|Crush: nonimprinted love
Author: KamilleBlack PM
This is an Embry Love story. He falls in love with the girl of his dreams but things don't work out when the love of his life shows up. Crush is about heart break, imprinting, love and those tiny crushes.Rated: Fiction T - English - Romance/Hurt/Comfort - Embry - Chapters: 25 - Words: 95,654 - Reviews: 72 - Favs: 22 - Follows: 20 - Updated: 06-29-10 - Published: 12-17-09 - Status: Complete - id: 5588232
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
This is not a sequel but a story within a story— Silver Bullet . Amber and Embry started dating but Embry did not imprint on her. This story is about 2 teenagers who fall in love the old fashioned way. Those of you who've read Silver Bullet know how things will go with Embry and Amber. You don't have to read Silver Bullet to understand Crush. This story is about the love and loss of Embry and Amber. It will range between Amber and Embry's POV.
The story takes place about a year after Breaking Dawn, but it doesn't really matter because the Cullen's have a very small part in this story if they do show up.
So this is a love story with a foretold ending if you read Silver Bullet, I'll try to give as much details that I can. This is my second fanfic.
Chapter 1 : Hottie.
Seth recoiled even more into that ball he was curled into. He groaned in pain and I grimaced.
Seth had done something that all imprintees have gone through; the whole 'I'm a werewolf' thing with his imprint. They usually went okay. The werewolf would explain to his imprint the stories of our tribe if she didn't already know, then he would admit to imprinting on her and she would believe him.
That wasn't exactly how it worked out for Seth. His imprint wasn't aware of any of the stories of our tribe. She was a pretty logical person. She didn't believe in any of this stuff. Watching Seth explode into a wolf wasn't a very calm situation. She freaked out. She yelled and screamed and ran for her life. That must've sucked for him; having his imprint run away from him like that. Silver—Seth's imprint—hadn't called him in three days and now he's practically dying.
As if he was aware of my thinking of it, Seth groaned again.
If that was how imprinting felt like, I wanted nothing to do with it.
I grimaced. We were all grimacing. Jake, Quil and I were grimacing. I was sure that if one of us had the balls to touch Seth and check, he'd be grimacing as well. He was in physical pain probably. Being away from your imprint sucked.
Ugh, imprint. I shuddered and shrunk into the wall even more. I felt so useless here in Seth's room that was getting cramped since only Seth could sit on the bed.
Jacob took a deep breath and Quil and I both looked at him; hoping that, by some miracle, he knew how to fix this. He was the Alpha, he should fix this. Wasn't that his job, wasn't that one of his duties.
He opened his mouth as to say something then he shook his head. He had nothing.
As if there was anything he could say or do to make Seth feel better. Seth needed his Silver. Seth needed his imprint.
Ugh, Imprints. They were so inconvenient. Sure, they brought joy to a lot of werewolves. Sam, Jacob, Quil, Jared and Paul, yeah, they were happy now. But god forbid if anything happened that would hurt or separate them from their imprint, they wouldn't be able to function. When Sam had his little—well, not little—accident with Emily, it broke his heart, it still did.
When any of them were away from their imprint for too long, they were complete wrecks, useless to the world. I considered myself lucky for not imprinting. Seth was a perfect example for why I really didn't want to imprint.
A sob escaped his lips.
I scrunched up my face. It felt extremely invasive to be here. Maybe it was a guy thing, maybe it was just me, but I didn't like being here, watching Seth cry his heart out. Judging by Jake and Quil's expressions, I wasn't alone.
I wanted so badly to be out of there, so I wanted to bounce when I heard a faint knock at the front door.
Jacob, Quil and I all went for the door at the same time. Of course we got caught in the bedroom door frame. We all started grunting as we fought to get out first.
"I got it," Quil said.
"No, I got it." I insisted and tried harder to get out of the cramped space.
Jacob, who was wedge between the both of us, grunted, "You're both insane," he smashed both our faces in the wall, "I'm getting the door." He pushed us both into the room and practically ran up the steps.
We glowered at him. He had an unfair advantage, even though he would never use said advantage, it didn't change the fact that he had it.
"Hi Jacob," A female voice greeted after Jacob answered the door.
Seth's head snapped. He sprawled and scrambled out of the room, pushing Quil and I out of the way.
"Hi Silver," Jacob said.
"Silver?" Seth pleaded.
Silver had finally came back. She was a little late but at least she was back.
"Oh Seth!" Silver crooned.
The sound of kissing came shortly after that short exchange.
"And then there was one." I sighed and plopped onto Seth's bed.
"Don't worry, man. You'll find yours." Quil promised and sat down next to me.
"I sure hope so," I said with false enthusiasm, "That big scene with Seth sure was entertaining! Remember when he said he felt like he was dying? Gee, I hope I meet the person who makes me feel such pain!" I rolled my eyes and shook my head. He had to be kidding me.
Quil rolled his eyes as well, "But listen how happy they are now."
"I want to see it." Silver was saying. I wasn't sure what she was talking about, "I want you, Seth. All of you. That's a part of you and you're a part of—" Silver cut herself short and Seth finished her sentence.
"I am a part of you as you are of me." He kissed her again.
A small smile was growing on Quil's face.
"What the hell?" A second female voice hollered.
What the hell? was right. Had everyone forgotten the pain Seth had been in? Is it all in the past already?
"Can I meet your sister?" Seth asked. Meeting the family; wasn't that just precious?
"Please?" Silver answered his question with a question.
And that was it. Seth and Silver were back together and they would be for years to come. I was happy for Seth; the last three days were very gruesome. Now that Silver's back, Seth would be himself but one million times happier. Since the storm had passed, I figured it was time for me to have some fun.
"Silver was hot right?" I asked Quil and got to my feet.
He shrugged, "I guess," That annoyed me. She was either hot or not. It was as if when a guy imprinted they became blind to all women.
"I bet five dollars her sister's smokin' hot." I left the room and headed for the front door.
"I'm not giving you a dime." Quil called from Seth's room.
"Amber, I'm gonna stick around here for a while. You can go home now." Silver told her sister.
I looked over Silver's shoulder to see a—score!—hot red head.
Amber shook her head and sounded nervous when she spoke, "Uh, Silver...I really don't..." she trailed off.
I took that as my opening.
"I'll keep her entertained." I grinned at Amber.
Amber and I locked eyes for a moment then hers went over my features. She seemed pleased.
"Hi Silver, I'm Embry." I nodded at her but didn't take my eyes off Amber. Silver and I had met before, I was just being polite. She might've not remembered meeting me. Silver was a small girl with blond hair and striking gray eyes. That was Seth's description of her. More accurately, Seth described her as the most beautiful woman to have ever been brought on this earth. He was love struck.
Amber was hot! She was Silver's height but a little slimmer than her. She had long bronze hair that curled and reached below her breasts. She was gorgeous, with an oval shaped head and big green eyes. They weren't buggy big, just very defined.
"Okay!" Amber accepted my offer eagerly.
I grinned even wider, "Have you seen the beach yet?"
Amber shook her head, "Haven't gotten to it."
"Want to go?" I suggested.
"Sure," she turned around and reached into the car to take her purse. I didn't understand why she needed it. I had said we were going to the beach. I would never fully comprehend women.
Amber and I started walking towards the beach. Amber was bouncing and jittery the whole time. It was quite amusing to watch. She was cute.
"You okay?" I asked her.
She looked at me with big eyes and nodded, "Mm hm. I'm just excited," she grinned, "I've never been to the beach before."
That surprised me. I practically grew up on this beach and here was a girl who's never even seen a beach before. "Someone's been living under a rock." I teased her.
"I'm from the city, we don't have beaches." She retorted playfully.
"Which city?" I asked, slightly interested.
It took me a second to remember that Québec was in Canada. Then it took me another second to remember their history. "The French part." I recalled.
"Oui!" she squeaked and her head whipped in the direction that the sound of waves. "Where here!" She crowed and skipped ahead.
It was night; the whole scenery was coated by a cloud of darkness. Of course it didn't affect me. I saw as if it were still light out. I also saw the gleam in Amber's eyes when she first saw the beach. Her face lit up like a child on Christmas morning.
I smiled. It was amazing how Amber could go from complete hottie to adorable sweetheart. It didn't take much to make her smile. It looked like that smile was on her face 24 hours a day. It would've been a real shame to find such a hot, simple girl that I didn't imprint on and screw things up with her.
Chapter 2: led on.
Amber laughed after staring at me blankly for a few seconds. She was kind of slow. She clearly wasn't stupid, it just took her a few moments to understand some of my jokes.
"Come on," Amber tugged on my hand and we starting walking on the beach.
"So, is Forks to your liking?" I asked her. I didn't really care but I did promise t entertain her. And if I knew one thing about girls, it was that they loved to talk about themselves. Hopefully, I wouldn't have to contribute too much to the conversation. I was prepared for very uninteresting girl babble.
"Hate it. Hate everything about it." She answered without hesitation. "I hate the way it looks, I hate the way it smells, I hate this place!"
I sighed internally. She was a complainer. I hoped that she wouldn't whine too much but I didn't give myself any expectations. I regretted asking her the million dollar question.
"This town is lucky I don't know how to use matches or I would've burned this place to the ground."
Her threat caught me by surprised and I grinned. I didn't know she was capable of such dark humour. That was incredibly sadistic. Burning cities to the ground was kind of crazy. Amber didn't notice my staring at her, she was busy kicking the sand.
When Amber saw my shocked expression, she nudged me.
I pretended to stumble and she laughed.
"I can make jokes, too." She claimed.
"Yeah," I said, "Nothing tickles my funny bone more than towns being burned to ashes." I laughed and shook my head at the silly girl, "How old are you, Amber."
"18," she answered.
I looked at her up and down then nodded. It made sense. She had the features of a young adult definitely. She had the slight shape but she was thin and had small breast. The vest she was wearing wasn't complimenting to her chest. I didn't want to sound like a jerk but unlike the guys who had imprinted, I wasn't blind. And any man with eyes could see that Silver was clearly more gifted then her older sister. Not that I ever looked at Silver in that sense...I just wasn't blind to it.
"What are you? 25?" Amber guessed.
I chuckled, "20, close enough."
"Shouldn't you be in college or something?"
"I'm working on it," I told her. It was nearly impossible to find a part time job here, in a small town. I didn't want to finish college with a whole lot of debt. I didn't even know what I wanted to do. I knew what I wanted—money—but I didn't want to do something boring that made money. I was probably asking for too much, "Do you have a boyfriend?" I asked nonchalantly. I didn't want to be her boyfriend, but I was enjoying the flirting and I didn't mind feeling how her lips felt. I bet that they were soft.
"We broke up. Well, I broke up with him." She clarified.
"Heartbreaker?" I implied.
She shook her head, "Keegan deserved a real girlfriend. I don't believe in long distance relationships." She shrugged, "I'm sure he's fine."
"Didn't you like him?" I asked in curiosity. I wondered how she could just talk about breaking up her boyfriend as if it were nothing.
"Sure." She shrugged, "I liked him but he let himself fall. We're teens; he shouldn't have let himself fall for me like that. It was reckless."
"That's a little heartless." I commented.
Amber frowned, "I'm not heartless, I'm realistic. I set up low standards so in the end; I don't get disappointed."
"That's kind of sad."
"I think it's smart. I can honestly say that I've never had a broken heart." She confessed with pride, "How many 18 year old girls can say the same thing?"
I pursed my lips, "Not much I guess..." I admitted but still thought Amber's strategy was depressing. If someone never let themselves fall, how would they know if someone will catch them? I had never had a broken heart—well, a real broken heart—either but it wasn't cause I never let myself fall, I just never found a girl who was worth the while.
We fly high, no lie, you know it. Bawlin'! What I presumed was Amber's cell phone rang.
I grimaced, "That song in so old!" I said.
"Shut up!" Amber giggled and took her phone out of her purse, "Holla mami!" she answered the call.
"I'm not mad, now." The person on the phone said, "But I will be if you guys aren't home in the next 45 minutes." The female voice sounded angry. The shocked expression on Amber's face led me to believe that it was her mother on the line.
"It's not even me!" Amber whined, "It's Silver, she ditched me!"
"I don't care who it was. I'm not angry yet. Don't make me angry,"
"So dramatic," Amber mumbled.
"What's that?" her mother asked.
"Nothing. I'll call Silver."
Amber was fuming when she hung up the phone, "I hate it when she talks down to me like that!" she huffed in frustration and started dialling a number.
"What? Amber, what?!" the person on the phone hissed. I recognized Silver's voice.
Amber pulled the phone away from her ear in astonishment. She clearly felt disrespected for no apparent reason. "Excuse me? I'm at the car douche bag!" she lied, "It's 11 o'clock, and unlike you, I cherish me life." She sneered.
"Okay, I'm coming!" Silver barked.
"Hurry up you cow!" she closed her phone and I stared at her in shock.
"You liar, were not at the car."
She grinned mischievously, "Last one there's a rotten egg!" she shouted before running in the direction we came in.
Amber and I raced. I won, of course, but I led her to believe that she had a chance. She was a fast runner, for a human.
When we got to the car, Silver and Seth weren't there.
Amber pressed her back against the red Chrysler 300C that was Silver's car. The car looked like it drove like a dream which is the only place I would ever drive a car like this, in a dream.
Amber panted heavily and her heart hammered in her chest.
I was barely winded and I didn't hide that fact, "I win," I said, "What's my prize."
"You get to watch me spend the rest of my life as a rotten egg." She replied in between gasps.
"Meh," I shrugged, "I'll settle for a kiss." I grinned.
Amber laughed as much as she could, "No," was her response.
I frowned at her plain and simple no.
She continued laughing. She clearly didn't see my expression, "I swear, Embry, your hilarious." She handed me her cell phone, "Give me your number. I'll call you."
I was still pouting when I put my cell phone number in her phone. She gave me hers but I doubted I was going to call her. Maybe if I was really bored or something. Her rejection wasn't appreciated on my part.
Thankfully, Silver and Seth came at that moment. I composed my face to make it seem that I wasn't upset at all. That wasn't hard, I wasn't upset, just surprised by the rejection. She acted like she liked me. That made her a tease, something I didn't want or need in my life.
"Bye Embry!" Amber said in a sweet voice—a very flirtatious voice I might add. She was so hot! Of course she rejected me, she was a class 'A' hottie.
Seth said his I love yous to Silver and I pasted a fake smile on my face as I watched the car drive off.
"Good reddens," I mumbled.
Chapter 3: Late.
I lay in my bed, staring at my poster of Ashton Kutcher. I was now legal; 18 years and 2 days. Ashton and I should definitely have gotten together. I wished that he would just kick my door down and take me out of this crap hole of a rainy town called Forks. That was such a stupid name to call a town. I heard noises and knew Silver was up. She was walking around and making a lot of noise.
My door was opened and a fully dressed Silver stepped in with a huge smile on her face. I envied it—that smile—I wanted to be happy like she was. Jealousy wasn't something Silver and I felt towards one other. We didn't get jealous of each other but got happy for each other. I was happy Silver was happy, even though it was a man that was making her happy, at least she was joyful. It did upset me how dependent Silver was getting with Seth after only a few days of dating him. Young people were so stupid when they were in love. I dreaded the that Silver's heart would be broken by Seth's dumping her or by her being forced to dump him so that he wouldn't dump her.
"Seth and I are off to a restaurant for lunch. You want to come?" she offered.
My stomach growled and I sat up, "Sure," I shrugged, "I'm starving." I got off my bed onto the carpeted floor and stretched.
"You know who you should invite? Embry. That would be fun." Silver suggested.
I frowned at her, "Like a double date?" I questioned. Silver and I had a little talk three days ago—the day I met Embry—about Embry and Seth and stuff. Silver claimed she was truly in love with Seth. She had asked me if I were interested in Embry and I told her the truth; no. Embry wasn't really my type of boyfriend material. Sure, he was hot and I liked him but that was it. I loved hanging out with him but I didn't want or need a boyfriend at this point in life, my senior year in high school. I wanted to concentrate of my grades so I could get in a college with a good psychologist program.
I wanted to have Embry as a friend. I desperately wanted a friend. Embry clearly wanted more than that and I felt like a tease for hanging out with him. That was why I hadn't called him after exchanging numbers. I made a difficult decision though, if Embry tried to kiss me, I wasn't going to push him away. He was hot and nice, if he wanted to be my boyfriend; I wasn't going to turn him down. I just wanted a friend and if Embry asked me out and I turned him down, he was going to hate me. If he busted a move, he would be my summer fling.
"No," Silver shook her head and tried to think of a different way to say it. It was a double date, she couldn't deny it. "More like a gathering of friends. Seth and I are friends first so we'll be a little gang of brothers and sisters. It'll be fun!" She squeaked and her blond hair bounced with the rest of her body.
"Who's paying?" I asked.
Silver pouted, "Pay for your own God damn self! Get dressed, man. You need to go out more. And call Embry, it'll be innocent fun."
