"Ugh…"

"Finally, you're awake!" boomed Dormin from the sky. "That took slightly longer than expected."

"Why, how long was I out?"

"One year, three months and four days."

"WHAT?"

"Well, that's only four days longer than it usually takes."

"Why does it take so long?"

"That's simple," Dormin replied, "YYZ2112X1 is lazy."

"Damn him. He's like the adamwestslapdog of fanfiction."

"To be fair he's a very busy man. He's in a band, you know."

"Really?"

"Yeah, they're called Everything Else."

"Sounds like a fantastic group to look up on Youtube, Facebook or PureVolume."

"Indeed," Dormin agreed, "Now, with that shameless plug out of the way, it's time for Colossus #3!"

"At this rate, when will we be done?"

"About January of 2030."

"Shitty Hell…"

"Anywho, Thy next foe is... Within the mist... A giant canopy soars to the heavens... The anger of the sleeping giant shatters the earth."

Wander just stared up at the hole again, gaining nothing from his horse's ass excuse for a clue.

"Alright, balls to it," Dormin said, "This is taking too long."

With that, he threw down a map. But this one was fully labeled.

"Why the fuck didn't you just give this to me in the first place?"

"I thought watching you have no clue where you're going would be funny. Turns out it's just boring."

"I see." Wander said, leaving the shrine.

Although he knew where to go, Wander's journey was still slow. But eventually he came to a lake with a large stone pillar in the center of it.

"Oh, shit." Wander sighed as he looked at the lake.

"What's wrong, can't you swim?"

"Of course I can! The problem is, this is a videogame."

"Yes…"

"And that's water."

"Yes…"

"Which means I have to swim… in a videogame."

"Yes."

"But swimming is always fucking atrocious in videogames!"

"True, however, we can convince YYZ2112X1 to just transition past the swimming."

"Okay, great! Let's do that."

After the swimming…

"Damn!" Wander shouted as he tried to get from one pillar to the large one with the Colossus on it. "Why is this jump so hard?"

But he tried again, and again, and again until…

He failed again.

"FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-"

After the jump…

"Good lord, these transitions are helpful," Wander smiled, "Now let's face this…"

Before he could finished the Colossus stood up and loomed several yards above him.

"Oh my god… It's the Iron Giant!"

"Haha, not quite, Wander." Dormin bellowed from above."

The Colossus opened its mouth to speak.

"Like, oh my god! What a cute little tiny man!"

"Da fuck?"

"He's such a cute little guy, I want him in my collection!"

"AHHH! Transition, transition!"

"Sorry, we can't transition here, this falls under YYZ2112X1's macrophilia."

"Shit! Get away from me, you giant bitch."

"OMG, like what did you just call me? You grotty little punk, I'm gonna get you! I'm gonna smash you to death with my giant stone dildo!"

"This is really fucking weird."

She lifted the giant stone dildo high into the sky and smashed it down in front of Wander. Ignoring the uh… stains, he ran up it and onto the top of her head.

"Ow…" she said, only slightly annoyed by the sword in her head.

The shining vigil disappeared after a few stabs.

"Great, where's the other one, then?"

"Think, Wander." Dormin boomed, "This is a teenage girl."

Wander thought for awhile and then it hit him. "A tramp stamp!"

"He worked his way down to her back and stabbed the glowing slut mark until it killed her.

"Like, barf out, gag me with a spoon!" were her dying words.

"I'm glad that's over," Wander said, wiping the stains from the dildo off of his boots, "I just hope that's the end of these sexual things with the Colossi."

Just as he said it, the tentacles shoved themselves up his ass and he fell to the ground yet again.