|When Pigs Fly
Author: BellaFlan PM
Crack fic - slightly OC. Bella seeks sex advice from Emmett. It involves a drunk pig. Need I say more? For Mature audiences only! Contains graphic language, sexual acts and an incident of slash. None of these acts are performed on the pig though.Rated: Fiction M - English - Humor/Parody - Emmett & Bella - Chapters: 5 - Words: 6,270 - Reviews: 138 - Favs: 96 - Follows: 32 - Updated: 12-26-09 - Published: 12-11-09 - Status: Complete - id: 5574197
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Author's Note: I was not satisfied with the pacing of the last chapter to I've done a re-write. Hope you find this version a little more satisfying. Not too much difference, just more detail.
I'm covered in sweat and blissfully happy, my eyes still fixed on Emmett's naked form. In moments I would finally lay my eyes upon Edward, in all of his glory. His beauty is by far the sweetest torture I've ever known. Finally, finally I would know him completely.
"May I return the favour, Edward?" I bite my lip in anticipation. He simply cannot deny me!
"Bella." His voice is unduly cautious and it kills my buzz instantly. "Can you not be satisfied in reaching your own oblivion? I'm absolutely terrified of losing control and hurting you."
I snort like Wilbur in response, filling with hateful rage. Of course he would deny me, he always does. Maybe I should teach him a lesson about rejection. "Emmett could handle it just fine." I wrap my arms around Emmett's waist and moan, "I want some more. Who wants to give it to me? "
"P-Please, Bella. Let go of him." Edward looks really jealous and it makes me so hot. I feel powerful and wanted again so I grab Emmett's cock which instantly hardens to my touch.
"No, Belly-Beam," Emmett admonishes. "I've already had the pleasure of your mouth. It's Edward's turn."
"Edward isn't interested," I snap and tease his tip. I am instantly pulled away.
"You belong to me!" Edward is furious.
I put on my best Sookie Stackhouse southern drawl and explain to Emmett, "I am his."
The three of us are at some sort of impasse. I am about to sulk when a sick idea occurs to me.
"Emmett, you should do it to him...return the favour."
Neither vampire is impressed by my suggestion. "Not gonna happen!"
"Wait, hear me out?" I plead. "So, Edward needs to know what to expect because he's afraid of hurting me, right?"
Both men nod their heads but Emmett suggests, "So, let's get Alice to do it."
Edward and I wrinkle our noses in disgust. "No, Emmett. She's my best friend and it wouldn't be fair to Jasper. Rosalie, on the other hand..."
Emmett and Edward seem to dislike this suggestion as much as I expected. "C'mon, Emmett. You totally owe him the favour...me too."
"Oh yeah? How so?"
"You took advantage of me, you disgusting pig! Plus I sucked your dick. You should have to suck Edward's as penance."
Emmett is about to argue but instead shoots a guilty look at Edward. "I'm so sorry, Bells. I adore you and am sickened by the way you must think of me. How can I fix this?
Holy fucking crow, I think they are actually considering it! Before either one changes their mind I continue with my messed-up logic, "Honestly, Emmett. What I've proposed is really the only way we can make things right between us. Things have to get a whole lot weirder before we can go back to normal. Now, Emmett, you helped both of us out which we are very grateful for. I showed my gratitude already. It's time you show your gratitude to Edward for sharing me. "
"This is so fucked up," Emmett laments but still, doesn't say no. "Even if I agree to it, what makes you think Gaynard will?"
Edward narrows his eyes in disgust. "Edward will do it because he knows that I need this. He'll do it because it's what's right for us." I am pleading with my eyes now and Edward nods his head once.
"Please, Emmett?" I beg. "I'll let you touch me while you're doing it."
He looks longingly at my pussy for a minute and then concedes, "We tell no one."
