A/N: I don't own Twilight or The Bad Mother's Handbook. Just having some fun!

Thanks to Rosmarina and BlackHale82 for their patience and help!

Chapter 23 – Grammy, Grampa, and Bella's Vagina

Theme Song – When I'm With You by Sheriff

I let out a huge sigh of relief. There we were, the five of us crammed into the bug and rolling down the hill. We couldn't have been happier. Emmett was driving with Rosalie in the front seat. Alice was already asleep in the back seat. She'd been up all night studying. Bella was sitting between Alice and I, leaning against me as my arm was wrapped around her shoulder. I took the opportunity to kiss and smell her hair all I wanted. She didn't appear to mind at all.

"I can't believe we're through with exams. I've never studied so hard in my life."

Emmett held his fist behind his head for me to bump it. "Fuck yeah, bro!"

"Can you believe we have to go through that at least eleven more times? And that's just for undergrad alone." Rosalie chimed in. She sounded exhausted.

"I'm so sick of using my brain, I'm actually looking forward to working at the nursing home."

"Bella," I whined. "Not too much, okay? You were so exhausted after Thanksgiving weekend."

"I'll be fine," she assured me, snuggling more closely into my chest. "Part of my problem was I had to study then, too."

It was so exciting to drive onto the ferry. A scenic boat ride over the Puget Sound was just what we needed to get relaxed. After parking the car, the four of us got out to walk around. As we sailed along across the water, there were orca whales and dolphins frolicking alongside the boat. Everyone on the passenger deck of the boat ran over to the starboard side of the boat with their faces to the glass to take a look.

"Would you look at that! I swear I've ridden the ferry for years and I've never seen that. You're our lucky charm, bro!" Emmett then turned to Rosalie. "Baby can we go get some clam chowder with those little tiny oyster crackers and some jojos? Your promised me a snack."

Rosalie turned to us and rolled his eyes. "I'd better go feed him. You know how he gets."

"I want a slushy too." I heard him say as they walked to the galley.

When they left, Bella wrapped her arms around me and looked up. She had an impish smile.

"What?" I asked, shocked by the feel of her cold hands warming up under my sweater.

"I'm just happy and excited to get you alone."

"Me too." I gazed into her big chocolate eyes. "Emmett that says I'm getting the guest room and that you can probably sneak in." I hated to be disrespectful of the McCarty household, but I was desperate to be alone with her. I kept thinking about Bella wanting me to be her first sexual experience. Even if we didn't have sex, I wanted the chance to rub myself all over her some more.

"Perfect!" She grabbed my neck to pull me down and started running her lips and nose along my chiseled jaw. "I can't wait to get a hold of that candy cane of yours."

"Uhhhh… Indeed!" was the only response I could manage.

The rest of the drive to Forks was beautiful and green. Bella dropped Emmett and I off first at the McCarty house. As soon as we arrived, Emmett's parents came running out to greet us all. It was a strange scene, like something out of a film. I'd never seen so much hugging in my life. I tried to stay out of the way. Just as I started feeling like an outsider, I was grabbed in a bear hug by Mr. McCarty.

"Good to finally meet ya, kiddo!"

"You too." I let out a breath and smiled.

"Em here tells me you totally got his back. Right on!" Mr. McCarty, a very large man, gave me a "nooggie", which is when another man bends you over and rubs his knuckles into your scalp. It's an American sign of affection amongst familiar males. When on the receiving end of such affection, it's best to relax and go with the flow until the dominant male is finished.

Emmett's mother came up to me next, hugging me close. "We're thrilled that you'll be spending the break with us, sweetie. Emmett says such wonderful things about you. He tells me how much you love to eat his meat, so you boys can use the gas BBQ on the deck all you like. You just make yourself at home."

"That sounds wonderful! Thank you so much for your hospitality," I said with genuine enthusiasm.

"Any friend of Emmett's is a part of our family." Emmett's father assured me with firm grip on my shoulder.

Bella slipped an arm around me, staking her claim. "Isn't he just the cutest?" she said to Mrs. McCarty.

"Oh, he's adorable!" Mrs. McCarty winked at my girl. "Emmett, honey, there's been a slight change in plans for you boys. Actually, there's a little surprise in the house for you."