I sighed, "I'm on it."
Silver handed me the house phone, "Chill," She skipped out of my room and I went to my purse to get my cell phone. I looked for Embry's number and composed it on the telephone. I held the phone to my ear and went to my chestnut Chester drawer to look for a decent outfit.
"Hello?" a husky voice answered.
"Oh!" he seemed surprised to know it was me, "Hi...Amber. What's up?"
"Nothing. Well not nothing, I was just wondering if you were doing something today." I was kind of shy. I wasn't normally a shy person but I hadn't spoken to Embry in days then all of a sudden I was calling him, it was a little weird. If I were Embry, I would've wondered what was up.
There was a short silence, "No, I don't actually."
"Okay," I picked out some dark jean and pink tank top. I had forgotten why I called. I had even forgotten that I was on the phone in the first place.
"Did you call for something in specific?" Embry pressed.
"Oh! Yeah, uh, Silver and Seth are going out for breakfast and invited me. I figured I should invite you so it would be an even number."
"You're asking me out?" he asked incredulously.
"No, I'm asking you to chill. It's like a chilling." I explained. I didn't know if the people in Forks knew the expression 'chilling'. I should have used another word, like hang out.
"A chilling?" He repeated.
I didn't say anything. I wasn't sure if it was a question or if he was just repeating things.
"Do you want me to come?" he asked.
"I do actually. I really would like it if you came." I admitted.
There was a very short silence, "I'll be there then. I'll call Seth and figure everything out."
I smiled, "Thanks Embry. See ya."
"Later," he hung up.
I was grinning to myself. I had just made a friend, something I took a lot of pride in—my social skills. I got dressed and put on my makeup. Unlike Silver, I wore make-up on a regular basis. Silver had this weird thing, it was called natural beauty. I was pretty too, but I was so used to wearing makeup that I felt naked leaving the house without it. I looked at myself in the mirror to admire my outfit. These skinny jeans clung perfectly to me shape. Gosh, I was pretty! Silver would call me narcissistic; I just said that I had high self esteem, which was important. It wasn't what people thought of me that mattered but what I thought of myself. Other people's opinions were nice too, though.
I left my room and went up the stairs into the dining room. In the living room, on the sofa, Silver was watching T.V. I turned into the kitchen and opened the large pantry. I scanned the food to look for something to snack on.
"Don't eat, Amber, we're leaving in like now." Silver warned.
I ignored her and grabbed the last Twinkie from the box. I ripped open the pack and ate half of it in one bite, "Okay, let's go," I said with my mouth full.
"You're gross," Silver was shaking her head at me at the front door, "That's you're breakfast, man."
I grinned, "Sorry," I wiped the cream from the side of my face with the back of my hand.
Silver grimaced, "So gross," she breathed.
Silver and I went to her car after calling mom and headed off to Port Angeles to find the restaurant with, quote 'the freshest fruits ever'. Silver said it was where she and Seth had their first date. I tried not to grimace and convinced myself it was cute and sweet. But honestly, I was still bothered by how serious things were getting. She was so young—one year younger than me but still, she was my little sister.
We got to the restaurant and Seth was already sitting at a booth waiting for us.
Silver waved excitedly at Seth, who's face shone when he saw Silver.
"We're with him," Silver told the waitress at the front and skipped over to Seth.
He got up and opened his arms that Silver ran into. He hugged her to tight and I couldn't help but smile a little. They were cute together.
"I missed you." Seth murmured to her.
I humourlessly rolled my eyes. It had only been a few hours since their last encounter. They were being corny. I guess love made you irrational and stupid. I had never seen love before and I was starting to have a feeling that I would be witnessing it in the works.
He pulled himself away from my sister and smiled at me, "Hey, Amber," he hugged me and I grimaced. I didn't like to be touched by new people. Seth was huge. Being held by him was very awkward and uncomfortable. The thought of Silver being crushed by him crossed my mind for a split nanosecond. My little sister didn't do that kind of stuff. She was my sweet, innocent, little sister.
"Thank you, Seth," I patted his back signalling for him to back the hell off, "Um...where's Embry?" I asked after sitting in the booth. Silver sat next to me and Seth faced her.
"He should be on his way." He smiled at me, "How are you, Amber?" Seth asked. The enlightened look on his face made me shrink a bit. He was so smiley. After looking at the soft face in such a happy expression, I smiled as well. I couldn't help it; he was passing it on to me.
"I'm good, thank you."
"And you, Silver? Did you sleep well?" he turned to gaze at my sister. The look in his eye was indescribable. He looked at Silver as if she were the most beautiful thing in the world. I've never seen so much admiration in someone's eyes before. I saw then that maybe Seth was a good guy. Maybe getting into Silver's pants wasn't his first priority. Maybe he really did think he was in love.
I rolled my eyes. Only a child could fall so fast.
"I slept well." Silver answered, "I actually dreamt about you." She added shyly.
Seth grinned, "Funny, me too."
Silver giggled, "It was a really nice dream."
"When did you say Embry was coming?" I cut him off. I hated stupid baby, lovey-dovey talk. It was beyond annoying. Even when I was in a relationship I never spoke like that. Keegan was a bit clingy and tried the sweet talk but his attempts were half-hearted. I really wanted another single person here to talk to. That person used to be my sister, but obviously that ship has sailed.
Seth looked at his watch, "He seems to be running late."
"Well, I'm starving. Waiter!" I raised my hand when I saw a dark haired women walking past me, "Can we have menus?"
"Of course," she nodded and went on her way.
We had all ordered our food and were waiting for about 15 minutes before Embry walked into the restaurant. I got up frowning. I had to endure Silver and Seth's annoying couple jabbering for too long.
Embry grinned sheepishly, "Sorry,"
I rolled my eyes, "Whatever."
"You're mad?" he cocked his head to the side.
"Annoyed. I don't like waiting." I corrected him and sat back down.
Seth got up so that Embry would be sitting in front of me.
"I'll make it up to you." Embry promised.
"Buying me breakfast?" I suggested.
I frowned and crossed my arms in front of my chest. He was impeccable.
Amber seemed a bit cheesed about my being late and I tried to retain the smirk that was growing on my face. I guessed she really was into me; she just didn't want to seem too easy that first day. When she called me today, I was in utter shock. I really hadn't expected her phone call. Then when the supper hottie said that she wanted me to come, that really made my day.
Everybody at the table got their food before me. It was my fault for arriving late—I had to beg my mom for the car this morning—but I couldn't help but stare enviously at Seth's steak. I ordered the same thing but I was sure that it would be long before I got it.
Amber sighed and stretched out her hand towards me, in it was a small triangle of chicken club sandwich. She was offering me some of her own food.
I smiled at her generosity. This girl had a lot of plus sides. She was supper hot yet she still found the time to be generous. "Thanks," I smiled and took the sandwich. I ate the small piece in one bite.
Silver and Seth were talking in some stupid lovey-dovey language and I felt as though I could throw up from the corniness.
Amber rolled her eyes, seeming annoyed and mouthed the words Oh, my God to herself.
I grinned. She didn't like it either, "They're gay aren't they?" I said to her as if we were alone.
Amber eyes widened and she glanced at her sister who was hypnotized by Seth's gaze. Imprints did that to girls. Amber grinned, "So gay, I mean seriously, just because you're in a couple it doesn't mean you have to be like that." She jerked her thumb at Silver and Seth.
I chuckled, "Enough to make your stomach turn."
"We're too cool to be seen with these twerps."
"Oh, yeah, we're older then theses gaybos."
"Hey!" Silver whined, "We're not gay." She was really frowning and I bit my lip to keep from laughing in her face. Silver was a tiny little thing with a cute round head and puckered pink lips. She was the least scary person I had ever seen. If she was trying to intimidate me, she was far from it. "We didn't invite you to this meal so we could be insulted, right Seth?" She turned to him expectantly.
"Oh!" Seth was still is awe by his imprint, he hadn't realised she was complaining, "Uh, yeah...mind your manners and be...nice?" he grinned sheepishly at Silver.
"He called us gay." She explained.
"Hey!" Seth objected, "Seriously, Embry, you suck."
I laughed louder and Amber giggled till her face got red.
Seth tried to keep his angry facade but I saw his lip twitch at the obvious chemistry between me and Amber, "Maybe you too should leave if you can't be nice." He tried to sound firm but we both knew he was trying to do me a favour.
"Fine with me," Amber got up and threw ten dollars on the table, "That should cover it," She took all the sandwiches she could and bumped Silver out of the way.
Seth got up willingly, "I'll enjoy your steak,"
I glared at him.
Seth grinned smugly and went back to his pouting imprint, "Don't be upset, Silli,"
"I work very hard to not be corny..."
Amber hooked her arm in mine and hauled me out of the restaurant, "Do you have a car?"
"No, I took the bus," I joked.
"Oh, that's why you were late."
"No, Amber, I have a car."
She frowned, "Why did you say you didn't?"
"It was a joke."
"It's a stupid joke," she muttered under her breath.
I smiled for the tiniest reason. The fact that it didn't bother Amber at all that I took the bus. By the looks of Silver's car, it seemed like they weren't really the kind of girls to takes buses. Was Amber really willing to take a bus for me?
Parked in the parking lot of the restaurant was my mom's ancient, blue Toyota. I used the key to open the driver's side and took my seat. I reached over to the passenger side and unlocked the door. At that moment, I thought Amber was the hottest girl who had ever been in this car. That most likely wasn't true, I had had hotter girls in this car, I had had looser girls in this car and I had done hotter things with those loose girls in this car. If this car could talk, I would've been grounded for a week.
"Where do you want to go?" I asked her.
"Hm...I don't know...I'm still hungry." She took a bite out of one of the sandwiches, "We can go to the drug store and buy some candy."
I grinned, "Sure," we drove off to the drug store. Amber and I spoke about non-sequential things at first. Then we got to hotter topics, like our future.
"I don't want kids," Amber said in a sure voice. Her face was serious.
"What do you mean you don't want kids?" I parked the car in front of the drug store.
"I don't want kids." She repeated, "I don't like babies and it'll just mess up my shape. I plan on adopting a Chinese baby—a two year old or something."
"How do you parents feel about that?" I asked opening the door to the store for her.
"My mom thinks it's a beautiful thing to do; adopting a child."
"And your dad?" I pressed.
Amber headed for the candy aisle and starting scanning for a specific candy bar, "I don't have a dad."
My eyes that were just checking out her ass—it was a nice ass—went right up to the back of her head, "You don't have a dad?" I asked in shock. I wanted to know what she meant. All the other questions I asked were just for entertainment issues, this time I really wanted to know.
"No, I don't, it's a long story, I don't like getting into it."
"Oh." I was disappointed. I wanted to hear if somebody's family issues were more messed up then my own. That would've been a nice change.
"What?" Amber turned to glare at me, "I don't have a father, so what? I hate people who think that just because I don't have a dad that I have issues or problems. A woman can raise two children by herself and have them turn out better then okay. Someday, I'm going to be a famous psychologist and all the people who ever doubted my mother will see. They'll all see."
"No, Amber, it's just that...I don't have a dad either, I didn't me to offend you or..."
"You don't have a dad?" Amber asked in worry. That confused me. She didn't have a father either yet she felt bad for me not having one. She noticed my odd gaze, "A boy needs his dad." She shrugged and started scanning again, "There you go, some chocolate." She picked out a king sized pack of Reese, some Sprite and lot of other candies like Maltesers and Maynards and paid at the cash register.
Oddly, we ended up at a park. Amber sat on the swings and pushed her feet in and out in attempt to swing higher. I decide to help her out.
Amber and I played at the park like two kids. We played sandman and raced up the giant spider web. Amber was probably the strangest girl I've ever met. Under the hot girl exterior was a small child at play. Not to mention she might have daddy issues—Jackpot! I hoped that within that child at play was a frisky sex kitten.
"Oh, shoot, it's six o'clock." Amber said after checking her phone for the time.
She smiled sheepishly, "My mom's done with work and I'm kind of her best friend at the time so...I got to see her. She'll get lonely."
"Oh, I understand." I got up off the bench and we walked to the car. The whole drive to Amber house was partially nerve wrecking. I had to ask her out. If not, I was a wuss. I admitted to myself that I liked her. She was hot, only an idiot wouldn't try something. I stopped at the curve of her house and turned to look at Amber.
"Thanks Embry, bye," She was about to open the door.
"Amber wait," I stopped her.
She looked at me with her big eyes. Her pink lips pulled into a big smile, "Yeah?"
"We should see each other again." I suggested.
"Oh, of course Embry, call me tomorrow, we'll do something."
"I mean...really do something." I felt my face get hot and I hopped that my skin was dark enough that she wouldn't be able to see me blush for the first time in centuries, "Like a date, you know; dinner movies, stuff like that."
"Sure, Embry, I'll straighten my hair for the event." She winked and blew me kiss before heading off to her bungalow.
I had just scored a hot date with a hot girl, "Yes!" I said, "Alright!" I was grinning. Amber was so hot, and she wanted me. I was on fire!
Chapter 5: first date.
I straightened every single one of my bronze hairs and applied my tanned and gold eye shadow. In my opinion, I looked slammin'! Embry and I were going to see a movie, nothing too fancy—just a romantic comedy. I was probably paying for myself, it wasn't much of a date in my opinion, I didn't even know why I was getting all dressed up anyways. I told myself that going out on a non-date with I guy I wasn't interested in was better than staying in. Even thought the guy thought it was a real date and that I was into him. Sigh.
I sighed to myself and pulled my Blackberry out of my pocket and found Embry's number. I tapped my foot impassionedly as it rang once...twice...
"Hello?" he answered.
"Hey! I'm ready!" I made my voice sound more enthused than I really was.
"Oh, Amber. Yeah, I'm in the car so I'll be there in a few..."
"Cool, see ya then." I hung up and went up went up stairs. I considered bringing along my laptop but Embry said he would be here in a few so I didn't. I decided to call my nerdy little sister.
"Hey Amber!" She answered on the first ring.
"Hi Silver, what's up?"
"Oh, you know, I'm with Seth...doing some stuff..." she let herself trail off. "Is Embry there yet?"
"No, not yet, he's on his way." I didn't ask myself what my virginal sister was doing. She was probably just playing chess with her beau. I doubted it was anything that was rated R. She was such a nun sometimes but I liked that. I didn't want guys feeling up my baby sister. I was a virgin too but I wasn't a nun like Silver, I was the bad sister apparently.
"Cute! Oh, hey, Seth wants to talk to you..."
My eyes widened and I smiled a bit. I thought it was so cute that Silver's little boyfriend had something to say to me, "Alright," I approved.
"Hey Amber," Seth's deep voice said, "I just wanted to tell you that Embry is a really good guy and you should give him a chance." Seth informed me in a cheerful voice.
"That's what the date is for." I pointed out.
"Oh! Yeah, I guess you're right."
I heard Silver laugh in the background and she was still laughing when she had the phone, "Isn't he the cutest!"
There was a knock at the door and I knew it was Embry. I sighed. I hated calling this a date. I just wanted Embry to be my friend and it annoyed me that I had to make this facade just so I would have someone to hang out with.
"Yeah, just adorable," I agreed with Silver, "Hey, Embry's here so I'm saying bye."
"Have fun!" she chirped before I hung up and walked to the door.
I took a deep breath and opened the door with a huge smile on my face, "Hi! What's up?"
Embry grinned, showing off perfect sparkling white teeth, "Hey Amber, nothing," he shrugged.
I smiled. I might not have been interested in him but he was a major hottie. I was lucky to have this guy being interested in me. I had to remember that.
I slipped into my jacket and we walked down to his car. We drove to Port-Angeles and Embry kept me entertained throughout the whole drive there. He told me about his friends and the things that went down at La Push and I told him about my old friends and the things that went on in Montreal. He asked me to speak to him in French and his face scrunched up when I babbled in the foreign language. Embry just kept reminding me how good of a guy he was and I started to really not mind the "date". If he made a move to kiss me, I would definitely not turn away; that would be the dumbest thing I could do. Losing Embry after having him would really suck.
To my surprise, he did pay for the movie tickets. We watched a romantic comedy. I was way too much of a baby to sit through a horror film and I didn't want Embry to see me crying during a love movie. I was most unattractive when I cried.
The theatre was practically empty when we went to find a seat. There were only about 15 people in the room. Embry and I sat in the middle where it was mostly isolated.
"Hey," Embry whispered during the previews, "Are you hungry?"
I looked at him through the darkness, "Oh, theatre food is way overpriced. Don't worry." I assured him.
"Chips?" he guessed and pulled a big bag of Lays barbecuechips from under his shirt.
My jaw dropped, "Oh my god! You're so ghetto." I laughed and took the chips from him. I didn't understand how I hadn't noticed his bump.
"Something to drink?" he suggested.
I giggled. I was curious as to what else he was hiding. I nodded eagerly and his grin widened.