I'm so excited I'm practically buzzing. "Take your pants off, Edward." It's a command, not a request. His hands are shaking as he undoes his black leather belt. He always wears a belt which, for some reason, I find adorable. His jeans are well faded, but the kind of faded that only money can buy. I watch him lower the zipper and push the pants down over his hips. I barely notice that I'm licking my lips in anticipation.
He is wearing white boxer shorts, very simple. I also notice that there isn't a tent forming yet.
"Wait, Edward. I want you to kiss me first." I wrap my arms around his neck and draw his hands up to my breasts. I then take his bare knee between my thighs and start riding it like a pony, spilling my juices onto his skin. He moans into my mouth and I draw my tongue down his chin and neck, biting and sucking as I go. "Let me- may I...take them off?"
I don't wait for a response and immediately dive my fingers into the elastic of his shorts. With a swift tug I have unleashed his glorious beast and it is beyond anything I could have imagined--and believe me, I've spent hours upon hours imagining it. Now I could commit it to memory.
His cock is nearly as big as Emmett's but far more beautiful. It's straight and smooth and perfect. I never wanted anything as much in my life. I have little basis for comparison, but I'm pretty sure it is the most beautiful member forged by man or god, ever. I want to say all of these things to Edward but what actually escapes my lips is, "Oh, wow. I want it."
"Yeah, well, get in line," Emmett says and pulls me onto his lap. "Lie back," he instructs and pushes a finger up against my g-spot at the first thrust. He closes his eyes and pulls Edward into his mouth and, to my utter astonishment, both of them moan instantly at the contact.
"Fuck," Edward swears and stares at me with wide eyes. "Bella," he moans and reaches his hand forward to touch my breast while Emmett takes long, surprisingly sensuous licks of his length.
It's a strange triangle to say the least. I'm sitting on Emmett's lap on the couch, Edward is leaning into us so that Em can suck his cock while Edward fondles me. I know I'll be drawing inspiration from this visual for lifetimes to come so I'm careful to pay close attention to detail.
"Fuck, Emmett, I'm going to," Edward tries to pull away but Em won't let him, digging his hands into his ass to hold him in place deep within his throat. Edward releases in his mouth as I find my third orgasm of the evening.
I am completely mind-fucked. Emmett didn't even spit.
As soon as it's over, Edward and I huddle into an embrace while Emmett wipes his face with his sleeve, completely bewildered.
We all stare at each other in silence for a few minutes.
"I'm not gay," Emmett says suddenly.
I nod my head in response.
Edward helps me back into my clothes and then dresses himself but Emmett still has not moved. I think we may have fucked him up beyond repair. Maybe I should call Carlisle for help?
"You tell anyone I swallowed and I'll dismember you."
"I'll never say a word."
"You gonna eat that pig?"
"Alice, I refuse to wear this under my wedding dress."
"Come out, Bella! Let me see?"
We are shopping for underwear because Alice had a vision (so she says) that Edward will die if I don't purchase a La Perla corset. Yesterday she told me that we needed to cover the entire house in freesia for the wedding or else the Volturi will destroy Forks. I'm starting to doubt her moral fibre.
"I'm not wearing this!" I insist and stamp my foot.
"Lemme see?" Alice smiles widely. "Oh, Edward is going to love it!"
"No, Alice. I can't breathe."
"Of course you can't breathe. That's why it gives you such amazing cleavage."
"No, Alice. This is me putting my foot down. I'm going to wear my regular bra and underwear. I'll be uncomfortable enough as it is."
"I don't think so, Bella," Alice trills.
"Oh, I know so!"
"You'll wear your old brassiere and granny panties on your wedding day..." She pauses dramatically to make sure I have her attention... "When pigs fly!"
Holy fucking crow!
It's been said that you should never bet against Alice.
"So, how are we doing?" The nosy salesperson inquires and I toss the corset at her face.
"We'll take it," I grumble.
C'est la fin
Author's Note: Thanks for reading and reviewing. I hope this was as good for you as it was for me.