|This is For Real
Author: Lil' Ms. I-Like-Girls PM
What happens when an awkward Spencer is forced to be in a play with the girl of her dreams? Can her heart handle the pressure of being so close? Read to find out...Rated T for now, might be M later on. Let the shenanigans begin!Rated: Fiction T - English - Romance/Humor - Spencer C. & Ashley D. - Chapters: 29 - Words: 116,558 - Reviews: 412 - Favs: 203 - Follows: 360 - Updated: 05-07-13 - Published: 11-20-09 - id: 5523099
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
OKAY! F'n finally! *wipes brow* Here it is guys. Most of you might (will) hate me after you get to the bottom but I promise you…uh…well maybe you should read it before you judge me. Yeah. Do that first. Lol.
Still not sure about the chapter but you guys voted so I delivered. :)
She's smiling as her eyes dart all over my face, a few moments drifted longer on my mouth and then back up again. I don't think I can breathe.
Her chuckle is charged, husky and not in the least bit goofy, and all I can think in that moment is how easy it would be to just swoop my head down and taste the flavors on her tongue. But uh...maybe I'm getting ahead of myself again.
She looks up at me through thick butterfly lashes. "Damn." She breathes, her words warm and silky against my face. "I just keep falling for you huh?" Her lips curl as she breathes hot air on my lips, eyes flicking up to mine, scorching me, melting me from the inside, lips curling up slowly. All my joints feel like they're made of licorice. I shouldn't feel this excited because of one smile but I am. And fuck if I cared how pathetic that made me. I was hooked on her and I've only tried her twice. Something inside, something wanting and unsatisfied yearned for the situation to progress, to climb to unknown heights and never come down. Just the reality of having her in my arms only confirmed what I already knew with immeasurable intensity: I wanted her. Badly.
I swallowed roughly.
"L-looks that...way." My damn voice cracked. I couldn't breathe. I couldn't keep it together. I was slipping. My chest was barely moving as it was and I think Ashley was becoming aware of what this was doing to me. What she was doing to me. At least I hope she wasn't.
"Ash?" Her name barely escaped past my teeth I was clenching my jaw so tight, and even then it sounded too breathy.
"Hmm." Her index finger had taken to dragging the nail teasingly over my collar bone, goose bumps erupting in its teasing wake. My breath hitches and my pulse fluttered.
It also shouldn't be this easy to make me fall apart...and yet here I was, falling, melting, shuddering with perfection in my arms. I was screwed. Royally and I didn't mean that as a hopeful suggestion. Oh God. Let's not think about that, Spencer you dork!
"I'm uh ...kinda ...n-naked." I point out uselessly.
"I'm well aware Spence." She says with a soft smile, glancing down to follow the hot trail of her fingers as it circled my jugular. I shuddered and died...Okay not really.
"And - and your shirt is..." Killing me. You're killing me! My nipples were scraping against the fabric of her shirt and I know I shouldn't but I groan anyway. They're so sensitive already because of the ice and her closeness, and the unexpected stimulation from her shirt is not helping! I think I'm going to die. Again. Happily. But maybe not. Because death is, well, it's still gross.
Her smirk is pure evil. And yet it's so fucking sexy I almost can't handle it.
"What? Tell me." She whispers between the limited air between us. This moment is so intimate and so sweet the disgusting secret romantic inside me is sitting on the edge of her seat and munching ravenously on a bucket of popcorn , waiting in painful suspense for what's going to happen next. What are we going to do? What's even happening right now? I know what's happening, I think. But I've never been in such a risky situation like this before. Top off and heart nearly bare for her to see. For anyone to see. It's exposing. Thrilling...terrifying. But it can't possibly be one sided...right? I mean -damn. Ashley's eyes are so...so gosh darn beautiful. So soulful as she stares up at me, piercing me right in the heart and I can't help but want to give it to her so readily since she's won it over so easily. And the silky silence between us isn't nearly as uncomfortable or stifling as it should be given that I'm literally exposed from the waist up.