"I have Root Beer." He pulled a medium sized bottle of brown pop out of his pants. I grimaced and he proceeded by picking up his blue JanSport bag that I hadn't realised he brought and pulled a two litter bottle of 7up out.
"Awesome!" I said and took the bottle from him, "Do we have cups?" I asked.
He shook his hand, "Sorry, I forgot,"
"It's okay," I opened the bottle and looked around guiltily when it made a spritz sound. I giggled and drank directly from the bottle. I laughed when the carbonated drink filled my mouth giving me a tingling feeling. Embry was even funnier than I thought. I was excited to see where the rest of the evening was heading. I handed him the bottle and he took a gulp of it as well. "Do you have ribs?" I joked.
"No," he answered, "But I have hot wings."
"You're joking right?"
"KFC has boneless wing now. Best thing ever." He pulled a to-go box from Kentucky Fried Chicken and opened it. The barbecue sauce glazed chicken scent made my mouth water.
"That'll be messy." I commented.
"Don't worry, I brought napkins." He started digging in his bag.
I laughed loudly and covered my mouth when my real laugh escaped my lips. Girls like me had to have two laughs: the real one they use in front of their friends and family and a fake one they used in front of hot guys and men in general. Horrible laughter kind of ran in my family—well, me and my mom—and I didn't need guys knowing about my horrible hyena laugh. Embry didn't seem to notice. I bit my lip to stifle my hysterical giggles.
The movie started and Embry and I shared the hot wings. They were absolutely delicious. KFC in the states tasted much better than KFC in Montreal. The chicken there was basically fat with a little meat on it.
The movie was okay but Embry was the one who kept me laughing throughout the entire thing. My real laugh kept slipping up and I actually blushed from the embarrassment. I hated the feeling of my face being on fire like it was when I blushed. It took a lot for me to blush and Embry had succeeded. He didn't notice since the lights were off but he should have been proud.
When the movie ended, Embry and I decided to take a stroll down Port Angeles. It wasn't raining but it was still freezing cold which pissed me off because we were in July. An uncontrollable shudder went down my spine
"Woh, you're really cold, aren't you?"
"Yeah, can we go somewhere warm?"
"Sure, we'll go to Dunkin Donuts; I'll buy you a drink."
I nodded and shivered again.
"Here," Embry stopped in the middle of the sidewalk and took off his jacket. He was only wearing a vest but I doubted it was thick enough to keep him warm.
"Embry, you'll get sick. I'll endure it."
"Don't be ridiculous," he wrapped his big jacket around me and I shivered at its warmth. He grinned, "There,"
I took my hands out of my pocket and put them through the arms of his too big jacket, "Perfect gentlemen." I said and took his hand while we walked to the Dunkin Donuts. His hand was very warm and it was pleasant to hold it during this cold whether.
I still wasn't interested in having a boyfriend but I knew that it was only polite for me to flirt back if he was going to be this nice. He was a good guy and I felt as though he'd be a great friend. If flirting was what I had to do to keep a good friend, I would gladly pay the price.
He opened the door for me at the Dunkin Donuts and I ordered a hot chocolate and he ordered a coffee.
"Thanks," I said when we sat down next to the window.
"No problem, Amber." He smiled and took a sip from his steaming coffee.
"I had a lot of fun." I told him.
"I could tell; you have a nice laugh."
My face went serious and I felt the burning come back to my cheeks, "Oh God, I hoped you didn't notice." I looked down at my hot coco that was in a mug. I took a black straw and started stirring my drink waiting for my face to cool off.
"It's hard not to notice; you laugh like some kind of happy monkey." He laughed.
My laugh was nervous, "It has been compared to a Hyena." I mumbled.
"That's the animal I was looking for." He bursted into a loud guffaw and my cheeks refused to go back to its normal colour.
I wasn't angry at Embry for pointing it out. I knew I laughed like a retard of some sort. I was mad at myself for letting myself slip repetitively. I had this coming.
"God damn it. You're making me blush." I muttered.
"You're cute when you blush."
"I don't think so."
"Ha." Embry continued sipping at his coffee and we spoke of other stuff when my face finally de-blushed. When we were finished chatting it up, it was dark out and raining.
Embry insisted that I kept his jacket while we walked to his car. We had the same taste in music so we put the radio on an awesome radio station that played hip-hop and rap. I kept my inexplicable love for the Jonas Brothers to myself. Those weren't beans you spilled on the first date. I hated to admit it but this had been a date. I good date—maybe even a great date.
My mom's car was in the driveway and so was Silver's. Embry just parked his car at the curb and walked me to the beginning of the staircase at my house.
"Thanks Embry, I had a great time." I wrapped my arms around his shoulders to give him a hug and Embry attempted to kiss me on the cheek. Thinking this was incredibly juvenile; I turned my face and pressed my lips against his really quick. It was hardly a kiss. I smiled at him and went up the stairs.
"Wait, my jacket," Embry said when I touched my door knob and he'd walked half way to his car.
"Oh! Oops, sorry." I unzipped his jacket as I walked down the steps and towards him. I gave him his jacket and for a strange reason, reached around his shoulders to hug him again.
Embry hugged me back and when I pulled away, he lowered his lips to mine again. Shrugging mentally, I let his lips touch mine. Surprising me, his mouth opened and he made-out with me head on. My eyes widened when I felt his tongue in my mouth, but like I had told myself several times today. I wouldn't push him away. I kissed him back and Embry tangled his fingers in my hair. He was obviously more into the kiss than I was. Not that he was a bad kisser, he was okay. Nice.
The kiss only lasted about ten seconds and Embry let me go.
I smiled at him and went back towards my house, "Text me!" I called.
"Of course." He grinned.
I went into my house and I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket. I pulled "Bernadette Peters" out of my pocket. I had a really weird crush on Bernadette Peters the actress. Well, I didn't think it was weird, Bernadette Peters was amazing. She was so talented and beautiful with her bright red hair and the most beautiful voice. She was so hot for an old woman. Of course I had a crush on her. Silver thought it was weird when I named my Blackberry Bernadette Peters but I thought it fit my lime green Blackberry Curve well. A beautiful name for the best cell phone ever.
I had received a text message from Embry Call. I checked my inbox messages and smiled.
I guess that means we're going out. read Embry's text.
I was satisfied with my accomplishment of the day. I had found the perfect distraction for the summer. Like Silver had said; he was tall, dark and handsome.
Chapter 6: A couple.
Embry and I walked down the street on our way to the local video store in Forks. We wanted to rent a few DVD's so we could watch them together and make fun of the actors. We'd been going out for almost two weeks. I wasn't really counting. That was definitely a good sign. I used to watch the numbers change on the digital clock but now, time just past me by. Because of Embry. I guess you could say he was my boyfriend. We hadn't gone exclusive yet.
I had met his friend Quil and Jacob, a major hottie, and spent the day with them a few times, but boyfriend-girlfriend was way too serious.
We did hold hands as we walked through the drizzling rain. I barely felt the rain anymore. I'd gotten used to it. That wasn't a good sign; I had to get out of here! Immaturely, we played truth or dare and it was my turn.
"Um...truth." I said nodding.
Embry grinned, "From a scale of one to ten; how hot am I?"
I raised an eyebrow, "Do I have to say the truth?"
Embry held the door open for me at the store and I walked in, "That's why it's called truth."
"In that case...I'd say you're an 8." I turned to watch his expression which consisted of a deep playful frown.
"8? That's bull."
"You think very highly of yourself, don't you?" I guessed grinning. I walked backwards into the store. My bronze hair was hidden under a warm beanie. What was to be seen was two pig tails. I looked like a My Scene doll.
"Am I wrong to?" he took slow, seductive steps towards me and I grinned. He was such a boy. All he ever wanted to do was make-out. He was such a dork and oddly, I was starting to really like him. Not like like him, but he was a kisser...and a good guy too. A great guy.
"I don't know. You seem kind of...pompous." I grimaced at the use of a word I didn't know. I had heard Silver saying it the other day. I hoped it applied to this conversation and walked around and passed Embry to the aisle of movies.
"Pompous? Do you even know what that means?" he followed behind me.
I started scanning the old movies that were made when I was a kid. Parent trap, Master of disguise, It takes two... "I don't know, doesn't it mean to be bloated? Like chubby?" I turned hoping Embry would tell me what the word meant. I didn't feel embarrassed whether my question was stupid or not. A wise teacher once told me that it was better to sound stupid while asking a question with an obvious answer than living the rest of your life not knowing the answer to an obvious question.
He was grinning at my expression which didn't falter from its curios glare. I wanted to know what pompous meant. Embry eyes widened and his grinned faded.
"Oh! You were serious!" he hugged me, "Oh, Amber, no, that's not what it means." He crooned, humorously acting worried, "Go to hell for calling me fat." He said in the same playful tone.
I laughed nervously.
We rented the movies and headed off to my house that would be empty till 9 or whenever Silver decided she wanted to come home. It wasn't Embry's first time at my little bungalow. He'd met my mother in a very non boyfriend-girlfriend kind of way.
Embry plopped onto one of our two sofa and I put the movie A walk to remember in the DVD player. I watched the movie a long time ago when I was twelve and cried my but off—one of those nasty shoulder heaving, snot in my nose sobbing. It was a guilty pleasure of mine to sit through movies that made me cry and Embry claimed to never have seen it. That fact was blasphemy (Silver taught me that word)! How did he not see this movie?
I sat next to Embry on the sofa and he pulled me into his chest. His body heat was so high I felt as though I would start sweating, I didn't like the closeness, it was uncomfortable.
"Want popcorn?" I offered when I had gotten way to hot. I didn't want to start sweating at all. As much as I didn't want Embry to think of me as his girlfriend, I didn't want him to see me all pink and sweating. Most unattractive.
"Oh, sure thanks," he let me go and I scampered to the kitchen to put the sac of popcorn in the microwave. I stood three feet away from the microwave as it heated up our popcorn. I heard in science class that it was dangerous to stand too close to microwaves because they vibrated particles or something like that. I didn't want my intestines exploding.
I heard Embry gasp but ignored it. I poured our popcorn in a large bowl and walked to the living room to see Embry sitting on his knees a few inches from the T.V.
"What's wrong?" I asked.
"Jamie has cancer." He groaned, "It's bad, Am, I don't think she's gonna....No!" he refused, "She's going to be fine." He nodded to himself and sat back more comfortably on the couch.
"Am?" I raised an eyebrow. Was that supposed to be me? I wasn't really used to nicknames. Silver—my own sister—called me Amber if she wasn't calling me douche bag or some other demeaning name. And my mom called me Barbie half the time. Am? That was new. I kind of liked it. That didn't distract me from the fact that I had a grown man obsessing over a movie like it was his favourite soap opera. It was comical.
I went to the other sofa and sat there instead. Embry squirmed a lot during the movie getting more and more worried for the main characters. I had been paying more attention to the film than I was to the Quileute boy in my living room and I couldn't fight back my tears when Jamie died. I wiped away my tears discreetly. I didn't need Embry laughing at me, I was already emotional. I didn't know why I kept torturing myself with these movies.
Embry sniffled and I turned to look at him. He wiped his eyes with the back of his hands and blinked hard. His eyes were red and his cheeks were flushed. He was crying too. "No," he whimpered, "She was so—they were in—no." He begged and more tears ran down his face.
I was shocked at first. I'd never seen a grown man cry before. It was weird. Embry was so big and had huge bulging, slender muscles. He wasn't a kid and here he was, crying at the end of a movie that had made me cry when I was young and still touched my heart all these years later.
"Hey," I said getting up and sitting next to Embry, "It's okay. It's just a movie." I soothed him.
"A freaking sad movie," he sniffled and wiped his nose with the back of his hand, "God, I'm such a wimp."
"I cried too."
"You're a girl, you're supposed to cry. That's why they're called chick flicks."
I smiled and kissed his cheek. It was salty with his tears and warm like his entire body was. Something must've changed at that moment because Embry wasn't just a friend anymore. I didn't want him to just me my friend. After two weeks of hanging out with him, I had fallen in like. "I like you Embry." I murmured.
"I feel really gay right now."
I turned his face toward me and pressed my lips against his; kissing him the way I wanted to. I wanted the kiss to be short, sweet, a first kiss if you will and it did feel like a first kiss because I wanted this kiss. I wasn't kissing him so he'd hang out with me; I was kissing him because I wanted to make my feelings for him clearer. This kiss was different from the other kisses we'd had.
There weren't any fireworks. People always expected first kissed to have electric current and fireworks. That was stupid. Why would there be fireworks in a kiss? It was pleasant and nice. Very nice. A nice kiss between a girl and a boy who liked each other. There weren't many words to describe this kissing, but I knew I wanted to do it again.
"Does that make you feel straight?" I asked grinning.
His grin matched mine, "If I say no, will you kiss me again?"
I giggled and pulled him onto me kiss him hard.
I had to admit that making out with Embry was fun, and now that I actually liked him—actually wanted to be in a couple with him—the kiss meant so much more. It meant something. It was a good feeling.
When Silver got home, she found me and Embry at a good distance from each other on the couch. Silver grinned at the sight of us two and I wondered if the fact we'd been making out was obvious. Was my face flushed and lips bruised? I didn't feel guilty. I didn't even think about it.
Silver's boyfriend came in behind her, "Yo, Embry, can I ride home with you?" he asked. His voice was so deep and manly that I couldn't help but doubt the fact that he was 17. He didn't look 17. Then again, Embry didn't look 20 either maybe I shouldn't be judging. Silver was probably too in love to see that her boyfriend was a senior citizen.
"Sure," Embry shrugged and I got up next to him to walk him to the door.
"Okay," Seth nodded, the smile that seemed to never leave his face softened when he looked down at my sister. "I'll call you," he lifted her chin and kissed her. The kiss wasn't disgusting and groping like my and Embry's make-out session but looking at it made me feel weird, like it was too intimate to be watched.
Embry made a gagging sound and I giggled. I hugged him and let him go. He shoved Seth hard; breaking their kiss. He glared at Embry who winked and mouthed You're welcome to me.
"I love you." Seth said, "I'll call you," he repeated.
"I'll be awaiting you call," Silver said.
He steped one foot outside, "You won't be waiting long."
"For the love of God, you fag!" Embry yanked on Seth's arm, pulling him out of our house.
My lunch from earlier that day was about to make an appearance if the lovey-doveyness didn't stop. I ran past Silver to close and lock the door, "Ugh."
Silver looked up and me guiltily and grinned sheepishly, her cheeks turning a bright pink. I couldn't remember the last time my sister had blushed, "Sorry," she said, "I keep telling him not to do that...but when he does..." she sighed, "I'm so smitten." She jumped on the sofa and looked out the window expecting to watch them driving away but the car was already long gone. She sighed again.
"Well, I have some news." I sat on the other sofa and pressed mute on the satellite television that was on, "Are you ready for this?" I leaned forward grinning.
Silver turned around and sat down properly so she was facing me, "What?"
"I, Amber Masson, have fallen in like with Embry call." I stated. I was proud of myself. I had only broken up with Keegan a few weeks ago and I was already ready to hop on the horse again so to speak.
"Yes, I'm in like with him."
"Too soon for love?" she guessed.
"Way too soon." I doubted I would ever fall in love with anyone. Unlike Silver, I hadn't completely lost my mind. I knew that I was too young to know a fraction of what love was. Two weeks ago, when Silver was depressed because of Seth and not being with him; I had never seen a dumber thing in my life. They had only been on three dates! Did she honestly think it was then end of the world? It wasn't like they'd be getting married?
"Then we'll settle for like."
"I'm head over heels in like." I admitted. Being in like was a good feeling. It wasn't as complicated as being in love. It was so much better than being in love.
Chapter 7: Undermined
I was grinning in my car on my way back home from Amber's. She was so hot! I couldn't believe I was dating her. And that kiss! I'd never felt anything like it. We kissed all the time but that kiss—the one right after that heartbreaking movie that made me show off my inner girl—she kissed the crap out of me. God she was just too freaking hot sometimes. And she was freaking awesome too. She was literally like one of the guys—except a million times hotter. I was seriously mad for this chick.
"So," Seth spoke, "You and Amber are pretty serious, huh?"
"Yeah, she's my girlfriend." I was proud to finally say the sentence out loud. It was a good feeling to know that my girlfriend was so hot. It was probably immature of me to not be able to stop thinking about how hot she was, but she was just so hot!
"Oh, I didn't know you guys were that serious! That's great!" Seth congratulated me and tapped my shoulder as a friendly gesture. "Silver was saying we should double date sometimes. She'd like that."
"Nah, I think we're good." I dismissed. Amber and I didn't like the lovey-dovey crap that went on with Seth and Silver. Of course I understood that imprints were like that but for Amber, it was just plain annoying and I couldn't blame her.
Seth sighed, "Whatever, I'm just asking because Silver asked me to." His feelings were obviously hurt by my rejection but I didn't pay attention to it. I dropped Seth at his house then decided to drive by Jacob's house. I was pretty sure he'd be there. I wanted some guy time and I knew Quil was with Claire at the time. I wasn't in the mood for toddlers.
