Author: velvet-prosthesis PM
Oneshot. Give him some H, and he will appreciate every form of your love, immoral or not. ItaSasu.Rated: Fiction M - English - Angst/Drama - Sasuke U. & Itachi U. - Words: 2,641 - Reviews: 25 - Favs: 49 - Follows: 4 - Published: 11-23-09 - Status: Complete - id: 5529685
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Warning: Angst, heroin and incest. Hinted sexual abuse.
Edited by: Kyarei
The leaky faucet, such an annoying sound. It continued dripping, one after another, between pretentious intervals, colliding at the bottom of the ceramic sink. He covered his ears with the blanket, the cloth drenched in sweat immediately glued against his cold skin.
There is no such thing as silence.
The approaching steps outside, the unique sweet tapping sound only his brother could make, tickled inside his ears. Soon after came the metallic noise of the metal key entering the lock, then the typical click! that preceded the presence of his only visitor. The crawling yellow light from the outside entered the dark room, reaching his bed.
His brother's visits were becoming rarer each passing day.
Or was it the days that were becoming longer?
The door closed soundly, and the crawling yellow light was swallowed back to the freedom outside, leaving the remaining darkness plocking against the sink, in the room that locked him away from society.
"I brought you dinner."
Itachi placed the tray of food on the little table placed beside his bed. The nauseous smell of miso soup invaded Sasuke's nostrils, grim that swallow agonies – he did not even stir when his brother came to sit beside him.
"You have to eat, Sasuke."
His sugared voice was like a whisper, but echoed through concrete walls.
The room itself wasn't big, and wasn't exactly empty; besides the bed of aluminum frame, there were closets filled with blankets and clothes, a table without a chair, paper boxes with books, and an old futon stored at the corner of the room perspiring mould and growing damp patches.
All the other objects were removed by Itachi.
"Do you want me bring something else?"
Itachi drew his hand to touch his sweaty raven locks with obvious awareness.
"Let me out." Sasuke's request was barely audible, his throat was too dry to talk.
That place he was locked in, it was so void. It had practically nothing inside because Itachi removed all the other objects. Every sound made inside repeated itself over and over through the infinite dimension of silence. The crickets' song outside had the same intensity as if they were singing inside. Every time Itachi spoke, the words again simulated in different tones with painful accuracy.
Sasuke heard everything ten times louder, except his own screams.
"You know I won't do that."
Thwarting his seemingly morbid quietness, Sasuke moved his aching body to sit down in the creaking bed, trying to fight the urge to fidget against the sweaty sheets. The impetuous apathy that took over his soul made him forget to look at his brother like he used to; but now as the proximity between them agitated his stomach, and the visits were becoming rarer, he found himself admiring the perfect, healthy features of his brother – Sasuke always thought that if God made the man to his own image, then He was just being conceited when he made Itachi.
And Itachi's eyes were as gorgeous as his soul, because he wasn't weak and corrupted and tainted and so fucking imperfect. When Itachi looked at him like that, for a tiny perfect moment, Sasuke felt like he could be saved.
"Why are you bothering, Itachi? Why are you doing this to me?"
Itachi touched the skin of his brother's lank face, softly, as if he was afraid of breaking something in the process. Besides the notorious weight loss, the drugs had sucked up the vivid color out of Sasuke's skin and whited out his childlike smile. Sasuke's eyes had lost their fiery shine; now they were just two black holes dug in a bony structure, benumbed before the disillusion of life.
"Because you're my brother."
"Is that so…"
Sasuke's dull eyes focused on Itachi's forearm, as he nuzzled into the gentle touch of him. How he wanted to say to Itachi that he hated the word 'brother'; that he hated being Itachi's 'brother', that he hated being what he was.
"You know it's not worth it."
"Don't say that Sasuke. I'll do everything in my power…"
Itachi was perfect. Too perfect to be the brother of the rotten piece of shit that went by the name of Sasuke. He's a doctor, you know? And a prodigy too. He saves tons of lives.
"…Because I'm your brother?"
Just like he was trying to do, with Sasuke. Saving his little brother's life. Another life. Like the professional Itachi was, always trying his best to save the patient's life.