"Are you going to tell me Luce?" Her breath is so hot against the underside of my jaw and I breathe in sharply. "Or am I going to have to find other means to get what I want?" Oh hell! I was wrong. Her lips are hotter I discover once she brushes them against the underside of my jaw. Fuck...there's that heat again. She brought it back with her and it showed up with a vengeance. Her voice is so damn husky and heavy with something so primal I just want to curl around it and never let up.
One of her hands reaches up and wraps around my nape, fingers teasing the hairs at the back of my neck. She takes to scraping her nails up and down the back of my neck and spine as her other arm rests over my shoulder.
My eyelids slip shut and my eyes roll back. Fudgy filthy muffins! How is she touching all the right spots without really touching me? Is she a wizard?
"I-I'm ...what's happening right now?" I ask instead, chickening out on the last moment when she asked what I was really feeling. I'm not there yet. I'm not brave enough or bold enough to go into detail. Especially when I have no clue if this is really happening or if it's just a dream.
This is a dream, right?
Ashley only smiles at me, her eyes tracking every swipe and caress of her fingers on my skin. She shrugs briefly.
"Some people would call it intense chemistry. A complex emotional and psychological interaction between two people. While I call it totally turning you on." Her lips scrape up past my jaw bone and I can feel her smiling against my cheek and I love it. "How am I doin' so far?"
"Amazing." I breathe with a blissful smile. Smart things were coming out of her mouth but I wasn't really listening. But they sounded pretty.
"Good..." Her breath is ghosting over my mouth. It smells like her grape soda and spear mint gum, and the added effects of her scrumptious perfume is doing my senses in and I'm getting dizzy as it all hits me at once. "You're so beautiful Luce."
I don't say a word. I don't know why. Nothing tastes poetic enough on my tongue, I guess. Yes. I taste poetry. And instead of letting it fly out of me and sing it's little heart out, I swallow it, pushing it down, smothering it to nothing.
"I bet you make angels jealous." She says softly and I let out a little snort. If she didn't look so serious and sexy with that smirk on her face I would have called her corny. Never thought I'd see the day.
"I don't know about that..." I say with a small smile. She looks at me softly, her gaze flicking down to my lips and my nose and then slowly all over my face.
"I'd put money on it." She replies seriously.
I want to say something sarcastic and silly, make light of her sincere statement but I can't. Because those words don't feel right on my tongue either. And that has to be the sweetest thing anyone's ever said to me. "Thank you." I say eventually.
Her smile is warm and her soft strokes soon become long caresses...and just like that...the heat is back. Though admittedly it never really left.
I take a slow, deep breath, incidentally pushing my chest closer into Ashley's, firing up my libido as my breasts scrape unashamedly against the fabric.
I want to kiss her so badly I think I might rupture something if I don't.
But as much as it aches me not to just go for it, I can't. Someone would question my desire for her right then and after a few vibrantly colorful choice words and a justified flip of my middle finger, I would soon tell them that worrying about it wasn't needed. Because Ashley made a move before me.
"Ya know," She started, as her fingers began a soft massage at the back of my skull, breath close and hushed. "I kinda felt cheated when we first kissed in my living room." She pauses and my eyes widen. She looks up at me. "Do you ever think about that kiss?"
It takes me a few seconds for my brain parts to start working again and by that point I don't even care what I'm admitting to.
"I do." I whispered, though it's hard to breathe. It was like I couldn't get enough air in.
Her finger scrapes lightly over the cords in my neck. "I don't count that one as our first kiss." She said softly.
F-f-first kiss? Someone pinch me. I think I'm dead.
That's not how the saying goes stupid.
I furrowed my brow. Am I really having this conversation with her? Are we really talking about kissing ...a-and feelings? And holy hell I'm actually awake this time! I lick my suddenly dry lips and breathe as carefully as I can. "Then which one do you count?" I asked curiously, softly.
She gave a small, secret smile. Eyes flicking downward to my lips. "This one." She whispered, and then leant forward and pressed her lips softly against mine. My eyes widened in surprise, before I went cross eyed and slowly lowered my lids closed.
