Chapter 8

Luckily for JJ there was no new case that needed the full teams attention, except for a few consults which could be handled by the profilers individually from their Quantico office, and the fact that she was able to talk Hotch into letting her go home an hour. With Garcia picking up Henry and taking him for the night she was well on her way to have the inevitable talk with Will. A conversation she needed to have but one of many she wasn't looking forward too. The next talk she needed to have would be with her parents, another conversation she wasn't looking forward to having either.

Her parents had instantly liked the Southern man, when she first introduced him to them. She remembered the conversation her parents had when they found out that JJ hadn't said 'yes' when Will asked her to marry him. JJ knew that her parents meant well, and with their almost 40 year marriage they believed that marriage was the path to true happiness.

JJ sighed, she knew that she choose to go the hard way instead of the beaten path which would have been easier, but the hard way was in fact the only way she could go if she wanted to stay true to herself. She knew that Garcia was right she needed to follow her own path, the one which made her happy.

When she rounded the corner to her street part of her hoped to see Will's car in the driveway, but at the same time the other part of her begged for him not to be home yet. Her heart had fallen when she noticed the car parked neatly in the driveway as if everything was the way it was supposed to be. JJ parked her own car behind Will's almost expecting him to come rushing out to tell her that she needed to park her car in the street so that he could leave the house whenever he wanted to, but he didn´t. She knew that the talk they were about to have would be difficult and heartbreaking but she was also well aware that there was no other way to solve the issues she they were having. She didn´t want to lie to him, Will deserved to have someone who loved him with all of their heart and not someone who was rather with someone else.

She also knew that the blame for the whole situation rested on her shoulders and that she would have to come forward with everything. The whole truth for that matter especially if she wanted to have a decent relationship with him for the sake of Henry. For all this time Henry, as bad as that sounded, had been the glue that kept them together. After all if it hadn´t been for her unplanned pregnancy they wouldn´t be living together today. The pregnancy had sped up the whole process of their relationship.

JJ always kept her distance, she was a very private person, she always had been. And like she told Will that night in Miami once she told everyone that he was her boyfriend it would become real and people would get hurt. And before she had never been ready to take that step. With him however once Emily had told her to go for it she did just that. Emily sent her after a man in order to get him back before he left for good, JJ took that as proof that the other woman herself wasn´t interested in her, despite the flirty jokes and antics the two had shared prior to that particular moment. JJ decided in a split second that she would go after Will and get him back; fight for him if she had too he at that point was convenient and available.

A few weeks later when she found out that she was pregnant she saw it as a sign and when she called Will he had immediately decided that he would come to DC and try to find a job here. For a while everything had felt perfect. Now, she was walking towards her own house with lead in her shoes facing the man she once thought she could love, but had to admit that she didn´t. At least not in a way in which he deserved to be loved.

Usually she crossed the distance from her car to the front door in mere seconds today however she was dreading going inside, and it seemed to take her forever. Once she reached the door she turned the knob and found it open, she pushed the door open and stepped inside. The house was dark, none of the lights where on and the sun didn´t seem to penetrate the shadows inside as much as it usually did.

"Will?" She called out his name, her voice faltered for a second. She could hear him rummaging through the bedroom upstairs. She dropped her bag to the floor and hung up her jacket before she made her way towards the stairs. With each step she took it brought her closer to the inevitable. She stood in the door opening and watched as Will put his clothes in a suitcase. "Will, please stop." She asked him with begging eyes. She didn´t want him to leave without talking about this. "We need to talk."

"JJ, it´s best if I am not ho... here tonight." He said without looking up at her.

"Will, please don´t do this. Not this way."

"I think that you made your feelings clear enough this morning, Chére." He said in a sarcastic tone of voice. He was annoyed and angry, he probably wanted to walk away as fast as he could and JJ could understand that but she needed to explain everything to him if only to make him understand.

JJ crossed the room and closed the lid of the suitcase preventing him from putting any more clothes into it while she positioned herself between the suitcase on the bed and Will. "I need to explain to you what´s been bothering me, I need you to know that I care." She breathed in deeply to get rid of the sinking feeling she was having in her stomach. She wanted to be honest, but that was harder then it seemed; "Will, when I first met you I was taken aback by your charming ways and I really was wooed by you. I was flattered when you called me and that first year when we were traveling back and forth between New Orleans and DC I honestly thought that I was in love with you, but with our jobs, the traveling and all I didn't believe that we would last."

"When you all of the sudden were standing in front of me in Miami, I was shocked. I had not expected you to be there. My job and my personal life were suddenly clashing together and I didn't know how to react to that, it scared me because it became so real all of the sudden. I know that I back then pushed you so far that you almost walked away from me, from us. But Will I cared for you so deeply, at that moment I truly believed that I loved you. And when the team found out about our relationship everything became a slippery slope especially since I became pregnant. Before I knew it you were living with me in DC and we were expecting parents. It all seemed to be a natural progress of a relationship but when you asked me to marry you I knew that I wasn't ready for such a huge commitment." JJ sighed, she looked up at Will who was standing in front of her, motionless. If it hadn't been for his eyes ,the windows to his soul, she might have though that he wasn't even listening to her at all.

"That is why I said no to you at that time, but it had nothing to do with you. You are a great guy, and an amazing father to Henry. But you and me, I am sorry but I can't give you all of my heart which really is what you deserve." Tears brimmed in her eyes, threatening to spill; "I am sorry, Will. I do care for you, I even love you but not in the way you deserve to be loved."

"JJ, did you cheat on me?" He asked his voice revealing the pain he wasn't visibly showing her.

JJ looked up at him with her big blue orbs, tears appeared in them; "No. No, Will I could never do that to you. I have not cheated on you."

Will didn't say anything, he just nodded before he turned towards the closet and started picking up clothes again. JJ was still standing in front of the suitcase he gently pushed her aside and flipped the suitcase open again. JJ stepped aside and swallowed hard. "Will, were are you going?"

"I'll be at a Hotel." He answered simply while he placed his clothes in the suitcase before he made his way towards the bath room to retrieve his toothbrush and aftershave. "Where is Henry?"

"Garcia and Kevin are taking care of him, she offered. I didn't want him to be here while I talked to you." JJ swallowed hard, at this moment she was wondering if it really had been the best choice for Henry to be away. It might seem as if she was keeping him away from his father already.

"Good, I don't want him to think that we are mad at him. I know that he is young but you never know what a child might think if he hears his parents fight." Will said softly while he put a couple of things in the suitcase before he closed it. He straightened his back and watched JJ.

He put the suitcase on the floor and stepped closer towards JJ, he wrapped his arms around her, his hands entangled in her long blond hair while his mouth whispered close to her ear; "I have always loved you, from the first moment I laid eyes on you." She could feel the trembling of his hands, and the crack in his voice. She knew that he was close to tears. As quickly as it had happened the moment was over again and Will quickly moved through the room picking up the suitcase and leaving the .

JJ stood frozen in her spot in the middle of the room. She was unable to move, unable to react to the situation. She never wanted to hurt anyone, this was what she had always been afraid of the moment you admitted to other people that you had a relationship people would get hurt. She could hear the door downstairs open, the next thing she could hear was the distinct sound of her car being started. Soon thereafter Will entered the house again before he closed it once again. The next thing she heard was his car driving down the street in an aggressive manner. That was the moment that JJ allowed the tears to fall, she dragged her tired body to the bed and allowed herself to cry for all the pain she had caused to Will. She cried until she had no more tears to cry and fell into a dreamless sleep.