|His Room 304
Author: Elise Davidson PM
Janitor/Todd. Cracktacular, craptastic funness. Or how Janitor got Todd to get JD in trouble.Rated: Fiction T - English - Humor/Parody - Janitor & Todd Q./The Todd - Words: 1,034 - Reviews: 4 - Favs: 2 - Published: 12-31-09 - id: 5629480
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Janitor leaned against his mop, not sure if his level of buzzed drunkenness was high enough for his satisfaction yet. He'd filled a big gulp cup from 7-11 full of scotch, and it was still only half full, so he still had 32 ounces of good, throat-burning awesome before he had to cut out and refill.
Or convince Scooter to do it for him, thus having him on the clock with a 64 ounce cup of scotch on him.
Janitor smirked. That would work nicely. That was the next plan. He pushed off from his mop again as a group of surgical students walked past. Supposedly Straight Surgeon was leading them on their cosmetic surgical rotation.
"So the real point here is if you like boobies, this is the rotation for you," Todd finished up, hand raised. "Breast Enhancement Five anyone?"
The interns stared at him blankly.
Janitor snorted. Just when he thought the surgeons couldn't get any dumber. Sure, Scooter was a whole different bag of squirrel candy when it came to idiocy, but this guy was a sack of raccoon treats and then some.
"Who are you again?" Janitor queried as the interns dispersed, and Todd gave him a curious glance.
"The Todd," he responded. "Repetition five!"
Janitor shook his head. "No high five."
"No high five?"
The surgeon looked so crushed for a moment that Janitor almost considered slapping his hand. Against his better judgment, he raised his hand and gave the poor doof a high five.
"Alright, Janitor!" Todd replied enthusiastically. "Now that is a high five to be proud of." He grinned cockily. "And a body too." He turned and whistled as he walked down the hallway.
Janitor raised an eyebrow. That guy was so in denial, he was pretty sure that there wasn't a river long enough to encompass it all. Still, there had to be a way to use such a moron against Scooter.
And that was the real plan of it all.
Todd rounded the corner out of Janitor's view, reaching for his next chart from the nurse's station (blindly, as he'd managed to get a good hold of Laverne's boob once when not looking) and sighed petulantly when he only turned up his next consult.
"Hey, Todd," JD called him over.
Todd looked up. Freaky kid. "Yeah, what's up, JD?"
JD grinned widely. "Want to do me a favor?"
Todd raised an eyebrow. "Favor five?" He raised his hand expectantly. He would never understand why JD always looked terrified of his fiving hand.
"How about I just promise you the best consult with the hottest lady on this floor?"
"Done!" He high-fived JD anyway, just because high-fiving was fun.
"Okay. Do me a favor, and hit on Janitor as much as you can today," JD said bravely, feeling Dr. Cox's eyes on him from down the hall.
This had all been Perry's idea. The man had been trying to get back at Janitor ever since he woke up, duct-taped in the morgue.
"Nothing wrong with that," Todd said sagely. Janitor wasn't bad after all. Tall, broad-shouldered. They could so work out together at the gym; that would just be awesome.
"Thanks, Todd. Take room 304 for that."
Todd happily galloped into room 304 first, and got kicked out two seconds later for telling the woman she didn't need a breast reduction; she needed a psych consult if she wanted to reduce those sweet puppies.
Janitor couldn't figure out Todd's angle. He'd been trying to get Todd on his side all day. The surgeon was an idiot, but he knew how to hold a scalpel. That meant gills, or even laser eyes for his squirrel army. And that meant Scooter could be permanently toast at some point.
But Todd had been curiously hanging on him all day long, grinning at him and winking more than usual. He'd even refilled his big gulp.
Janitor leaned on his mop again, now more than pleasantly drunk. Todd was standing nearby expectantly, as if waiting for him to pass out.
"Could you do laser eyes or gills on dead animals?" Janitor finally asked randomly. He needed to get it out first.
"Maybe some Papier Mache ones," Todd replied honestly. "They'd look pretty cool." He sidled into Janitor's personal space, remembering the awesomeness that had been room 304. The woman had gone home for the day, Todd having caught her awesome cans one more time.
"Close enough. What do you demand in return?" Janitor asked formally.
"On call room, now."
Janitor eyed him warily. "For laser eyes?" He pretended to think about it for a minute, but he was really trying to bring up enough strength to walk to said room. "Actually, I'll do it if you give this cup to Dr. Dorian."
Todd looked confused for a moment, but took the proffered cup. "Meet you there."
Janitor grinned and headed after Todd. He didn't want to miss the spaz ending up with a big gulp full of liquor. Todd handed it off as planned.
"Now, just wait a minute," Janitor said. "You have to be patient. In here; I've got a lookie-hole for it."
Todd complied, stepping into the supply closet with Janitor, who proceeded to watch in mirthful laughter as JD dropped the cup at Dr. Cox's whistle, and the scotch spilled everywhere.
That sent Perry immediately into a rant of epic proportions that JD had wasted damn good scotch on a floor that, while it needed disinfecting, did not need such precious liquid dribbled on it.
"Now, what about me?" Todd asked forlornly, shuffling where he stood.
"You're one weird surgeon," Janitor muttered, but unbuttoned his shirt. "You still do the laser eyes and gills?"
Todd grinned. "Of course. I'm the Todd." He nodded to the door. "Room 304's empty, and it'd be a hell of a lot more comfortable."
"I'm topping and don't bother looking me in the eye," Janitor replied, and followed Todd to the empty patient's room.