|Attack of the Pichu
Author: Azure Butterfly PM
When swarms of Pichu begin to kidnap trainers for some mysterious purpose, it's up to Ash and his friends to save the day! Or not. TFRated: Fiction K+ - English - Humor/Parody - Pichu & Pikachu - Words: 2,099 - Reviews: 12 - Favs: 10 - Follows: 1 - Published: 02-20-10 - Status: Complete - id: 5763854
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
It had been a completely normal day. Pidgey were singing, Rattata were frolicking, and Spearow were plotting against their cheerful neighbors. A group of Pokémon trainers was making their way through the grassy field, their monster partners skipping along in front of them.
"It sure is a lovely day!" one of the girls, Terra, exclaimed.
"Oh yes!" her friend Samantha agreed.
"The weather should be great in Viridian City!" the only boy of the group, Nathan chirped.
No sooner had the words left his mouth than a huge thunderbolt crashed right in front of them, frying a nearby tree. The young trainers screamed as they dove for cover. Squirtle and Charmander ran protectively in front of the children, but they were no match for what was coming out of a nearby forest.
They swarmed out of the trees, a flood of pink, yellow, and black. All of them tottered towards the group, wearing identical looks of joy on their fuzzy little faces. Terra and Samantha cooed about how cute they were at first, only for the coos to turn into shrieks as the Pichu herd grew bigger and bigger by the moment. A few of them – ten or so – grabbed Squirtle and Charmander and began to carry them back to the woods, no doubt for some sinister purpose. The rest of them – there must have been two hundred now – surrounded the trainers, all smiling cheerfully…
"… and the mysterious disappearances of trainers are continuing. Three trainers, aged ten, eleven, and thirteen disappeared today while traveling from Pallet Town to Viridian City. The cause of disappearance is unknown."
"Hey!" Dawn poked her head into the room, gleefully oblivious as to what her traveling companions were currently watching. "Do you this one," she asked, holding up a pink frilly dress, "or this one?" She held up another, pinker, frillier dress.
"Shhh," Brock told her. "Something's going on in Kanto."
"Oh," Dawn said without any real concern in her voice.
"It's over now," Ash muttered, turning away from the TV as the weather came on. "People – trainers, doctors, everyone – keeps disappearing right near my hometown. It's so creepy!"
"You don't think it could be Team Rocket, do you?" Brock asked. "They're always doing weird things like this."
Dawn, realizing that no one was going to help her with her fashion troubles, left the room in exasperation. The two boys flipped through the channels again, looking for more reports on the mysterious disappearances, but only finding nature documentaries, shopping channels, and videos of people running into things.
Then Dawn screamed from the other room.
"That looks useful," Brock commented, pointing to a popsicle maker.
"Yep," Ash responded.
"Halp!" Dawn screamed.
"Are you sure we shouldn't go see what happened?" Ash asked in a worried tone.
"Nah. She probably just can't find her fourth pair of pink furry boots," Brock told the younger trainer.
Neither of them noticed the flood of yellow Pokémon carrying Dawn away…
"No!" Harley screamed as the Pokémon carried him away. "You're ruining my haaaaair!"
"Put me down!" Misty demanded, attempting to punch one of the Pichu.
"Misty!" Tracey whined. "Stop hitting them! I can't sketch them if you're beating them up!"
"This is like, not coooooool!" Misty's three sisters squealed in unison.
The Pichu surrounded Professor Rowan, ready to strike.
He stared at them.
The Pichu ran the heck away.
"Okay, really what's going on here?" a person browsing Fanfiction inquired. "So far, the Pichu have gone around kidnapping everyone except Professor Rowan. The point of this is?"
"Exactly! There is – OH NO!"
The fanfic-reader screamed as the Pichu carried him into a vortex leading to the Pokémon world.
"Dawn?" Ash questioned, lifting up a pillow. Finding no sign of his friend, he began look under the couch, only to come face-to-face with a tiny yellow creature. "Oh, hi there!"
The Pichu giggled.
"Hey Brock! There's a Pichu under the c- huh?"
At least forty more Pichu smiled back at him.
"Where'd all you come from?" Ash asked curiously.
Instead of answering, the Pichu swarmed out of the couch and carried Ash away.
"Let me go!" Ash screamed an hour later, throwing himself at the iron bars of the prison cell he now found himself in. Beside him, Pikachu ate a cheese stick with mild interest. The two Pichu guarding the cell smiled at their captives, as if cheerfully unaware that kidnapping was not a very nice thing to do.
Ash was about to make another run for the bars when they opened on their own accord. Before the boy and his Pokémon could make their escape, the Pichu swarm once again grabbed their captives and carried them into an adjacent room.
The room was small, pink, and plushy. Unlike the jail cell, it appeared to be a place where the Pichu had already added their characteristic touch. The floors were covered in a soft yellow carpet, the walls were a pastel pink, and at one end of the room, a little pink plastic table complete with matching chairs stood waiting for something. The Pichu dumped Ash and Pikachu on the floor, locking the door behind them. Now there was no way out of the room.
Then, from a dumbwaiter at the side of the room, an ice cream sundae popped up with a cheerful "ding!"
"Oh! Food!" Ash shouted happily, as though he hadn't eaten three bags of chips two hours earlier. The Pichu happily handed him the ice cream sundae, grinning happily. Pikachu smelled something odd about the food – but before he could warn his trainer, the boy had already eaten half of it in one bite. With another, he finished it off. The Pichu looked extremely impressed.
No sooner had he taken the second bite than Ash fell to the ground, asleep.
"Hey!" Pikachu yelled, "What did you do?" He charged up, readying an attack, but the Pichu merely turned their adorable gaze on him and the attack fizzed out immediately. "Awwww," Pikachu gushed.
