|Look At Those Eyes
Author: forgetyouinsiberia PM
He looked more closer to death and yet, more alive than anyone she'd ever seen. She wasn't even sure why she'd called him. Her mother had simply suggested that maybe he'd like to be there for the sonogram. Ramy. Fluffy.Rated: Fiction T - English - Romance/Humor - Amy J. & Ricky U. - Words: 4,607 - Reviews: 14 - Favs: 26 - Follows: 9 - Published: 03-08-10 - Status: Complete - id: 5802214
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Look At Those Eyes
A/N: I started writing this just off the idea of the first paragraph, and the idea that Amy was somewhere with Ricky, finally seeing him for who he truly was in the midst of everything going on with Bob. The one-shot is set around the timing of That's Enough Of That. It's nothing special, but I really enjoyed writing it.
My research may be flawed, as I've never been pregnant before, so I don't really know what it's like. Anyway, I hope you enjoy the story and leave a review, regardless. Enjoy :)
Oh! And btw, this story is obviously AU, considering I completely rewrote one of the major scenes in season 1.
Amy watched Ricky from across the room, biting her bottom lip. He looked more closer to death and yet, more alive than anyone she'd ever seen. She wasn't even sure why she'd called him. Her mother had simply suggested that maybe he'd like to be there for the sonogram.
She wasn't even sure she wanted to be there, but it seemed like he'd changed drastically in just two days. Still, now he was like a zombie, distant and unreactive to almost everything. His silence scared her, maybe even more so than his anger or the fear that he could possibly hurt her baby.
Amy looked up at her mother, who was flipping through a magazine. She smiled at her and pushed herself forward, muttering an 'oomph'. Anne grabbed her hand, setting the magazine down. "What're you doing?"
Amy shrugged, nodding her head towards Ricky. "Going to talk to my baby's father."
Anne stared at her a moment longer before releasing her grip and nodding. "Just...be nice. I'm sure he's got a lot on his mind right now. Don't push that."
Amy rolled her eyes. "I'm not going to. Now just let me go talk to him."
Anne let go of her daughters hand, watching as she walked over to Ricky.
He looked up as soon as the shuffling of her feet was close enough for him to hear. Amy bit her bottom lip, stopping for a moment, but then she continued, sitting down in the chair next to him. He looked up at her for a moment.
Amy raised an eyebrow at him. She leaned back in the chair, shifting uncomfortably. "What for?"
Ricky shrugged. "Everything. Bob. Getting you pregnant. Hating Ben. Whatever you want."
Amy shook her head, resting her hands on her stomach. "Don't be." She paused for a moment, watching him stare at the floor. "I'm sorry for what you're going through."
Ricky sighed. "Its my life. Like I said today, it doesn't feel good when people feel sorry for me. I raised myself, and the only way I know how to protect myself from getting hurt is to reject any form of pity."
Amy sat back a bit further, surprised. "Really? I took you as someone who liked pity."
Ricky rolled his eyes at her. "Sure, when I'm acting stupid, yeah. I like a little attention. But not any more than the next person."
Amy smiled. "Yeah. I'm sure."
He looked up at her, and couldn't help but return her smile. "Are you done picking on me?"
She let out a laugh and then nodded. "Yeah. But only because I'm taking pity on you," she teased.
Ricky shook his head. He shifted in his seat, leaning away from her slightly. "So why did you invite me to this anyway? I mean you don't like me, I think that's pretty obvious."
Amy shook her head. "I like you. I just... Until now, I never understood you. I-"
Ricky cut her off, leaning toward her in his chair so that he was right in her face. "Don't make anything out of what you know. Its not that big of a deal."
Amy the inside of her cheek, leaning back. She jumped as her mother called her name from across the room, and walked over to them. She sat down across from them, settling the jackets in the chair next to her. "I get that you're dealing with a lot right now, but you need to keep your anger in check."
Ricky shook his head, resting it in his hands as his elbows dug into his knees. His nails dug into his scalp, frustrated with the moment.
Amy exhaled heavily and pushed herself forward, and then to her feet. She walked across the room, staring out the window. An 'oomph' escaped her as the baby kicked harshly. She pulled her iPod from the pocket of her cardigan. She put her earphones in, letting the music block out everything else.