Barely a feather touch, but it's enough to send my heart rocketing in its place, waiting for the go ahead to burst from my chest in euphoria. She's so soft too. Like kissing velvet. And I want so badly to just run my tongue across her lower lip and taste what flavor of gloss she's wearing today. Last time it was cinnamon. The last time we kissed I tasted Ashley for hours. She tasted a lot like Red Hots. All heat and spice and sugar. Just like Ashley herself. But I can't complain. Nu-huh. Because it's a sweet kiss, nothing like the other two we've shared. It's not rushing and heated. It's more a give then a pull. And golly did I want to give her everything I had. But that's not what this moment is about. It's merely an offering.
I distantly recall the feel of her pulling away but I simply remained still, eyes closed and lips slightly puckered. Then, I smiled stupidly.
Ashley giggled and I opened my eyes and looked at her with probably the stupidest dreamy expression ever.
"Your lips taste like grape soda." I said dreamily.
She chuckles softly and tucks a piece of blonde hair behind my ear, her index finger trailing down my cheek as she smiled at my expression. "Do they now?"
I nodded, still dazed. "Mm-hmm. They're yummy."
Ashley raises an eyebrow, clearly amused with me. She smirks and drops her voice to that sensual tone that drives me insane. "Want another taste?"
"God yes." Let's not sound desperate Spencer.
But we are.
She doesn't know that!
Yes she does.
Okay, yes she does...stupid! Why'd you blow our cover?
I couldn't stay closeted for long! It was getting drafty in there.
I don't care.
Then I'm reacting and Ashley's reacting and it's hot and wet and so fucking needed at that moment, I'm moaning in relief.
It's still nice though. Still new and I can't think of anywhere I'd rather be than here with her for the rest of my life. Kissing. Holding. Being. It's all amazing...
I still can't believe this is all happening. This moment is perfect. A little weird. With the whole me being naked and all but I won't knock it.
I mean I'm still very much half naked and Ashley is deliciously warm in my arms and add the fact that Ashley's 'lazy wear' was barely covering her stomach and pressed tightly against mine and you have mass panic. But flailing joy. Internally of course.
But however we got here its happening and the only angel that I know of was standing comfortably in my arms because this had to be the closest thing to heaven I've ever gotten in my short 18 years of life.
I groan when Ashley pulls at my bottom lip with her teeth, sucking on the now reddened flesh, making my grip on her waist tighten in reflex.
At some point we slow our kissing, our mouths panting hotly, our lips brushing softly against one another. Ashley is pressed tightly against me, and her soft skin feels like hot silk against mine. I feel the urge to moan, to let loose the primal noises inside me, declaring to the air that this moment had happened, but just the thought of voicing my enjoyment, like that, it's embarrassing. Not to mention I still don't know what the fuck is actually happening and I don't want to risk spooking Ashley back into reality.
...or waking up.
Not just yet.
Ashley takes to leaving small kisses on my bottom lip, an apology for biting it so roughly.
I feel lightheaded. I blame her.
We're silent. It's just me and her and I have to remind myself to breathe when Ashley snuggles closer into my arms, her head resting on my shoulder.
"What do you want to do?" She asks, her words ghost across my jaw line, a lone finger playing with the ends of my hair.
"I don't know if I want to answer that."
"I'm afraid you won't like the answer."
"Do you want me to stop?" She breathes heatedly near my ear, nibbling on the flesh at the corner of my jaw. Do you want a coherent answer or will mangled syllables count too?
Is that even a question?
Leave me alone.
"No." I rasp.
"Then look at me." Calloused fingertips urge my chin to the side, facing her as she leans her head back. I'm scared and I know I look it. "Nothing has to happen, okay?
"I don't even know what's happening."
Why am I whining about this? Isn't this what I wanted?
Ashley smiled sweetly, her nose crinkling a little in the most adorable and sexiest way ever. "Me either." Her cheeks and the tip of her nose has the softest shade of pink on it as her head dips somewhat shyly. "But I like it. Whatever it is."
I smile shyly and open my mouth to agree. I want to tell her everything. Or at least most of it. It felt like my moment. That moment I've been waiting for. What happened at the Library couldn't compare to how perfect it was now. She was giving me her hand and I was taking it happily, trusting her. Figuratively, of course.