"Friend?" One of the Pichu asked, turning to the others.
"Friend! Friend!" the others chimed in.
So saying, the tiny mouse Pokémon unlocked a second door and carried their new "friends" into a third room.
"It's too late!" Tracey screamed. "We'll never escape now!"
Misty smacked him with her mallet.
The room they were in was tiny, but very cheerful. The walls were pale blue, and a plush carpet was underfoot. Unfortunately, the Pichu at the other end wielding some sort of ray gun and donning a pair of goggles took away slightly from the cheerful mood.
"Hold me," Tracey whimpered.
Before Misty could tell him to man up, the Pichu fired its weapon. A beam of pink light shot out of the gun, which turned into a huge bubble and surrounded the two captives. Before Tracey could scream "Mommy!" again, the duo began to glow and change shape. When the pink bubbly thing faded, two Pichu stood in place of the humans.
"Friends!" Ray-Gun Pichu squealed happily.
Pikachu woke up in a huge room. He couldn't remember how he had gotten there – the last thing he recalled was the Pichu taking Ash into a separate room and herding him away. Ash! Oh no! What if the Pichu had done something to him?
Before Pikachu could run out of the room to find his trainer, a swarm of Pichu surrounded him once more. But these Pichu were different from the others. One of them wore a lab coat and had spiky hair that stood up everywhere. Another had a sketchbook, and a third one with a physics-defying ponytail was attempting to smack the second with a giant hammer. One of them had his eyes closed for no discernable reason. One of the Pichu wore a pink, frilly dress, which looked rather funny on a Pichu.
"Gary? Tracey? Misty? Brock? Dawn?" Pikachu squealed in terror.
"Oh, hi Pikachu!" Pichu-Brock giggled.
"This is fun!" Pichu-Gary exclaimed, clapping his paws.
"Now we can play all sorts of fun games together!" This Pichu had just come out of a nearby door. She wore a red headband and was, unmistakably, May.
"You're all Pichu! Don't you find weird?"
"Nope!" all of them chirped.
"I need to get out of here, find Ash," Pikachu muttered to himself. "I may love him, but I am not putting up with babysitting him!"
"Daddy is coming!" the Pichu squealed suddenly, pointing to a door at the far end of the room. "Yay!"
The door opened, slowly.
A Slakoth would have found it slow.
A Slowpoke stuck in molasses would have even found it slow.
"Can we just get on with it already?" Pikachu growled.
The door opened up normally to reveal a Raichu in the doorway.
"Paul?" Pikachu exclaimed. The Raichu didn't seem to hear as the flood of Pichu swarmed towards him.
"Yes, good Pichu! Soon the entire world will be ours, right?" Rai-Paul playfully tugged on Pichu-Gary's ear.
"Yah, this is mad. I'm getting out of here." Pikachu began.
"But you haven't heard my evil plot!" Rai-Paul whined.
Pikachu sighed. "Fine. Get on with it."
"I was battling against a trainer one day when her Pokémon used Curse. Somehow, the attack hit me and transformed me into a Raichu. My Pokémon took the opportunity to run away to Goldenrod, leaving me alone in the world. I had discovered the error of my ways – without friends, I was nothing! So then, I decided that I would make sure everyone had a friend. If everyone were a Pichu, they'd all be friends because Pichu love everything! All they do is play, eat, and sleep!"
"And use the bathroom," Pikachu cut in.
"I don't buy it," Pikachu muttered.
"Yeah, I don't blame you. The truth is… Pichu are adorable, and therefore marketable! By transforming all the people in this world into Pichu, I can turn it into an amusement park! All I need is a portal to real world Japan, and then I'll be rich! Mwahahaha!" Raichu-Paul laughed evilly, spurring the group of Pichu into copying him.
"That's horrible!" Pikachu shouted. "You're just exploiting the Pichu!"
"But I need the money to turn myself back into a human!" Raichu-Paul whined. "Do you know how much money it takes to buy a cure?"
"About the same amount as it costs to transform a human into a Pichu?"
"That doesn't count," the Raichu answered, dismissing the comment with a wave of his paw.
"Hold it right there!" a familiar voice cried out. "You'd better not use my friends just to make money!"
Rai-Paul whirled around, only for a furry yellow fist to slam straight into his face. He staggered on his feet for a few moments before collapsing in a heap on the ground.
"Ash!" Pikachu chirped happily as his trainer darted over to his side. The other Pikachu grinned triumphantly as a swarm of Pichu – this time, normal Pichu – swarmed into the room.
"They wanted a better Daddy," Ash explained as the Pichu carried Paul away. "Paul only fed them ice cream and they were starting to get sick."
"Oh," Pikachu responded.
"So now we can take care of them, right?" Ash looked rather proud of himself.
Pikachu stared at him.
"Of course, there's around… four-hundred of them. But we can do it!"
"Do you realize how many diapers that is?" Pikachu screamed, grabbing his friend by the ears and shaking him. "Most of them probably aren't potty-trained! And on top of that, think of all the food they'll need! What do you expect us to do?"
"…mooch off of the people who are still humans using our adorableness?"
"You know, that actually sounds like a good idea."
"Come on, Pichu! We're going out for ice cream!"
And so, the enormous herd of Pichu went out for ice cream at Viridian City.
Paul was transformed back into a human using the morphing machine thingies he had somehow attained and locked in a cage in the Pichu fortress. One of the Pichu's favorite games was "Poke-Paul-With-A-Stick."
And they all lived happily ever after.
Except Paul. Stupid Paul continued to be poked with a stick until the Pichu grew bored of poking him and sold him to the circus.