Title: The Dating Game
Author: kaibasgirlx
Date: 1/4/09
Fandom: Bleach
Characters: Byakuya/Soi Fon.
Challenge - Table: C
Prompt: Qualification
Rating: G
Disclaimer: O HAI THERE TITE KUBO! What? You want to give me the rights to Bleach? Aww, you shouldn't have! ...no, wait, I was joking when I said that! Give me those rights!
Author Note (optional): Today while I was at work my ponytail holder snapped. So I decided to be like little!Byakuya, and use the two ends to tie my hair into a pony. I learnt a valuable lesson. Bleach + Reality = NO CONNECTION.

This drabble contains spoilers for the Zanpakuto filler arc. If you haven't watched it, I pity your soul.

Oh, and sorry if I didn't mentioned this before, but all these are nonlinear unless otherwise stated. And now, please enjoy our featured presentation. (Yes, I stole that off of you, LIADW!)

Captain meetings were always rather dull, unless there was some sort of emergency brewing. Otherwise, listening to the captain-commander ramble on about state affairs and last week's news could lead one into a state of hebetude, not to mention, it was just plain boring. Of course, Soi Fon always took care to listen closely to everything Yamamoto would say, lest it be something important later on. In her line of work, she knew even the most careless word could often hold the most meaning.

Or rather, she would be listening closely, if she didn't have one particularly loud hornet buzzing in her ear.

"Honestly," Suzumebachi crossed her arms beside her. "I can't believe you spend week after week in a room that's full of good-looking guys, and yet you can't find even one of them that you want to date?"

Soi Fon effectively ignored her, focusing her attention on the sou-taicho, as he read a detailed report of the hollow attacks that had occurred earlier that week in the southern districts of Rukongai.

"I mean, hello! Room full of men! Good looking men!"

I am trying to pay attention, if you don't mind, Soi Fon snapped at her, careful not to let her irritation show through.

"And I'm trying to set you up with someone, guess we both have a problem," Suzumebachi nodded in agreement.

Soi Fon exhaled through her nose, trying not to let her temper flare. Suzumebachi knew exactly how to push her buttons, but she would not let it get to her. Not this time.

I told you already, I'm not interested. I have a division to run, and training to oversee, not to mention I'm head of the Special Forces.

"Your point?"

I'm busy.

"Sure, sure. What do you think of that guy over there?"

Despite herself, Soi Fon glanced in the direction Suzumebachi was pointing. Her mouth nearly fell open in horror.

Komamura-taicho?

"What's wrong with him? He's not so bad looking. Isn't he supposed to be a fox or something?"

No.

"What's 'no'?"

I am not dating a furry.

"I bet he's really soft though."

The glare Soi Fon sent her way made Suzumebachi back off.

"Okay, okay, fine. What about him? He looks pretty muscular, and he doesn't have any fur."

Soi Fon felt her eye twitch. Are you trying to suggest I date the most bloodthirsty man in all of Soul Society?

"If you ignore the sadistic leer, it could work," the spirit replied cheekily.

Soi Fon thought it was very lucky they were in middle of a captain's meeting, and making a grab for her Zanpakuto wasn't a possibility.

"Fine, how about him?"

Soi Fon had to inch forward slightly to see who Suzumebachi was indicating, but a moment later, she gave her zanpakuto spirit a withering look.

Can you think of no one better than Hitsugaya-taicho?

"Why not?"

He's too short.

"You're not so tall yourself. Besides, Hyourinmaru is kinda hot."

Soi Fon made the decision to pretend she never heard that last statement about her colleague's zanpakuto.

"Alright, fine. How about that guy?"

Too sick.

"Hm...oh, he looks promising."

What the hell Suzumebachi?

"Okay, so I was just kidding about that one," the zanpakuto spirit grinned, thoroughly enjoying the look on her mistress's face as she turned away from the 12th Division captain. "Guess that just leaves him."

Once more Soi Fon inched forward, only this time to recoil in scorn.

Byakuya? Absolutely not!

"He's tall, strong, really good-looking, what more could you ask for?" Suzumebachi reasoned.

He's cold, prideful, petulant, and thinks he's better than everyone else.

"He sounds exactly like you!" Suzumebachi clapped her hands in delight. "It's perfect!"

Soi Fon's eyes widened, clearly not expecting this reaction. What? Wait, where are you going, Suzumebachi?

"I have to have a little chat with Senbonzakura," the pint-sized spirit replied cheerily. "See ya~!"

No wait! Suzumebachi! Get back here! Suzumebachi!

No reply.

Suzumebachi? Suzumebachi! Suzumebachi!