V: Sentiment

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I do this from time to time,
Where I can never wake from a bad dream.
I do this from time to time,
Where I can never say the things I mean.
I do this from time to time,
Where I like to watch you as you sleep.
I do this from time to time,
Where I like to think of you with me.
From time to time!

I hear you breathe,
I'm feeling the shake
And the sound of my heartbeat.
Can't let go...
Do you know?
I'm feeling the pain
Of my first love.
I let it go... can't let go…

Angels and Airwaves - "Sirens"

The past few days had been tough on Wolf and Verne. Despite Wolf's optimism, the elder lupine seemed to be slipping up. Sometimes his son would catch him sneaking some hard liquor into his system, but Wolf knew that he did it from time to time, it was merely happening a bit more than it used to. He never suspected that it was becoming a problem. What he did fear was the fact that Verne was beginning to become increasingly introverted. Whenever he attempted to speak with him about their situation, he would switch subjects, say nothing, or walk away. This was not what Wolf wanted to see. He understood that his father needed to deal with this on his own time, but blocking out those who love and care about your well being was not the way to go.

On this particular occasion, Wolf was in his room, laying on his bed after attempting to talk to him, again ending with no response from the other end. He knew that he would have to confront him eventually, but this wasn't the time to show hostility. He decided to invite Jenna over so he could talk with someone about it. The room itself had looked quite barren since emptying the dragons that he had owned and sending them to the pawn shop. While in the end, they were worth more than he expected, it was still far from the amount needed to pay for the Cornerian Flight Academy. He would unfortunately have to wait another year for his chance.

Wolf was clutching the picture from his wallet again, staring at it for what felt like ages. Looking back at it now meant more than ever, as it reminded him of everything before it went sour. He found his whole situation funny in a morbid sort of way. In such a short time, he had gone from not having a care in the world, to having too many. While he knew that there were people out in the world with situations worse than his own, it didn't remove his own circumstances.

The picture made him realize that life isn't always as it seems. It wasn't always going to be fun and games, and one couldn't depend on their parents for assistance. There would be a point where one would have to man up and take responsibility for themselves. With his eighteenth birthday approaching, Wolf found this to be as true as can be. Eventually, he would have to become independent, and start his own life without the guidance of his father. Where would he go? Would he do it alone, or with someone else? Would it be with Jenna? All these questions came to mind, but seemed to be irrelevant for at least another year or two.

Of course, the photograph didn't bring just negative thoughts to his mind. It was a happy memory, thus it brought happy thoughts. The entire day was perfect in his eyes, not a single fault in it. He recalled that it was also the first time he could remember having that "feeling", and it was forever documented with a simple color image smaller than his own paw. Wolf let out a sigh as he thought about how something as simple as a picture could bring so many things to mind.

"I guess they really are worth a thousand words…" he thought aloud. "But that feeling is just… priceless…"

His mind had been clouded with what he felt during those states of mind. There was no trigger for it. One moment he would be living his life as usual, the next his mind would be focused on nothing but the feelings he had during those brief occurrences. It was beginning to scare him to some degree. He never used to do this before. He had a few theories for why it was happening, but something told him that it was natural. Still, he never told her about them, even though he wished to so badly. Why he hadn't already was beyond him, it wasn't like it would be telling her something extremely awkward.

At the same time, the other feelings that he was having for her could be somewhat problematic to share. Following some of his more recent "episodes", the thought of taking it all to the next level was beginning to loom over him. What he personally found to be strange about it all was that there was nothing getting in his way from making the first move, yet he remained abstinent for the time being. It was something that had remained primarily under wraps for so long, that when the thought came up, he wasn't sure how to handle it.

In the back of his mind, there was a hint of fear that he would make some type of mistake, or that he would end up underperforming. He thought that if he was going to do this with someone he truly cared for, he would want it to be something that lasted. Being the first time, he knew it wouldn't work out that way. He had a hunch that it would end up happening anyway when the time was right, but the idea of that still didn't make him feel any better. What did however, was the good chance that Jenna would be forgiving despite the likelihood of his shortcomings, and be happy with the idea of someone willing to show them her much they appreciated and loved her, because he truly did, and that alone would be worth more than anything.

In the midst of all the thoughts running through his brain, Wolf had forgotten that Jenna was on her way over. By the time he realized this, there was a knock on the front door. His body froze in shock, not expecting it to happen so fast. A few moments later, another knock reverberated through the house. This time, the lupine got out of his bed and began the trek over to the foyer. Each step he made was in sync with his own heartbeat, which was surprisingly calm at the moment. His tail slowly wagged back and forth as he continued to meditate on the thoughts.

