five minutes. That's two too many Dean."
"Run Forrest! Run!"
"...that's too easy Dean and you don't have to yell I'm still right here wishing I was somewhere else." Sam complained as he continued to watch the cemetary for signs of Richard's ghost. For such an angry spirit, he sure wasn't causing them any trouble so far.
"No, I mean, Run Sam. Get out of the way." Dean shouted dropping the shovel and lunging up out of the hole to get in front of Sam.
Startled, Sam tripped backwards, landing on his butt. Before he could react, Dean was tossed head first into a tombstone, hitting with a sickening crack. Breaking out of his momentary stupor, Sam sprung into action. He pushed himself up and leapt into the hole. His brother already had most of the wooden casket uncovered. So he decided to go for brawn over finesse and stomped through the lid with his boot. Jerking it back out roughly, he braced one hand on the mouth of the hole, keeping hold of the gun with the other. He hisseed in pain as something struck his shoulder, glancing behind him and he saw the angry spirit, he assumed was Richard, making an appearance. Ignoring him, he steadied himself, releasing his hold on the hole and grabbed the salt. Sam doused the bones with his free hand, splashed the gasoline on and lit it up. Turning just in time to see Richard go out in a screaming blaze of glory. Blowing out a breath of relief, he shakily pulled himself out of the hole rubbed his stinging shoulder absently. Then he dropped the gun and hurried over to check his now silent brother.
"Hey Bro....Can You wake up?" Sam wiped at the blood flowing down one side of his brother's pale face from a wide gash at his temple. Cupping his cheek he ordered, "Come on Dean open your eyes for me."
"Wha?... I'm fn." Dean slurred as his eyes blinked open slowly.
"Sure, you're fine. You always have to be the stupid hero. Don't you?" He kept talking as he shrugged out of his jacket, folding it and placing under his brother's head. "Just stay awake while I clean up our mess. Okay? I'll be back."
"What?", Sam asked, staring worriedly into his brother's bruised face.
"I'll be back." he repeated in a bad German accent.
Rolling his eyes, he realized, his brother hadn't been knocked crazy, just still quoting. "Sure Dean. Just don't move okay?."
"I'll be right here." Dean answered and raised a clumsy hand to slap at Sam's chest.
Sam huffed. "Yeah, Okay ET... "
Sam helped his stumbling brother into the car. "You still with me Dean?"
"I love it when a plan comes together."
"Oh, you mean how our plans never work right and someone always goes home hurt? Yep, just like the A-team." Sam got his brother sitting down in the passenger seat or rather slumped in it, then leaned over to shove Dean's his legs in, which his brother seemed unable to control properly on his own.
"There's no place like home."
"Huh?", Sam asked straightening with one hand on the door.
"Impala's our home Sam." Dean rambled.
"Sure Dean. Just click your ruby slippers and try to stay awake. I think you might have a concussion." Sam placated, patting his brother's shoulder and then easing the creaking door shut. Even half out of it, the quotes kept coming. Maybe he was stuck in some sort of weird Mystery Spot again. Maybe the trickster had them in some kind of loop. He walked around to the driver's side and got in. He rested his head on the steering wheel for a moment and then looked over at his brother, head lolling against the back of the seat. He shook his shoulder, "Dean. Eyes open."
"Like 'm better shut." was the muffled reply.
"Well I like them better open, and we're going with what I want until you can walk on your own again. Come on." Sam said firmly.
"Jus a' cuz a man lacks... use of 'is eyes don't mean 'e lacks vi..sion." Dean slurrred softly.
"Fine Dean. I guess if you can still quote, uh Stevie Wonder, who was blind not concussed, you can keep your eyes closed for now." Sam started the Impala and drove toward the motel. He was beginning to wonder if he was stuck in a loop, maybe his death, by quote overload, was the restarting factor. If that was the case he only had to hold out a little longer to get out of this loop. Make it through the day still breathing, and if there is a loop, it would end. He was a Winchester, he could, he would endure.
Sam stood leaning against the wall outside the small bathroom, waiting on his brother, "Why would you say Forrest Dean? If you had just said my name, I would have paid attention instead of thinking you were still playing this dumb game." The sounds of retching could be heard on the other side of the door. Wincing in sympathy, he asked . "Are you all right in there?"
"...and you'd be like flush me J, flush me and I'd be like ...naaah." He heard his brother say and then the flushing of the commode.