He will save Sasuke's life, and Mother and Father will be Very Proud of him, and maybe he will even publish a book about it. Like the other books. It was important to save Sasuke's life as soon as possible, you see-
-before he wasted all the family money on drugs, the money that was needed to throw expensive parties in the holy fucking name of Charity, and "Itachi-kun please honor us with one of your prodigal speeches about the viral epidemic killing children in the country of who-fucking-cares."
(You think Sasuke didn't hear it, at the last party, the two chatting ladies in the corner? "How shameless the little one is. Stealing the Charity money to waste it on drugs.")
"Just give me a little." Sasuke whispered, dragging the weight of his bones towards his brother, inwardly frustrated with the effort he needed to pull out to fight against his weakness. "Just a little…Just this time… I promise I won't ask again…"
Itachi swallowed hard as he watched the painfully dawdling movements of the emaciated form of Sasuke, now leaned on his torso, breathing hard against the exposed skin of Itachi's neck, his nose nuzzling in the thread of the necklace he never took off. The boy's ever-so shaking hands toured his upper body beneath his shirt, igniting in Itachi feelings he feared in himself.
"I can hear your heart, nii-san." Sasuke slid his head down to place his ear against Itachi's chest. He smirked. "It's beating like crazy. Are you…" and he moved his hand lower on Itachi's belly "…afraid of something?"
"I can do anything you want, nii-san." His voice was sweeter and deviously seductive now. "Just this time…I just want a little, that's all. I'll make you feel good, and you make me feel good. Nobody needs to know."
Sasuke knew very well how dangerous that attempt was, how foolish; but he still let his hand trail down to Itachi's crotch. It's not like he had lost all his sense of dignity in that dark dead end next to the empty syringes – after all, what could be more humiliating than offering your pitiful self to suck off your prefect unaffected brother for only a gram?
(What could be more humiliating than showing that side of you, to him?)
But Desperation wore ugly masks every time his inside organs curled up into a big hollow knot and there was nothing left to vomit and needles were growing in every pore of his body.
(it hurts so much)
In a violent reaction, Itachi slapped Sasuke's frail body away and immediately stood up, breathing heavily and angrily. Sasuke fell on the floor, bare knees hard against wood, heart pounding hard against the knife inside his chest.
Yes…That rejection could be more humiliating.
"Don't you ever try to do that again, Sasuke."
His voice was so cold that it felt like it could freeze the entire room.
'Of course he doesn't want you. You're just his personal project, not another thing. You're too ugly to be another thing.'
How could he even consider that his brother would let him touch him? As if the best creation of God would let himself be corrupted by the dirty mouth of a monster.
Sasuke remembers what he looks like now. How the drugs had eaten up his face. He remembers how his reflection was the last time he looked into a mirror, before he smashed it.
"It was just a blow job." He coughed a bit, while he attempted to raise his body from the floor to sit back on the bed. It felt like his knees were smashed into pieces. He couldn't afford to look at his brother at that moment. He knew his eyes too well – they were judging him, shooting glares of disappointment and disgustingness, as if he was the only thing wrong in a world made by wolves disguised as lambs.
Sasuke knew that, he knew Itachi too well. Don't look at him.
"You could just imagine I was a hot babe or something. Don't need to be so narrow-minded about it."
The shaking was worsening again. He couldn't control it anymore. No father, I'm not doing this on purpose. "For God's sake stop shaking son, you're embarrassing us. Itachi, please give him something." Yeah Itachi, give me some H, will ya? I'll stop the shaking and Father will be Very Proud and Mother will love you and everybody else will love you too, because you like to be loved, don't ya, you fuckin' smug asshole?
(it hurts so much, feeling like this)
"Look at you. Don't you even feel ashamed of your behavior? What happened to you Sasuke? You'd never do anything like this before…"
Itachi, Itachi, Itachi. Who called you a prodigy? You don't understand shit. You don't even know that your immaculate little brother only lives in your imagination, because he was never innocent and you were never really the big brother.
"You know, real doctors give methadone to people like me." Sasuke turned himself over to face his brother again, face the cold eyes that always attacked him in more ways than he could ever depict. The pain was reaching its summit again, so it didn't matter now. "Do you like watching me suffer? Does that turn you on?"
"I'm not going to give you any more drugs, Sasuke. That would only cause you more suffering, you know it."
