|How Grendel Stole Herot
Author: Zapto369 PM
An Anglo-Saxon Christmas story and a parody to "How the Grinch Stole Christmas" by Dr. Seuss. Merry Christmas everyone!Rated: Fiction K+ - English - Adventure/Humor - Grendel & Beowulf - Words: 685 - Reviews: 2 - Published: 12-07-09 - Status: Complete - id: 5564707
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
All the Spear-Danes and Half-Danes loved Herot a lot
But Grendel, who lived just north of Herot, did not
Grendel thought Herot was really appalling
As he stood in his lair growling and snarling
"I really hate Herot." Grendel said from afar
"And all the people in it, especially Hrothgar!"
"Just listen to them down there, all the fathers and their boys.
They just sit there and party and make too much noise!"
"First they get loads of mead and don't even think.
They sit there with horns and they drink, drink, drink, drink!"
"Then they fight and they brag and that sort of thing
And they bring in a minstrel and they sing, sing, sing, sing!"
The more he thought about it, the more he hated
But please don't ask why, I guess he was fated
"There's got to be something that I can do
To stop their rejoicing. But what? Who knew?"
But then Grendel got an idea!
An awful idea!
Grendel got a wonderful, awful idea!
"I must go at once, by foot or by wagon
To a deep, dark cave to go see the dragon!"
So he got up and began his journey toward
The mighty old dragon who sat on his hoard
When he got there he shouted into the cave
"Hey Mark the Dragon, or is it Steve or Dave?"
"Well whatever your name I need some advice
In destroying Herot, anything will suffice."
"My dear beastly friend," the Dragon began
"If you want to be happy, then I have just the plan."
"Just gather yourself a pile of jewels and gold
And then just sit on it." The old Dragon told
Grendel looked puzzled, for the advice was quite queer
"Should I get some gold there and bring it back here?"
But he didn't think gold would bring him joy
So he decided to go to Herot and simply destroy
Three thousand feet far! To the mead hall called Herot
To tear down the place 'cause he just couldn't bear it
He reached the gold building and burst open the door
Then he raised his claws and let out a roar
"Pooh-pooh to the thanes!" Grendel exclaimed with a sneer
Just then warriors charged with sword and spear
Though they tried their best, every well-born thane
Grendel was stronger still and everyone was slain
"They find out now that all their warriors are dying
And all of their babies are probably crying."
Grendel smiled evilly and put his hand to his ear
"All their screaming and shouting, now that I must hear!"
But after the battle, a sound started to grow
It started off low, but then got louder, you know
But the voice that he heard wasn't so scared
Of all of the thanes, this one wasn't compared
Grendel turned around fast and he saw a huge man
It was Beowulf with no tan, with the strength of thirty thanes in each hand
Grendel had been caught by this great epic hero
Who came with the purpose to make Grendel a zero
Beowulf stared at Grendel and said, "Beast man, why?
Why did you attack our mead hall, why?"
But you know, that Grendel was strong and slick
So he thought up a line and he thought it up quick
"Well you see my good hero." Grendel revealed
"I came here to make Herot's fate sealed."
But the news only made Beowulf enraged
So in battle he and Grendel engaged
And what happened then, well in Herot they say
That Beowulf's fame grew three sizes that day
The minute that fate didn't feel quite so right
He defeated Grendel with some of his might
And again there were minstrels and again there was mead
And he, Beowulf, put an end to Grendel's deed
And now that no one in Herot had anything to fear,
Merry Christmas, Mr. DeNote, and a super special awesome New Year!
Note: I wrote this as a Christmas gift for my English teacher. Hence the last two lines.