Across the room, Anne pulled Ricky's hands down from his face. He closed his eyes, pulling his arms from her grasp as he shook his head repeatedly. He wanted to forget everything he was remembering.
Anne nodded, realizing fighting him wasn't going to get her anywhere. "Look, I know that you've got a lot on your plate right now, but you've got to get it together."
Ricky mumbled, barely coherent however, through his own tears and the muffling of his hands covering his mouth. "Get it together? I can't even get the pieces in the same place."
"Okay." Anne nodded again. "Look, I get that you don't want to weigh everything on what you've been through and LIVED through, but right now, that's what your life is. Your life is the memories, and the pain, and the hurt, and loss, and everything else. And clearly you haven't worked through it yet, not that any of us can blame you. But you want everyone to forget what they know, and forget what you've been through. However, that's all people can think about in the heat of things, so right now, you've got to own it. I get that that's the last thing you want to do, but its all people know how to react to right now, so you've got to deal."
Ricky glared at up at her. "Incase you haven't noticed, I don't WANT to deal. The last thing I NEED is to deal. Especially now, with a baby on the way."
Anne shook her head at him. "No, actually now would be a lovely time to deal with it. You don't want to bring a child into this world feeling this way. You CAN'T."
Ricky ran his hands up out of his face, staring at her. He didn't say anything; just stood and walked over to Amy.
Amy nearly jumped as he touched her shoulder, but she pulled her earphones out, turning her iPod off and then putting it back into her pocket. "Hmm?"
Ricky slipped his hand down her shoulder, arm, and into her hand. She was reluctant to let him hold it, but she didn't want to hurt him either. Amy turned her gaze back to the window, staring at the rain outside.
"I'm sorry. I wasn't trying to scare you." He frowned, seeing her attention still turned to the rain.
Amy chewed on her lip as she watched the rain splash into puddles. She looked down at the floor then and brushed her bangs out of her face as she looked up at him. "Its fine." She paused for a moment, staring him down. He looked away from her.
"Ricky-..." She paused again, finally pulling her hand out of his. "What happened to us?"
He raised an eyebrow at her. "What do you mean?"
Amy crossed her arms over her stomach, staring hard at him. "I mean what I said. At band camp-"
He cut her off before she could finish her thought. "At band camp, things were different. It's a world outside our own, Amy, and-"
She cut him off this time, scowling. "And nothing. You're the one who gave me this big speech on that first night. 'This could be the start to something big'. That's what you said to me, Ricky. And I said yes because I thought maybe you could love me. I even thought maybe I could love you."
Ricky turned away from her, running his hands into his hair again. Amy rolled her eyes and recrossed her arms. "Is this what we are now? Because if it is, then maybe we SHOULD put this baby up for adoption. I thought maybe you being here would make me see if we could actually even remotely get along for this baby."
He spun back around to face her twice as fast, anger burning like a fire in his eyes. "Don't. Don't you DARE blame this all on me. I'm giving everything all I've got right now. Maybe I just started, but I at least deserve the right to try, don't I?" Ricky seethed through clenched teeth, trying to stop the tears from behind his eyes. "Stop. Please, just stop, and- let, let me try. everyone takes that from me. Let. Me. TRY, to make this right. Please." His begging was almost futile, but he needed to say it. SOMEONE needed to give him a chance.
Amy gulped, seeing that she obviously wasn't helping by laying into him. "I'm sorry." She stared down at the floor, crossing one leg over the other as she leaned against the wall. "Look. Lets just...Start over."
Ricky still stayed turned away from her.
"Please," she begged. "Obviously there's something here. Or at least there was. There's no way we could have made things work at band camp if there hadn't been."
"Yeah, maybe there was something there," Ricky spoke, though he kept his back turned to her. "But a lot of things have changed in light of the last 48 hours." He sighed as he turned around to face her. "I feel like if we give up the baby, we give up on any type of relationship or friendship or anything at all. And if you, the girl I got pregnant with my baby, wants nothing to do with me, then what does that say for my life?"
Amy smiled, uncrossing her arms and picking at her fingernails. "It was just a suggestion. I didn't say I wanted to do it either, but we have to do what's best for our child, Ricky. Not just what we want."
He nodded, staring down at her stomach. She stared at him tentatively as he unclenched his fist and moved his hand up and forward slightly, but then pulled it back, questioning himself.
"Do you want to feel," she asked nervously.
