|The Adventures of a Unicorn: Love Lost
Author: Chester Coolington PM
This is a nice storyRated: Fiction T - English - Humor/Friendship - Words: 1,442 - Reviews: 2 - Published: 01-14-10 - Status: Complete - id: 5665862
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
This story begins in a magnificent Dwarf Fortress hidden in the mountains of Russia, this particular fortress is called Gathoria with more than a million inhabitants. The history is rich and goes back to the times of dinosaurs, though I will not bore you with the history of Dwarves discovering how to make a shitload of ale in a short period of time.
It is the year 2012, Barrack Obama has conquered Earth and is now Supreme Overlord. They serve him fine wenches and so much pot that you could cry daily, for he is the Supreme Overlord and deserves great treasures. Obama has created an artificial desert called Shlongadelia, the sand is actually the finest of cocaine and has had many superstars such as the Lady GaGa visit. Overall, Obama's conquering of Earth has benefited almost everyone.
An aged Dwarf dubbed Glad was drinking ale on a Tuesday morning when he suddenly came to a realization, in his intoxicated state, that he needed new ale! This ale was boring!!! OMG!!!! Anyways, Glad decided to leave the safety of Gathoria and set out towards the Elven kingdom of France. Glad decided to invade France because the elves are pussies and make fine ale, so he jumped on the back of his trusty rainbow colored unicorn and flew off into the sunset. His unicorn, Melissa Gibson aka Mel Gibson, wasn't exactly pleased to be flying off towards France. Mel hated the French and cheese, cheese always gave him mad gas and massive shits. Even so, Mel obeyed his master and flapped his pritti wings towards pussyland.
Once they arrived, Glad watched the innocent elves awake from their slumber in daisy petals and watch as they start to do their daily business. Glad vomited in his drunken haze seeing as he hated all things queer, especially flowers. Being quite proficient in battle, he took out his Dwarven Axe and flew along the French streets beheading the pansy Elves. Listening to their gay screams he lol'd quite heartily because it was MUSIC TO HIS EARS OMG. PINK BLOOD WAS EVERYWARE OH GOD.
The Elven King, Elton John, was having a BF(bitch fit) because of this beastly dwarf who was going around snapping the necks and beheading the heads of his citizens. Elton John pondered about what he was to do about this as he did his duties, such as yoga, knitting, singing, dancing, buying clothes, fing Zintos' a, and painting his nails. Finally, it came to him!!! He would send his lovely hawk named Peach to get those bastards! YEAH! So with orders, Peach goes out to destroy the evil beings!
So Peach is flying around looking for dem unicorn and dwarf, eventually he discovers them drinking the blood of Elven children. Going for a surprise attack, Peach turns on his invisibility belt and POKES OUT THE EYES OF MEL GIBSON O GOD!!! Mel Gibson is taken by surprise, shocked, he flies away and rams in a dildo store! Oh no! Mel Gibson accidentally killed his owner nooooo!1111!1 Sad, blinded, and confused, Mel Gibson flies away in fear of a second attack.
Mel is extremely depressed and is mourning the loss of his owner. With no where else to turn, he remembers a place... An island in the sky full of ponies, no unicorns though because Mel Gibson is the only one left. Though he is blind, he still manages to find his was to Pony Island.
Upon his arrival, the ponies rejoiced and held a great celebration! The last unicorn is going to live among them OMG!! All dem females were all up on his grill because his horn was so big and long. The female ponies of Pony Island were quite slutty and always were fighting for da males, but Mel wasn't like that. Mel wasn't a shallow unicorn, he had sights for one female pony unlike the rest.
Her name was Timothy, she was a pritti purple pony with blue eyes and green hair. Timothy was not a slut and she was actually very shy, but Mel Gibson walks up to her nd is like "GURL U R SO PRITTI N FINE, Y U ALL UP N DIS CORNER. U JUST TALK TO ME BAYBEE N WE GO ALONG REEL GOOD GURL." At first Timothy was confused, she was not used to how unicorns chatted, but eventually she understood him. She saw the pain and depth of Mel, Mel Gibson was not just a star to her... HE WAS BEAUTIFUL!!!!!1111
Mel and Timothy became unicorn and wife on a Saturday evening, it was the happiest day of Mel's life. He was so happy he went without protection dat night n Timothy became PREGNANT!!! Their first child was a male pony named Thor, he was so pritti. They had many more children as the years flew by. The two were blissfully unaware of a disaster that was about to occur...
Jesus Christ hated all things pony, he had great anger whenever he saw ponies. Jesus thought they were disgusting, so once he discovered this floating island he shot a HUGE METEOR THE SIZE OF WALES TO DESTROY THE ISLAND IN THE SKY! The ponies didn't even know a thing until they saw it approaching quickly, Mel Gibson was the only one who could escape due to being a unicorn that could fly. He wanted to take his wife but she was too heavy, so he could only take one of his 194 children. Mel Gibson decided to take Thor the pritti pony, so after saying goodbye to his wife with tears in his blind eyes, he left the soon to be destroyed island.
Mel Gibson vowed to avenge his friends and family, JESUS JUST WENT TOO FAR! That would come later though because he had business to do! Mel took his son Thor to France again, he had not been since his owner perished in the rubble of the dildo shop. When they arrived, Mel told Thor of what he had to do to prove himself as a man pony. HE MUST KILL THE ELVEN KING ELTON JOHN!!!!!!!! OH GOD! Thor reluctantly agreed to this, he did not like killing things like his father but he would in order to prove himself as a man pony. Thor snuck into the dildo castle and sat on Elton's face in his sleep, he then sharted so bad that Elton died of suffocation. Thor made his father very proud that day.
Right after Thor reported back to his father, Mel got a text from Obama saying "NIGGA DEY B ZOMBIE ANIMULS PONEEZ AT DAH JAHPAN FOOD PLACE111 DEM BTCHEZ FALLN FROM DEMS SKYZ!! DO SUM SHIT NIG!" Mel was shocked! First, Jesus Christ destroys his home and then his friends n family fall from the sky as zombies into Japan!!!! How awful!! But Mel knew he had to save the Japanese because they make gr8 cars and stuff, so Mel told his son to wait in the Supreme Overlord's mansion for him... It was just too dangerous. Mel did not want to lose any more of his family.
Mel brings his flamethrower to Japan, he sees the destruction and blood of the Japanese all throughout the streets of Tokyo ware dey at. He can see he friends... but they are lost forever! Zombies they are! He must kill them! Having brought his boombox, he begins to play Bad Romance by the Lady GaGa so the pony zombies approach him. Knowing that he must sacrifice himself for Japanese stuff, he sets the entire city aflame. The zombie ponies die screaming, and Mel begins to fade away as well.. but he sees Timothy!! His lovely Timothy!! For a moment he thinks she remembers him, but no shedoes not. Zombie Timothy devours Mel Gibson whole!!
All the zombie ponies died that day and never emerged again, Mel's son lives on in spirit of the great fallen hero Mel Gibson. Thor has sprouted his unicorn horn and wings, so now the legacy of the great unicorns will live on. Japan has a huge statue and shrine to Mel Gibson where the Japanese pray everyday, it is one of the holy places in Japan... Obama is still smoking pot and letting his VP Thor get some pony ass.
This is the Supreme Overlord Obama's quote about the great Mel "YO DEM MEL GIBSUN IS DA SHIT YO! NIGGA GOT SUM BALLS! HE BE DA LIVN ON 4EVUR NIGS!11!!!!!!1"