|The Intracacies of Love
Author: DecidedlyPositive PM
Gintoki and Shinpachi marvel over the deviousness of anime creators, and wonder how they got a fast one pulled over them in regards to Okita and Kagura.Rated: Fiction T - English - Romance/Humor - Kagura & Okita S. - Words: 2,233 - Reviews: 37 - Favs: 87 - Follows: 7 - Published: 12-23-09 - Status: Complete - id: 5603794
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Disclaimer: I don't own Gintama, Sailor Moon, Inuyasha, Bleach, or any other anime references, characters, etc.
Summary: Gintoki and Shinpachi marvel over the deviousness of anime creators, and wonder how they got a fast one pulled over them in regards to Okita and Kagura.
Shinpachi sat there miserably, his chocolate brown eyes twin pools of despondent confusion.
Next to him, Gintoki wasn't much better, sucking away at a chocolate shake lifelessly.
"Oi, Gin-san…how did we not notice?" Shinpachi murmured tonelessly, his face still shell-shocked. "We should have suspected something. After all, what other reason would they have been in all of those episodes together?"
"They weren't in all that many episodes together…"
"What about that last one where Okita-san spilled all his guts to Kagura-chan! It was all Kagura-chan and Okita-san, we were only in the last five minutes of the episode! They were definitely establishing a bond there!" Shinpachi exclaimed miserably, pausing for a moment before continuing on, "Ah, and we were so busy beating up those thugs and being off-screen we didn't have time to notice!"
Gin shook his head morosely. "Teenagers. I always thought they hated each other. But I should have recognized the old love-hate plot cliché found in so many animes."
Shinpachi looked at him in disbelief. "Love-hate relationship?! Kagura-chan used to call him Sadist—"
"A pet name, obviously."
"—and Okita-san used to take every opportunity to torment her!" Shinpachi finished, his voice rising. "How is that love, Gin-san? How!?" He couldn't understand it. Maybe he had somehow fallen into an alternate anime? Maybe this wasn't even Gintama.
No, that wasn't possible, he thought as he glanced at Gin. After all, that silver-haired lazy guy was still the same. Then, an even more horrifying thought occurred to him. Maybe, just maybe, the creators had decided to turn Gintama into a shoujo anime!
"Ah, Shinpachi-kun, when you've lived as long as me—"
"You're only twenty-five! Don't go making it sound as though you're a wise old man!"
Gin continued, unheeding Shinpachi's interruption. "When you've lived as long as me, you'll start to recognize these things—"
"Oi, you were hoodwinked too. You were definitely hoodwinked too! You didn't recognize anything either!"
"But it was fairly obvious, now that I think about it. Those two were closest in age, apart from you and Kagura-chan."
Shinpachi shuddered, suddenly thankful that they hadn't decided to make him and Kagura-chan—he couldn't even finish the thought. He loved Kagura dearly, but it was more in the little sister he never had sort of way. Definitely not anything more.
"Gin-san, you don't think…" Shinpachi paused, trying to voice his darkest fears. He swallowed, attempting to rid his throat of the large lump that had settled there. "You don't think…because of our ratings…that…they decided we'd be better off as a shoujo anime? That Kagura-chan and Okita-san getting together was just the beginning?"
Gin's hand tightened on his chocolate shake, seeking comfort in its presence as he laughed nervously. A single bead of sweat ran down the side of his face. "Ah, ah, Shinpachi-kun, don't even kid about that. That's ridiculous…" he trailed off.
Shinpachi's voice was deadly quiet, and his face had the look of a man who had just undergone spiritual enlightenment. "It's true. It's what's happening. It makes sense, what with our struggle to keep on the air for another year each time the new year rolls around." He clutched his hands together. "All the shoujo animes have remarkably good ratings. You can't deny it, Gin-san."