" ... of all the Men in Black quotes you could remember, you picked that one? "
"Yeah it just sorta seemed to fit the mood." Dean answered as he staggered drunkenly out of the bathroom....
"Well, it looks like you definitely have a concussion." Sam said as he helped him to his bed.
Laying out the first aid kit, he took an alcohol dampened square of gauze and begin cleaning the gash. "Dean I think this needs stitches." he said, looking for the suture kit to get started. His brother just closed his eyes and held still. Five stitches later, Sam finished tying off the last one and smeared on some of the triple antibiotic cream.
"It puts the lotion on the skin...." Dean said softly.
"Dude. Enough. Come on," Sam pleaded, "Joe Dirt or Silence of the Lambs? I hate both of those movies. Besides, this isn't lotion, it's antibiotic cream.
Dean's response was a tired chuckle.
Sam continued irritably. "I feel like I'm back in the Mystery Spot or in a remake of some Twilight Zone episode or something. It's a little weird and gotta say... scary ... that you can actually incorpporate that many movie and TV quotes into your conversation in one day." He frowned as he recapped the tube and than taped another square of gauze over his handiwork.
"Yeah, I'm kinda awesome like that."
"How do you even know that many? I mean it's not like we have a lot of time to see movies or watch TV. And two Plays for God's sake, Shakespeare? Did you read a Victor Hugo novel too? Here take these, they'll help with the headache." Sam handed him pain pills and water and then cleaned up and put away the first aid kit.
"Yeah, Les Miserables. That was because of Candi Camden. Wow! She was sweeeet and very obessed with that book. I mean she quoted it constantly. She even got me interested."
"You mean in more than your usual boy likes girl interest?" Sam asked with a pursed lips.
"Yeah, I read the story with her. I actually thought it was good. Liked it so much I read it again, while you were away at college." Dean answered back shortly. "Besides I've Got a mind like a steel trap Sammy. It only takes one time for information to get "trapped" in here." Dean smiled and tried to get more comfortable. "I crack myself up."
"You sure do. Way too often, especially your head and your ribs." Sam retorted.
"No. I'm funny Sam. Admit it. I even make myself laugh." Dean argued with half closed eyes.
"That's good, because no one else is laughing. Maybe you should write your own stuff instead of borrowing everyone else's, like you did today." Sam snapped as he helped his brother get settled in bed.
"Nope. Can't do it. This stuff annoys you too well." He stated matter of factly.
"That's my point. It annoys me to no end, so stop it."
Dean took a deep breath and opened his eyes wide as though to impart an important bit of information. His dilated pupils sort of ruining the effect. "It's in the Big Brother Handbook, paragraph two. And I quote... " Big brothers are required to annoy said sibling, which is you Sam, at least one time per week until said sibling is at the point of extreme exasperation." end quote."
"Yeah, but since I'm always such an over achiever, I go for more than the minimum of once a week. Plus, I think it's freakin' hilarious that you have been able to recognize almost every single quote that I used today. You even corrected me once." the last few words were mumbled in a weary voice.
"Great. I guess I absorbed more than I thought from being raised by you. I'm just glad the day is over. You have surely run out of quotes by now."
"Naaah, no more quotes. Tomorrow we're moving on to song lyrics, like "Name That Tune." "
"No, Dean. I cannot take another day of this. I am being totally serious. No."
"Oh. The more you protest Sammy, the more I enjoy... and fulfill my big brother obli..ga..tions..." Dean's voice faded out toward the end.
Sam sighed, there was no use arguing with his brother in this condition. "Whatever. Jerk."
Instead of the usual reply, all he got was a soft snore in return. Sam glanced at the unconscious lump. Reaching over he set the alarm. He would need to wake him up in a couple of hours. Maybe the concussion would help end his brother's nonsense. Who was he kidding? A little pain never slowed his brother down. Sam moved to his own bed and lay back and prayed, actually prayed that he was in the Mystery Spot and tomorrow would be back to normal with only his regular annoying big brother. Finally he decided that he couldn't think about that right now. If he did, he'd go crazy. He would think about that tomorrow. (Gone with the Wind quote.)
Thank you so much for reading. (I adore reviews.) :0) I hope it made you laugh, I could just picture Dean's smirks and Sam's resigned sighing as I wrote it. hehe Fun.