|The Deathly Decision
Author: RoMythe PM
After Melida/Daan, Obi-Wan is far from happy: His Master is distant, the critics of the Temple. When he has a troubled day, the stress becomes to much. When he gets the chance to escape, will he make the right choice? The choice between life or death?Rated: Fiction T - English - Mystery/Angst - Obi-Wan K. & Qui-Gon J. - Chapters: 12 - Words: 30,282 - Reviews: 104 - Favs: 42 - Follows: 69 - Updated: 07-01-12 - Published: 02-28-10 - id: 5782666
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
No way, she's back! Chapter 12: To the Breaking Point
*coughs* I have no real excuses, except that this was seriously the hardest year at school ever, and that I've now made it. It was everything or nothing, really. That, and piano lessons I've started taking drained all the creativity that was left in me. If anything, know that I haven't written or been on fan fiction for quite a while.
But I made a promise to myself when I started FF that I would finish every story I started. Even if takes me a life time, dammit. XD
Also, I want to thank all those crazy people who stuck with me and this crazy, crazy story. I will reply to you guys- you were the motivating point that I started writing again.
I hope this makes up for it. A bit.
Chapter 12: To the Breaking Point
At some point, the room, for the lack of a better word, just dissolved into nothing. At first he had been truly scared. Then something strange had occurred, he couldn't quite place it. It was as if something was sapping him from all the strength he had left. Which wasn't very much, no surprise there. Much later he realized the room wasn't disappearing.
Obi-Wan's consciousness was fading. Oddly, it wasn't even that bad. It was like falling asleep, only then much slower.
At some point he wasn't able to truly think anymore. He liked to believe that was the moment he fell asleep. He couldn't imagine he was doing anything else than sleeping- he didn't want to.
The whispered words echoed in his mind long after he'd uttered them.
A vague 'No!' sometimes followed afterwards.
He didn't know how long it had been since he saw Qui-Gon, or when he had last seen the light. It could have been minutes, days, weeks even. But it felt like years had passed ever since.
In his muddled mind, he felt dazed and exhausted. Stray thoughts, important thoughts passed by, but somehow he wasn't able to fully grasp them. Except the thought that reminded him that he had done what he need to do; warning Qui-Gon.
That made him smile, if ever so small.
Right afterwards he was swallowed once again by the seemingly eternal darkness.
He wondered if this was how the rest of his life would be.
"He. Did. What."
The dark skinned Master stretched every word through clenched teeth, and for a moment, Qui-Gon regretted not telling him earlier. Ah well, it wasn't like he could change the past. Though right now seeing the furious face his fellow Master he almost wished he could.
"Obi-Wan. He contacted me." Qui-Gon said slowly, laying the heavy book down on the table next to him.
Mace looked positively murderous at that.
"And pray tell me, why didn't you think to inform us of that little bit of information earlier?"
Qui-Gon hesitated and then shrugged.
"I don't know. My only defence is that at the time, I was confused, and the only thing that I deemed of importance was the name he gave us. He asked me for help- which was something we would do no matter what."
Mace's eyes darkened.
"I recall that asked you after we left to seek out Jocasta, I asked you to tell us everything he had said to you. Everything, Qui-Gon. Because right now, the whole shebang, even the tiniest bit of information is of great importance if we want to save your apprentice. Everything."
Qui-Gon began to feel frustrated.
"Yes, I know that, but what more of information is there in "Help me"? He asked for help, aren't we doing so right now?"
"You might not deem it of any more significance than at first sight, but if you look past the surface, you'll find that it means a lot more. You know Obi-Wan. Did he ask you for help for anything less than a disaster?"
"No, he didn't. He always tried to solve everything himself before he asked me for help."
"Exactly. Him asking you specifically for help means that he knows he is in for much trouble- more so than he has been so far. Think Qui-Gon, why did he only know come to seek you out? Why not in the beginning? Because he has realized he is anxious, Qui-Gon. I remember you always tell me that Obi-Wan had these… bad feelings beforehand certain difficult and dangerous situations, and that most of the time they are right. I think he just told you he has this feeling. Now, remember last time he said he had that feeling?"
Qui-Gon 's face went white. No words were needed.
"I thought as much. Obi-Wan is now truly in grave danger. We were in a hurry, now we have a true emergency on our hands. We can't waste time asking you every time for more information. Next time, tell us immediately or else we will be too late. And I do not wish to think what would happen if we would be."
Mace ended his ominous tirade and slowly folded his arms in his cloak. He hoped Qui-Gon realized the importance of not withholding possibly important information.
He was a little surprised with himself though. Normally he would be much more composed.
A silent snort passed his mind.