I drove to Jacob's and jogged through the pouring rain to his front door. I tried opening the door but it was locked, "Jake! Open up, man!" I called even though raising my voice was highly unnecessary.
Jacob answered the door, "Hey Embry," he smiled, "What's up?"
I strode into his house, "You won't believe what I discovered today." I grinned walking to his living and plopping onto his sofa.
Jacob sat on the recliner and tied his hair that was loose into a pony tail. He beamed, "Awesome! Did you find another dead cat! The cat that was frozen was so sick—" he reminisced. I couldn't believe he remembered the frozen cat we found back in high school. That cat was so gross. It was the best day ever.
I laughed, "No, dude, I didn't find another frozen cat." I rolled my eyes, "It's about Amber."
"Oh, that girl you're dating."
"My girlfriend with whom I'm in love with." I corrected him with a smug smile.
Jacob raised an eyebrow, "Love?" he repeated mockingly. He probably doubted my sanity, but he didn't know Amber like I did. He didn't spend as much time with her and he hadn't kissed her before. If he'd kissed her, he understands how unbelievably great she was.
"Jealous?" I countered.
He scoffed. Throwing his head back dramatically—really laughing at me. "Embry, if you're in love with what's-her-face then I'm a thirteen year old girl." He got up and headed for the kitchen. He shook his head, still laughing.
I followed after him, pissed as hell. So all of a sudden he was the judge of who was and wasn't in love? Because he knew what love was? I loved Amber, who did he think he was to overrule that, "Seriously Jacob, I'm in love with her."
He laughed again and went into the fridge, pulling out ingredients to make himself a sandwich.
"Oh, go to hell Jacob. How many times have I said I'm in love?" I asked , "Never. This girl makes me feel good about myself."
"What? She made you feel her up?"
I froze for half a second. She had. That was really hot! She was so long and slender. Her skin was cool and soft. She was really thin, which was sad because she ate allot, but that didn't matter to me. "Yeah, so? That's not what I love about her." Even though I did enjoy feeling her up I added mentally. If I said that out loud he would think less of my feelings for her. I'd gloat about that in a few days.
He got two slices of bread and set them on a wooden tray. Then he turned to face me, his face was serious. "Okay, Embry, if you're in love with her, when is her birthday?"
I frowned, "It was just last week."
"Date." He demanded.
"I don't know, the second of this month." I was frustrated with his question. I wasn't really sure when her birthday was. But I can tell you now that I was wrong. Her birthday wasn't on the 2nd of July. It was kind of wrong of me not to know. It was a national holiday.
"See? No love."
"No, that's bogus."
"Okay, here's an easy one. Embry, what colour are Amber's eyes."
"Easy. They're—" the word got caught in my throat. I wanted to curse. I couldn't for the life of me remember the colour of her eyes. I remember them being big and full of surprise. She always looked like she was in shock, "They're...blue?"
He made a loud buzzing noise so I would know I was dead wrong.
"Brown?" I guessed.
His grin was smugger than mine was when I first came in. He shook his head.
"Oh! Like you know."
"I do know. Unlike you, I don't stare at her chest all day." He turned to make his cold meat sandwich.
"That's where you're wrong." I said, feeling a little better. "Her boobs are tiny, I never stare at them."
He chuckled patronizingly, "If you loved her you wouldn't have made such a rude remark." He pointed out.
My shoulders slouched. He was determined n making me look ridiculous.
"You also would have been able to tell be her eye colour like that." He snapped his fingers for emphasis.
"That's not true." I denied. I was literally pulling my speech out of my butt. I had no idea where I was going with this, "That's the physical stuff. The physical details don't matter. It's what's inside that matters."
"Bull. Crap." He put long pauses between each word.
He was really making me angry and I glared at him."Jacob!" I barked.
"Jacob!" a female voice yelled. At the entry of the kitchen was Jacob's older sister—aka Paul's imprint—Rachael. She wore a big, stretched out t-shirt that she clearly used to sleep in. "I said I'd be sleeping. Are you deaf or stupid?" Rachael looked hot when she was pissed. Her light skin contrasted drastically with her long silky black hair that reached just below her full breast. I instantly noticed that she wasn't wearing a bra. I pulled my eyes back up to her face that was very angry looking. Her dark eyes narrowed.
"Sorry Rach." Jacob apologized.
"Seriously, why do I even come here? I could never get a decent night sleep." She hissed. She was so feisty, no wonder she was with Paul. She was as short tempered as he was. Rachael was hot, but she was hotter when she kept her mouth shut.
I looked at my watch, "It's 9:30,"
"Thank you, Embry, I forgot how to tell time." She rolled her eyes, "Oh, yeah, and you're so not in love with the blond girl's sister so shut up and go home." She sneered before heading off to her bedroom.
"She's delightful." I said sarcastically.
"Yeah, I missed her too." Jacob said.
I stared at him incredulously before walking to the door, "You're a jerk Jake. Quil would've been nicer."
"Quil would have told you the same thing." He was still laughing when I left his house, "I give 'em a month," I heard him mutter on my way to my car.
I hated being undermined like that. Did Jacob really think he knew more about love than I did? It was probably because of that imprint of his. Was it so hard to believe that two people could fall in love without all the hocus-pocus crap of imprinting? I was losing my temper, my hands trembled slightly and I wasn't in the mood to fight the sensation. Phasing would have felt good now.
My phone vibrated in my pocket and I check out the caller ID. It was Amber. I sighed in defeat and pressed end. I was in no mood to talk to Amber. Instead, I went for a jog through the night, gradually removing items of clothing and phasing in the woods.
Chapter 8: Insulted
I sat in the middle of my senior Spanish class. I really hated this seat. It was one of those seats that gave you a perfect view of the teacher. There was absolutely nothing I could do without the teacher catching a glimpse of me first. Even a week after going to this school—Forks High School—I still felt exposed, as if everyone were looking at me.
"You want to be in teams?" Christina asked from the seat next to me. She had been my first friend at this school and I liked her the most. She was a pretty girl with cream coloured skin and curly black hair. She had explained that she was part Egyptian, which explained the exotic tone her skin had.
"Yeah, sure." I agreed and she pushed her desk together with mine. We pulled out our Spanish activity book and Christina peered through the English-Spanish dictionary for every word she didn't understand.
"Hey Gals." Said Steve, dragging his chair to our merged desks with books of his own. I hadn't expected Steve to speak to us so my heart stuttered a bit at his pretty boyness. Steve was an obvious cutie gone hottie. He had honey blond hair and piercing blue eyes. His grin was cocky showing off pearly white and perfectly straight teeth. In his cheeks, were dimples, ten times more gorgeous than the one dimple Silver had in her left cheek. That was mostly how I recognized him. His little sister, Anne-Flore Gilles, ate lunch with Silver; she was sort of his replica; a petite blonde with piercing blue eyes and dimples.
"Hey Steve," I said but tried not to stare at him. He was so pretty. I couldn't help but think about how cute he must've been when he was a little boy.
"Hey Masson," he grinned at me. He checked me out—up and down—and I shied away from him, closer to Christina. Steve was just too cool for school. It was guys like him that made me forget that I had a boyfriend—it was guys like him that made me forget my own name. "What's up?"
"Oh, nothing just school work." I lifted the activity book and flailed it in his face.
"Are you having any trouble at school? Any homework you need help with? Trig, Science, English?" he studied me carefully and I couldn't help raising an eyebrow. He was so darn cocky, like really full of himself. Not to mention it was the beginning of the year and we were mostly just revisiting the stuff we learned last year.
I did have some problems in math though and it would be completely innocent if he helped me understand certain things. I mean, if I went to his house, his sister would be there so nothing disgusting would really be happening...
My cell phone vibrated in my pocket causing me to jump. I looked up to see if the teacher noticed something off but she continued scanning through her book. I pulled my Blackberry out of my pocket and checked my messages. I saw that I had a message from my boyfriend and frowned. I checked it.
What are you doing?? Read his message.
"Who is it?" Christina tried to read my message.
"It's my boyfriend. He's such a retard." I answered. I'm at school. Duh. I texted him back.
"You have a boyfriend?" Steve asked, sounding surprised but not at all discouraged. I was liking him more and more. I kind of liked douche bags and Steve was a funny SOB.
"Yeah, we've been dating for...huh, two months...no, less than that." I shrugged not really caring. I wasn't like my gay little sister who counted everyday that passed by with her beloved Seth—who had transferred to Forks High just to be with her.
"He from around here?" Christina asked.
"Sure, well, La Push, the Quileute reservation."
"Oh, jeez, those guys are huge!" Steve's shoulders slumped, "The Queets are giants."
"Hot, giants," Christina added, "Do you know and hotties to set me up with?"
Jacob and Quil instantly popped into my head at her question. My phone vibrated in my hand and I read Embry's text out loud, "Oops, forgot. Want me to pick you up from school?" I smiled to myself. He'd finally gotten enough money to get himself a car. It wasn't a nice car but he'd been working on the engine and crap like that, he was proud of his car. He named his car Jamie, after the girl who died in A walk to remember. God my boyfriend was gay.
I replied his text quickly accepting his offer.
"Your sister is dating a Queet right?" Christina asked with big, interested eyes.
"Yeah, Seth, cute kid."
"More like hot. Tell me when your sisters done with him." She giggled before going back to her dictionary.
After school, I headed for the exit. I stopped at the door, seeing the pouring rain and grimaced. This morning, it was actually not raining but of course it had to rain now that I had left my umbrella in Silver's car. My shoulders slumped and I frowned, I really didn't want to get my hair wet.
The other students slithered passed me wearing unattractive jackets with hoods. That seemed practical, I felt stupid for not having one of my own.
"N-need help?" a voice cracked from behind me. I turned to see a boy with big, curly ,dark brown hair. He was thin and tall. I tried not to snicker at the fact that he was obviously Jewish. I didn't have a problem with Jewish people—hell, I loved them—it was just funny that he had it printed onto his forehead. The boy appeared shy; his face had taken a shade of tomato red.
"Ugh, do you have an umbrella to share?" I smiled sheepishly after noticing the unopened umbrella in his hand.
He laughed nervously and his voice cracked, "Yeah," he cleared his throat and offered me the umbrella.
I took it from him and opened it stepping out into the rain. The boy came after me and I stood closer to him so he'd be under the umbrella as well, "Thanks," he said.
"You don't have to thank me for your umbrella..." I trailed off when I realized I didn't know his name. I looked at him expectantly so he would fill in the blank but he didn't he just stared back at me. He was a weird kid and my eyebrow rose instinctively. What was he staring at? Super strange.
"Hey Am!" Embry called and jogged over to us, a blue umbrella over his head. I was relieved to get out of the awkward situation. The boys in Forks were really weird.
"Hey Em," I turned back to the weirdo who had just taken his eyes off Embry to meet my gaze then blush, "Well, thanks for the shelter," I handed him his umbrella and he took it back mechanically, "The names Amber thanks...guy." I grimaced before skipping to Embry's side. He wrapped his arm around my waist. I turned my face so I could kiss his lips.
"Made friends?" Embry guessed, giving me the umbrella and running to the driver's side of the blue car and unlocking my side. His car was so old.
I slid into his car and shook my head, "Ugh, no. I needed an umbrella and that guy was there. Total weirdo."
Embry chuckled and drove us to his house. Watching movies was sort of our thing. We watched all types of movies together. Romantic comedies, cartoons, romance, I preferred the comedies but Embry liked the thrillers and the horror flicks which we never watched. He made me sit through Disturbia with Shia Leboeuf and I was still kind of paranoid.
Today we toned down the horror by just watching a good old fashioned Will Ferrell movie. Super star. But Embry surprised me by diving in, head first, into an intense make out session. We were in his living room, on the sofa, facing the flat screen and I lay on my back as Embry kissed me urgently.
"I missed you today." I said tangling his fingers in my thick curly hair.
I was too breathless to laugh at him like I wanted. He was so clingy some times. I was the kind of girl that could go a day or two without speaking to her boyfriend but Embry insisted on calling and texting whenever he could. My gay little man.
His large hand trailed down my body and I could feel the warmth of him through my thin clothing. His skin was so hot that I almost felt as though it was burning me when it found the bare skin at the small of my back.
My eyes narrowed when I felt his hand trailing up my back than anger filled my body when I felt him struggling with my bra. I shove hard against his chest and jerk my knee upwards when I didn't get a responds fast enough.
"Ah, what?" Embry said, frustration clear in his voice and facial expression.
"Ah, what? I repeated incredulously, pushed him off of me and scooted away from him so we were no longer touching, "Embry, we've been dating two months." I reminded him crossing my arms in front of my chest.
"Exactly," he nodded reaching for my face and I smacked his hand. He frowned, "Are you kidding?"
"Is it funny?"
"No. It's not." He said sounding as annoyed as I was.
I glared at him, "Well if you think I'm having sex with you now, then your insane."
He sighed as if her understood and turned back to the TV. I couldn't stop glaring at him incredulously. Two months. Was he crazy? Did he really think we'd do anything after two months? That said allot about what he thought of me. I clenched my hands into fist and fought the urge to break his jaw.
"You're right. We're mad. We'll try again when the movie is finished." He arranged.
"No." I objected, angry that he was planning the event without my permission, "We will not be trying anything when the movie is done."
"Amber, it's been two months." He groaned agonisingly. His face was pleading and I felt myself getting angrier by the second.
"It hasn't been long enough." I stated, not hiding my fury at all in my voice.
He leaned towards me, "Amber, come on, I love you." He lied.
I gasped. Those words were an utter insult. Did he really think I would be that easy? That all he had to do was tell me he loved me and I would spread my legs for him? I knew Embry and I were together because we liked each other, cared for each other and enjoyed spending time together but at that moment, Embry reminded me how much of a guy he really was and like any guy he would say anything and everything to get into my pants.
I slapped him in the face and pulled my hand to my chest, shocked that I actually hit him. My hand felt hot but I ignored the uncomfortable sensation and yelled, "I'm a virgin, Embry!" I barked.
Embry was taken aback and backed away from me like I had the some kind of disease. His eyes widened in shock and it wasn't because I had slapped him—he wasn't even rubbing his cheek in pain—it was because he didn't know. I felt my face get hot but didn't stop glaring at him. My expression screamed Yeah, I said it but inside my head I was running in circles like a chicken without a head and asking myself what the hell did I just say?
Chapter 9: Confessed
I should have won the award for biggest idiots. Kissing Amber was such an experience and I had been thinking about her all day. She didn't hesitate to kiss me back during the movie and I immediately felt hope. We'd been dating for 2 months; that was more than enough to take our relationship to the next level.
The skin on her back was so soft and I melded her perfect body closer to mine as I let my hand go up her shirt to unhook her bra and do some serious monkey business. To my surprised, she attempted to kick me in the balls. That instantly got a reaction out of me.
"Ah what?" was what I demanded in frustration. She was so hot and I was very frustrated. Sexual frustrated to be more specific. That was the worst of all frustration in my opinion. There was nothing worse than going 5 months without sex—especially when your girlfriend was hot like mine. Not having sex with her was literal torture.
My response offended her. She threw the fact that we'd only been dating for two months in my face. If anyone was aware of that, it was me. How long did she want to wait? A year? That was ridiculous.
She did seem angry so I let it go. I did really care for Amber and I would have hated for our first time to be out of anger...Well, angry sex was pretty good but not for our first time together. I told her we'd try after the movie. I wanted to be reasonable—I wanted to have sex.
That pissed her off even more and she dismissed sex completely. Two months was too soon. She had to be kidding me. It had been five months since I had sex with Hana Sullivan and five months was too long for anyone to go without sex.
"Come on, Amber. I love you." I groaned agonisingly hoping that those were the magic words.
They were the magic words to something because she slapped me in the face. Sure, it didn't hurt my face, but it did kind of hurt my heart. Of course that was me being mellow dramatic. I was in shock though. She'd hit me.
"I'm a virgin, Embry!" she yelled clutching the hand that she slapped me with to her chest.
I backed away from her feeling like utter garbage. Well, wait a go Embry, you just assaulted a virgin. My jaw fell slack and I just stared at Amber who was glaring at me. Judging by her expression, she was going to dump me in about ten seconds. I tried leaving as much distance between us as possible, I was kind of freaked that I was dating a virgin. That was really weird.
"A-Amber, I didn't know." I stuttered, "Why didn't you tell me?"
She rolled her eyes, "When was I supposed to tell you, our first, second or third date? It's personal Embry."
"As your boyfriend, I should've known."
"It's my virginity, Embry, not ours. This doesn't affect you."
I scoffed. She wasn't the one who hadn't gotten laid in a million years. Well...not in the same sense at least. She didn't understand and it wasn't her fault. God, I hated when things like this happened. I sighed, "I'm sorry, Amber," I apologized and hoped that it sounded sincere. I really was sorry, "If I'd known, I never would have done that."