"Let's grab our shit and get in the house, Danny Boy!" We said our goodbyes to the girls, knowing we would see them soon. Very soon I had hoped.

The McCarty family lived in a house of classic American architecture called a "split-level". Just as we opened the door, Chuckie, Emmett's little sister ran down the stairs to hug us. I already knew her fairly well because whenever she called Emmett's cell phone and started talking about her little plastic pony collection, he'd hand her over to me. I found that a little chuckle now and then made her happy enough. Little did Emmett know, I was rather intrigued about seeing said collection. According to Chuckie, these tiny horses came in all sorts of colors and themes so I was looking forward to seeing them all.

Walking into the foyer, with Chuckie holding each of our hands, we were greeted by an elderly couple.

"Surprise!" they said in unison.

Chuckie chimed in. "Grammy and Grampa showed up yesterday to surprise us all. They're staying until after New Year's."

Emmett walked over to embrace his grandparents. I could tell he was thrilled to see them. My heart ached at the scene as I thought about Nan. Emmett was a lucky bloke!

Mrs. McCarty had a painful smile plastered on her face. She must have been worried about how she would feed us all.

"Um… I can see it's going to be crowded, so why don't I just stay at the Forks Motel? I have money so it's no problem, really." I hated to be an imposition.

Mrs. McCarty put her arm around me. "Oh no, honey. There's plenty of room. Besides," she whispered. "I think you'll help keep things sane around here. You'll be a welcome buffer."

Right as I turned back to the scene, Emmet's grandmother started heading towards me with her arms open wide. "Oh you must be our little English orphan! Aren't you just adorable?" She was pinching my cheeks and I loved the attention. As she pulled me in for a hug, I felt her hands on my bum.

"Doh! Uh…" I pulled away and chuckled.

"You just call me Grammy. I brought you lots of cookies and treats!" She spoke to me as if I was five years old.

"That's great! I do love homemade cookies." I looked over at Emmett.

"Hey bro." Emmett slapped my back. Good thing he'd moisturized it thoroughly that morning. "It looks like Grammy likes you already! Gramps, come on over here and meet my best buddy, Daniel." I beamed at the compliment.

"Well hello there, son." Gramps grabbed my hand for a shake. Just as I thought he would crush my bones, he pulled me in for a bear hug. I went limp, hoping that if I didn't fight it he wouldn't crush my delicate bones.. After he finished the hug with a slap to my bum, he pushed me back and looked at me quizzically then looked over at Emmett.

"You sure are a couple of outrageously good-looking fellas," he said with a squint. "I'll be you boys get a lot of tail. Am I right? Huh? Huh?"

"You know it, gramps." Emmett replied as he fisted his grandfather. Gramps then turned to me for a bro-fist.

After returning the manly gesture, Emmet's mum intervened. "So boys… Let's get you settled in. You must be ready to relax and veg out." She lead me down the stairs. Emmett followed close behind.

"Since the guest room is now occupied, you boys'll just have to share Emmett's room," she said as she opened the door to Emmett's bedroom. On the far wall was a set of bunk beds with matching green Incredible Hulk bedspreads.

"This is going to be just like in the dorms!" Emmett exclaimed with glee.

"I'll just let you boys settle in." Mrs. McCarty smiled as she left us alone in Emmett's room.

As if reading my mind, Emmett placed a hand on my shoulder and said, "We'll figure something out. You're free to come and go, so maybe you can sneak into Bella's bedroom. Once you know how to climb the tree, it's not so bad."

"Of course. No problem!" The entire McCarty family had been so gracious with their hospitality; it would have been rude of me to show my disappointment.

"I'm gonna go chat with the fam. You just sit tight make yourself at home. I'll take you over after dinner."

"Great!" Having a few moments alone, I hung up my clothes and tidied up my suitcase. I then went into the bathroom which we shared with Emmett's grandparents, who were in the room next door. I placed my shaving kit on the shelf and lined up my toiletries. Once the bathroom was in order I went back to Emmett's room to look around. He had many books on art, mathematics, and physics as well as a copy of Jane Eyre. To the right of his bunk beds, he had a low table with a large box of LEGOs stored underneath.