Angry with everything his brother made him feel – because Itachi was, in the end, another wolf dressed in pure white lamb skin – he stretched his arm to grope Itachi's crotch again, in a tight grip, devilish smirk crossing his lips. He just wanted to prove to himself that he wasn't the only thing wrong in the world.
"Look pervert, you're hard."
A loud face slap followed that, and Sasuke's face was sent back to collide against the alumni bed frame.
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, Sasuke… I didn't mean to…"
Itachi's body was suddenly over him, embracing him against fragrant clothes and warm breath. Sasuke barely felt the pain of the slap; he was himself immerged in the sickening lethargy numbing his head again, and the pathetic feeling of triumph for touching a wrongness in his brother.
'If you had more faults, I'd love you more. But you don't like faults in people, do you?'
"I'm sorry Sasuke…I'm sorry. I'm going to help you." Itachi whispered in his hear, squeezing hard the embrace.
'I know. Because I'm your brother.'
It was getting too uncomfortable being imprisoned in Itachi's arms, because the lethargy was too much; it was making him feel nauseated. Brother Itachi giving him a hug and telling him it was just a nightmare. Father outside, living in the picture of perfection, thinking that Brother Itachi tried too hard. Mother who closed her eyes before libertinage in her own house, saying that Itachi cared too much. Sasuke didn't appreciate their love. Ungrateful brat. He didn't appreciate the 'Wonderful Life of Charity Parties' they gave to him.
(Oh no. You got it all wrong. He just couldn't appreciate his Father's love, every time the lights were turned off and Itachi was taking the night shift at the hospital.)
Give him some H, and he will appreciate every form of your love, immoral or not.
"Look what you're doing with your life, throwing it away like a cigarette butt." Yeah so, what about that? Life is no more than a nasty addiction that you need to give up in the end.
"I hate to see you like this. Please, let me help you…Sasuke."
Only Sasuke didn't want his help. Not from 'Brother Itachi', 'Doctor Itachi', 'Prodigy Itachi' (the latter was pronounced with a vomiting sound). The Itachi he wanted committed immoralities in his sticky dreams, and that Itachi was too imperfect to be real.
Brother Itachi, your little brother had spewed at your existence and masturbated at your mirror reflection. How about that, huh? Your little brother, who is a burden to society. Your Innocent Sasuke, who never existed in the first place.
("You're not a burden, Sasuke. If anything, everyone else is a burden. But not you. Even if I have to descend the depths of Hell to save you. Like Orpheus and Eurydice.")
Yeah... But Eurydice died, brother.
"Let me go. Let me go!"
There he goes again. Sasuke started squirming and screaming uncontrollably, breaking Itachi's affection with a kick in the stomach. A few weeks ago Itachi couldn't even hug him without being attacked by Sasuke, but slowly and patiently, Sasuke would let him nearer him, let him show his care.
"Go away! GO AWAY!"
(because it hurts so much)
The food tray flew towards Itachi, along with the miso soup and the rice balls. Itachi barely had time to deflect from the attack – being only hit with at least two rice balls, but at least the soup cup and the food tray met the floor and not his body. Sasuke hit him once with an object (a glass without water), resulting in three stitches in his right hand that rendered him unable to perform any surgeries for ten days.
Sasuke was near to another violent crisis and there was nothing more Itachi could do to him that day, so he left the room. He shall return in fifteen minutes to pick up the tray and clean the food off the floor – and maybe some vomit. But he needed to pick up the objects he left.
No unnecessary objects could be left in that room.
-It could be dangerous-
Last time he left the tray, Sasuke managed to break it. Itachi caught him as he tried to cut his wrist with the plastic fragment.
(He had said, he just wanted to release the needles. The needles in his blood vessels, it hurt so much. He just wanted them out. Brother Itachi, why can't you take them out?)
Itachi removed all the objects. ("Yes brother, Eurydice died, but you will live.")
Sasuke will live, no matter what.
As he closed the door behind him, and the screams were muffled back in the dark room, and the yellow light of normality embraced him again, Itachi let himself lean back against the door, breathing heavily through the weight that didn't want to leave his chest.
He groped the hardness in his groin, as he bit painfully his trembling lower lip, and tears of shame stained his moral being. He couldn't afford to be the monster that he was feeling inside – because these wrong feelings, that caught him unguarded at thirteen and never left him, won't save his brother's life.
(it hurts so much, loving you like this)