Now was not a normal time. As much as he despised admitting it, he had been truly shaken by his vision. More than he'd let on to even Master Yoda.
He just hoped they would be able to stop that vision from becoming reality.
For he would lose more than just a friend if they wouldn't.
So he straightened himself ever so slightly and coughed, gaining everyone's attention.
"So Qui-Gon, is there anything more you wish to tell us?"
At Mace's cough and question, he snapped out of his reverie.
"No. No, this is all. He gave us a name and asked me for help. Nothing more, nothing less."
"Good. Then we'll work from there. We now know what we're dealing with and the solution to the problem; We're dealing with a vengeful Banshee who hunts Souls, and to save your apprentice he must gain his confidence back."
Jocasta rose an eyebrow and commented after her silent watchfulness.
"Well that was the highly simplified version. I think it might be a little bit more complicated than that, Master Windu. After all, that Banshee seemed quite notorious in the book. What do you think of all this, Master Yoda?"
The diminutive Master laid both hands on his cane and hummed in agreement.
"Right you are, hurry we must. Feel that little time we have left, I do."
Then he turned to Qui-Gon. Everyone waited in silence.
"Qui-Gon. Contact him again, you must."
"You are the most interesting and difficult prey I've had in quite a while I must say. Dear Lux has been the last one to cause me such trouble. Believe me when I say he was and will be the last to have done so."
The words echoed in the fog that claimed his mind.
Vaguely, Obi-Wan realized that they meant no good. No good at all.
He tried to focus on the words.
He realized he recognized the voice, although it sounded different from the last time he had heard it.
They sounded cold, detached…. Dangerous.
His eyes widened in alarm- or at least tried, because he found that he couldn't.
Actually, his whole body was unresponsive to any of his commands.
A shuddering breath escaped him.
What was happening to him?
"Wait- What? You want me to contact him? Master Yoda, with all due respect, must I remind you that the last time we had contact it was him that reached out to me?"
Master Yoda nodded sagely, as if he'd expected the question. Which he probably had.
But this time, Qui-Gon wasn't the only one with questions.
"Master Yoda, the last time Obi-Wan made contact with Qui-Gon, he was out for half a day! We don't even know how Obi-Wan did it- he'd probably didn't even know what he was doing!"
Jocasta nodded in agreement
"I concur, if Obi-Wan knew what he was doing, he would have made contact far earlier.
Master Yoda accepted the questions with quiet thinking.
After a moment of silence, he voiced his answer.
"Know what he was doing, Obi-Wan probably did not. However, what the consciousness did not know, the subconscious did. Predict, I do, that he subconsciously searched the bond between you, Qui-Gon. Found it he did. Now, again you must do it."
Qui-Gon looked away, at the book that lay next to him on the table. He stroked it before sharply looking at the small Master with a flinch
"He contacted me through our bond? But how is that possible? I felt it- break." His voice broke on the last word.
Mace saw the haunted look in Qui-Gon's eyes as he said the words. It pained him to see his friend in this state.
"Because never broken, it was. " Yoda said quietly, waiting for the horrified reactions he was about to get.
Mace's eyebrows shot up, and Jocasta gasped. Qui-Gon staggered, griping for the edge of the table.
"What?" chorused out of three mouths.
"Master Yoda, with all due respect, how is that possible? That has never happened before, not in one of my information sources in my library!"
"That is absurd. Bonds that are broken cannot be healed- not if they're caused by death."
"I felt it break! I felt it, every stab as it tore through my mind, leaving gaping hole!"
Mace snapped his mouth shut and Jocasta looked ill at those words.
Master Yoda looked at each of them.
"Right you are, each of you. Not in your library it is, because never before, it has happened. Bonds broken by death do no heal. But dead, Obi-Wan is not. And the pain you felt, real it was Qui-Gon. But the cause of it, was not. My speculation is, Mara'Haya caused it. Hunting method, perhaps."
Mace's frown deepened, and then suddenly his eyes began to shine.
"You think it is psychosomatic? That is certainly possible."
Jocasta nodded in agreement.
"Yes, that has happened before, for example the notorious instance between Master Rama Dee and her apprentice Cal Dymos."
Qui-Gon just looked confused, and just a little bit lost.
'Psychosomatic? You mean that the pain I feel, the emptiness isn't real? But how...?" he trailed of, unsure what to say.
The old Master nodded.
"Fake, the pain is. Created by Mara'Haya. Strengthened by your own beliefs."
Qui-Gon didn't look any the wiser at that.
"What? I strengthen the pain because of what I believe?"
But Mace had caught on.
"Ah, you mean that the basis of the pain was formed by that banshee, and that Qui-Gon has fuelled it by believing it was real?" He then turned to the rogue Master.
"I get it now. Do you, Qui-Gon?"