That evening after dinner, Emmett and I walked down to Bella's house, three blocks away. We could see into the front room window. Bella was reading a book.

"There's the Chief, ass planted in front of the TV with his can of cheap beer. Probably been in the same position since Bella left."

I tried to summon up some courage. "Well, let's go knock on the door."

Emmett stopped me as I proceeded towards the sidewalk. "Dude, you've got two options. You can go up to the door and face the chief like a man and sit there with him while he watches random sports all evening or you can sneak into Bella's window like the pervert that you are."

I nodded and looked at my best mate. "Pervert works for me, but Bella's downstairs."

"Just text her!"

"Oh? Great idea." I looked over at the tree. "But I don't think I can make it up."

"It's not so bad. It was way easier before I was caught in her room. The Chief cut off a particularly strategic lower branch after that. I'll just give you a lift."

After texting Bella and seeing her in her bedroom window as she turned on a lamp, we walked over to the tree.

"This isn't going to work!" I said as I looked at the lowest branch.

"Oh, just jump up and grab it."

"I can't jump that high."

"Alright." Emmett started nibbling on his thumbnail and thinking. "I'll lift you and then you grab on. Then you can swing your legs up and climb the rest of the way. This'll be easy."

I grabbed onto the trunk as leverage while Emmett lifted me as high as he could. At one point his face was buried in my butt cheek.

"I'm using my head to help nudge you up." He explained in a muffled tone.

When I finally grabbed onto the low branch I dangled limply.

"OK, bro. Now just do a pull-up and swing your legs over."

"I can't do a pull-up. I can barely hang on." My body was stretching my arms, which couldn't really support my weight."

Emmett sighed. "Alright, T. rex. Not getting into Bella's bedroom and doing something nasty to her is just not an option. The poor girl's going to explode, bro."

"Maybe we can get a ladder."

"Let's try this." Emmett then proceeded to push on my buttocks with a hand on each cheek. "Keep pulling up!"

"I've almost got it." When Emmett's thumbs dug into my buttcrack, I found an upper arm strength I never knew I possessed and shimmied myself up onto the branch. He was right; the rest of the climb was easy. Bella was right there at her window. I hoped she hadn't seen me struggle too much.

She pulled me into her bedroom. "My spider monkey!"

Bella started kissing me furiously while I was still trying to catch my breath. Finally we were alone. Well, except for her father in the house.

"I've never been in a girl's bedroom before." I looked around in awe as if I was privy to new feminine secrets.

"What about the dorm?"

"Yes, but it's not all yours. This feels so much more intimate." Bella didn't have much, but there were many drawings on the walls, some black and white, some in colored pencil of nature scenes, some tasteful nudes in crayon.

"Those are Emmett's through the years. You can see when he started going through puberty." Bella giggled. "Now all his good stuff goes to Rosalie."

Amongst the photographs of Bella and her family, there was one that really stuck out: Bella and Emmett, taken several years ago, both bald and smiling. Bella walked up behind me and slipped her hands around my waist. "That one's my favorite."

"Mine too." I turned around and gave her a little kiss on the forehead. She sighed.

Make some moves on your girl, Daniel!

I ran my nose gently down hers and kissed her soft, sensual lips. Bella grabbed onto my purple Husky sweatshirt and pulled me over toward the bed.

"You must be so warm in that."

"I'm burning up," I said with a growl.

After removing my sweatshirt and the t-shirt under it, I unbuttoned Bella's flannel shirt and pulled the cups of her bra down. I had to get to her sweet perky peeks. I had become obsessed with them, and I desperately wanted to see them glisten with my saliva.

"Want me to take off my jeans?"

God, yes!

"Um… are you sure you want that?" I asked.

Bella nodded and started unzipping her blue jeans. After she pulled them down, revealing black satin panties, she pulled a blanket over us. I was so excited to explore her lady bits that my hand shook. What if I do this wrong? What if I hurt her? Thankfully I had trimmed my fingernails and washed my hands before coming over. I wouldn't have wanted to introduce any harmful bacteria into her pristine vagina if I had the chance to get in her pants. The vaginal flora maintains a very delicate balance.

