|SAOTOME ALTO: Guide and Maintenance Manual
Author: steshin PM
Congratulations! You are now the proud owner of a fully-automated SAOTOME ALTO unit. To ensure that you get the full use and benefits of your Princess/Pilot, please pay close detail to this guide and manual.Rated: Fiction T - English - Parody/Humor - Alto - Words: 1,783 - Reviews: 11 - Favs: 25 - Follows: 1 - Published: 01-07-10 - Status: Complete - id: 5649493
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Disclaimer: I do not own Macross Frontier or anything related to it. Also, the original idea for this is from Theresa Green...and I've been dying to try it for some time now. XD By the way, the title was too long for FF if I went with the one presented here but oh well...
SAOTOME ALTO: The Owner's Guide and Maintenance Manual
Congratulations! You are now the proud owner of a fully-automated SAOTOME ALTO unit. To ensure that you get the full use and benefits of your Princess/Pilot, please pay close attention to the following instructions:
Name: Saotome Alto (a.k.a Princess, Sakura-hime Azuma Bunsho, Skull – 4, Sagittarius - 1)
Date of Manufacture: July 27, 2042
Place of Manufacture: Macross Frontier – Island 1
Height: 175 cm
Weight: Heavy enough
Your SAOTOME ALTO unit will come with the following accessories:
One (1) standard Mihoshi Academy uniform
One (1) standard issued S.M.S. uniform
One (1) standard issued S.M.S. pilot suit
One (1) EX-Gear
One (1) long brown coat
One (1) blue high tech-y cellphone
One (1) hand gun
SPECIAL bonus: An unlimited supply of paper
Please take note that Variable Fighter/s are not included with the SAOTOME ALTO unit.
-To get him started on his SMS duties, we suggest you have him placed in the vicinity of a GILLIAM unit from the MINOR CHARACTERS™ line. The GILLIAM unit is programmed to be in KIA (Killed In Action) mode so that your SAOTOME ALTO unit will obtain the VF-25 Messiah.
- VF-171EX can be specially ordered from us or from N.U.N.S.™
Other accessories (not included):
If you're in the mood for dressing up your SAOTOME ALTO unit, then you might want to order a variety of kimonos, yukatas and other female wardrobes. Just call us and we'll have your order listed. Also, if you're feeling bold, contact a LUCA ANGELLONI unit of L.A.I. Corporation™ for an 'S and M' set (ID required). A fold-quartz earring can also be obtained by seeking out a SHERYL NOME unit.
The SAOTOME ALTO unit is very versatile and has a number of uses!
PILOT: Your SAOTOME ALTO unit is enrolled in a Pilot Training course, so obviously he has the competent skills! Although he cannot match up to the likes of the BRERA STERNE and OZMA LEE units, he can perform well enough to be promoted—even to be assigned to have his own team! You can have him fly you and/or other people around or you can use him to annihilate that pesky VAJRA (Violent Army of mutant space bugs that are Jumbo-sized and Really Annoying).
ACTOR: Your SAOTOME ALTO unit was raised in a household that eats, sleeps, and breathes Kabuki! Before his Papa-I-want-to-be-a-pilot issues© took a full swing, he was known to be the greatest Oyama there ever was! Your SAOTOME ALTO unit is more than perfect to take part in movies and theatre production. He can take on male and female roles—and do his own stunts! As the unit's owner and manager, you can earn big bucks to buy your own planet! You can even duplicate profits by purchasing a GRACE O'CONNOR unit.
WARNING! The GRACE O'CONNOR unit is dangerous and highly unpredictable. We are not responsible for any physical/mental/emotional damages caused by experimentation on your unit should you decide to acquire a GRACE O'CONNOR unit.
HOUSEWIFE: The SAOTOME ALTO unit has the domestic skills to make your house a home! He cooks, he cleans…and he looks good in an apron! He has knowledge on where to get the freshest ingredients on the market at the lowest prices—even when faced in recession! With this unit, you will never have to worry about food or lift a finger to do chores.
BODYGUARD: Going off to a dangerous planet with rogue Zentradi and need an escort? The SAOTOME ALTO unit will take care of that! He will make sure nothing bad happens to you! …At least, most of the time, just as long as you don't get separated or if you're faced with a cyborg.
Then again, if you're looking for really good security, we highly recommend a BRERA STERNE unit.
Your SAOTOME ALTO unit comes with ten (10) different modes:
Snarky (default setting)
-To unlock Intimate mode, a terminally-ill SHERYL NOME unit will do the trick to get some futon-down affection (snicker©).
CAUTION! Protection is advised if you plan to unlock this level. It would also be a good idea to have your SAOTOME ALTO unit checked up in your nearby hospital after the intimate ritual. It also wouldn't hurt to check surroundings for any sneaky YASABURO unit before performing said ritual.