Ricky gulped, looking up at her finally. "I...I don't know. Maybe I shouldn't."
Amy shook her head at him. "Nonsense." She grabbed his hand and placed it against her stomach, grimacing as he kicked her in the side. She shifted Ricky's hand, smiling as she felt the kick as well.
In that moment, it was like his memory was erased, even if just for a second. He smiled. "Thanks."
Amy nodded, her eyes bulging slightly as she felt the baby twist from one side to the other. Ricky looked up at her, concerned. He quickly yanked his hand away, fearing he'd hurt her somehow. "Did I..."
Amy shook her head, smiling again. "No, the baby just turned over. He sure does like to stretch out."
Ricky's face fell slightly. "He?"
Amy shrugged. "Just floating it. We'll find out in a few minutes, I guess."
"Are you ready for a son?"
She shrugged again. "I don't know. Some people have told me they're easier than girls. Ben wants it to be a girl."
Ricky groaned heavily. "Ben? Seriously?"
Amy scowled at him again. "He's still my boyfriend, Ricky. And he matters, to me. You're just going to have to get used to that."
"Maybe," he mumbled under his breath. He smiled as Amy shook her head at him. "What do you want him or her to be?"
Amy looked back out the window, smiling, and then back at him. "I don't know. I thought I wanted him or her to be a girl. But that was mostly out of fear. Now...Now, I could be swayed either way. I'll just be happy knowing he or she's okay."
Ricky looked up at her again, once again concerned. "What do you mean, 'okay'?"
"Sorry. There's no reason for the baby not to be, but there's always a chance. I'm sure the baby's fine," she spoke softly.
Ricky nodded, turning his head as someone called Amy's name. She turned at the sound of it, and both of their eyes fell on the nurse standing in the doorway that separated the waiting room from the exam rooms.
Amy pushed herself off the wall, 'oomph'ing again as she settled on both her feet. She began to walk towards the nurse, but stopped when she didn't hear footsteps behind her. She turned around to see Ricky still staring out the window, but the look on his face told her that it wasn't because he hadn't heard the nurse.
"Aren't you coming," she asked.
Ricky shrugged, looking up at her. "Its a really personal thing. I wouldn't want to make you uncomfortable the first time you see the baby."
Amy shook her head at him. "I invited you for a reason." She reached her hand out to him, signifying that she wanted him to come along.
He was slow to move, but after a minute, he shuffled over to her, taking her hand very lightly; almost not even touching her as he followed her and the nurse. Anne meanwhile, followed tentatively behind the both of them. She wasn't sure how she felt about this situation, but she was in no place to pass judgment on her daughter either, especially given the current situation.
The nurse led them into a room down the hall where a sonogram machine was. While she worked on checking over Amy's chart, Amy removed her sweater and then settled on the chair next to the machine.
"Okay, I'm just going to get your pulse and blood pressure quickly, and then Dr. Romano will be in to do the ultrasound," the nurse explained to her as she set Amy's file down and pulled the blood pressure machine over to the side of the chair, wrapping it around Amy's arm.
Amy meanwhile drummed her fingers against her leg, becoming nervous from the silence that seemed to be filling the room. At the same time, Ricky stared at the wall, and Anne flipped nonchalantly through a magazine.
The nurse smiled as she scribbled Amy's vitals down into her file, and then turned her wrist, holding her fingers against the pulse point on Amy's arm while she watched her watch. After about a minute, she let go and wrote the number into Amy's chart before flipping it closed. "Alright. Dr. Romano will be in in just a few minutes."
With that, the nurse walked out of the room and left Ricky, Amy, and Anne to sit in an awkward silence. Ricky stared at the floor, while Amy picked at her fingernails, and Anne flipped through a magazine. After about a minute Anne finally broke the silence.
"How was school for you two," she piped up.
Amy glared at her mom and Ricky continued to stare at the floor.
"That bad, huh?" Anne glared back at Amy, smiling slightly.
Amy continued to pick at her cuticles, huffing. "School was just...not very good," she spoke softly. Ricky looked up at her, mouthing an 'I'm sorry' in reference to their fight in the hallway. Amy simply shrugged, looking back down at her hands.
"Ricky, you didn't run into your father today, did you," Anne questioned.
Before Ricky had the chance to answer however, the door opened and Dr. Romano stepped in, smiling. "Sorry, I'm running a little behind today."