I just need to tell her how I feel. We've known each other long enough for her to trust and understand me. I don't need to do anything, and she doesn't either…

Wolf opened the door to find Jenna standing on the other end with a barely noticeable smile. Almost immediately, she entered the house and embraced him, sending a chill down his spine. He didn't get those feelings like he normally did, but he thought the feeling of her soft fur was more than enough for him to enjoy.

"Hey Wolf." She uttered. "Your room?" He nodded in agreement and led the way back. They sat themselves down on the bed and took a moment to study each other for different reasons. While Jenna was searching Wolf for any sign of distress, Wolf was searching her for a possible hint that she may know something about what he felt.

"He's in his room isn't he?" She spoke softly, referring to Verne. He once again nodded in approval.

"I don't know what to do with him. Whenever I try to talk to him now, he ends up hiding. I don't understand what I'm doing that's causing this."

"What if it isn't you? It's pretty obvious that he is struggling. Perhaps you're not approaching the matter in the right way?"

Wolf scratched his head nervously. "I just wish he would at least tell me something. If he can't tell me what's wrong, then I can't help him." He stopped himself for a moment, realizing that he didn't want to forget about the other things he wanted to bring up. "Jenna, I hate to digress, but there's something I've been meaning to tell you for a while…" Jenna's eyes were fixated on his own as she waited for him to tell her what he wanted to say. The lupine took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. "Do you ever notice anything odd about myself when you're close to me?"

Jenna began to look concerned, she hadn't recalled anything off about him other than his depression. She feared that it could have been something worse. "No, Wolf."

"Well, there's been a handful of times recently where I just seem to…" Wolf was lost for words. There was none that could describe how he felt. "When you say and do certain things, I feel…damn, this isn't as easy as I thought it would be…"

Jenna was beginning to get an idea of what he was trying to tell her, which was a relief since she was expecting something negative. She had an idea of how to get it out of his system. "I'll help you." She replied with a wide grin.

"What do you mean?"

Jenna leaned in and gave Wolf a passionate kiss. His eyes widened when she decided to slip her tongue into his mouth. The lustful thoughts that usually followed his elevated states were coming to the forefront before the euphoria took over him. This changed rapidly however, and within moments, everything around him was at peace. Everything that was wrong in his life was gone. All that was left was him and Jenna, in what seemed like an endless hold. She had taken the feeling to a whole new level. After a short period of her not letting up, he felt as though he should try and make an advance. Slowly, he moved his paw from her shoulder, and down her back. Before he could do anything, the kiss was broken and Wolf had come back down to solid ground. There was no hiding that he had definitely experienced something significant.

"How did you feel?" She said smiling.

"Well, first off you made me extremely horny." They both erupted in laughter that died off a few seconds later. "But after that, I felt like there was nobody else in the world but us…It's still really hard to describe. I can say that it was better than anything I had ever felt before in my life."

"Physically or emotionally?"

"You know, I'm not exactly sure…" The lupine chuckled. "Both I guess…and there's more…"

"What do you mean?"

Here we go…

Wolf straightened himself and looked Jenna directly in the eyes. He began to explain everything to her. Other than the occasional nod, she remained motionless throughout the explanation. While he appeared calm, inside his own body, he was extremely nervous. Sex simply wasn't something that they talked about, so he was curious to hear what she would say about all of this. Her silence wasn't making him feel any better about it.

"…and that's how I feel. I don't want to put any pressure on you, I'm a humble man. I just feel as though I needed to tell you this before the thought consumed me. Same goes for those moments I have…" He sighed, and allowed himself to fall onto his mattress, leaving his legs dangling off of the side.

"And you've had this on your mind since…" Jenna asked as she hovered over his body.

"Since the day after dad got fired."

"Wolf, I understand what you're saying. We both went though Sex-Ed in high school and know that those thoughts are completely normal." She placed a paw on his stomach and began to gently rub it, making Wolf let out a pleasing hum. "If you think you're ready, then that's fine with me."

"I really don't think I am, not in this state. I still have too much on my mind."

"Well, that's fine with me. No need to rush into something like this." She too allowed herself to lay down on the bed.

"Jenna?"

"Yeah?" She turned onto her side and faced Wolf, which led him to do the same.

"Do you ever feel what I feel?"

"Sometimes…" She turned herself so that her entire body was on the bed, and motioned for him to come over. Wolf slid over to her and placed his arm around her body, pulling her even closer to his. The two were face to face, resting their foreheads against the others. For the next hour, they stayed that way, not saying a word, just keeping one another company. For a good portion of that time, Wolf spent it in his euphoric state, letting the world turn without a care, just like in the picture.

Why can't life have a pause button?