Me: So, um, I'm been in a kinda depressing fanfiction mood and I wanted to write something that expressed my feelings. Maybe it's because instead of doing my English homework, I've been watching D. Grayman instead, I have read all of the manga so far, but I'm only at episode 74 at this point. I don't really know how the part with Lavi in Rhode's trap goes in anime form, but, so yeah.

Lavi: Sammy-chan, Yuu-chan is being mean to me again!

Yuu-ch, I mean, Kanda: It's only because he's an idiot.

Me: At times. Only when he's entranced by pretty women. Like her. *points to pretty girl*

Mikuru Asahina: Why, why am I here? What's going on?

Lavi: Strike!!

Kanda: Idiot.

DISCLAIMER: I do not own D. Grayman or any related items. They belong to their respected owners.

Summary: My hands are slowly being stained red. Red with the blood of those around me. Red with the blood of my enemies. Red with the blood of my friends. Red with the blood of those who I called comrades. Rated T for BLOOD!!! One-shot.

A Red Dream

My hands are slowly being stained red. Red with the blood of those around me. Red with the blood of my enemies. Red with the blood of my friends. Red with the blood of those who I called comrades.

I can't mistake it now. The pain of those who had suffered before me. It mingles with the pain inside my own heart.

But who needs a heart? I certainly don't. That's what he always said. But now. Now he's before me, calling out my name. Telling me to listen to my heart. To ignore what my duty is and to ignore what I know I have to do.

Who needs friends? Who needs comrades? I only need my memory. To remember all that has happened. To record one day for the generation to come.

Two forces twist inside me. One telling me to stop. The other telling me to keep moving forward. Which one is the real me?

"Stop it! You don't need to do this!" He calls out. I turn my head at the sound of his voice.

"Sorry, I can't do that. As you said before, who needs a heart?" I said to him, my voice in complete melancholy.

"A Bookman doesn't need one, that much is true. But you're not a Bookman yet!" he cries as his torso pours out more glimmering red petals. "You can still turn back! You can still be just Lavi!"

I lower my gaze and whisper, "No. I can't be just Lavi. I can't be Lavi, the 49th alias. I can't be Lavi the exorcist or even, your friend Lavi."

"I'm Lavi the Bookman."

I need to stop myself. Io know that much. The words spilling out of my mouth are not my own. Are they the words of one of the 48 other alias'? I can be just Lavi. I can be Lavi the 49th alias. I can be Lavi the exorcist. I can be Lavi the friend.

I slowly see the lights that reflected off of his cold, dark eyes dim. I hear his breath slow down until it is nonexistent. I turn away from him, my eye more focused on the being besides me.

"La-vi?"

His mangles voice barely fazes my body. But on the inside, I cringe. His white hair is being dyed red as my own hair with his blood. I want to stop myself from causing any more harm, but some unseen force is breaking me. My soul is crumbling, shattering into what seems almost a million pieces. I can see it, each piece reflecting each of my past selves. The smallest shard, not even big enough to be notices, reflects me, Lavi, my current self.

"Allen. I don't think I can be considered 'Lavi' anymore," I hear myself say, my eyes narrowing as if Allen was just an insect on my radar. "In the end, it doesn't matter. Things aren't the way they in beginning, Allen."

My hand moves out of my control, and my hammer grows bigger and bigger. Up. Down. Splatter. Moisture on my face. But it's not just blood. It's tears as well. I feel myself gain control once again, and I fall to my knees.

"Allen. Panda. Lennalee. Kanda. Everyone. I'm so sorry." I choke out. "Why? Why did this happen?"

"Because you secretly wanted it," a voice says like venomous ice piercing through me.

"No. I never. . wanted this," I whisper. "Never. Never. Never!" My words got louder until it was a shout.

I bolted upwards, my hair clinging to my sweat soaked forehead. I started to take heavy deep breaths, almost like I was hyperventilating. Where was I . . . ? I surveyed the room and found Allen and Lennalee, in chairs at the opposite wall. They're still alive. I breathe a sigh of relief. Allen stirs at the sudden exhale of air and opens his eyes. He was instantly awake and shook Lennalee, her short hair swaying with the sudden movement. She woke up and they were both by my side in an instant. They both started talking at the same time. I caught phrases like are you okay and were so worried and what happened.

"Slow down! One at a time!" I said loudly. "But one question first."

They both paused and waited. I asked, "What happened?"

They exchanged a glance that made me instantly regret what I said. Allen was the one to answer me. "Well, when we were the ark, Rhode got to you. She put you in some sort of dream world. In the real world, you were like a hollow shell. A puppet. You began attacking us, saying that you had no need for a heart. That you were a Bookman, a bystander that recorded history."

I felt my beating heart throb and I pulled my legs up and hugged them.

"So it wasn't just a bad dream?" I whispered. "I really did hurt you guys."

Allen instantly stiffens and started to freak out saying, "Not that much! It wasn't that bad! You stopped yourself in the end, so all's well that ends well!"

"So I stopped, huh? At least reality had a different ending than that horrid dream," I say, my voice barely a whisper. "In my dream, I didn't stop till you were all dead. And then I was finally myself again, covered in your blood."

Lennalee's face turned red and out of nowhere, she hit me with a clipboard. "You idiot. No way that would happen. Rhode's gone and she can't hurt anyone with her twisted world."

I faked a smile and said, "Yeah, she is. And she can't hurt anyone anymore."

But I knew I was wrong. That voice in my dream. I know that was Rhode's voice. She's still out there. Somewhere.

Me: I feel proud of myself. I wrote this in about two hours. I also just made it up on the spot.

Lavi: How'd I get there? In that room, I mean.

Me: After you broke free of Rhode's dream, you fell unconscious and you woke up after Allen controlled the ark and everything was all fine and dandy.

Kanda: Che! How could I die from that brat?!

Me: I feel sorry for Bookman the most.

Lavi: Poor Panda.

Bookman: *turns into enormous panda and beats crap out of Lavi* How many times have I told you not to call me that!!!

Lavi: About 50 million, Gramps.

Rhode: What about me?

Lavi: Rh-Rhode? What are you doing here?

Rhode: Don't worry. I'm not here to kill you. Yet.

Lavi: Then why . . . ?

Rhode: Because I feel as if I didn't get enough screen time. *pout face*

Me: Good to see you again, Rhode. How's Tyki and the twin's doing?

Rhode: They're good. Thanks for asking.

Lavi: You know her!?!

Me: Ya. We're the best of friends.

Lavi: NOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!