Amy shrugged, smiling at her. "Its okay," she mumbled.
Dr. Romano flipped Amy's chart open for a moment, skimming over her vitals before she tossed it onto the table and turned to Amy, seeing Ricky for the first time. "And who is this," she asked.
Amy bit the inside of her lip, suddenly feeling awkward. "Ricky. He's the father."
Dr. Romano nodded, extending her hand to him. He looked up at her, surprised, but shook it anyway. She then turned and walked over to the sink, washing her hands. "Okay, we spoke last week on this, but are there any questions you still have, Amy?"
Amy simply shrugged. "I'm not sure. I think I covered everything I wanted to know."
Anne suddenly piped in again, setting the jackets aside so she could be near Amy when the sonogram started. "You wanted to know about photos and videos."
Amy nodded, looking up at Dr. Romano. "Yeah. Will we get any of those?"
Dr. Romano shook the water off her hands, into the sink as she pushed the faucet off and dried her hands with paper towel. "The clinic provides photos and a DVD of the sonogram, free of charge. Anything else?"
Amy shook her head, chewing on her lip again in attempt to forget about how awkward she felt.
Dr. Romano helped Amy to lift her shirt so that her stomach was exposed, and gently shook the bottle of gel needed to help the Doppler move. She moved it around a bit, spreading the gel around a little as she turned on the ultrasound machine.
At the same time, Anne stood and walked across the room, gently taking Amy's hand and squeezing it. Amy looked up at her mother, with tears in her eyes.
"Oh, Amy. What's wrong?" She reached up, wiping a tear away from Amy's eye before it could fall down her cheek.
Amy shrugged, forcing a smile. "I don't know. I really don't know."
Dr. Romano turned off the ultrasound machine, and set the Doppler down after wiping it off. "Do you need a few minutes? We can talk this through again if that's what you need."
Amy shook her head. "N-no. I'm okay. I-I'll be f-fine."
Anne cut her off, brushing her thumb against the back of Amy's hand. "Just take a few minutes, Amy. This is a big part of being pregnant. Just let yourself feel it for a moment."
Amy dropped her gaze to the floor, biting on her bottom lip and then shifting her gaze to Ricky. A part of her was panicking that he was there; she felt like things were changing too fast. Another part of her though, wanted him to be standing there with her mother. He was really the only other person who understood what she was feeling.
He stared back at her, just as nervous as she was, but aware of what she wanted. Still, he wasn't sure he was ready for this either. His mind had been racing a hundred miles a minute in the last two days, and he was afraid this might just push him into overload.
After a minute, Ricky took a deep breath and stood, walking over to her side, stuffing his hands into his pockets. Amy forced herself to break their gaze, and she looked up to Dr. Romano. "Okay. We can start."
Dr. Romano nodded and applied more gel to Amy's stomach. She moved the Doppler around a bit again, and turned on the sonogram machine. It took a few seconds, but she found the baby's heartbeat and followed the range of sound to where it was hiding.
"Alright, let see here. We've got some feet... seems to be kicking pretty good," she mused.
Amy nodded. "Like you wouldn't believe."
Dr. Romano moved the Doppler around, pointing out both of the baby's legs, and then arms, and finally the face before she turned to face Amy. "I have to ask if you'd like to know the sex of the baby."
Amy once again paused, looking up at Ricky. Part of her didn't want to know because she feared what the answer might be. She was afraid to know for her own conscience, as well as Ricky's. She knew the idea of having a son scared him as much as it did her. What if he turned out to be like his father? What if all he had worked for in the last few years was just a lie, and he was everything like Bob Underwood?
Ricky answered for her anyway, smiling up at the doctor. It was truly his decision to make in a way, wasn't it? "We would."
Amy gulped, pulling her hand away from her mothers, digging her nails deep into her thumb in nervousness as Dr. Romano moved the Doppler again, finding the baby's genitals. She smiled after a moment. "Congratulations. You're having a baby boy."
oh my look at those eyes...
Amy huffed as she dropped against her bed, exhausted. She yanked her blankets up around her, smiling at the warmth they comforted her with. Her happiness was short-lived, however, as her son kicked against her bladder.
That term was still daunting to her. It terrified her to think of her the baby inside of her as a human being. "Please just stop kicking my bladder. I'll get up in a minute, I promise," she begged her son. She smiled, thinking she'd won as he shifted once again and then settled. She wrapped her arm protectively around herself, closing her eyes.