Ashley tightens her hold behind my neck and pulls me down, directing our lips together in another sweet kiss.
Then I hear a door slam that echoes through the large house and I freeze around Ashley. Ashley does to and I want to disentangle myself from her, cover up, hide, but she holds me tighter to her. So I stay. She reaches the other hand from my chest and caresses my arm on the way down, and holds my hand in a reassuring the grip. I melt all over again. Much to her displeasure I'm the one that pulls away from her.
"It's okay Luce." She coos, the fingers wrapped around my neck trails up to caress my cheek gently and the other hand runs soothingly through my hair. Reassuring me. How can she be so fucking perfect? Why am I not pulling away and covering up?
I almost forget where I am and what was worrying me in the first place when several sharp knocks echo from Ashley's door, stilling my heart completely.
"Sup tramp!" Kyla's distinctive voice screams through the door. I hate my life...
"We're home. Andi wants to know if you want to order pizza? And why is the kitchen covered in soda? Do I look like your maid? I mean we don't live in a barn you know. Clean up your own damn messes so I don't have to almost fall on my ass when I walk in. Could have killed someone! Especially me! Oh and did Spencer go home already? Did you guys rehearse? Which scene did you work on? Did you kiss? Ooh! How was it? Was there tongue? On second thought don't tell me. You already mortified me enough the last time, the last thing I need is to mentally relive the most horrific moment in my life involving my sister... It was hot though. I'll admit. I swear she's hardcore in love with you. Don't know how you didn't pick up on it before this whole thing. Spencey's been eye sexing you since she moved here. Even I could feel the lesbian vibes and I thought I was straight last year! I don't know why everyone thinks I'm the dumb sister. I mean how obvious can you get? She's so-"
"Kyla!" Ashley screams, the volume makes me jump. Is there a convenient hole I can just fall into? No. Well then...this sucks.
Ashley holds my hand tighter as mine went limp in hers. "God! For fucks sake-j-just shut the fuck up! Go away!" She sounds angry but her tone is panicked around the edges and laced with a quiet desperation.
"Hey! I'm just trying to have a conversation. The least you could do is-" Kyla's opening the door before I can hide and ...well it pretty much goes to shit after that.
"...whoa." Her eyes bulge and I don't blame her. This must be a sight. "What the hell did I walk in on?" Kyla Wood's eyes dart from her sister to me and back again, and then a slow grin spreads across her face, probably loving the drama of it all. While I just felt like meat on a hook.
"None of your damn business now get the hell out of my room!" Ashley points angrily at the door as if just the mere urgency of her furious finger gestures will get Kyla out of here faster.
"Yeah but...oh uh hey Spence." She waves, smirking. I never pegged Kyla for being stupid. Ditzy yes, airheaded...slightly. Stupid? Not even. But she must really be clueless on exactly how fragile a situation she just walked into and how severely she made it worse, it's like she just walked on a floor made of thin glass and already it's beginning to crack and scream from her steady pressure.
I'm quiet. Because I'm not sure what to say, do, think. I know that I should maybe be crying, or angry, except I feel nothing. I just want to...I'm not sure exactly. No. I do know. I want to leave. I really really want to leave. I can't even process all this in my mushy brain. It's like everything inside my head has been muted, dulled, smothered by this overwhelming weight that I just can't shake off. Unfortunately it's not completely silent. Nope.
"I mean how obvious can you get?"
"Kyla." I say flatly. Though it doesn't even sound like my voice anymore. It's not husky or charged like it was earlier. It's not timid like you would expect from me. It's just...kinda hollow. Not really there. Or alive. And that description seems pretty accurate considering I felt dead on the inside.
Her eyes glance down to my naked torso and I quickly jerk my arms protectively in front of my chest, concealing my utter shame. I felt...dirty. Wrong. Caught in a horrible situation with my pants down. Only the opposite I guess.