Bella grabbed my hand and kissed it. "I love the way you touch me. I want you to touch me some more."

I ran my hand and lips over her neck and her breasts and her belly. Bella was breathing very heavily. "Are you alright?"

"Yeah," she said breathlessly and pulled me down for a kiss.

I couldn't wait to unfold the petals of her delicate flower. Maybe, if she lets me, I'll finally get to fondle a real vagina instead of that plastic model at the doctor's office. I teased a finger into the top of her panties, to give her plenty of time to adjust and tell me to stop if she wanted. Eventually, I dove my hand in and felt her luxurious forest of soft curls.

"Wow!" was all I could think to say. I really wanted to release my turgid member from its corduroy prison but even more I wanted this to be all about Bella. I wanted to be a man and make my woman feel good. So I my erection remained in my trousers.

After thoroughly exploring her lovely pubic hair, I felt around the moist bits between her labia.

"Oh wow!" I exclaimed again. It was like touching hot liquid silk.

Bella moaned and thrust her hips up towards my hand.

I continued learning and exploring Bella's anatomical landmarks with my fingers.

Labia majora... Check!

Labia minora... Check!

My fingers slid down south a little ways.

Perineum... Check!

Now, if I went down further I would find her puckered entrance. Perhaps another time…

I then made a U-turn and traveled north.

Vaginal entrance... Check!

Clitoris –

"Oh yes!"

Check!

I fiddled around with Bella's love button for a bit. However, bbased on the way she sounded over the telephone at Thanksgiving, she didn't seem to be having an orgasm at this point. "Does that feel all right?"

Bella clutched my forearm and panted as I rubbed her clitoris briskly. Then she bucked her hips up so that my fingers slipped past her button and into her wet folds. She looked up at me meaningfully. "Put them inside, Daniel."

I slipped my middle finger down past her clitoris and pressed it into her hot core. It was very wet. Vaginal dryness was certainly not a problem for my Bella. I was also amazed with the little bumps and ridges of her vaginal walls. She moaned and wiggled her hips.

I bet those will feel great surrounding my penis as I thrust between them!

"You seem to be very aroused. Are you?"

"Oh yes, babycakes."

"Mmmm…" I tried to sound sexy. "I love it when you call me babycakes."

"Oh more, Daniel. More!" I should have been worried about the noise Bella was creating but I was so aroused, I was feeling a bit dangerous. Besides, the sporting even on the telly was rather loud so I didn't think he could hear much.

I placed another finger into her vagina. It was a tight squeeze.

Hmmm… lower third of the anterior vagina should be the mythical Grafenburg spot (otherwise known as the "G-spot"). I wonder if that really exists. Most scientists doubt it.

A couple of finger thrusts sent Bella into a sexual frenzy. With one hand Bella was pinching her nipples and with her other hand she was rubbin' her nubbin'. My girl was a sex goddess!

Hallelujah! I could have cried with joy at my discovery.

"Don't stop! Oh God, just don't stop!"

"Oh yes, my sweet. I'll do anything you want."

After a few more moments, Bella's body tensed as she reached her climax. "Ahhh… Oooh…" she cried as I felt her vaginal walls clench around my fingers like a vice grip.

"Wow!" I exclaimed again. I pulled my fingers out and was intrigued by the sticky fluid coating them. I loved the flavor as I sniffed and licked them clean.

Once Bella calmed down, I wrapped myself around her and covered us up tightly with the quilt. I pressed my groin into her big bum. So thrilled I was to see my girl find ecstasy, that I was happy to lay there behind her and enjoy the sensation of my erection pressed into her luscious booty.

"That was beautiful. You're so beautiful Bella. Thank you." I whispered into her ear and nuzzled into her neck. "You're the best girlfriend ever."

"You don't think I'm some kind of sex crazed nymphomaniac?"

I chuckled. "No my sweet girl, but I certainly wouldn't mind if you were!"

A/N: I know I haven't been reading, Tweeting or updating as much these days but I do make writing Daniel's adventures my fanfiction priority. Thank you so for sticking with the story!

Do you want more sexy times? How far do you think these kids should go? I love hearing from you! ;-)