The master concerned slowly nodded, only just beginning to grasp what the relegation meant.
"That would mean… that if I stopped to believe the pain- the breaking of our bond- is real, I-I'd be able to feel it again?"
There was a strange, sad sort of hopefulness that clung to the words.
Master Yoda showed a small smile.
"Hope that I do yes."
Only Jocasta seemed to have objections.
"That is an easy thing to say, Master Yoda, but you should know that phantom pain, or psychosomatic pain isn't easily healed. In fact, an individual suffering from it has to go through long and arduous therapy most of the time. Time that we do not have."
Mace exhaled loudly and cupped his chin with his hand, rubbing it in agitation.
"Then we'll have to find another way to get rid of Qui-Gon's phantom bond-break."
Abruptly, his head went up, fingers snapping.
For the first time in a while, a small grin pulled at the edge of his lips. His eyes twinkled with newfound determination. He looked in Master Yoda's eyes, already seeing confirmation of what he was about to propose.
"Masters, I think I have an idea."
"So you thought you could warn that pathetic little Master of yours , hmm? Well, I do not think so. You see, your Soul is already mine. It always has been. Nothing will or can change that. I will see to that."
The voice was back. After waking, if you could call it that, once again, the mysterious voice invaded his mind once more.
"Oh yes, you heard me. You will sorely regret defying me Kenobi. I promise you, I will rip your dear Master apart.Obi-Wan's heart skipped a beat at that and he drew a shaky breath.
"Oh yes, fear me. Because that will be the last thing you will ever feel before I will take your soul."With strength he didn't know he possessed, Obi-Wan spoke up.
"Jedi do not fear. They let it go."
A cold, high laugh echoed in the swirling darkness.
"Ah, then it's a good thing that you are no real Jedi, is it?"Obi-Wan pursed his lips
"I will be."
Another chilling chuckle.
"No you won't. You just cast out your last way to becoming a true Jedi. You let your dear Master Qui-Gon Jinn down once again. You know what they say, don't you? Third time's the charm. There won't be a third time for you Obi-Wan. You'll never be a Jedi. You never were born to be one. You don't have the right qualifications."Obi-Wan felt his throat clench at the cruel words. He mustn't let them get him, he mustn't. It was a mantra he kept playing in his head.
An invisible hand ghosted across his cheek, cupping it.
"Don't deny it Obi-Wan, you weren't born for great things. You almost weren't chosen. And if that isn't enough for you, you failed Cerasi. You failed her Obi-Wan. She's gone because of you, only you."A sob escaped him. No, no, it wasn't his mistake. Everyone told him so, it wasn't.
Nield blamed him.
Nonono, he had apologized. They were friends again, right?
The forgotten hand around his cheek tightened. He grasped at it, but felt nothing but air.
"Friends? What friends? You do not have them, Obi-Wan. And if you ever did, you lost them the moment you sealed your pact with me. You hurt them deeply, Bant, Reeft, Garen, Quinlan…"
Just wait until the rest of them finds out that you killed yourself. They will never forgive you. And besides, who'd want to be friends with such a pathetic excuse for a Jedi apprentice?"Obi-Wan clutched his head, shaking it.
He didn't want to believe it.
He'd seen Bant cry for him. Sweet Bant. Was she angry? She didn't know he'd killed himself- She thought Bruck had done it.
Poor Bruck- he'd never imagined even thinking it, but everyone blamed Bruck for his death.
But Bruck wasn't the one to blame. He was.
"Yes you are Obi-Wan. You condemned your fellow apprentice to the live you so desperately wanted to avoid. You already took his chance at a possible Master when Qui-Gon picked you. Now you destroyed any chance he had left at all."The fingers suddenly dug in his face, nails razor-sharp. He felt his skin giving way while his head was forcibly lifted.
"Because you wallowed into your own misery and gave into it, you condemned a fellow apprentice to the live you feared, caused your Master and supposed friends pain beyond imagining. You are nothing a Jedi should be. You betrayed them, over and over again. You cannot be trusted Obi-Wan and you know it. Look inside yourself and tell me what you see."Obi-Wan gasped, and for the first time he truly opened his eyes. He saw the Agri Corps, Xanatos, Master Qui-Gon, his- no, not his friends anymore. He saw their pain. Pain he'd caused. They screamed at him. "How could you? How could you leave us?" "A shame you are, to the Jedi." "Send him to the Agri-Corps. He might be useful there. Might be."
"You are not my apprentice- I never wanted one. You are not good enough. You never were."
"How could you? How could you leave us?"
"A shame you are, to the Jedi."
"Send him to the Agri-Corps. He might be useful there. Might be."