"Oooh girl you work fast." She smiles at Ashley and its not to be lewd it's more in amusement than anything and I don't know if she's silently laughing at me or Ashley. I imagine she's laughing at me. She said so herself. Apparently I'm just a big joke to everyone, aren't I?
"I mean how obvious can you get?"
I clench my eyes shut and will myself to breathe.
"What the - fuck! Get out of here Kyla!" Ashley shouts, pointing angrily, her grip on my hand is firm and as much as I want to cling to it, I want to let go just as much. God. I'm ...such an idiot.
"But the tension is just so...uhm ew." Her gaze trails from both Ashley and I, and frowns. "Your right. This is just way too awkward even for me to enjoy."
Ashley glared murderously as her sister darted out of the room with a hurried, "Choi!" and slammed the door. Ashley's eyes flashed furiously, she looked like she wanted to kill something, or Kyla, the act probably involving a chainsaw and stealing every piece of clothing she had and mailing them to Antarctica.
Heh. That'd be funny actually.
If I wasn't so turned on right now I'd be terrified.
Angry Ashley is just...guh...
...Fucking hell! Even stunned out of my mind, my brain still finds ways to be overly inappropriate. Maybe it's a coping mechanism. They have that right? That's a thing?
My mind just keeps replaying the last few lines of Kyla's obnoxious rant. "-she's hardcore in love with you. Don't know how you didn't pick up on it before this whole thing...Spencey's been eye sexing you since she moved here...-eye sexing you since she moved here...-she's in love with you...I mean how obvious can you get?"
Oh shit. I am so embarrassed right now. They knew. They knew I liked Ashley? Didn't they? Isn't that what Kyla said? I mean just the way she worded it made it sound like my infatuation with her sister was more a joke than a genuine feeling. I...God I need to get out of here. I can't breathe. I can't think. I can't be this blind to not see this coming. I mean it was just too good to be true. I pull my hand away from her and back away when she tries to grab for it again, shaking my head disbelievingly.
I'm such an idiot.
"I have to go...stuff." That wasn't even a complete sentence. Goddammit she's reduced me to bumbling idiocy! And this is really raising the bar from what normally comes out of my mouth around her...sort of.
"Luce wait." Her tone is weary, hesitant and I almost feel bad for her. Almost. Because I'm pretty sure I'm worse off than her right now.
Something snaps inside me and I turn on her quickly.
"Don't call me that! M-my name is Spencer. Spen-cer." I repeat firmly, yet I sounded so broken, so choked for air I was kicking myself for my cracking slip up. I could already feel myself echoing on the inside. Fuck, my nose is burning. It won't be long before I'm completely balling in front of her. I'm pathetic. Such an idiot.
I tug the shirt from her hands roughly and hurriedly put it on, and shield my braless breasts with my hands.
You'd think heartbreak would be the ultimate cockblock but my nipples are still peaked. Fuck this is just messed up. All of it. What was she really doing? And this whole time she knew? Had Kyla told her? Was this just some big joke to them? All of them? Let's pick on the lonely infatuated blonde lesbian and make her look like the biggest fool ever. Break her heart. God. It's like Harper all over again.
"Fuck!" I scream and I'm running out of her room before I can think about it. Or act rationally like a normal person.
Ashley snaps out of it quickly and rushes after me. "Spencer! No Spencer - wait! Let me explain!"
"I have to go. I have to-God!" I wipe my eyes roughly and almost eat it when I was near the bottom of the stairs, temporarily blinded, though, I run into something warm and solid.
"Whoa. Where's the fire?" Andi says with a chuckle as she steadies me...then her features fall and soften immediately. "Hey. Whoa hey what happened?" Andi's voice is soft and caring and I nearly breakdown right there. She sounds so sincere. Damn her.
I push Andi away from me and walk quickly for my bag near the door where I left it.
"Spencer no! Just...don't go." Ashley vaults over the partition from the stairs, landing gracefully on the ground with a solid thud. I'm stunned from the act for a moment but it's all the time Ashley needs for her to make her way over to me and clasp my arm gently, yet firmly in her hold. "Please don't go Spencer. Kyla's an idiot okay? She didn't mean it. Okay, well, she did. But-"
Is that supposed to reassure me?
