|Billiam Lakeo'beere's Raito and Lawliet
Author: Darkblade701 PM
Death Note Romeo and Juliet style! Well, mainly just in name. A quintilogy in twelve parts, set for no conceivable reason in old fashioned London. Within: Raito and L try to make their love bloom but will the battle between Kira, Y and Z tear them apart?Rated: Fiction T - English - Humor/Mystery - Light Y. & L - Chapters: 5 - Words: 16,634 - Reviews: 4 - Favs: 3 - Follows: 3 - Updated: 04-21-11 - Published: 11-15-09 - Status: Complete - id: 5514199
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
A parody of Romeo and Juliet mainly in name, this is a five chapter parody of Death Note in twelve parts and set for no conceivable reason in old fashioned London. Please find enclosed Parts I, II and III.
Raito and L try to make their love bloom but will the battle between Kira, Y and Z tear them apart? Who are Kira, Y and Z? What's the deal with Near and Mello? Seriously? Don't take anything for granted, and enjoy.
DISCAIMER: I own no part of Tsugumi Ohba and Takeshi Obata's Death Note whatsoever.
SPOILERS: Entirety of Death Note manga and logically anime.
Raito and Lawliet
"Light, breakfast is served, if you care to join us," came Raito's father's voice through the closed bedroom door. Raito shook himself awake.
"My name is Raito!" Raito shouted at his father, sitting up in bed.
"Yeah, like you can complain, son," Raito's father retorted, "You never call me by my name, and hardly ever even 'Dad'-"
"Yeah, whatever! I'll be down in five minutes!"
Raito got out of bed, washed his face and then pulled on his cloak. He then affixed his sunglasses, completing his signature look- red and white striped winter pyjamas, long brown cloak and sleek black, stylish sunnies, with messy brown hair. Raito grinned at his reflection, then went downstairs, sliding down the banister and neatly hopping off before he impaled his thigh on the pointy ornament on the end of the handrail.
"Morning Mum. Morning, Hitler," he said as he strode into the dining room, appearance permanently at odds with the formal dress his parents favoured. He eased into a chair, grinning. A variety of juices and differently browned toasts adorned the table, and he had what he always had- a stack of pancakes delivered by the family's personal maid who totally ever appears again.
Sachiko and Adolf Yagami glared at their son. Adolf returned to the newspaper, then exploded, spraying his wife with food: "Mein Gott! Kira the Ripper has struck again!"
"That warrants shouting?" growled Sachiko. She then added in an undertone to Adolf, "And speaking in German is part of the reason Kira calls you Hitler."
"You mean Light," corrected Adolf.
"My name is Raito!" said Raito loudly. "God, I'm going for a walk. This place is über irritating." He crammed a pancake in his mouth and walked out into the street, into the chilly London morning. The sun was bright but the air was cold and briefly Raito wished his fashion statement allowed him to pull his cloak around him.
He walked the streets for a while and casually swiped a newspaper. He unfolded it and the Kira story leapt out at him. It read:
Kira the Ripper has struck again!, which explained his father's exclamation.
Yet another of London's criminals, a notorious thief, has been murdered by the ruthless serial killer. Self described 'ultra detective', known only as 'Z', claims that with each murder Kira commits he is stripping away the layers separating him from justice.
"Why, with this latest murder," Z proclaims, "I have deduced that Kira is mainly targeting criminals."
However, as anonymous correspondent and 'actual genius detective' 'Y' claims, "Z has no right to label himself a genius detective. The fact that Kira the Ripper is targeting criminals was clear from the third murder, one year ago. Z should quit the case and would be made to if we knew who the hell he was."
And indeed, Kira the Ripper himself in one of his rare comments wrote in: "At the moment, due to how annoying he is, I'm going to try to kill Z before my real arch enemy, Y." The letter is of course being examined for clues as to Kira's whereabouts or identity.
Police Chief Gordon says it is still not certain how Kira kills, although evidence suggests a knife may be crucial to the act. "We can't rule anything out," Y adds.
Raito threw the paper in the bin and walked on for abut ten minutes into the nearest milk bar, intent on purchasing a chocolate bar. He picked up a Venus Bar, then got in line behind a young man.
"And this one, aaand this one," the person was saying, handing over, one by one, an armful of various candy bars. Raito glared at the back of the man's head. The person who was delaying him had black hair. He wore a white shirt and blue jeans, and unless Raito was much mistaken the stranger wore no socks.
"Do I get a discount for being a genius?" he asked.
"No. Nineteen quid," the shopkeeper replied gruffly.
"Hm. Do you take cheques?"
"Of course we- wait, you're not going to buy chocolate with a cheque, are you?"
"L Lawliet? That is not your name."
"I get that a lot. Good day, sir."
"Whatever. Go on, take your damn candy."