"I'm mad at you, Embry. You lied to me just now and that wasn't cool."
I grimaced. I really should have backed off when she said no instead of begging like a dog. I couldn't believe that I told her I loved her. That wasn't cool and I guess it was uncalled for. Especially since it didn't work, that really threw me in a pile of crap. "Amber, I'm really sorry. I was stupid to have said that. I swear if I knew I wouldn't have done any of it. I mean, you don't exactly look like a virgin."
It wasn't till I saw Amber's frown deepen that I realized that I'd said something wrong—so so so wrong. "What does that mean?" She demanded, "Do I have a face de pute?"
"What?" I hated when she used French expressions, especially when she was arguing with someone—Silver—because I never knew the insults. She'd said the words too fast for me to have gotten any of them.
"A slut's face, Embry! Do you think I have a slut's face?" she yelled.
I was even more shocked now. I didn't know there would be yelling happening today—screaming maybe but not yelling. It took me a minute to find words. This was the first time Amber and I ever argued, I wasn't sure how to suck up to her yet, I hadn't had much practice. "No! Amber, you're face is really hot, not a slut at all."
She crossed her arms in front of her chest and didn't seem convinced.
"Look, Amber, it has nothing to do with your...face. I just assumed you weren't a virgin because you're 18 and, well, you're from Montreal—" I was trying to be completely truthful but she cut me off.
"Girls in Montreal are loose? Hm, well that's good to know." She said sarcastically, clearly offended.
"No, Amber," I sighed, I was saying her name way too much and I could tell that she was getting angrier, "Montreal's a big city is all. I just...I can't begin to tell you how sorry I am."
Amber frowned than finally looked up at me. Her being mad at me was really a bad feeling. I liked her so much and I hated knowing that I had upset her. I would have given anything for her to forgive me. Her expression softened and she sighed, "I guess you're right. I knew girls who started having sex at 12—"
"That's a bit much." I muttered.
"Point is, you didn't know and...well you're a guy so I forgive you." She smiled and I felt even more like crap. Why did she have to be so awesome? Why couldn't she be at least a little bit annoying so that I wouldn't want to be with her so badly? Every time she said something—every time I learned something about her—I became more and more attracted to her. That sucked because she was a virgin. My being attracted to her was pointless.
"This really sucks," I sighed.
"So you're obviously not a virgin." She commented.
"Does it show?" I asked sarcastically and rolled my eyes.
Amber didn't answer, she just smiled apologetically. She crawled over to my side of the sofa and my heart accelerated. Was this her changing her mind? Sweet!
She pushed me back so I was laying down a little and rested her head on my chest, "I'm kind of sorry." She said, "This must sucks for you."
I laughed at the fact that sometimes Amber could know exactly what I was thinking. Then I laughed even harder at the hidden dirty reference, "I wish." I chuckled and wrapped my arm around my girlfriend.
She gasped, "Embry!" she giggled despite her disgust, "You're so sick." She sighed and we stayed quiet for a few breaths. I couldn't pay much attention to the movie. With Amber's body pressed against mine like this, I had to concentrate on other things that would get me a more aggressive slap in the face. Instead, I thought of our emotional relationship. I was with Amber now and we'd been together for two months, which was more or less a big deal. I really did like her—what wasn't to like—but I also liked sex—what was there to hate? I was sure that I would love sex with Amber. My mind drifted to that place which really wasn't smart. I shook my head before my body could show that I was having naughty thoughts.
"You and Seth are good friends right?" Amber asked.
I was thankful for the distraction, "Yeah, I guess, why?"
"Silver's a virgin too and...I don't want this"—she gestured between us—"to happen to her so could you, like, tell Seth to not try anything because he's not going to get anything either."
I grimaced at her words. I wasn't going to get anything? Well that was just the worst thing that ever happened to anyone. I tried to focus. It made me feel better that Seth wouldn't be getting any either. At least I tried to make it make me feel better. Seth was a virgin too, he wasn't much help. "Sure, I'll talk to him. You shouldn't get involved with the young ones." I teased.
She didn't laugh, "I worry about my sister sometimes. I like Seth—he's nice—but I feel like Seth and Silver are moving too fast. They're so young."
"She's just a year younger than you." I reminded.
"She's still a baby to me. Seth is her first boyfriend and I'm afraid he's going to get hurt." She sounded sincerely worried so I comforted her by rubbing her arm.
"Seth's a good guy, Am. He won't hurt her." I assured her.
"It's hard being a big sister isn't it?" I guessed. I had never had any brothers or sisters till the pack but it couldn't have been the same since we were all generally the same age. I wanted to get Amber talking for more than just a distraction.
"It doesn't have to be, some sisters don't care but I can't." She answered, "There's really no one in this world that means more to me than my sister. She's not my best friend—we don't tell each other everything—but she's still the most important person in my world...I think she feels the same."
"If you don't tell each other everything then how do you know she's a virgin?"
"Because she is." She said sternly.
"Would she tell you when she does?"
"No, we don't talk about that sort of stuff."
"Then how will you know for sure."
"Call me crazy but I feel like I'd see the difference...I don't know, I feel like it'll be psychic."
I felt my lips twitch upwards into a smile. I never knew Amber could be so deep. I had never heard something more heart warming in my life. Her love for her sister really did conquer all. I hoped that the imprint between Silver and Seth didn't change Sil's view of things. I hoped that even with Seth in her life, Amber was still her number one. I had a feeling that there was nothing Amber wouldn't do to keep her sister safe.
"You think, I'm crazy and over protective don't you?" Amber said, sounding embarrassed.
"No, I think it's really sweet. I wish I knew what that felt like sometimes."
"Like what feels like?" Amber looked up at me with curious eyes. They weren't green, they weren't grey, but a mixture of both. Her eyes were light green around the pupil and blended in with grey once it reached closer to the rim.
"To know someone feels the exact same way for you than you do for them." I clarified feeling stupid for being such a baby. She probably thought that was pathetic. I wanted to be loved. It sounded gay, even to me.
Her eyes went over my face—I wasn't sure what I looked like—and she grew understanding, "You know, Embry, if something bad ever happened to you; I would be very sad." She confessed.
My throat tightened and I tried to smile, feeling as though I was going to blush. She was so amazing sometimes. Sometimes, she was more than just a hot, funny person, she could be so nice. "If something bad ever happened to you; I'd be really sad too."
She smiled, "See, now you have someone who feels the same way for you as you do for them."
I placed my finger under her chin and lifted it so that my lips would meet hers. My heart actually accelerated and I was surprised by this new sensation. I couldn't believe what I had just done, I couldn't even think the words to myself it was so ridiculous. Before it was easy for me to claim what I was feeling because it was a feeling I had felt a million times—a tiny little crush—but this time it was something more, it was something much better.
I was too surprised by my own overwhelming emotions to feel hurt by Amber's steady heart beat that wasn't beating double time like mine was. That didn't make me love her less, it probably made me love her more. Love her more. Huh, it was nice thinking it. I wasn't going to say it out loud though—I wasn't going to tell anyone. The fact that I had fallen in love for the first time was nobody else's business but my own.
I pulled her face away from mine so I could look at her face again, "I don't think that's true." I replied then kissed her again.
Chapter 10: The talk
I was in my car driving through the drizzling way on my way to my house. My girlfriend was at her house working on a project that she had. I was going to help her with it after dropping a few things off at home. I also thought it was time for me to talk to Seth like she'd asked me to a few days ago. Silver and Seth's sex life—or lack of such—was hardly any of my, or even Amber's, business but it was important to her to prevent the awkward situation that would occur if Seth did try to have sex with Silver. Apparently, Silver was a naturally giving person and she didn't like upsetting people. Amber was afraid that her sister would have sex with Seth just to make him happy.
I knew that Seth wouldn't talk Silver into doing anything she didn't want to do. Not only because of the imprint but because Seth was really a good guy. Love made you do stupid things I guess because after dropping off the milk and eggs I was heading off to Seth's house.
I saw Silver's red Chrysler pull out of Seth's driveway and head in the direction of Forks, I presumed. I parked my car in Seth's driveway and walked to the door. Seth was standing at the open door looking at me curiously. I shoved him out of the way so I could get some shelter.
"Seth, we have to talk." I said in a serious tone. I just wanted to get this over with. This really wasn't any of my business and I was embarrassed for getting involved.
Seth grinned, "Are you breaking u with me?" he raised an eyebrow.
I laughed nervously and tried to make myself calm down. Seth was cool. He wouldn't make me feel too bad for sticking my head where it didn't belong. He did it all the time. Seth wouldn't make fun of me for being completely whipped by a girl I hadn't even imprinted with. It was a bad feeling—being whipped—I was no better than the imprinted guys. Well, I functioned better when I wasn't with Amber, but other than that, I was just as whipped as any of them. I drew myself a mental line. I would not buy Amber tampons if she asked me to.
"What did you want to talk about?" he asked in his easy going tone. He had no idea what was coming. I almost felt bad. He plopped onto the sofa and turned on the TV. He put it on a basket ball game and I felt a little less weight on my shoulders.
I shrugged and sat down next to him watching the game. "Amber wanted me to talk to you." I said.
"Huh, that's weird," he commented, "What did she want you to say?" we didn't look away from the TV as we had this conversation. It was awesome being a guy.
"It's about Silver,"
Seth's head whipped in my direction and I could feel his eyes boring into the side of my head. His heart stuttered uneasily and I grimaced. Imprints. "What's wrong?" he sounded breathless.
I rolled my eyes, "She's fine. Jeez," I shoved his shoulder, "Seth, I know this is really none of my business—to be honest I don't even care—but Amber wants me to tell you so here it goes." I took a deep breath, "I'm sure you already know that you're imprint's a virgin."
"Yeah," he nodded then grinned, "I was her fist kiss, too. Isn't that sweet?" he sounded like he was bragging.
"Yeah, Yeah, anyways—wait. You were Silver's first kiss? But she's, well, hot."
"She's more than hot." Seth frowned, "She gorgeous, she's—"
I cut him off. "Seriously, Seth, I don't care." I rolled my eyes feeling exhausted. Amber and I weren't having sex but she better have something nice for me when I got there. "Like I said; Silver's a virgin so...don't try anything funny alright?"
I sighed, "Look, Seth, Amber knows Silver more than you do so take her word for it and don't try anything. It would upset Amber if you upset Silver." That was definitely an understatement. Amber would be pissed off to the maximum if Seth upset her sister. But Seth wasn't going to be afraid of some human girl so what was the point in warning him.
It was quiet for a few seconds and I went back to watching the game. I wasn't sure what teams were playing but I was trying to focus on it. I jumped when Seth's bursted into laughter.
"You're not the only one who shouldn't be getting involved." He laughed.
I narrowed my eyes and glared at him. Was that him making fun of Amber? That wasn't cool. My hands trembled a bit and I clenched them into fist, "What?" I spat through clenched teeth.
"Embry, don't worry about our sex life. Silver won't be upset. And as for Amber...let's not get her more involved."
"Wait. What are you saying Seth? You and Silver are sexually active?" I asked.
"Dude, don't say that. You sound like my mom."
"How about this? Are you and Silver doing each other?"
Seth stopped laughing and I swear, I thought I saw him blush. "That's...kind of personal, Embry."
I rolled my eyes and turned my body so that I was facing him. I didn't have the patients for these games; he was going to give me straight answers for me to tell Amber, "Seth, we're brothers, you can tell me."
Seth looked up at me and hesitated for a while. I let him think and he gave in, "Leah's going off to college—well, later anyways. My mom and her are heading to Vancouver to check out the school campus and stuff. Vancouver's beautiful apparently so they'll be staying for a few days. I promised Silver that we'd... you know...once we got the house to ourselves—since my bed is bigger than her and all—so, yeah." He confessed everything.
My jaw dropped near the beginning of his speech. Amber's thoughts and emotions about this flew out of my head. All I could do was feel...really jealous. It didn't even sound fair. Amber and I were practically adults—I was a man—and we weren't even remotely close to having sex. Silver was Amber's little sister and she was ready to have sex before Amber was. Well, that was just my luck.
"I'm excited, but kind of nervous. Really nervous." He went on.
I shook my head clear. Silver and Amber were two different people. I couldn't be upset that one of them was losing their virginity before the other...even if the abstinent one was the older sister and my girlfriend. "It's okay, Seth...we all feel that way at first."
"Did you? Sometimes I feel like I'm weird."
"Sure," I shrugged.
"What's it like?"
His question got out of my comfort zone and I felt the need to scoot further away from him on the sofa, "Hey, isn't this a conversation you were supposed to have with your—" I cut myself short before saying something stupid. It was hard remembering that I wasn't the only fatherless wolf around. Harry probably died before Seth was old enough to have the real sex talk.
Seth knew what I was going to say and his head lolled, "Yeah," he said glumly, "You're right—"
"No, it's okay. It's...fun and sweaty and...Seth, I don't know how to talk to you about this." I admitted.
He nodded sadly, "Yeah, I get it."
"No, Seth, what I mean is; what I had with the girls I've slept with, it's nothing compared to what you and Silver will have. I didn't love those girls." I felt kind of sleazy saying it out loud but it was the truth. I felt less bitter about Seth getting sex before I did. He and Silver were in love. With me and Amber—I loved her, but I had a feeling it wasn't mutual. She didn't love me like I loved her. I didn't want to have sex with Amber if she didn't want me to.
"Oh," Seth seemed to understand and wasn't sad anymore.
"You should talk to Sam." I suggested, "Or Jared or Paul—Okay, maybe not Paul." I laughed.
Seth laughed as well, "Thanks, I'll think about that."
"Good," I got up, "Well, I'm going to head off to the Masson's."
"Embry, could you not tell Amber that I'm having sex with her sister this weekend? I feel like that'll put a damper on our relationship." Seth smiled sheepishly.
I chuckled, "No problem. You're secrets safe with me." I promised and planned on keeping it. Amber was probably going to be nicer if she thought her little sister was still as innocent as she thought she was. It was almost funny how wrong Amber was. She thought Silver was this innocent little baby who just started finding boys attractive. It was funnier than it was sad.
I drove to Amber's house and rang the doorbell.
Silver was the one to answer the door, "Hi Embry." She studied my face thoroughly. She went over my facial features trying to find something I wasn't exactly sure of. Looking at her from this close, it was easy to see why Amber thought she was a baby. She was sort of small. Her blood hair made her look borderline angelic. Silver's eye never ceased their ogling. It occurred to me that she knew I knew.
"Little Silver Masson isn't as innocent as everyone thinks she is." I whispered to her and couldn't help grinning when her heart sped up.
"Embry, please, please, don't tell Amber. I don't want her to know." She begged, "I'll give you anything. Want to borrow my car? You totally can."
"Silver. Calm down, I won't tell Amber a thing." I assured her.
She relaxed her posture, "Thanks." She blushed and stepped aside for me to come in. "She's down stair in her room." She informed me.
I walked to the head off the stairs and stopped. I had one last sarcastic comment to tell, "You know Silver, it's unattractive for to beg. Seth agrees." I snorted.
"I know you're a werewolf, but would it kill you if I pushed you down the stairs?" Silver asked innocently.
I snorted, "My last breath would be 'Silver...wants...sex'." I coughed and pretended to die before going to the basements. I turned to Amber's bedroom door and knocked.
"Come in!" She called.
I obeyed and stepped into her very pink room.
She was lying on the floor with books scattered all around her, "Hey, Embry, how was your day?"
She looked so beautiful with her curly bronze her pilled on ton of her head in an untidy pony. She quickly pulled the elastic out and let her hair flow down her shoulders. She was so hot it hurt.
"My day was good. I thought of you allot."
She rolled her eyes, "My boyfriend: the dork. Did you talk to Seth?"
She got up and closed the distance between us, wrapping her arms around my neck, "And...?"
"And nothing. Absolutely nothing. Seth's not going to do anything that Silver isn't okay with." I answered her honestly and fought the need to snicker at how accurate that was.
"Oh, Embry, you're perfect." She crooned and kissed me hard. Her soft lips making my heart race and I was almost sure that she could feel it since her body was pressed so closely to mine. I wrapped my arms around her small waist and lifted her off the ground. She squeaked and giggled.
I set her on the ground and broke our kiss to look into her eyes. They were so unique; I'd never seen anything like them. They made me feel so much hope. Hope that maybe if I told Amber how I felt, she'd have an epiphany and know she loved me too.
"A-Amber, I—" I stuttered and bit my tongue. That was a stupid think to hope for. A girl like Amber would never fall for a guy like me. She was practically perfect and I was far from that, "I think we should get started on your homework."
Amber watched me suspiciously and I kept my face remote. She gave up after a few seconds, "Okay, then," she shrugged and sat on the ground.
Another reason why Amber could never fall in love with a guy like me; I was a wuss.