Gin laughed again, though it was more in denial than any other sound he had made before. "Nah, you can't just go around generalizing, Shinpachi, after all, there's no guarantee that just by becoming a shoujo anime we'd be any more popular—"
"How many people have ever even heard of Gintama?" Shinpachi shot back desperately. "It's true, Gin-san!"
Shinpachi smacked his hand down. "That one went on forever! Episodes upon episodes! And there's not a kid in the world who doesn't know about her! Hell, even Hijikata-san loves her, and he's part of Gintama!"
Shinpachi went on relentlessly, slamming his hand down upon the table again, this time closer to Gin's chocolate shake, making it tip unsteadily. "Inuyasha!"
Gin looked at Shinpachi triumphantly as he saved his precious milkshake from spilling everywhere. "That one's not a shoujo anime, Shinpachi!"
"Still, it was the love between the two main characters that kept it going! Over a hundred episodes of love triangles and heartfelt arguments, and they're still going! They haven't even run out of material yet!" The unspoken words remained, hanging between them in the air. They hadn't run out of material yet…like some said Gintama had.
Gin had a thoughtful expression on, considering Shinpachi's words. He shrugged. "Aa. Guess you're right, Shinpachi."
"So? What're we gonna do, Gin-san? We can't let this happen!" Shinpachi said heatedly as he glared at Gin's apparent indifference. There was absolutely no way he was going to allow himself to be turned into the stereotypical, shy geek who pined away for a girl he couldn't have. And with the way things were going, that was the role he'd be destined for.
Gin scratched his head. "I wonder who'd they pair me with? All the girls on here are either old hags or perverted ninjas…"His thinking was cut off as Shinpachi reached out a hand and brought it down on his friend's head.
"Hey, that's not the time to be thinking about that! Pretty soon you won't even be the main character anymore, Gin-san!"
Gin's eyes widened at the idea. "Where did you get that idea, Shinpachi?"
The dark-haired voice lowered in consternation. "Think about it Gin-san. Obviously the romance between Kagura-chan and Okita-san is going to be fairly popular, what with the insane support their relationship receives." He stared down at the table, fists tightening. "Before you know it, the episodes where we only start showing up at the last five minutes are going to start occurring more often, just so they can still call the show 'Gintama'."
Gin snorted, not looking too concerned. "Hah, pretty soon people would start noticing when their beloved Gin-san wasn't showing up." He comforted himself with the fact that Gintama without Gin-san would be like an omelet without eggs, Umibouzu without his mustache, Hijikata teaching others not to smoke…it just wasn't possible.
Shinpachi shook his head. "I don't think so, Gin-san. Then it's going to be Okita and Kagura saving Edo from every alien and monster that shows up. They'll be the superhero couple of the show, with their monster strength and their flirtatious bickering while they fight."
"Don't be stupid! They can't use my name in the title of the show if I'm not even in it!" Gin muttered grumpily, taking solace in his milkshake again.
Shinpachi looked at him pityingly. "That's why they'll change the name of the show, later on. When we're edited out completely."
Gin spit out the large mouthful of chocolate shake he'd just inhaled. "What?!"
Shinpachi nodded gravely, his brown eyes sorrowful. "Mmhmm. They'll have to change the name to…KaguraOkitaTama. Or Love-LoveTama."
"Oi! That's impossible, that's definitely impossible. No one would watch a show with such a stupid name. Whatever people say, the title is the most important thing."
Shinpachi crossed his arms on the table and buried his head in them. His voice came out muffled when he spoke. "You never know with television, Gin-san. People like the weirdest things. They liked Bleach, and that's the name of a cleaning agent that makes your clothes all white." By now the cloud of depression around them had seeped past the booth where they were sitting, coloring the air around them with dark, tangible despair.
Shinpachi glanced up in surprise when he felt Gintoki getting up from his seat beside him. Gin's eyes were shadowed, hidden by his white bangs, and his hand was reaching menacingly towards his Lake Toya bokuto that was resting against the café's table. Shinpachi watched apprehensively as Gin proceeded to fasten it against his waist, all the while muttering things like, "Love-LoveTama…shoujo…no way…"
"Er…Gin-san?" Shinpachi tried hesitantly, jumping when Gin turned his gaze on him. His refrained from blanching at the wide, cheerful smile on Gin's face.