L turned and bumped into Raito. Raito caught a sudden glimpse of startled puppy dog eyes over deep bags before L straightened and apologized, and Raito moved on.
As he stood outside in the cold air, eating, Raito looked around at the world he saw. He saw argument, he saw anger and hate.
"Someone really ought to clean this world up," he said darkly, then chuckled. L Lawliet, who had glanced backward, heard this and left. Raito put his hands in his pockets and whistled the funeral march. He finished his chocolate bar. He checked if there were any parties that day that he could gatecrash, but there were none.
God, I'm bored. Boredom, huh. Being bored sure was... boring. There was just nothing to do. He would have studied, but his parents wanted him to.
And so after walking around for an hour and drinking three Red Bulls, Raito conceded that he had no choice but to go home.
He walked through the gate, into the entranceway and was just about to make a break for the stairs but his father called him into the dining room. Hands deep in pockets, Raito strode into the dining room, eyes firmly planted on his shoes. He lifted his gaze sharply and scowled deeply, resentfully, at his parents. His mother scowled back with pure venom.
"Son, Light," Adolf Yagami began, then corrected himself as Raito's hands balled into fists "sorry, Raito, you've been very moody of late. Is there anything you want to talk to us about? Is it girl problems?"
Raito, keeping the same expression, waited five seconds and then turned and walked out of the room without a word. He went upstairs to his room, stuck a Slayer CD on and turned the volume up as high as it would go to annoy his parents.
He thought, for one of the first times ever, about what his father had said. Girl problems. Now Raito thought about it, he had never actually had a girlfriend that he had respected in the slightest as a human being.
For some reason the image of puppy dog eyes flashed through his brain. He shook his head, then leaned back, closing his eyes.
Ryuk the Shinigami drifted through the window and looked down at Raito.
In which several key characters enter the story
Kira's onslaught continues, new evidence shocks police! was the headline of the day's paper. Raito swiped it from the newspaper stand and read it, walking into the milk bar, this time to get milk.
Two new bodies have turned up, one and a half miles away and within twelve minutes of each other. Since no one was seen running by any witnesses- who were questioned on Y's orders, Y concludes that Kira must own an automobile. All owners of automobiles are being questioned, but Y claims that "this in highly unlikely to magically solve our case. It is useful, no doubt, this information, but hardly conclusive." Z claims that "the guy must be able to move fast, to get there in time".
The victims were convicted counterfeiters, released on bail. Kira has made none of his cryptic comments such as the ever baffling 'the poo-poos are the ones who will not be blamed, but they should'.
Raito hummed to himself. What did that mean?
He returned to the house a few hours later, and made the mistake of meeting his mother's eyes.
"Did you get mugged on the way home, dear?" she asked after an entire minute of silence that would be dead easy to animate. Raito shook his head. Sachiko Yagami tutted, gave Raito the finger and walked away.
"She really does hate me, doesn't she, Hitler?" Raito asked in wonderment.
"Nah, she's just... you're not the easiest, and she's not- I mean..." Adolf stumbled, knowing that there was a way to get out what he was trying to say, and was determined to find it.
Raito walked off.
"You know, I really hate our son," Sachiko remarked when Adolf followed her into the living room. "Not in the usual, 'oh, I hate you' fashion, I really, really detest him. Literally. Frankly, I don't see how you put up with him."
Later that day, Adolf Yagami pushed open the door to Raito's room.
"Light?" he said. "We're having guests over tonight. I know you like to eat up here when you're being particularly, um..."
Raito sat up, grinning. "Well, I'll have to eat with you guys. I'd hate to... deprive our guests of my good company." He chuckled darkly and Adolf blanched.
That night, Raito messed up his hair, polished his the lenses of his sunglasses and sauntered downstairs confidently, fashionably late, of course- fifteen minutes after the meal had started. Raito dropped in beside a young man who looked familiar. This young man was L, and he somehow sat in a crouch, feet on the chair and holding his knees to his chest. Raito noticed he held his fork very delicately.
"Sup," he said, nodding. L extended a hand as though his arm was bent around three poles and Raito shook it. "Hey, I know you," he continued "we go to the same milk bar."
"I am L. I don't mean to be rude, but can I test your reasoning abilities?"
"Sure. Sounds like fun."
"Does the fact that I told you I'm L tell you anything?"
"Yes. That that's your name. Your full name is L Lawliet. I was standing behind you when the guy at the milk bar told me your name."
"What?" exploded a girl sitting on the other side of Raito. "How dare you make fun of L like that?"
She had medium length blonde hair and wore leather. She was also grossly fat, and took up two seats. She looked about fifteen.
"Who's this chick?" Raito asked L, indicating her with a thumb.
"My name," she said, grabbing Raito's shoulder "is Michelle Keehl. But my friends call me Mello."