Chapter 11: Non-Virgin
I had to admit that it was a little weird. I was kind of jealous that Silver had such rich friends. Those Cullen's were really enthusiastic about birthdays. It was the blond twin's birthdays and they were doing this weird 5 days extravaganza. I'd never really met the Cullen's. I'd met Bella, Alice and Rosalie a few times but Silver usually went to their house. I didn't care that she was leaving me alone that meant I got the house to myself...and Embry.
I sighed and sunk closer into his chest. I almost felt bad for not being crazy about him. He was so nice and sweet and funny. I knew way too much that loving someone too much gave them the power to crush you beyond repair. That wasn't something I was particularly into.
I did enjoy Embry's company at more than a "just friends" level. I loved calling him my boyfriend. The other day was completely forgotten between us and I was relieved. He hadn't brought up sex not once in the last week. We were in my house, alone, for several hours almost every day and he never suggested sex in any shape, way, or form. Even now, with my whole body pressed against him as we napped on my cramped bed, I felt completely comfortable.
There was a loud thunder and my eyes popped open. That had startled me awake. My heart was beating very quickly in my chest and Embry's eyes fluttered open.
I sat up and stretch my limbs, "Thanks for napping with me," I said, "You're really the best."
Embry sat up to wrap his arms around my waist and kiss my neck causing me to giggle, "Let's go back to sleep." He suggested.
"My mom will be here in a few minutes." I got off my bed and walked to my door to turn on the dimmer switch. I looked at myself in my full length mirror and frowned at the mess my hair had become. This was getting ridiculous; I was way too comfortable with Embry. In some ways, he was my best friend. If he hadn't been there this week, I would've died of boredom. I was excited for Silver to come back home today. I would never tell her that, but my world usually crumbled when she was gone for more than 48 hours. It hadn't crumbled this time though. I had Embry.
When I finished cleaning the kitchen before my mom got home, Embry and I turned on the TV. I sat my back to the television and smiled at him, "I really appreciate you."
Embry smiled as though he was a little embarrassed, "I like spending time with you, Am."
"Me too. You're kind of...my favourite person in the world right now."
"That's..." so many emotions crossed Embry's expression—mixture of happiness and fear, sadness and confusion. He didn't say anything; he just leaned forward and kissed my lips. He kissed me very softly and caressed my face with his hot hands. He held my face close to his when he pulled away, "Amber, I..."
I waited for him to say whatever he had to say. He seemed so focused on the words that refused to come out of his mouth. He squeezed his eyes shut and shook his head. "Your mom's here." He said without opening his eyes than he sat back and looked at the TV.
My face was frozen in the same confused expression when my mom stepped through the front door. I didn't ask myself how he knew that. It was probably a lucky guess. Or maybe he saw the light from my mother's car from the corner of his eye through the window...
"Hey Amber, Hey Embry," she greeted and walked towards us. She smoothed Embry's hair and kissed me on the cheek before asking, "What's for dinner?"
I laughed, though it sounded fake and nervous.
My mother didn't pay any mind to it. She went into the kitchen and took off her wet jacket, "You're sister's coming home today, right?"
"Uh, yeah, I can't believe you let her go."
"She's my good daughter." My mother joked, "I bought Cinnamon buns."
I gasped, "Oh! Yay!" I jumped off the sofa and took the white plastic bag off the table to find the cinnamon buns with white icing in a plastic container. I took 2 out of the six and put them on a plate and into the microwave for thirty seconds. I jumped back onto the sofa and offered a bun to Embry who took it without hesitation. He was back to his old self. That was a relief.
My mom sat on the other sofa and stole the remote from me and Embry. She put it on stupid Entertainment Tonight. I personally couldn't care less about celebrities' private lives.
We were done with our cinnamon buns when Silver came in.
"Hi Silli!" My mother smiled at the entrance of her youngest daughter—her baby. The house wasn't the same without her. "How was that party thing you went to?" My mom didn't get up from her seat to give Silver several smooches like she would've if Embry wasn't here.
"It was so fun! The first day we went, like, dancing and then we went to a play and we ate at a restaurant, like, every day!" I said excitedly.
"Well, I'm happy you had fun."
"Yeah," Embry grinned. "You must've had so much fun!" he imitated Silver so well. He over reacted with the bubble-gumness but it was still funny .
I laughed. He was so funny. I rested my head on his shoulder for a second and sat back normally. I could've sworn that I saw Silver glaring at Embry but she just threw her purse on the couch next to my mother and headed for the kitchen. She came back with a cinnamon bun and didn't protest when she found my mother digging in her purse.
"Oh, you went to the pharmacy?" my mom mentioned with a receipt in her hand. "What did you buy?"
Silver shrugged, not really caring, and bit in her cinnamon bun.
My mother grinned and started listing the receipt out loud. "Redbull, Hershey's Almond and toffee— Silver, you're going to get diabetes if you keep eating like this." She warned.
I rolled my eyes.
"Skittles, Durex ultra sensitive..." my mom's smile faded and she looked at Silver horrified.
My heart stuttered with nervousness. I didn't want my sister to die. I didn't question whether she lost her virginity or not. She was definitely still a virgin. She probably needed the condoms for a science project or maybe a water balloon fight. It couldn't have been for sex. I felt my cheeks get warm with the thought of my little sister having sex before me. That would have been embarrassing.
Silver looked like she was chocking. Her cheeks got a little pink as she struggled to find words to say. Her lips appeared to be trembling and I thought she was going to cry. I wanted to get up and give her a big hug. I didn't want my mom to scare her too much but I couldn't move, I had been splashed with cold water. Silver wasn't a virgin, and I was. I couldn't think of anything more mortifying. Embry was going to find out because Seth would tell him. Seth. How dare he?! He...to my sister. I couldn't think the whole sentence. It was a disturbing—disgusting—thought.
Ew. Silver was a baby! How could Seth even see her as a sexual being? I couldn't even think of her as a sexual being. I couldn't tell at all if my sister was hot or not. I knew she was pretty—beautiful even. She had a great body, one I was envious of—she got the boobs—but it took more than that to be sexy. She was a baby! My baby.
"Embry, go home. Amber, your room. Now." My mom ordered in an even voice. There was so much strictness in her voice I didn't even complain.
Embry and I both got up and didn't even say goodbye to each other as we did what we were told. I forced myself to glance at Silver and we locked eyes. I gave her an apologetic look. I was so sorry she had to do this.
I lay down on my bed and fought back tears. I felt so selfish for being on the verge of crying. It was ridiculous. I had lost. I was supposed to have sex first. It wasn't a competition it just wasn't fair that Silver was a woman before me. Again. She got her first period one week before I got mine. But I got my first kiss first, and my first boyfriend....
It went against nature for Silver to be more experienced than I was in something. And Embry was going to know.
I recoiled into a ball and groaned in pain. I couldn't imagine losing him right now. It almost caused me pain. My stomach twisted in disorderly fashions. I couldn't lose Embry. He was my best friend. It was never good to have your boyfriend be your best friend. Those were to string that should never be attached because now we were bounded in two different ways: the emotional relationship that ran deep and the physical relationship that was too shallow for our relationship to survive. If it survived. And I doubted it would. When Embry found out that the youngest Masson was able to let a man touch her...he would think I was stuck up—a nun. He'd find himself a real woman.
I was going to fight. I was going to give Embry everything I could. I hoped that would be enough, if it wasn't then to hell with him. I didn't care if he was that kind of jerk. I loved being single. I loved dating. Steve was cute. I was kind of the talk of the school, being new and all. Silver wasn't really a big deal because she had a boyfriend who went to our school. Most of the guys didn't know I was with Embry.
I was with Embry. Huh. It didn't hurt as bad as I thought it would. When I put it in the perspective that Embry was a man who wanted sex at all cost, it changed the way I looked at him. He would say that he didn't mind the lack of sex. He said that my being a virgin changed everything. I had a feeling Silver that Silver's not being a virgin changed everything.
I hated to think that Silver would be the end of my relationship. She had brought Embry and I together and know she was tearing her apart. It wasn't her fault, but still. I was going to fight for Embry but I wasn't going to let him win everything either.
Chapter 12: Advice needed
I checked the time on my watched and shrugged. Figured it was time I pay Quil a visit. I thought it would be fun to laugh at the crap Seth's imprint was in. She was probably blushing tomato red right now, having the serious sex talk with her mom. It was always funny when young people got in trouble.
I thought back to Amber and how close I was to freaking her out. Telling her I loved her was not a smooth move. She would think I was lying and slap me again. Or worse! She could have believed me and been completely freaked out. We could have had a dreadful awkward silence till she'd finally say "Thank you." And pat me on the knee twice before turning her face away and grimacing. I was an idiot.
I parked in Quil's driveway and let myself in his house. I walked in; Quil's parent's were snuggled on the sofa, watching some action movie on the flat screen. Neither of them budged when I entered. It was nice to know I was wanted.
I rolled my eyes and walked down the narrow hall and turned to my left and again, into Quil's room.
He was sitting on his bed, the phone in his hand. "I was about to call you." He announced, tossing the phone aside. He didn't seem very excited about the news that he had to give.
"What's wrong, dude?" I asked, taking a step towards him. I wasn't sure if he needed comfort or not.
"No, it's nothing to really worry about..." he grimaced. He wasn't sure if that was the way to put it, "I, personally, rather not get involved. Collin smelt some vampire and Sam confirmed that it wasn't a Cullen—"
"Vampires are on the loose!" I shouted. How was that not a big deal? There were so many humans that could stumble upon a thirsty vampire. Amber could have stumbled upon a thirsty vampire. My worry was irrational. I knew she was safe and at home but a shudder rippled through my body anyways.
"Woh! Woh!" Quil got up and put his hands on my shoulder, "Let's not do anything rash. I told you no big deal. Nobody died yet and we don't think they mean us any harm. A few blood suckers probably just got lost on their way somewhere else. Calm down!" He shook me and I settled down.
"They're just lost?"
"Well they haven't hurt anyone. We're checking it out—well not me but the others."
'Why aren't you going?" I asked suspiciously than grinned, "Are you chicken? Afraid of a few blood suckers?"
He rolled his eyes, "Of course not. I just...rather be with Claire if there's anything..." He looked away seeming embarrassed for his lack of chivalry.
A month ago I might've laughed at him dropping out but now, I was silent. In a way, he was right. I'd rather be with Amber, keeping her safe instead of chasing some vampire that may or may not be dangerous. Part of me felt bad for abandoning my brothers for some broad. Amber was special though, she wasn't like the other girls.
"No, I understand..." I said.
"Oh!" he was surprised, "That's...weird." He eyed me suspiciously now.
I tried looking at him like he was crazy. My heart quickened with my nervousness and I cursed that he could hear the change. Quil didn't know I was in love. In fact, no one knew I was in love. I never thought of Amber when I was in my wolf form, I tried to stay focussed, so no one knew. I didn't want them knowing. It was no one's business but my own.
Worst of all, I didn't want them making fun of me. I always mocked love—well, imprints—and now I was just as whiped as the rest of them. The only thing that would be worse than them making fun of my feelings for Amber would be them undermining it—saying it wasn't love. That was the worse.
Quil grinned and I knew he knew, "You love her don't you?"
"Who?" I tried to act clueless. I wasn't sure if that would make me look more or less guilty.
"Don't who me. Amber, you love her." I could tell that he was going to laugh at me, so I denied it.
"What? Her? No, God no. She's my girlfriend and sure I care/i about her but love? That's a strong word." I stammered.
He chuckled, "Yeah, it is."
"Go to hell Quil. Seriously, just burn there."
Quil didn't stop laughing and I sighed. "Quil, just don't...tell people. I don't want people knowing. I mean, Amber doesn't even know so, let's not tell people."
I hoped he understood who I meant by "People". I didn't want the wolf pack knowing all my business.
Quil nodded, "Yeah, no problem." He was still laughing, "I think it's great you're in love—"
"Sshh!!" I hissed, "Don't say it out loud. Ever."
u Amber's POV
The next day, I decided to spend a few hours with Christina. We were just going to hang at her house and talk about girl stuff. I needed some advice about Embry too. I already knew what I was going to do about him but I wanted someone to agree with me.
Christina lived a few blocks away so I walked to her house and rang the doorbell. I usually didn't like going to Christina's house because her mother didn't like me but apparently her mother was out for the day. That was a relief.
"Amber!" Christina chirped and pulled me into a huge hug. She was so enthusiastic about everything—always smiling and very ditsy. "Come in! Let's go to my room!" She pulled my hand and practically ran up the stairs and slammed her bedroom door shut behind us.
"Check this out!" She squealed and jumped on her bed to get something on the other side. She got up with her cell phone in hand and flipped it open. She pressed button and showed me a text message from Steve.
Thanks for telling me 3 it said.
"Okay...What's this?" I asked confused that she was making a huge deal of this text message.
"Uh, duh," She pointed at the heart that consisted of 'less than 3' .
"I think he likes me." She nodded and pretended to be disappointed by the fact.
"Christina, that's—" I wasn't in the mood to deal with Christina's wild imagination. Every time a guy looked at her funny she either thought he hated her or loved her. She was so sweet and naive. In the short time I'd known her, I considered her my little sister...even though she was a year older than me. "Okay, we'll get back to that later." I said taking a seat next to her on her bed, "I have something to ask you about."
"What's wrong?" Christina worried. Her face took a complete one eighty—from happy and chirpy to genuinely concerned.
"Oh no! Did he break up with you?"
"No, well," I sighed, "Embry's friend just had sex with his girlfriend who've been dating the same length of time that we have—they're younger than we are—and now, well, I'm afraid Embry might think that changes things." I didn't mind if Christina knew my secrets but I didn't feel comfortable telling her my sisters secrets. I didn't even like thinking about Silver having sex. It still grossed me out. She was a baby!
"How?" She tilted her head to the side like a confused baby.
"Well, Embry's 20 and obviously not a virgin. What if he misses it?"
Christina pursed her lips and nodded, "Your right, he might cheat."
I grimaced. I had almost forgotten that possibility. I knew Embry; if he was done with me, he'd dump me, not cheat on me. I'd rather he dumped me than he'd cheat on me. That way, I'd still have my dignity and our relationship wouldn't be tainted. "He'd never cheat on me." I said.
"Still, you have to do something."
We were both quiet for a few seconds. I looked at my hands on my lap and waited for her to give me a piece of advice, hopefully the solution that I'd thought of. This was a small town; I worried if what I was planning was whorish. In Montreal, girls did it all the time, it was no big deal. I had been dating Keegan for almost 9 months so of course I'd done it with him. I didn't mind it that much. It wasn't my favourite thing in the world but it was worth keeping my boyfriend at the time.
"Well," Christina finally spoke, "How about you give him a nice little handy-J, that should be good enough till you guys break-up or even have sex."
I was surprised by her directness. Those were our only options? Breaking up or having sex? That was positive. Christina and I always thought the same things sometimes and even though she'd said my thoughts aloud, I laughed.
"What's so funny?" Christina giggled.
"No, it's nothing, that's perfect, you're the best."
Christina beamed, "Thanks." she was proud to have helped and I was happy that she wouldn't think less of me. They even had a cute name for it which meant it was popular and well known, "Oh, and I so won't tell anyone." She promised.
I had so much fun at Christina's house. We didn't do much. We just talked, watched TV, went on the computer and ate junk food. I had a good feeling about Christina. She was a nice girl and I felt as though she'd stick around for a long time.
Christina's mom was about to come home in an hour and I was anxious to get the hell out of there. For some reason, she didn't like me. She thought I was a slut—how nice of her. Bernadette Peters vibrated in my pocket and I answered Embry's phone call.
"You. Me. Movies. I've got tickets to the comedy of the year." Embry announced without saying hi.
I giggled, "I'd love to go with you."
Embry picked me up from Christina's house in his crappy, self made car. It was pouring rain at this point. My hair was completely soaked once I got to Embry. I shivered at the sudden warmth in his car.
"Salut, mon chum, tu m'as manqué énormément." I felt the sudden urge to speak French. I just told him that I missed him but he grimaced, not understanding a word I said. Sometimes I considered teaching Embry how to speak friend like what Silver had done with Seth but I liked being able to mutter something under my breath and be sure that he didn't understand. "Je te tien vraiment au cœur. " I murmured to him and was thankful he couldn't speak French. I liked saying sweet things to him without him knowing how much I really worshipped him.
"Quit speaking French, you freak me out when you do that." He grinned and pecked me on the lips. My heart stayed steady which surprised me. He was so amazing; it was overwhelming to know he was my boyfriend. I couldn't forget the fact that I might lose him. The thought almost made me physically sick. That was super weird.
"Did you have fun with your girlfriend?" I asked in a suggestive tone. I wrapped my arm around Amber's shoulder.
She pushed me off and giggled. "Yeah, we practiced kissing for about an hour."
I laughed and took her hand. I wanted to hold on to her. I liked having her near me. She wrapped her arm around my waist and we walked in the same pace. I just showed my ticket to the guy at the front of the movie entrance and we entered. I was glad to see that the small theatre was practically empty except for the other five people in the room.