"Yeah, Shinpachi?" Gin was already turning around, heading towards the doors of the café.
"Where're you going?"
Gin paused, his hand already resting on the handle of the door. "Shinpachi, you'll learn that at times, there are some things that must be done for the sake of others."
Shinpachi stared at him blankly, suddenly worrying about Gin's mental health. This whole thing hadn't been too much of a strain on his aging psyche, had it? Maybe it was time to start looking around at rest homes?
Cautiously, he got out of seat and approached the samurai, careful not to make any quick movements. "Gin-san?"
Gin whipped around, smiling widely, his red eyes glowing demonically. "Shinpachi, there won't be any LoveLoveTama if there isn't an Okita for Kagura to hook up with, ne?"
It became horribly clear to Shinpachi what Gin meant to do. "You can't just go knocking off characters for the sake of your vanity!"
"I can if they're a danger to the show. I got rid of Hosen and Takasugi, didn't I?"
"Gin-san, they were specifically designed for that! Okita-san ranked number two in the popularity polls and has a large fanbase!"
Gin shrugged. "People will get over the loss soon enough."
"What about Kagura-chan? You can't smite her first love!"
"Plenty of other fish in the sea for her to hook."
"What fish, Gin-chan? Are we eating fish for dinner today? Yay, I'm so hungry, ah huh."
They both turned around at the sound of the sweet, cheerful voice which belonged none other than to…Kagura.
She was standing there, deceptively cute and innocent, sucking away on a lollypop in her mouth. "What'cha guys doing, uh-huh? Knew I'd find you here." She twirled the stick in her mouth, then pulled it out with a loud pop.
Shinpachi and Gin stared at her. Shinpachi ventured cautiously, "Kagura-chan…what're you doing here?"
She blinked. "Why shouldn't I be here, 'Pachi? I was just looking to see where you guys were, yup."
"We thought you would be with your Sadist boyfriend right now," Gin told her rather sourly, still thinking about Love-LoveTama.
"Nope," Kagura said cheerfully. "Actually, I was on my way to visit him in the hospital."
Shinpachi and Gin looked at one another. "The hospital?"
"Did you beat the crap out of him, Kagura? Good job!"
Simultaneous breaths were let out as Shinpachi and Gin sagged against the wall in relief. It looked as though Gintama was safe once again, and all of their worrying had been for nothing. Both were smiling like the idiots they were.
Unfortunately, Kagura took the time to answer them as she started to go out again, shifting her umbrella under her arm. "While you two were wasting the day away here, a big slimy monster started going around eating people, uh-huh. He was big and gross, but me 'n the Sadist took care of him together. But Sougo got hurt trying to protect me like the idiot he is."
She looked over at a frozen Shinpachi and Gin, scowling a little. "Jeez, you two, pretty soon you'll just be sitting in here eating parfaits every time something happens!" She yawned, heading out the door. "Lucky for you me and the Sadist make a kickass team, uh-huh, otherwise we'd all be dead right now!"
And on that upbeat note, she left the café, not bothering to notice the aura of depression she'd inadvertently brought upon the occupants.
The days of Love-LoveTama were apparently not too far away.
First, I need to say that this is all meant in jest, definitely not seriously. A note to anyone who doesn't actually know, but Kagura and Okita don't actually get together in the anime or manga (at least, not yet, kukuku. I still have my fingers crossed in hopes for that happening). I LOVE Okita and Kagura together more than any other pairing, but I just cracked up at the idea of them taking over the show. And I always wondered how Gin and Shinpachi would react to the news (the title Love-LoveTama still cracks me up).
I appreciate helpful tips, constructive criticism, or just plain ol' happy comments, so please leave a review!