Chapter 4

garcia and JJ reached the elevator in record time and soon they were on their way to one of their favorite bars. It was a place where they would often gather after a particularly hard case to have some time together, and to regain their belief in the good of the world amongst them. If you worked the kind of cases they did you would need that every once in a while. But this time it was just Garcia and JJ who were going to be there, and Garcia was on a mission.

Usually the bar would be filled with people and sometimes there would even be a live band on the small stage in the corner. But not tonight, tonight was a Wednesday night and except for some regulars the bar was deserted.

Garcia chooses a booth in the back of the bar and sits down. She knew that whatever JJ had on her mind was something personal and she wanted to make sure that their conversation could not be overheard by any of the other people in the bar.

As soon as the two of them sat down one of the waitresses approached their table. "It's been a while since I have seen either one of you in here." She said with a smile, more a statement then a question.

"I know." Garcia said with a smile before she turned towards JJ; "See I have been trying to tell you that, even the waitresses noticed. We should really have these girls' nights out more often. We would like to have two beers..." Garcia quickly turned towards JJ; "You can have beer, right?" She asked the younger woman with a concerned look on her face.

"Yes, why would I not be able to have beer?" JJ asked confused as well as surprised by Garcia's question. "Oh... okay, I am not pregnant! I can have beer, I need some liquid courage." She said the first statement sounding loud, obviously a statement of truth, the second part of the sentence died on her lips barely audible.

The waitress nodded and turned around to retrieve their drinks from the bar after which she quickly returned and placed them in front of the two women.

"What's going on?" Garcia asked JJ while she took a sip from her beer, followed by another long drag until she reached the bottom of the glass, and still JJ hadn't said a word. Garcia raised her hand and gestured to the waitress that they needed a refill.

JJ watched her friend, she knew that it was now or never if she backed out now who knew when she would gain enough courage to take a step forward. She took a few minutes to collect her thoughts before she started talking. She knew that Garcia would always be there for her, that she would always have JJ's back no matter what choices she made, because that was just the kind of friend Garcia was. This decision she made meant that she was about to throw her whole life around on a personal as well as a professional level, and that was not something to take lightly. She couldn't help but wonder about the what-ifs and the foreseeable future.

"Haley's death made me realize once more that I don't love Will, not in the way that he seems to love me and certainly not in the way that I should love him. He has asked me several times to marry him, before and after Henry was born but I couldn't..."

"But what does that have to do with Haley's death?" Garcia asked between sips, watching her friend closely.

"I want to spend my life with the person I love. Haley's untimely death made me realize that I am wasting time. I am wasting it in a relationship which for me doesn't hold a future. I feel trapped, like I have to hide part of me." JJ was silent for a few seconds she bit her lip before she continued; "I have wasted a lot of time... maybe even too much already." The last part of the sentence was spoken so softly that not even Garcia was able to hear it.

"If you don't love Will, then who are you talking about?" Garcia asked, for a while now she had her own suspicions about JJ's feelings, but she wanted to hear JJ say it. She believed that this was something someone needed to find out for themselves.

"Will's a great guy and he treats me and Henry well, don't get me wrong about that. He's a really hands on type of guy when it comes to his son and I don't ever want to come between him and Henry. I love him for that but it is not the overwhelming kind of love which is should be." JJ wanted to explain the whole situation to Garcia; she wanted her to know everything there was to know even that she didn't love Will anymore. "Whenever we go on a case I miss Henry terribly and when I get home all I want to do is hold him, shouldn't I feel the same way about Will?" JJ's big blue eyes searched her friends face, hoping to get an answer.

"Yes." Garcia smiled; "Yes, you should feel that way about the man you want to spend your life with. You deserve to have someone around who makes you feel that way." Garcia reached out her hand and placed it on top of JJ's fidgeting hands. "Why did you let it get this far?"

"I know, I never should have let it get this far and it is my entire fault I am aware of that. Sometimes I wish I had never picked up that phone and answered his advances, but then I realize that if it hadn't been for that one phone call Will made to me, Henry wouldn't have been here." JJ stared straight ahead instead of seeing Garcia she saw the memories play out in her minds eye. One memory after another; "During the case in New Orleans I had already noticed the way he looked at me. So I have to admit that I was not at all surprised when he sought contact with me a couple of days after we got back home. I guess that I craved having someone around, as you know maintaining a relationship outside of this job is hard and it had been a while since there had been someone who was interested. He was one of the good guys, he knew what my job was how gruesome it could be, the hours we work. He was convenient... I know it sounds horrible, those are the facts." JJ chuckled but there was no happiness in her laugh. "At first I liked that we didn't live close to each other, it meant that I could have my alone time and the relationship didn't feel like it was suffocating me which had been a problem in previous relationships. If we didn't have a case during the weekend he would fly out to see me or I would go and see him. For a while it worked, it really did."

Garcia smiled; she could understand her friends reasoning it was hard to maintain a relationship. Just look at their team members, Rossi had numerous women in the past, married a couple but none of those lasted. Morgan never had a serious relationship he went from one hot date to another. Reid was a genius but lacked the skill when it came to women. As for Emily, Garcia never even heard the women speak about dating anyone. And then of course Hotch who had recently lost the love of his life to Foyet. Of course she had Kevin, but she could hardly compare her job to the teams' job. She knew the craving feeling JJ was talking about all too well, she had felt it for the longest time. "That was until you found out that you where pregnant." Garcia finished JJ's sentence.

JJ nodded and took another gulp from her beer; "Yes, the second I told him it changed everything. It felt as if everything was spiraling out of control, it was no longer in my hands. Before I knew it he had revealed to all of you during the New York case that I was pregnant and it was as if it was expected of me that I would allow him to move in with me, and share my life with him."

"As unplanned as Henry might have been I love him with all my heart and I can't even imagine or remember what life was without him. I love Will because of that, he gave me the greatest gift anyone could ever give me."

Garcia smiled; "Yes, that little fellow has everyone wrapped around his tiny fingers but what did you expect with that cute smile and those big blue eyes. Even though you have those cute features as well, you still haven't told me who it is you love?"