A/N – In all likelihood this will be my last update until after the Thanksgiving holiday (i.e. until Friday). We will be traveling. Thank you and Happy Thanksgiving!

Reluctance

Chapter One

Settling his hand over the steadily falling and rising chest of Henry Jareau, Dave smiled gently. Damn, this baby had him wrapped around his finger. The entire case, in his every spare moment, this is where his thoughts had gone…to this boy.

It had been a hard one. Entire families annihilated, only the fathers left behind, alone and grieving. He couldn't even begin to fathom the amount of pain, of grief, those poor souls were suffering. Looking at the sleeping baby, his mouth forming a perfectly rounded circle in sleep, his heart clenched. He known for a while that he'd never be able to survive that kind of torture…losing either Henry or his mother would kill him.

They'd caught the unsub. But, then, the knowledge that Foyet had found a way into the case had colored the victory. The knowledge was slowly driving his best friend insane. And he feared what would happen when Hotch lost his hold on sanity entirely. Foyet knew exactly which buttons to push on all of them. And, so far, he'd proven to be a hell of a lot more cunning than Dave had ever anticipated.

Hearing the nursery door softly open, he turned his head slightly as JJ's soft footsteps padded across the carpet toward them.

"Is he okay?" JJ asked softly.

"He's fine," Dave murmured, listening to the baby as he huffed out a sigh in sleep as he smoothed a fingertip over Henry's downy cheek.

"I woke up and you weren't in bed. I thought maybe…," JJ trailed off, her voice low as she stopped beside him in front of the crib.

"I couldn't sleep. I guess I saw too much today…my mind couldn't shut down," Dave stated quietly.

"It was a hard one," JJ agreed, stealing a glimpse of Dave's face in the darkened room. "But we caught the bad guy."

"Doesn't help those soldiers though…While they were fighting for everything we take forgranted, their families were being murdered," Dave said sadly, rubbing a lock of Henry's hair between his fingers, allowing the soft silken strands to sooth him.

"We found justice for them, Dave. That's all we could do," JJ returned gently, seeing the strained lines framing his eyes and mouth.

"Sometimes, that doesn't seem like enough," Dave replied, his voice grave in the quiet room.

"It has to be. It's all we have to give them," JJ countered, slipping her hand into his and lacing their fingers together as they both stared at her son.

"He looks so peaceful resting there," Dave whispered, nodding at Henry. "He has no idea what lurks just outside…the evil, the pain. I want to keep him from knowing about any of that."

"He'll have to know about it one day, Dave. It's a part of our life. We won't be able to shelter him from the pain. But we can teach him how to deal with it," JJ responded, resting her head against his tense arm. "And as an added bonus, we can tell him that we've made a difference. That we've helped eliminate a lot of danger by doing our job."

"But have we, JJ? Have we, really?" Dave asked, his voice leaking self-doubt.

Tightening her grip on his arm, JJ nodded against his shoulder. "You know we do. We have. Somewhere inside you, you still know that," JJ said with assurance, desperately yearning to quell that lost note she heard reflected in his voice.

"Then how do you explain Foyet, Jen?" Dave asked with a sharp edge in his voice.

The harshly spoken words caused Henry to jerk in his sleep, and she watched as Dave frowned, his hand reaching to sooth the stirring baby.

"Sorry, buddy," he whispered, patting the baby's chest gently.

Taking a moment just to watch Dave's hand, curved protectively around her son, JJ deliberated her next words. "You think we won't catch him, but we will. Our team doesn't know how to fail, David," JJ said with an authority she didn't particularly feel. But her lover was skating too close to the edge right now, and more than anything, she needed to pull him back from the precipice.

"He's taunting Hotch, JJ. Sending letters to unsubs that he's put behind bars. Using cases with kids against him. And we've got nothing. No leads. No anything," Dave sighed, pulling his hand back as the baby settled in sleep.

"We will. We'll get a break and then we'll get his son back for him," JJ replied calmly, praying with every word she spoke that she was telling the truth…for all of them.

"A year ago," Dave began, "none of this would have affected me like this. Sure, I'd have been sad…disturbed by what had happened. But now," he said, looking down at Henry, "I can put myself in their places…the soldiers…Hotch…and I honestly don't know what I'd do if I lost you or Henry." Glancing down at her soft blue eyes, he half-smiled. "I blame you for that, cara mia."

"I'm not sure whether to apologize to you or offer you my gratitude," JJ replied with a slight smile.

"I'm the one that needs to say I'm sorry and thank you, Jen," Dave murmured, slipping an arm around her waist and pulling her closer. "I didn't know what any of this was supposed to feel like before you included me in both of your lives," he confessed, tightening his grip on her hips. "Now, I can't help imagining how Hotch must feel not being able to see Jack every day. How those guys must feel knowing when they go to bed at night that they'll never hold their wives and children in their arms again. It always felt terrible to see the effect our unsubs had on the victim's lives, but now it's…horrifying. We have to watch it every day on Hotch's face. Every day."

"It won't be forever, Dave," JJ promised, resting her head against his chest. "Maybe this was actually the break we needed. Maybe Garcia will be able to pull something off those letters. It's possible, isn't it?" JJ asked hopefully.

Dropping a kiss against her glistening blonde hair, Dave whispered, "It is. I'm sorry, honey. I shouldn't be dumping all of this on you."

"Your worries are my worries now, remember?" she reminded him. "You ARE the one that keeps insisting we're a team now, aren't you?" she asked, looking up into his dark eyes.

"Throwing my own words back in my face, Jareau. You've been taking notes," Dave chuckled, his face softening in the dim room.

"I've learned with you that I've got to be a quick study," JJ grinned mischievously.

"Ah," Dave murmured, pulling her warm body closer to his. "What are you doing up anyway?" he asked, glancing at his wrist watch.

"You got out of bed," JJ shrugged. "I waited for you to come back and when you didn't, I decided to come find you."

"Missed me, huh?" Dave winked.

"Let's just say I've become accustomed to having a human furnace sharing my bed at night. I notice when the heat goes missing," she said carelessly.

Looking over his shoulder at the sleeping baby, Dave murmured, "I just had to look at him. See him and know he was safe."

"You sound like a father. You've spent more time with my son in the last few months than his biological father did in his whole lifetime," JJ confided.

"Will didn't deserve the gift you gave him. Neither do I, but at least I know how to value what I've found," Dave muttered, his arms tightening around the small woman leaning against him. He still wanted LaMontagne's blood, but the man was gone and as long as he stayed gone, Dave told himself to be satisfied with that.

"We're lucky that you decided to fight for us," JJ whispered against his chest.

"I'm lucky you were willing to take a chance on me…I know trusting me with your son had to be hard," Dave returned.

Rubbing her cheek against his chest, JJ murmured, "So very worth the risk, David."

Easing her toward the door, Dave whispered, "We need to get some sleep. We've gotta big day tomorrow. We need to go over to the cabin and check on things."

Walking back into the bedroom, JJ crawled over to her side of the bed, watching as Dave stripped off his tee shirt and took his place beside her. She smiled as he hauled her back into his arms. Since the first night they'd slept together, they'd gone to sleep just this way, him wrapped around her like a blanket. Sliding her fingers into the coarse hair of his chest, JJ sighed against him.

"Jen?" he rumbled quietly beside her as his fingers traced figure eights against her back.

"Hmmm?" she hummed, sinking into his solid body.

"What would you say if I asked you to amp this up a notch between us, honey?" he asked tentatively, feeling her body shift against his as she raised curious blue eyes to look at him.