"What friends?" called a voice from the other side of L. A short kid, who looked only about thirteen, and had psychedelically blue, red and green coloured hair, sat there.
"Screw you Near!" Mello shouted immediately "what the hell kind of name is Nate River?"
Near ignored her, continuing to eat.
"Mello, stop being so disagreeable, we're at a guest's," L chastised.
"Yes, L," Mello said instantly, abashed.
"And Near," he continued and Near bowed his head, ashamed, "Don't say Mello has no friends and is overweight."
Near lifted his head in puzzlement and Mello's eyes filled up with tears- she left the table, pulling a Toblerone from inside her tight fitting and- now Raito saw- entirely unflattering leather clothes.
"Damn," L muttered, and shouted to Mello, racing after her, "I didn't mean it! Mello, I'm sorry!"
Raito edged into L's seat and Near shied away.
"I'll talk to you, but please don't touch me- I'm keeping myself pure until L gives me a pat on the head one day." Raito backed away more hurriedly than was necessary.
"Hey," Near said hotly, noticing Raito's expression "when I'm eighteen, he'll only be twenty-nine. And he does like guys."
Raito at that point happened to look across the table and saw the guests horrified and his parents in particular looking awkward.
"Excuse me sirs," he said, eager to exploit the moment, "I'm just going to take some mashed potato and eat it."
Raito shovelled mashed potato into his mouth as fast as he could, making sure to get some down his front. He grinned through a mouthful of food, licked his hand, scooped up gravy- still with his hand and ate out of his hand, dribbling it everywhere while he talked to Near: "Like the hairstyle. So why'd L have to go after Mello like that? And what is with your nicknames?"
"You have to understand," Near began, "L is our idol. We would do anything for him, anything at all. But we're barely half his age. And we're under the legal age anyway. So whatever L says determines our entire lives. Once, after L accidentally called Mello fat, we found her in the basement, trying to hang herself, but she couldn't get up onto the stool, 'cause she's too fat. I'd react the same way. His words determine life or death for us. And I know, don't I have the coolest hair ever? L says it's extreme."
Raito rolled his eyes as Near continued in this fashion, praising L and talking about how cool his hair was. The basic story was that L complimented his hair (once) but said (once) that it would look cool all rainbow (once). So Near attacked a piece of paper with red, blue and green crayons and gave it to the hairdresser, along with a thousand pounds, saying he wanted his hair to look psychedelic in those exact shades of those three colours.
Raito looked up again to see that the other guests had left.
III. Hard Run
Kira remains at large! Still!
And he has killed one of his enemies, the self proclaimed genius detective Z. Z, whose real name was Zed Zorc, had been discovered dead in his apartment by his landlord, who claimed Z was two or three years behind on his rent. He had been stabbed to death. Evidence found at the scene confirmed that Zed was indeed the Z who claimed to be working on the Kira case.
Y has remained adamant that he will not back down. "Even though Z was an idiot, his death has only fuelled my desire to capture this Kira the Ripper and see him hang."
Nevertheless, Kira remains confident.
In fact, since we can't capture him, the Wham! (Where the Hell Are my Macadamias!) Institute is sending in three more genius detectives to help solve the case. M, M and N, as they are known, have taken up residence in an undisclosed location just south of the River Thames, although now we have revealed this it is estimated that they will all move.
"As if," said Raito as he read the paper over breakfast, "The Wham! Institute is so stupid. What's the point, if they announce it like this? If they're going to send in all those detectives, they should keep quiet about it and let them work in secret. Z wasn't exactly on a top secret mission, and look what happened to him. If Kira knows about these guys, he's going to get them too, for sure. That's why I bet it isn't even true. This is just a ruse to put pressure on Kira. But it's pretty obvious, so I bet Kira's figured that out, too."
"Some people find that when you say stuff like that, Raito, you're being an insufferable smartass, and these same people want to punch you in the mouth," said Sachiko calmly.
"Sachiko!" cried Adolf, scandalised. A rock smashed through the window, and attached to it was a note, which read: leave Quillsh Wammy alone! Just because he's getting a bit confused in his old age, you think you can call his institute stupid? You smelly poo-poo.
Raito glanced at his mother once as she read it out and then yawned and walked out of the house.
"Damn, I hate that boy," muttered Sachiko, "I simply hate him. I really do."
Outside, Raito walked for about an hour, bored again. He thought he saw L at one point, but it turned out to be someone who looked and acted identically to him with an ego the size of Uranus. Raito snickered to himself.
He eventually came to the River Thames. Noticing a house for sale, and the moving van turning out of the parking space in front of it, Raito put two and two together and ran after it.
It would certainly be a hard run.