"L-let's sit at the front." Amber suggested. The stutter was so unlike her. The previews had already started, the lights were off so Amber didn't see me studying her. I wanted to ask her if she was okay but I figured if something was bothering her she would've told me. She was fine five seconds ago so she must've been fine now. If only women were that simple.
I didn't protest to sit in the most isolated part of the cinema even thought I knew that Amber hated sitting in the front row. We sat down and she leaned towards me to whisper in my ear.
"If this movie is so hot then why are we the only people here?" She teased nuzzling my neck.
"It's been in the theatres for a few weeks. Sue me."
Amber giggled and we watched the previews in silence for a few minutes. When the movie started, I made myself more comfortable in my seat. I had already seen the film with Quil a few weeks ago but I wanted to watch it again. Amber never really listened when I spoke to her so she most likely forgot that it was my second time watching the movie.
30 minutes into the movie, Amber sighed. She didn't say anything when I stared at her for three whole seconds so I went back to listening to the movie. She sighed again—more loudly.
"What's wrong?" I whispered.
"This movie is boring." She whispered back.
I frowned, "You just laughed five minutes ago."
"That was a chuckle." She corrected. She turned to grin evilly at me. Amber grabbed me by the chest and kissed me fiercely. My heart thumped uneasily in my chest. She had never been so enthusiastic before, especially in public.
"What's this?" I chuckled against her soft lips. Kissing her was so amazing and all the love I felt for her made it much more intense. The way she pulled my face towards her and her other hands ran down my chest, I knew that she wanted me. It wasn't love she felt for me, but she wanted me and that made me feel really special. She was so hot...
Her hand lowered to my knee and she started to rub my inner thigh. I disguised a moan as a low sigh.
Amber giggled and brought her lips to my throat. Her cool, soft lips sent shivers down my spine. I arched my neck to the side, giving her more room to kiss. Her hand ran up and down my thigh. I was enjoying this way too much to feel embarrassed of what was about to happen in my pants. My eyes had slid close and I tried to concentrate on my breathing so that it wouldn't come out all ragged.
When Amber's hands found its way to my groined, my first reaction was to jerk away slightly.
"Shh, it's okay, relax." She purred and I felt my body relax all on its own as if she'd put a spell on me. "Good..." she approved and proceeded kisses me and lightly rubbing my groin. When she added more pressure, the moan that had been building up in my throat came out in a little grunt. "Quiet Embry." She kissed my lips. Her hand lingered at my pants button and I froze when I thought I felt her undo it. I knew I wasn't hallucinating when I heard her pull down my zipper.
My hands untangled from her hair and stopped her hand, "Amber, what are you doing!" I hissed in a whisper.
Amber grinned at me, "Don't pretend like you don't know what I'm doing." She went back to my throat and I was on the verge of having a heart attack as she continued rubbing my crotch. Of course it wasn't the first time a girl had touched me this way but, again, the emotions I felt for Amber made everything much more intense. Amber had never even come close to suggesting anything remotely close to this—relations in a public place. I had already done something like this with a girl, I was sixteen and it was in her car, but that girl was kind of slutty and I didn't care about her. Amber was special.
"Amber stop." I gasped.
"What?" she asked incredulously, "Are you kidding me? What are you? Gay?" She was clearly offended by my reaction. It wasn't that I didn't want her to do this—I really wanted her to do this—I just didn't want it happening in a public place. That was kind of gross.
"Look, let's take this outside." I suggested, fixing my pants.
She frowned before picking up her purse and stomping towards the exit.
We stood outside of the movie room for a few seconds. Amber crossed her arms in front of her chest and tapped her foot, glaring, waiting for me to say something. I looked at her back, waiting for her to speak. She was the one who had explaining to do. I was still in shock. I might not have been able to talk even if I wanted to.
"Uh, can you explain what that was?" I finally say.
"I was trying to be intimate with my boyfriend." She answered harshly, "But I'm obviously unable to please a man. Thanks Embry, that's real nice. You know, all I do..." She started to nag and after a few seconds of her complaining without pausing to breathe, I spaced out. Her lips moved but I couldn't really pay attention to what she was saying. She'd said that she wanted to be intimate with me. A hand job hardly counted as being intimate. Or did it? It was funny that I'd actually turned down Amber; there must be a first for everything.
She'd asked me if I was gay, which was kind of mean. I wasn't gay, I just had class. I wasn't the kind of guy who gave it away at a public movie theatre, maybe in a nice car or a public bathroom...somewhere more private. That wouldn't have bothered me with other girls but not with Amber, she wasn't like the others.
"...I mean, I thought that's what you wanted but obviously I was stupid." She said. Her face was pink with either anger of embarrassment. I hadn't heard everything she said but I heard that. It was ridiculous—absolutely insane.
"What? Amber, no." I stopped her, "I do want you to do that...I mean, if that's what you want." I said thoughtfully, "What do you mean what I wanted?"
I was positive that the expression on Amber's face was one of embarrassment. She looked away, chewing on her lip, then looked up and gave me a soft, sheepish smile, "Look, Embry, I'm not stupid. I know you're a man and you have needs...I'm your girlfriend Embry." She inhaled deeply, "I want to stay your girlfriend. I don't expect you to abstain from everything sexually for the duration of our relationship."
"Wait, wait, the duration of our relationship?" I repeated, feeling the need to clean out my ears, "Amber, we're never going to have sex?"
She shrugged, "I don't see it happening any time soon. That's why I was doing that...so you wouldn't lose completely."
I was grimacing. Never? Ugh. That really sucked. I couldn't even reply to her last statement.
"Look, Embry, I'd rather you break up with me now then you cheat on me later. You cheat on me and I'll kill you." She threatened and smiled sweetly.
She was talking way too much, "Amber, what? Just shut up for a minute." I shook my head and didn't pay attention to her dropped jaw, "I'm not going to break up with you because you aren't giving me sex. I'll break up with you because you talk too much."
"Haha." She wasn't amused.
"And I don't want you doing anything you don't want to do. You mean more to me than that. If you don't want to touch me, then keep your and to yourself and above my waist. I'll still be your boyfriend." I was a little direct for my taste but Amber didn't seem to mind.
"You'd still be with me if...if I didn't give you a..." she was so confused.
"Amber, I'd stay if the furthest we get was first base."
"Embry," she said softly, "That's...so sweet."
"It's no big deal." I assured her.
"No," she closed the distance between us. We stood so close that I could feel the coolness of her body, "I, like, really love you."
I was frozen in shock and so was she. She backed away from me immediately and clamped her hand on her mouth. Passing back and forth, she ran her finger through her thick bronze hair.
"Oh my God. I can't believe I just said that." She was completely horrified with herself, "Embry, don't freak out. Oh god." She groaned, "You don't have to feel the same way. I swear, us Masson girls are just losing our minds. You must be so surprised."
"Amber, shut up, you're doing it again."
"You're mad, aren't you?"
I rolled my eyes and closed the distance between us again. I grabbed her face and forced her to look at me. Her eyes were so gorgeous. I had trouble concentrating while looking into them, "Amber, please, shut up and listen. I am mad."
"I'm mad that I didn't say it first." I kissed her fiercely and for the first time, I heard her heart go off track, "I've loved for so long, I just didn't know how to tell you."
"Are you kidding?"
"No, Amber Jean Masson, I'm freaking in love with you."
"I kind of...sort of, think I've fallen in love with you. Weird."
"Not as weird as how I know that I'm kind of, sort of, just a little in love with you."
"Copyright Amber Masson."
I chuckled and crushed her lips with mine. This was by far, the best kiss we'd ever had, ever. I held her face close to mine and she wrapped her arms around me, hugging me closer to her. I was in love with that moment. I'd felt something like it before but it was different from the other time too. I never wanted to let her go, that was something I'd experienced often when we kissed like this but this time, I knew—not hoped but knew—that Amber wanted me to stay and that she, too, didn't want to let go.
Chapter 14: Perfection
As the months passed, my life and the people around me's lives changed. I found out that Forks really was my home, I had friends and reasons to stay here. Silver also found more and more reason's to love it here. In addition to a boyfriend, she found a very sexy, very hot in a makes-your-knees-weak kind of way, BFF. He literally fell out from the sky. With a face like that, he was probably an angel.
His name was exotic. One I couldn't forget even if I wanted. Nahuel. This guy was gorgeous. He had rich, light brown coloured skin, his eyes were lighter which always looked nice on dark skinned guys, he was tall and muscular and had a barely audible accent. His capability to speak Spanish made all the girls moan. He was delicious and Silver was so lucky that he had a crush on her. She was spending allot time with him. Her time was split in between spending time with Seth and Nahuel. She had two boyfriends practically. Lucky. But then she stopped hanging out with Nahuel and he stopped coming over. That was weird.
That was Silver's life though, as for mine, it was going amazing. I was so stupid before, to think that being in like was so much better than being in love. That was ridiculous! Being in love was great! Having someone being in love with you was great! I loved how Embry looked at me, how he cherished every time we kissed or hugged or spent time together. There was never a day that passed that I didn't think of Embry. Every morning, after brushing my teeth and washing my face, straightening my hairs on some occasions, I looked forward to Embry's morning texts that consisted of random things like: Raining chocolate coated bagels when he was telling me a dream he'd just had. Sometimes he texted his breakfast...but most of the time, he asked me if I slept well and had good dreams. We usually spoke on the phone till late and he'd wish me: sweet dreams without the monsters and with plenty of Reese cups. He was so sweet.
We tried to keep our affection to a minimum around people, especially Silver and Seth who would have loved to say "I told you so." It was hard to admit to ourselves that Seth and Silver were, in fact not "gay" as a couple at all. They were just in love and had problems keeping their hands off each other. Now that I was in love, I understood and thought it was cute. As for the gay nicknames. It was bound to happen one day or the other, they were inevitable. Embry wasn't only Embry, he was Em and Emby—I know gay—and I wasn't just Amber to him; I was Am and Amby (SO GAY!). As gay as we were becoming, we were really happy. We'd been dating for nearly six months and we were happy. In a great kind of way, we were having a gay old time.
In some way, it was kind of like I'd found my other half. Embry was kind of like my soul mate. He wasn't just a hot guy I liked to make-out with. He was the person I called when I heard hilarious rumours, the person who held me when I cried over a stupid movie, he was my best friend. I knew that we were young and we wouldn't be girlfriend and boyfriend forever—I could hope though—but Embry was going to be a friend who stuck around. I couldn't imagine my life without him.
At the moment though, he was just my boyfriend. When he kissed me like this, it was impossible to put him in the same category as Cynthia or Christina. He kissed me with so much intensity that my heart hammered against my ribs. It was so obvious that he wanted me. I already knew I was hot but it was awesome when he reminded me by kissing me this way.
He ended up on his back causing me to regain control. I gave his lips a break, he was panting, his chest rising and falling beneath my hand. I started kissing his neck and pecked my way to right below his ear and began sucking. Embry didn't notice me taking my revenge. I pulled away to see my master piece, his russet neck was slightly pink where I'd been sucking. When I blinked, his skin was russet again. I frowned and sucked even harder on his throat. I grazed his skin with my teeth trying desperately to leave a bruise.
"Jeez, Embry, why won't you bruise?" I complained. I started gnawing at his throat while sucking but every time I pulled away there was nothing but a very faint, pink blemish, "Come on!"
"What are you doing?" Embry laughed.
"I'm trying to get back at you for that hickey you gave me last week, you A-hole, but it's not working."
He grinned, "Don't give me a hickey," he said before sitting up to kiss me again. "You don't do it right." He whispered and started kissing down my throat, "Let me show you..."
I sighed and my eyes closed. I almost let myself fall back and relax but I remembered how close Silver came to seeing the previous hickey that had hardly even healed yet. "No!" I shoved his chest and he backed off. "No more hickeys." I wiped my neck, "They're gross."
He chuckled, "I don't believe you think that." He patronized.
I rolled my eyes, "Well it looks nasty." I retorted remembering the dark purple bruise between my throat and my shoulder. I had worn a t-shirt in gym class to cover it up.
Embry grimaced, "I went overboard that time." He admitted.
"You liked it though. I know you, Amby."
I smiled. He was so cute, and he did know me. He knew me more than anyone else did. "I love you, Em."
"Love you, too, chica."
I giggled again. Embry always made me laugh. That was one of the things I loved most about him. I kissed his lips, they were such a happy place. He was always smiling. Well, he always smiled when he was around me.
Embry went home but we made plans to hang out tomorrow. We hadn't seen each other for a few days because of the holidays. There was Christmas, then Boxing Day—the Americans call it Black Friday—where I went shopping with my girlfriends. So tomorrow we were going to spend the day together. We would eat at a McDonalds and talk, just be together.
The next morning, I woke up and went upstairs to eat before getting dressed.
Silver was sitting on the sofa listening to some sad Taylor Swift song on her laptop. She sniffled and whipped a tear off her face.
"Walla, you're not crying because a stupid Taylor Swift song?" I demanded incredulously. I didn't understand why people got so obsessed with Taylor Swift! She was a freaking country singer! Ick. Silver was so gay.
Silver laughed nervously, "Yeah, I guess I am." She turned her face away from me and pulled her thick blond hair over her shoulder creating a curtain between us.
"Silver, are you okay?" I asked as I paid closer attention to the song. It was basically talking about how hard it was to live without someone but also that you have to go on...
"Yeah, I'm fine...I just miss him..."
I knew she couldn't be talking about Seth, she had just seen him yesterday so I didn't take very long to summarize that she was talking about Nahuel. "Then why don't you call him? Ask him to come over?"
"I can't do that."
"Why not? Is Seth telling you not to talk to him?" I demanded. "He better not be pushing you around."
"No, Amber, it's—" she sighed, "Never mind, I shouldn't have said anything. Are you hungry?" she shut her laptop without stopping the song and I wondered if that would damage the computer, "I'll make crêpes." She left her laptop on the sofa and walked passed me to the kitchen. I was going to ask her what was up with her but I figured she'd mention it when she wanted. If she was in a bad mood, I didn't want to make it worst by irritating her. She probably just needed her daily dose of Clearwater. Once that kid came over, she'd be happy and chirpy.
That disturbed me so intensely that it caused me pain to think of how gruesome it would be when they eventually broke up. I would have done anything to prevent that from ever happening.
Silver made us crêpes and Embry came over after I was done doing the dishes. I scolded him for a few minutes for being late then picked up my purse and jacket before heading out. Of course I asked Silver if she wanted me to stay then reluctantly asked her if she wished to join us and she turned me down on both accounts. With a sigh, I left my sister and hopped into Embry's car.
"Maybe I should stay with her." I suggested to Embry.
"Aw, but I drove all the way here, why couldn't you say that before I came over." He complained.
"You're right." I nodded staring at my house door. I expected Silver to come out looking for me. If she did, I would stay with her. She didn't, "Let's go."
Embry did as I said and we drove to McDonalds for lunch. We had both agreed that we were full from Silver's breakfast so we went for a little walk instead. It was nice outside today. It wasn't beautiful but I wasn't freezing either. The snow on the sidewalk and on the street had taken a disgusting brownish grey colour from tires and dirty shoes running over it repetitively. Silver and I used to call it slush. We love stepping in it—the way it squished beneath our winter boots was a satisfying feeling. Then one day a bus drove through a huge puddle of slush, soaking us with nasty, lumpy brown snow. Now, we didn't love dirty snow that much.
We took a short walk and talked about random things. He spoke of work and I spoke of school. We had to start applying for college next month and we discussed trying out for the same colleges and keep our fingers crossed on getting in the same schools. I didn't know what I wanted to do about college. Last year, I had everything set up for me, I was going to go to Dawson College in Montréal, then go to McGill University or maybe Concordia but now, as much as I hated to admit it, I had a life here. Not only Emby, but my friends and I couldn't just abandon Silver and my mother and fly back to Montréal for school. I had to admit to myself that in the last 6 months, I had changed drastically. My Montréal friends had stopped calling, they abandoned me. Now I had real friends, people I wanted to grow up with and have in my future. I had sort of found my home.
After our short walk, we went back to McDonalds and ate. Embry had two Big Macs, a large fry, a large soda and 3 apple pies. I shook my head in disapproval. He was going to die of a heart attack one day. I was happy with my Big Mac combo and a McFlurry for later. Embry was the only guy who'd ever seen me eat like myself. I added ketchup to my burger and didn't feel embarrassed when it started to drip all over the place. That was the beauty of being friends with your boyfriend.
"Is it okay if we drop by Jacob's house? I have to get something." Embry asked while wiping his mouth with a napkin.
"You're driving; you don't have to ask me." I giggled and rolled my eyes. We left McDonalds after I finished my McFlurry. Embry didn't want me eating nanything in his car. What was with guys and their cars? I didn't protest, he had worked pretty hard on that thing.
The reason he had to go to Jacob's house was juvenile. He had to borrow some stupid videogame to put in his new PS3 or Nintento Wii or something like that. I stopped caring.