I wrench my arm away from her, refusing to hear anything she has to say, and fling the door open. Ashley lives a few miles away from me but damn it if I'm going to let that stop me. I couldn't stay there.
The sound of slapping feet and crunching grass follows me as I angrily trek my way down her long as hell driveway.
"Nononono! Fuckfuckfuck! Ugh. Cold grass cold grass! ...Lu-I mean Spence wait!" I'm running as fast as I possibly can.
I couldn't get away from her fast enough. My heart felt like someone had took a drill to my chest and just said, "fire 'er up!" and shoved it deep. And god ...I couldn't stop crying.
Ashley was chasing after me and maybe fifteen minutes ago I would have found the one I love coming after me completely romantic but now I just find it annoying and terrifying. But I know she can't keep this pace for long. Because for one, I have shoes on...and she doesn't.
But it didn't matter how fast I ran, she was still trailing behind me. It wasn't until I had cut though someone's back yard and hid behind a dumpster that I think I finally lost her.
At this point even if she did have a good enough excuse I had already made a fool of myself. I'm already embarrassed for running like that. So either way I'm screwed, you see.
So I ran. I ran as I lost myself in my head. Poisonous thoughts swirled and burned in my brain. Every beautiful moment me and Ashley shared was tainted with this seed of doubt. She had known. The whole time she knew. All the soulful looks and lingering touches were all planned, measured and intended to deliver in a specific manner. To...what? Make me fall in love with her? Which is pointless because I was so far in love with this girl sometimes it hurt. What was the point of all this? Was this all a prank? A means to humiliate me? Just thinking about that makes me point fingers at Madison as the most likely one to do something sick like this. Though even then I know she's not that cruel. That whole Madison barb earlier today was probably a lie too...
God. It's still hard imagining Ashley Davies in this horrible light. She's too amazing to play me so wickedly. But then again...she is an amazing actress. Just as good as Kyla. And Harper was just as innocent looking...until she wasn't.
But then why is my gut telling me I made the biggest mistake of my short dorky life?
The cashier looks worried. And I don't blame him. I probably look like shit. Eyes puffy and red, the epitome of a poor sap on some Kleenex commercial. I ran probably a dozen blocks after I left Ashley standing practically naked in the wet grass of someone else's lawn. And I didn't stop running, as I was weaving in and out of neighborhoods with no clear direction. I could run for miles without getting tired. It was one of the few advantages of having Glen as a brother. The lame ass was notorious for thinking that the bigger the bicep the hotter the babe. Which in some cases was true...and other's? Not so much. But either way it motivated him enough to get into shape and stay there. And since my brief stint as a King High cheerleader when I got here was the only outlet of exercise, once I was off the squad, I started running and working out with Glen. It brought us closer and I got me buns of steel and a stamina that could last me hours and miles. So I can't complain. Especially now.
I kept walking in and out of the store multiple times. After the third time the greasy guy behind the counter told me I had to start buying something or he would call the cops. For loitering and acting suspiciously...or whatever...asshole. So a bottle of water and four packs of some minty flavored gum later and I've managed to bleed through most of my lunch money for the week and get on the creepy people list of some random Joe that I pray I never see again for as long as I live. Dude kept leering at me ever since I dropped my water on the floor and bent over to pick it up.
Just for that I should be charging!
I walk back outside, quickly this time lest he rape me with his eyeballs for longer than I'd like, and lean against the side of the building. I need to get out of here. I have no idea where I am in relation to where I live. Which is sad since I've lived here for a year now but it's certainly not enough time to be an expert of the ins and outs of LA.
My hands haven't stopped shaking. Not even after I finally stopped running. And not cause I was tired, far from it, I kept seeing her. Brandi or whatever the fuck her car's name is. She was looking for me. Or maybe she was going out to get a fucking cheeseburger. Who cares? All I know is I don't want her to see me and I don't want to see her.
Which is why I kept hiding like a weak little woodland creature and 'burrowed' myself in this dingy gas station.
I wiped my eyes roughly. Great and now I'm crying again.