Relations with other units:
Your SAOTOME ALTO unit has a range of reactions depending on the kind of unit he faces.
RANKA LEE: This unit is a good friend to your SAOTOME ALTO unit. She also provides a reason for his flying. Interactions usually require for your SAOTOME ALTO unit to rescue this unit as she is programmed to have the DID (Damsel In Distress) Syndrome. She is equipped with an Ai-kun (Annoying insect) that is best kept away from the SAOTOME ALTO unit, especially if a MICHAEL BLANC unit has just recently been killed.
SHERYL NOME: This unit has a tendency to tease and flirt with your SAOTOME ALTO unit. Interactions can range from quarreling to cozy locker-mates to soft-spoken conversations. This unit will influence your SAOTOME ALTO unit with the will and determination to do his flying thing. She is a very compatible unit for your SAOTOME ALTO unit—but it is suggested you keep this unit away from chopping vegetables.
MICHAEL BLANC: This unit loves to ridicule your SAOTOME ALTO unit's masculinity but despite that, they are the best of friends that have each other's back.
CAUTION! Do not mention the MICHAEL BLANC unit's dead sister unless you want your SAOTOME ALTO unit to get beaten up.
CLAN CLANG: This unit helps your SAOTOME ALTO unit see the light of understanding in things, be it a squabble with a MICHAEL BLANC unit or the plight of a SHERYL NOME unit. Your SAOTOME ALTO unit looks up to this unit with respect as she is a sort of a sister-figure to him.
LUCA ANGELLONI: This unit is a friend and teammate to your SAOTOME ALTO unit and on an occasion will require a rescue. Your SAOTOME ALTO unit will also help this shouta-type unit with his inner conflicts regarding a comatose NANASE MATSUURA unit.
Other unit interactions:
BRERA STERNE: This unit will threaten your SAOTOME ALTO unit's masculinity as he has the Sōichirō Hoshi Syndrome or commonly known as the Kira Yamato Invincibility. He will best your SAOTOME ALTO unit in practically everything like bodyguard duties, rescue operations and fighting. He is also prone to publicly humiliating your SAOTOME ALTO unit.
YASABURO: This unit has a tendency to do ACTS (Alto, Come back to Theatre Strategies). Fortunately, while your SAOTOME ALTO unit respects his brother-figure, he is able to deflect whatever the closed-eyed actor dishes out. Be careful though, this unit is sneaky and will even use a SHERYL NOME unit to lure your SAOTOME ALTO unit back to the Saotome estate.
The SAOTOME ALTO unit is a capable self-cleaning unit. Just direct him to the nearest bathroom and he'll do the rest. However, you will have to shell out more for his shampoo and conditioner. Extensive combing and drying is also required for that long blue mane of his.
If you would like to clean him yourself, please be reminded of the following: Do not machine-wash. Do not tumble dry. Do not line-dry.
Your SAOTOME ALTO unit is capable of feeding himself and can cook his own meals. You can feed him restaurant take-outs too if you want, just don't be surprised if his face reddens should you present him with tuna buns.
Frequently Asked Questions:
Q: My SAOTOME ALTO unit keeps folding paper airplanes! At first it was okay…but then he just keeps making them nonstop and lets them fly anywhere— even in No-littering zones like the mall! What should I do?!
A: Take note that your SAOTOME ALTO unit comes with an unlimited supply of paper and even if you should restrict his access, he has the uncanny ability to find paper resources anywhere anytime. We suggest you get an Ai-kun to eat up all the paper airplanes he makes or if you really want him to stop, get a BRERA STERNE unit to tear out his arms. That way, you'll never have to worry about wasted paper again.
Q: My stupid SAOTOME ALTO unit lost the fold-quartz earring lent by a SHERYL NOME unit! He used it as an ornament for his cockpit and now it's gone! I really liked that earring, it was so sparkly! Where can I get another?
A: Don't worry! The SHERYL NOME unit will give you her last remaining earring—and she'll even put it on your SAOTOME ALTO unit as to prevent loss. You will require a flying analogy to get it though.
Problem: Your SAOTOME ALTO unit wants to kill your RANKA LEE unit.
Solution: Your SAOTOME ALTO unit is probably under the influence of the idea, "the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few" and is determined to kill the RANKA LEE unit in order to protect his homeland and people if it should come to it. Don't worry though; a SHERYL NOME unit will convince your SAOTOME ALTO unit to do the opposite.
Problem: Your SAOTOME ALTO unit keeps getting mistaken for a woman—even when he is dressed completely like a male.
Solution: Probably the best way to fix this situation is to cut your SAOTOME ALTO unit's hair, which he will most unlikely let you do. Don't worry though! You'll eventually get used to it.
With proper care and maintenance, your SAOTOME ALTO unit will live a long and happy life, flying in the sky, killing space insects and folding paper airplanes. Check red necklace tag for the unit's guaranteed seal of approval.