We went to Embry's house afterwards. His mom wasn't there, she never really was. I'd only met her a few times but Embry loved her dispited her absence. She was out working and he looked up to her for that. I always thought that was sweet.
I sat on the sofa in his small basement as Embry reinstalled the VCR and put in my favourite Christmas movie: How the Grinch stole Christmas starring a famous Canadian actor and funny man Jim Carrey. I watched Embry turn on the TV to reveal the blue screen then press play. I loved how perfect this simple day was. I loved how all we did was take a short walk and ate McDonalds and I still had so much fun. This day was perfection. Embry was perfection.
He came on the sofa and pulled me closer to him. I sighed and rested my head on his shoulder. I couldn't believe how much I was in love with him. I never thought this could happen to me. I wasn't the kind of girl who fell in love with anyone. Guys fell in love with me. I had broken too many hearts in the short period of time I had been alive. I didn't care about those guys though, I cared for Embry. I always wanted to be with him, he made me laugh when I was sad, he was the highlight of my day. I was so freaking in love.
"I love you." I whispered.
"I love you, too." He kissed my forehead and hugged my closer to his side.
I don't know where the thought came from, but it popped into my mind out of nowhere. It felt so right to be there in Embry's arms, I wanted it to be more than what it was. I looked up at Embry and surprised him by kissing his lips. I felt his mouth curl up into a smile.
"I thought we were actually watching this movie." He chuckled and cupped my face, "But this is a much better idea." His fingers burnt the skin on the back of my neck.
I pulled his hands away from my head and twined our fingers together. I looked into his eyes and rethought everything. I looked at his face—the face I was in love with—and studied it.
Embry's expression was confused and he looked so cute when he was confused. He also looked cute when he was mad and when he thought something was really funny. To me, he was the cutest guy in the world. Of course I knew that after Embry, I was going to have plenty of other boyfriends but at the moment, I only saw myself with Embry. I couldn't imagine a person I would be more synched to. I couldn't think of a better first.
"Embry, I'm ready."
His eyes widened, "Ready?" he repeated as if he hadn't understood but I knew he did. His voice cracked and he cleared his throat, "Ready for what?"
I smiled at him. Pulling his face to mine, I kissed him passionately, running my fingers through his cropped hair. I pulled him away and his breathing was already uneven, "I'm ready." I repeated.
He couldn't speak when he was 100% sure what I meant.
If y'all didn't get it, the song Silver was listening to was Breathe by Taylor Swift. It's one of my favourite songs for the moment and I feel like it applies well to this story...
Chapter 15: Screwed
"Are you serious Amber? This isn't funny. Don't screw with me here." Embry words came out all jumbled up and piled on top of each other. He was speaking in a rush. Embry had grabbed both my shoulders to force me to face him.
I smiled warmly. His dorkiness was making this a little easier but my heart still raced and I was nervous as hell. I just nodded, "Mm hm." I squeaked. His hands were heating up on my shoulders and I tensed up. He leaned forward to kiss me softly and my shoulders relaxed. I pulled his hands off my shoulders and kept held them as I got off the sofa, "Let's go to your room." I suggested.
Embry smiled and got up. We held hands as we walked up the few steps and headed for his room. I couldn't get myself to settle down. I knew I wanted to do this. I knew I loved Embry but my nerves were really ruining this for me. I was being ridiculous. People had sex all the time...but what Embry and I were going to do was way more than just sex. I loved him...
My heart stuttered when we reached the door frame of his bedroom.
"Are you sure you want to do this?" Embry asked again. He looked so vulnerable. He was scared too.
I placed my hand on his face, "I love you." I replied. Neither of us notice that I wasn't really answering his question.I could do this! I hissed at myself. I had to keep in mind that this was Embry. Not to mention Silver had done this before. I fought back the urge to grimace. This wasn't about her. But she had done this before and everything she could do I could do better—I was older.
We kissed again.
"My heart is beating so fast." Embry uttered and took my hand to place it on his chest. I felt it beating under my palm. It was going pretty fast.
"Me too." I admitted and took his hand to place it on my own chest. Our hands were stretched out to each other feeling our hearts. It was a weird feeling. I could feel his heart beat just as much as I could feel my own. I looked up into his eyes. His face was soft but serious. He knelt forward to kiss me. He got a bit too passionate because he pushed me into the door frame and I gasped in pain. My head had hit the wall. "Ow!" I complained grabbing the back of my head.
"I'm sorry!" Embry apologized automatically. He looked so embarrassed, "Sorry, I'm really nervous and...it's been a while."
"I know it has." I agreed and took his hand to lead him to his bed. Then we began kissing again. Neither of us suggested anything romantic; we didn't dim the lights or light a candle or turn on music or anything like that. We just...did it...
I didn't count how much time past. I bit down on my lip so hard I thought I tasted blood. I couldn't think straight. The pain was too potent and I had to concentrate on not screaming—on not crying. I held my breath and waited for him to finish. There was nothing else to do, this was how it was going to be for me. My first time wasn't going to be an enjoyable one. Just because I wasn't having fun it didn't mean I had to ruin it for Embry. I wanted him to finish. I wanted him out and I never wanted him to come back in. I never wanted anyone to come back in.
Finally, Embry just collapse. I yelped at the pain of his grand finally.
It was over. He was done. I wasn't a virgin anymore.
I groaned when he got off of me. I couldn't get my body to relax. I stiffly turned my back on Embry and winced as I attempted to close my legs. I heard the sheets ruffled then I was covered by a thick comforter. I wrapped it around myself and winced at the pain in my groin. Was this normal? Was all this pain normal?
I felt so cold. I tried to wrap the cover around me more thoroughly but too much movement caused me pain. I gasped.
Embry let his hot finger trail from my neck to my lower back. I shivered and he sighed. He covered me up and tucked me in.
I would have thanked him but I wasn't able to breathe. My throat hurt from the giant lump. It was as if I had dry swallowed a big pill. I was so upset.—so heartbroken. I had looked forward to this. I remembered that, right before things really started, I thought that I wanted it to last forever. Thing had gone terribly. Worst than I ever thought imaginable. And Embry's size didn't help. Maybe if he was smaller it wouldn't have hurt so much. I was sure it was just that. Just the physical things. There wasn't anything wrong with our emotional relationship. We were in love and happy in that sense. Apparently love wasn't all you needed for good sex—or at least bearable sex.
Embry was extremely quiet next to me. It was almost as though I were alone. I wanted to hear him speak. It would've erased the thought of his grunting and moaning, I wanted to forget all that. I doubted there was anything he could say to make me feel better but the effort would have made a huge difference.
He never spoke so neither did I. I cleared my mind and went completely blank. I didn't think.
I couldn't sleep though. It was impossible. I really felt like I was suffocating. I sat up and started breathing. I felt Embry's eyes on my naked back. "I—I have to go home." I said collecting my clothes from off the floor. I had to get out of here. I couldn't breathe with him here—staring at me. I was getting dressed in a rush.
"Oh, uh," Embry seemed shocked by my eagerness to leave.
I turned my head to the side but couldn't bring myself to look at him completely, "The house is a mess. I can't believe I left it like that..." I lied. My house was spotless. I never left the house dirty. Embry knew that too but he didn't call me out on my lie and I was grateful.
"Okay, I'll...drive you then."
We both got dress, our backs turned to each other. I wondered if he was disgusted with me as I was disgusted with myself. I had ruined everything. I wondered why this had to happen. Why couldn't this had gone perfectly like everything did with Embry? I also wondered how much time it would take me to be strong enough to look in eyes again.
I kept my eye on my ground when we walked out into the rain. I concentrated on my fingers when we were in his car. Embry wasn't talking either. Why was that? I wanted to peek at him but I couldn't. I couldn't describe how I felt when we reached my house. Relief definitely wasn't the word for it. I opened the car door and stepped out.
"Thanks," I mumbled, "I'll, uh," all my words got caught in my throat.
"Call me?" Embry's voice sounded hopeful.
"Sure." I grumbled and shut the door. I went up the stairs two steps at a time and unlocked my front door with shaky hands. When the door opened, I went inside and tried to breathe. What had I done? This was supposed to be a good thing—me sleeping with Embry was supposed to be a good thing. It didn't feel that way at all. I felt vulnerable and I was still hurting.
What had I done?
I started to sob. I shouldn't have done that. I cried for my lost virginity. I cried for how unsatisfying it was. I cried for Embry and cried and cried...
Chapter 16: California
Amber was completely silent as I drove her back home, which was really unlike her. My face was on fire, I was really embarrassed of what I had just done. I tried not to think about it.
I reached her house and she got out of the car before I could even put it in park. She stepped out into the rain and stood next to the open door. She seemed almost dead and didn't seem to care what the next word that would come out of her mouth was going to be.
"Thanks," she finally mumbled, "I'll, uh," she didn't look up at me as she froze through her sentence. My heart sank into the pit of my stomach.
"Call me?" I pleaded. I was begging her for this. I needed her to not be angry with me.
"Sure." She slammed the car door shut. She wasn't going to call me. I was sure of that.
She practically ran up the steps and slammed her house door shut.
My heart was pounding inside my chest. What kind of monster was I? What had I done? The fact that she had offered to give herself to me didn't matter. I ruined everything. I destroyed us. I destroyed Embry and Amber. We could have been happy, we could have gone to college together...we could have done so much, but I had taken advantage of her. She was vulnerable and I should have seen that. I was stupid and this was my entire fault.
I was able to hear Amber sobbing from inside her house and I had to hold back sobs of my own. I drove out of the driveway and out of town. I was gripping the weal so tightly I was happy that I had enough self-control to not rip the whole thing off. I wasn't in very good shape to be driving a car. I was hardly able to stay human.
I was seeing heat. All I saw was red and I knew that I was about to lose it. I found a parking lot—I wasn't sure of what—and parked my car there. I was enraged but fought to stay rational. I was grateful that I was near the woods. I ran into them and started breathing deeply. I tried to stay calm but it wasn't easy.
I ripped off my shirt instead of pulling it over my head like I wanted. I cursed under my breath and really concentrated on calming down as I undressed and tied my jeans to my ankle. It wasn't practical to have these giant pants wrapped around my legs but I had to remind myself that walking around naked was illegal. At the time I couldn't care less what was legal or not but I was trying to be rational.
I should've been more rational with Amber. Yes, I loved her and because of that my body yearned for her so badly that it almost caused me pain but that was no excuse for what I did. She had been so beautiful at first. Everything about her was nearly perfect. I was so thrilled that I ignored how her body would tense up every time I touched her in a new place. I was too stupid to notice that she was wincing in pain and I was too selfish to have pulled away even though she asked me not to. She was being selfless and I should have done the same!
It was inevitable that I finally exploded. I wasn't relieved that I didn't hear my jean tear. I didn't care about my jeans. I didn't care about anything. I began to run. I didn't know what direction I was running and I didn't care. I just had to stop feeling all this pain and guilt.
I was alone in my head at first and I cherished that for the time it lasted. I remembered when Jacob had been going through something similar to this a few years ago—when Bella had chosen Edward over him. What had he done to stop the pain? I was pretty sure it had something to do with my wolf instincts. I had to stop thinking human. I wanted to not feel sad for just a few hours and humanity wasn't keeping me sane.
I had been running none stop for several hours when I felt another presence in my head. Of course it was Jacob and he was surprised to see—not literally—me here.
Hey Embry! He was chipper at first until he tasted my glum mood. He was weary then, What's wrong? he asked cautiously.
Nothing, I grumbled. I really didn't want to talk about it. This was by far embarrassing but I didn't want him prodding me to get it so I let my mind skim back to the painful memories skipping the graphic details as well as I could.
Jacob was in shock momentarily. He tried to think of something to say to cheer me up but he couldn't think of anything. Sorry, man. That really sucks.
I know it sucks. I had to fight back the need to wail again. Being a wolf didn't take away all the pain. It just made it a little more bearable. That didn't stop it from being unbearable though. I still couldn't stand the aching in my chest and the shame in the pit of my stomach. The shame made it all the more worse.
Jacob was quiet and tried not to think to hard about my business. He was embarrassed to be in my head at such an inappropriate time and felt out of place. Well, I don't really have to be in my wolf form so…I'm going to give you some privacy.
Thanks, I muttered and went back to counting trees and smelling the air around me. There weren't many critters for me to listen to—the bears were hibernating.
I heard my phone ringing but didn't bother answering. There wasn't one I wanted to talk to. I knew it wasn't Amber so I didn't bother checking if it was. I wasn't going to get my hopes up so they could crumble else like everything had.
I ran for so long the sun probably rose and fell a few times. I didn't care about my surroundings. I had finally stopped feeling bad. Sure, I had screwed it up with Amber but things were going to work out. We were going to have a painfully humiliating conversation about my performance and we were going to fix this. I wasn't going to let us go down without a fight. I knew that she might dump me. I really was awful. I was so nervous and she was so beautiful and I wanted to be good with her. I wanted it so much that I couldn't get anything right. I wasn't able to focus and that threw me off. Maybe if Amber was a girl I didn't care about I would've been better. I knew that I would've been better if it was just one of the girls I had gone to high school with. I wouldn't have been so nervous and clumsy…
I was going to make things better with me and Amber. I owed us that much.
I stopped running when I heard civilisation nearby. I could hear people talking and laughing. I phased back into my human form and pulled on my pants. They were kind of ripped in the knees and had allot on mud and water stains on it. Now I cared that I had ripped my shirt.
With a sigh, I started walking toward the exit of the forest. I was really relieved when I recalled that I hadn't tossed my sneakers aside. I frowned when I noticed just how hot it was outside. We were in early January yet it was actually hot outside.
I stepped out of the trees and squinted at the bright sunlight that caught me by surprise. What was the sun doing here? I tried to remember the last time I saw this much sunlight and it went back to the summer time. I stepped right onto a side walk and nearly bumped into an old lady when my eyes finally adjusted.
The old lady gave me a dirty look before continuing her stroll down…I didn't know where I was. I looked up for street signs in hopes for a hint of where the hell I was but I had never seen of heard of any of these streets. Half of me wanted to turn back and head home but my other half was curious to where I really was. It seemed like I was near a shopping central…that was new to me.
I started walking down the street and looking around me like a confused tourist. There were so many stores and tall buildings. They all looked new and in shape. The pavement was actually dry. Where ever I was, it hadn't rained the day before. That was kind of cool.
"Ugh, what the hell?" A blond girl muttered giving me a dirty look. Her arm was hooked to another teenage girl who was staring and giggling.
"Get a job cutie." The other teenage girl said and they both bursted into giggles as they walked right past me on the narrow side.
I was confused and disoriented. I watched the two girls go into a building that I presumed was some teen clothes store. That's when I remembered that I was half naked and roaming the streets of some unknown country. Instead of turning back into the woods like a normal person, I proceeded with my wandering. I was definitely at some kind of shopping area. I walked passed allot of girl stores and decided I definitely wanted to buy Amber something nice. She really deserved something. But first thing was first, I really needed some clothes.
This place was teenage central. I was practically amongst my own people. I noticed a cute brunette looking at me. She was about to walk past me. Since she'd noticed me in a non-creeped out way I decided she would be the one I'd speak to.
"Excuse me miss?" I said to her, "Can you tell me—this is a weird question—what state were in?" I was really embarrassed of asking this question but it was either this or go back home and face the world empty handed.
The girl raised an eyebrow and looked at me up and down, "Rough night?"She chuckled.
I didn't care for her joke. I just waited for her to answer my question so I could buy myself a shirt and buy Amber a bracelet or something.
"Only the best state in the US! California!" She crowed. She started to laughed and waited for me to join. Usually I would've appreciated a beautiful girl flirting with me but I wasn't really myself at the time and her jokes weren't funny to me. Had she said Californian? How long had I been running? What day was it? How much trouble was I going to be in when I got home? I knew for a fact that my mother was going to murder me.
The brunette patted my shoulder playfully. I could tell that she was harassing me the way her hand lingered on my bicep.
"Thank you." I smiled and placed my hand on hers to remove it from my shoulder. This girl was making me uncomfortable and I had things to do.
"So, do you have any plans later?"
"Yeah, I was actually hoping to buy a gift for my girlfriend." I informed her.
Her expression didn't falter. She smiled, shrugged and went on her way.
I did the same, heading in the other direction. I had three things to do:
One. I needed a new shirt. I couldn't walk around in sunny California with dirty ripped jeans and no shirt. I was bound to be arrested sooner or later for public nudity. Was I even aloud to be shirtless in a place like this?
Two. I had to find Amber a decent piece of jewellery or at least a meaningful gift. I hadn't really gotten her a Christmas gift so this was crucial. Nothing was more important than my third task. I had to remember that this was the most important.
Thirdly. I had to make it up to Amber. I had to get her back.
A/N: It's kind of obvious, but just want to say: I've never been to California. Always wanted to go but the furthest I've been from Québec is…well Jamaica but other than that…well New York, but other than that I've never been very far…sigh.