|Goodbye To You
Author: ilovetvalot PM
JJ must make a heartwrenching decision regarding her future. Will any of them be the same? JJ/Hotch Updates may be slow. Co-auth'd w/tonnie2001969.Rated: Fiction T - English - Romance/Angst - A. Hotchner/Hotch & Jennifer J./JJ - Chapters: 13 - Words: 14,042 - Reviews: 103 - Favs: 39 - Follows: 19 - Updated: 01-06-10 - Published: 12-09-09 - Status: Complete - id: 5568497
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Author's Note: Okay, I know I need another story like I need a hole in my head, but his won't go away. After listening ( repeatedly) to Michelle Branch's "Goodbye to You" on a roadtrip, this idea for a JJ/Hotch story wouldn't end. No matter how hard I tried. I have no idea how many chapters this will end up being, so bear with me. And as I don't usually write this pairing, please be kind. It'll have a happy ending, I swear.
Goodbye to You
Pressing a shaking hand against her roiling stomach, Jennifer Jareau pushed back from her desk one last time. Reminding herself again that she was making the best decision for all parties concerned, she desperately tried to ignore the voice in that back of her head screaming that she was taking the coward's way out. She wasn't. She'd considered her decision, examined it from every conceivable angle. Nothing changed. This was best for her and her son, best for the team, and quite possibly the best thing for Aaron Hotchner. Despite what the others might think.
Staring down at the unusually barren surface of her desk, she swallowed, eyeing the single sheet of paper in the center of her desk. Swallowing, she knew this was the final step, endorsed by Erin Strauss herself. All that was left was to deliver it to her Unit Chief…her friend…her one-time, and one time alone, lover, Aaron Hotchner.
Closing her eyes against the wave of pain thoughts of leaving her beloved unit…and its leader sent washing over her, she inhaled deeply. No choice, remember, Jareau? She'd already made this momentous decision, hadn't she? There was a bright and shiny new job in the New York City field office doing exactly the job she was so good at. And it didn't have any memories of Aaron Hotchner associated with it. She wouldn't have to look at the solemn face that she'd only ever truly seen relaxed on one forbidden night three months ago. She wouldn't walk through the New York office remembering every time his arm had brushed hers or how it felt when he rested a proprietary hand against her back. She wouldn't see his eyes every day and remember exactly how they looked darkened in passion, hovering above her as his hands, lips, his very body had shown hers pleasure beyond the realm of her imagination. There, maybe, she could find some respite for this daily misery.
It had been one night. One instant frozen in time where she'd known perfect bliss. It hadn't mattered that she'd still been in a relationship with Will LaMontagne. It hadn't entered her thoughts that he was grieving a loss so deep, rational thought had escaped him. Nothing had mattered to her except him, the notion that she could be what chased his pain to the far recesses of his mind a heady intoxication she'd never expected.
In the harsh light of day, he'd called it a mistake, an anomaly, his eyes pleading with her for forgiveness, his words deeply apologetic. She'd nodded, silently telling herself that what had happened was a moment she'd stolen from time. And thieves were punished, weren't they? Meaningless words about maintaining their friendship and professional relationship had fallen from his lips…that they should put the incident, as he'd called it, behind them and simply forget anything had ever happened. She'd given him her tacit assent, lying through her teeth. There was no way she'd ever be able to forget a single second she'd spent in his arms, too many years of silently loving him between her and mindless oblivion.
Since that night, tensions had ran high within their close knit unit. And she wasn't deluded enough to believe that that originated anywhere other than she and Hotch. Her leaving was best for everyone. Will was no longer a consideration and there wasn't any hope for she and Aaron. She knew it now. Her comprehension had been slow in arriving, but it had come nonetheless. She and Henry needed a fresh start, a new beginning. She owed it to both of them…all of them. Normalcy was out there somewhere, she only had to find it.