I'm shakily reaching for my phone and trying as hard as I can to keep my fingers from entering the wrong numbers but I keep inputting the wrong thing and having to start over again. Fuck!
Finally a number I recognized illuminated the dial box and I hit send, and waited.
"...Heeey this is Glen, you know what to do. And if you don't, well, this is probably gunna get really awkward...Beeeep!"
"Glen! Glen hey I'm...," I sniffed softly. "I need your help. Will you come get me? I'm over by the 711 on 3rd and I just...god... I screwed up okay. I was stupid and I need you right now. Please. It's 6:19 right now so I hope you get this before...well before its not 6:19 anymore. I-I love you. Uhm." I don't even say bye. My throat was closing to the point of pain and I had to end it.
I waited for a few minutes but I heard no reply. I wiped my sore puffy eyes and cleared my phone and entered 2 on my speed dial. Dad is #1 for obvious reasons. But he couldn't be my savior this time.
I inhale shakily and squeezed my salty eyes tight. Then I blinked.
"...Chel...sea?" I choked. Damn it. Whatever. She was bound to find out sooner or later.
"Spence? Spencer what's wrong, honey? Are you crying?" She sounds immediately alarmed, and I feel bad for making her worry.
"No." I sniff loudly and I try my damnedest to muffle the congested cough with my hand but it still sounds gross and oh so pathetic.
"Baby what happened? Where are you?"
"At a 711. Fuck...Chels. God my heart feels like someone stomped on it." I sobbed.
"What happened?" She asks softly, her tone warm and almost soothing to my ears.
I shake my head.
"I don't want to talk about it. I don't have a ride. Can you just pick me up? Please. I don't want to walk all the way home. I think I saw Ashley's car when I hid and I ran into the store." Twice actually. I saw her damned car twice.
"What? Ashley's car? What's going on?"
I close my eyes, suddenly feeling drained. "Please? Can we not talk about this now? I just want to go home. Can you pick me up or not?" I'm irritated, not with her. But with myself. I'm such a coward for running but I'm also so fucking pissed at the situation I let myself get into...again...I just...I don't even know. I just fucking want to go to bed and never wake up.
"Fine. Which 711 are you at?"
I give her directions and then hide in the store every time I see a red car pass by, I'm sure it's Ashley's and I feel a sick thrill run through me when I spot her through the window.
Except for the part where I want to throw up all over my shoes.
Chelsea's head pokes up through her open door and she looks alarmed. She's slamming the door closed and running out urgently. I just sit on the ground next to the pay phone that I'm sure has probably been out of commission since 1996. Is it normal to feel this numb?
"Spencer come on baby girl let's get you home okay?"
She helps me up and walks me to the passenger door, opening it for me. I flash back to when Ashley did this for me only hours ago and feel like crying. Wait. I am crying. That's right.
Then we're driving.
Chelsea keeps glancing at me every few seconds but I don't react. It's like my whole body has frozen and the slightest movement is unwarranted.
Thankfully Chelsea doesn't fill the car ride with conversation and just flicks the radio to my favorite station. The one I know she hates because 8 times out 10 they never play a song she likes.
Sometimes I love her.
But even though it's a sweet gesture I don't feel like smiling. Or moving. Or anything really. Sitting. Sitting sounds nice right now. I can do that easy. Yes I'll just sit here until I finally wither and die. Or I starve. Either works I guess.
Well...today was ...shit. Or at least it ended shitty.
I guess Spencer Carlin doesn't get the romantic moment after all. Or the girl.
I feel sick to my stomach but I'm so relieved that I didn't bleed my heart out to Ashley back there. God that would have been horrible. And even though it felt like it, I guess it wasn't really the right time for me, not like I thought it would be anyway...because...life doesn't want me to have a happy ending.
Well... fuck you too.
So yeah...don't hate! I know it feels like we took several skips forward and 30 miles in the opposite direction but don't you worry your little weird romantic heart none. Everything will right itself eventually. *pinky promise*
So feel free to let me know what you thought of the chapter. Still unsure about it. But either way its up so I'm happy for the most part. :)
- Lil' Miss