Raito pounded down the bitumen, snickering to himself at the name bitumen, as well as the word asphalt. He gathered speed more quickly than the moving van and nearly ran in front at the turn but lost his nerve and he faced the van as it turned into a side street not very far from the corner it had just turned. He cut across the street, hoping to catch it at the next corner and van and boy reached it at the same time but before Raito could attract the driver's attention the van sped up and turned left; by the time Raito reached the corner the van was turning the next one and Raito was out of breath. He looked right and saw the street opposite, traffic lights turning red.
Hoping the reason the van had turned left was because to the right there was a row of trees, Raito ran through the strip of greenery and emerged as the traffic lights turned green along a parallel but inaccessible- without going around the whole block- street. Then the van drove past, leaving an out of breath Raito staring after it as it drove down another street. Damn. He had wanted to talk to L, too.
Ever since last night, when he and L had exchanged a few parting words, Raito had been unable to get the young man out of his mind.
"How did you know those three?" Raito had asked his father.
"Oh, they're just gatecrashers," he had replied, "We were supposed to be having a dinner party but two of the families didn't come, so it was just Mr. and Mrs. Penber..."
By this time, of course, Raito was long gone, walking upstairs to his room.
Raito gave the chase up and walked into a nearby Indian takeaway. He sat under a beach umbrella on an outside table.
"Yes, can I take your order?" the waitress asked.
"A bowl of curry," he said, "Medium-hot, and a Diet Coke."
Suddenly the beach umbrella blew away and invisible claws gripped the undersides of his arms. Raito toppled forward and then was lifted high into the air. Raito screamed, terrified. He was twice the roof height and climbing, and he could feel the pain of the claws digging into him.
He could hear slow, measured wing beats through the whistling of the wind.
"I am going to reveal myself to you," came a disembodied voice from above. "Don't panic and try and free yourself, or you will fall."
They were drifting over the Stereotypical American Redneck district of London now, and Raito mentally steeled himself for what he might see. He nodded.
A horrific creature appeared above him. Humanoid, though long limbed, with bulging eyes and grey skin, not to mention wings, the monster stared down at him. Raito stared in horrified fascination.
"I am Ryuk," said the creature, "And I'm helping you to catch that van. Ah, there it is."
"What are you?" Raito said, and suddenly they plunged downward, toward the parked moving van.
"I'm a Shinigami," he said, levelling their flight, "A-"
There was a gunshot, and Raito was suddenly falling. Ryuk was falling downward, smoke pouring from the gunshot wound. Suddenly Ryuk snapped his wings out and glided away, and Raito hit the ground hard. Stars exploded in his vision.
"Dern vultures," Raito heard a voice say, and he raised his head to see an inhabitant of the Stereotypical American Redneck district holding a smoking rifle, a cigar clamped between his teeth, looking in the direction Ryuk had been. He walked off. Raito stumbled out of the cornfield and walked until he came to the moving van, outside which stood L, Mello, who was eating a chocolate bar, Near and a person who was not familiar, a young man with black hair.
"Ah, Raito," L greeted him, "I see you decided to drop in. This is Matsuda," he added, indicating the stranger.
Matsuda smiled pleasantly "Hel-lo, Raito," he said with a vacant stare.
"Where's the rainbow head?" asked Mello. Matsuda looked around, spotted Near and pointed to him. Near scowled, but Mello took a cookie out of her pocket. Matsuda lifted it carefully out of Mello's hand with his teeth and ate it, still only with his teeth.
"Raito is a friend," said L slowly, tapping Raito's shoulder. Instantly Near's eyes narrowed at the contact and shot Raito a gaze of concentrated venom mixed with jealously. Mello had a similar reaction.
"Friend," said Matsuda, patting Raito's chest, looking at L for reassurance, which he received.
"I am not going to hit you," Mello said now to Matsuda. "Do you believe me?"
Unthinkingly Matsuda nodded, utter trust in his eyes. Mello punched him in the side of the face, and laughed. Matsuda was hurt, and looked betrayed.
"I am not going to hit you," Mello said again to Matsuda. "Do you believe me?"
Again Matsuda nodded, the same mindless trust in his eyes. Mello punched him in the chest, and laughed as Matsuda stumbled backward.
"Mello, stop taking advantage of Matsuda's ridiculous trustfulness," L said, "You never know when he may shoot you, and besides, it's cruel."
"We were going to have Matt, but he died of lung cancer," Near said, twirling a lock of multicoloured hair around his index finger, "So we got the first person whose name began with 'M'."
Raito nodded. "Makes sense. Hey L, 'Shinigami' means 'god of death', right?"
See what I mean with 'what's the deal with Near and Mello?'? Yeah, I couldn't resist making Mello a girl. Also, as you may have noticed, the parts so far are named after each volume of the manga. So volume 4, which is called 'Love', corresponds to 'IV. Love', which is in the next chapter. Also in the next chapter we are introduced to Misa.