"Why Obi-Wan? Are we not good enough for you? I bet we weren't. Well, you are no good to us either." "We don't need you." "I hate you." "We hate you."
"We don't need you."
"I hate you."
"We hate you."They blamed him- even hit him in Garen's case. He didn't feel the pain, only heard their words and saw the hateful looks in their eyes.
A flash of copper.
She was walking towards him.
She smiled. A smile that turned to a grimace and then to a hateful look. For him.
"You killed me Obi-Wan! You were supposed to help us! You let us down, you let me down!"
A blaster hole slowly began to form on her chest.
Did he make that sound? He didn't know. He didn't care. All he saw was the horrible wound that ended her life.
"Yes, look at it. See what you have done."
His eyes snapped up to meet her pale green ones.
He held out his hand.
"No, I-I didn't mean to- I didn't know what you were about to do! I wanted to help, I truly did I'm sorry! I'm sorry!"
Another sob escaped him.
Cerasi's look grew only more vengeful.
"Being sorry won't help you Kenobi! You failed us- me. See your failures. You are one."
Then, she turned around and walked away.
"No- no- Cerasi! Don't leave! Please…. Don't leave me…"
He tried to move, but found he couldn't. Tears he didn't know had formed in his eyes fell.
Through his blurred vision he saw the copper fade until it was no more.
"Tell me! "The nails dug deeper in his face, yet he barely felt them.
"Tell me! What did she say. What. Did. She. Say!"
"She-I-I am a failure- I let them-her down… They hate me…" he shook down to his very core.
"See? I told you. They hate you. Despise you. You are worth nothing to them. So tell me. Do you want to go back and cause more pain? Because I'm giving you a choice Obi-Wan. A choice. Go back to them, and cause nothing but hurt and regret again. If they'd even let you. Because they don't need you. They never needed you." The voice sneered.
Then a blinding light appeared in front of him- no- a woman. A beautiful woman.
A kind and warm smile lightened her face.
The clawing fingers suddenly left and two warm and soft hands replaced it.
"You can chose that, or you can chose to come with me. To a place where no one will hate you. Were you are needed. I need you Obi-Wan. I truly do." Her voice warmed him. He wanted to give in so badly.The hands slowly lifted his head until his eyes were forced to meet hers. He looked in those golden white eyes and saw no judgement, only warmth.
Somewhere, deep inside him, something screamed at him to get away.
She smiled once more, teeth blinding white.
"What will you chose Obi-Wan? The choice is all yours."
He closed his eyes and took a deep breath.
"Take me with you."
Oh God Obi-Wan what are you doing you idiot you.
I'm so evil. I promised torture. Are a slap and evil words enough? No? You sick reader :P Haha, I'm just as bad. I think this is my way of dealing with life, poor Obi-Wan
Anyway, I've already got great ideas for next chap which is unusual. You know, I make everything up along the way and see where it goes. The plot which I start with is always next to nothing. But what I came up with for next chap- oh, I feel such a genius. Seriously, I have that almost never.
By the way, if you read this chap, and last one, you probably noticed a few stray names. Those are OC who won't be of any importance in the story except for setting an example. So do not worry.
With that bit of info, I end this chapter.
No wait I don't.
For those who don't know what psychosomatic pain is, here's an explanation. Credits for the idea go to Sherlock Holmes BBC. If you haven't seen it, go see it now. It's brilliant, I love it so so much.
Link: google watch series Sherlock first hit. :D
The term psychosomatic pain is used when a person reports that they are feeling pain, or say that they are in pain, "but no physical cause for the pain can be found."
Classically, doctors say, "There's nothing wrong with you."
Others say, "It's all in your head."
But the person who suffers from psychosomatic pain feels the pain and gets more and more desperate because the pain is not imagined, it is real.
A simple explanation for psychosomatic pain :
ALL emotions, without exception, are feedback signals from the energy body, just as all physical sensations are feedback signals from the physical body.
All emotions ARE FELT THROUGH THE BODY - that is how we know we are having an emotion, because we can feel it through physical sensations that do NOT have a physical cause.
In that way, ALL negative emotions are in fact, psychosomatic pain in EmoTrance Emotion Theory, as all positive emotions are psychosomatic pleasures.
Negative emotions such as anger, sadness, despair etc. really hurt. Love pain is a particular example where a person can experience extreme pain, but also grief and bereavement, shock and trauma can be so physically painful that a person is disabled by the strength of the sensations.
Psychosomatic pain is the highest end form of emotional pain and denotes a very severe injury in the energy system that is located EXACTLY where the pain is felt.
Psychosomatic pain is thereby not a psychological problem but an energy system problem and needs the attention of someone who specialises in repairing the energy system.
Right, that was it. Now please review my loyal readers :P