She whined however, as she heard a knock at the door, and it opened slowly. She forced herself to sit up and was surprised to see it was Ricky.
"Um, hi," she spoke softly.
Ricky half-smiled at her, slowly shutting the door behind him. "I just... I wanted to tell you that Bob is back in jail. I don't really know what happened. Adrian left a message on my phone."
Amy breathed a sigh of relief and smiled at Ricky. "That has to make you feel better, right?"
Ricky shrugged. "I guess. It depends."
Amy raised an eyebrow at him. "On what?"
"On what happens now with us, and our son," he replied. He sat down on the end of her bed, turning to face her. "I'm not saying that we should be in a relationship or anything, right now. Just that you be open to the idea of maybe, someday in the future, it being possible. I know you're with Ben, but things changed today." He paused for a moment, smiling. "I think we've given up a lot for this baby, maybe even for each other-"
Amy pushed herself up off the bed, nodding. "I get it, I really do, but I really, really, REALLY, have to pee! I promise I'll be right back."
Ricky couldn't help but laugh as she jumped up and rushed out of the room, leaving him there. He looked down at his hands, pulling his sleeves over his hands, as if he could cover things up so easily. She would know sooner or later.
The door opened and he looked up, seeing Anne standing there. Before he could speak, she did.
"Its pretty late, so if you wanna stay..." She paused, nodding. "Your mother called. You should probably call her back when you decide what to do."
Ricky nodded, silently letting that be his answer to her that he understood. Anne turned to leave, but stopped a moment later. She looked back up Ricky. "You didn't have to do any of what you did today. We would have figured out something else."
Ricky shook his head. "I did, though. I have a son to look out for. Just...don't tell Amy. I'll tell her tomorrow."
Anne nodded. "Good night, Ricky."
He nodded at her, looking back down at his hands as she walked away. Only a moment later, Amy opened the door again, and then closed it behind her. She settled on the bed, removing her robe to reveal an oversized t-shirt, probably one of her fathers, and happy bunny pajama pants. As she cuddled back under the blankets, she tossed her robe on the floor, too exhausted to hang it up. She rested her eyes for a moment before looking up at Ricky again.
"So are you going to stay here tonight, or what?"
He looked back at her, shrugging. "I don't really have anything to wear, so I should probably go."
Amy shrugged. "I guess," she mused, though it was clear that she didn't want him to.
George knocked lightly on the door, and walked in, settling a pair of flannel red and black checkered pajama pants on the bed. "You two behave. And get some sleep because you still have to go to school tomorrow."
Amy laughed, shaking her head at her father. "Goodnight, dad. Love you."
George kept his straight face for a moment, and then smiled, walking over and kissing Amy's head lightly. "Goodnight, princess. And goodnight, grandson," he spoke to her stomach, rubbing it lightly. Amy laughed, pushing his hands away.
George walked out of the room and Ricky stood, looking around the room as if he didn't know what to do. "I guess, I should change..."
Amy laughed again, pulling the blankets up over her face. "Just do it quickly."
Ricky shook his head at her, quickly slipping out of his jeans and pulling on the flannel pants. He had to pull the draw string as tight as it would pull in order for the pants to stay up, and then yanked on the blankets as he sat back down on the bed. Amy patted the spot next to her, yawning again. "I won't make you sleep on the couch."
Ricky sat down next to her, opting to lay on top of the blankets. Amy grabbed his hand, letting him feel their baby as he rolled around inside of her. For a while they just laid there, feeling their son move, together. After about half an hour, Amy began to doze off, and Ricky followed her in suit. However, the baby was not keen on this plan and kicked her hard in the ribs, awaking her. She smiled, rubbing her stomach lightly before she looked over at Ricky. She smiled sadly, feeling a tear burn her eyes as she saw the stitches on his cheek, and the white gauze wrapped around his hand that had moved from her stomach, to right below his face. She wondered if he used to be a thumb-sucker, and the idea made her giggle. She huffed after a moment, brushing away the tear on her eyelid before she reached over and clicked off the lamp next to her bed. She sat up and pulled the blankets up around him before turning over and pulling her comforter tightly around her. As she dozed off, she swore she could feel him wrap his arm around her.....