This is a new style, but it always is… I should be working on Sur Le Chemin but I can't make a decent chapter if I can't get off track with something else. A little Snape is surely a good way! I have been reading a lot of Snape Mentor fics, so this state of mind was on my mind. This is still Canon though. Unbeta'd for now.

ENJOY! It will make me happy.

A lot of people I went to school with look at me like the one Lily Evans used to be friends with. Though it is not as if that is the only thing I am known for, and though I know I do not possess that title any longer, it is still a nice thing to be seen as.

If someone is going to look at me and only see her, I would call it an honor.

But when he looked at me he always looked scared, and now he just looks angry.

Like it was my fault alone.

Like I should never have existed.

Like it should have been me.

And I can only agree. She always had something to live for, and the world wanted her there, right where she was, right where James Potter had her, right where the Dark Lord could get to her. All I can think about him now is that proof that he did not know what he had, he couldn't possible have known. If she was my responsibility she would have been out of the continent, away from everything. But no, it was too late for that, she was gone, and Potter is six feet under the living Earth.

But he's there again, wand at the ready every time Harry looks at me. Every time he enters my classroom, every time he goes to the restricted section for some research, every time.

When I was a true servant to the Dark Lord, I was barely alive. I would drag myself around as if it wasn't really life anymore.

I saw them once, in London, the whole family on a day trip. This was, of course, before they went into hiding. James with his ridiculous hair, and Lily's beautiful red shining hair, as if it was to prove my point was a comparison next to him. But then, who was that? In my curiosity I forgot that I didn't want to be seen, and walked right into his view. "Hullo Severus," James had said. Completely disregarding any upset we had had in the past. I hummed in response, at loss as to what to say. I could only see Lily. She looked more beautiful then I remembered, just when I thought it wasn't possible, she always found a way to prove me wrong. It was horrible, but the worst part was a little carriage, and in it was a baby.

"This is baby Harry," he continued, and I finally understood that he truly was trying to be civil, even though he still hated me.

And so it was 'Baby Harry' a little thing with a full head of dark hair. He came complete with a tiny baby nose and rosy cheeks. Not to mention stubby, small fingers. Lily still wouldn't look at me. She opened her mouth as to speak, and I held my breath.

I hadn't the idea she would merely say "and are you well, Severus?" a seemingly harmless question. But there was a war going on, and I was not oblivious as to what she was really asking me. "No, not really" I said harshly. "Though I'm quite sure that's not really the point your making, is it?" both looked startled at my outburst, though they should have expected it. "Good day" I said.

I left before I could see him comfort her, before I had to admit that when he looked at her it was love that I saw.

From then until their death I started putting up the illusion that I was living a fairly normal life, so precisely engineered that I sometimes forgot which side I was on myself. I tried not to be in hiding anymore, and then I heard that the Potters were in hiding. Surely Black was their secret keeper, but keeping out of the status of the Potters was a clear part of having a compartmentalized mind.

The rest of the story is not worth giving thought.

Never would I have thought I would be here, teaching. Back at the place where I had some of the worst experiences in my life, yet I stay here, watching as Potter almost succumbs to death every year.

Now its potions time for the Gryffindors and Slytherins, and soon they start to file in. it wasn't long until the Golden Shining Trio blessed me with their presence, Potter speaking in low tones to Granger and Weasley. They sat down at the back of the room as per usual.

And then he looked at me, the same eyes from all those years ago, yet holding strong disdain.

Or disgust.

Anxiety. I made him nervous, I realized. He got the same feeling I had every time I didn't know the answer, when I was walking across a crowded room, when James and Sirius turned towards me with those malicious smiles. I hated that feeling, and for that feeling he hated me. But it was only normal. So I went on with the lesson.

As if Harry's disconcerting looks didn't faze me.

As if they didn't hold everything mine held for him.

As if they didn't haunt me.

It is not as if I ever cared all that much about what James thought of me in life, but in death he and his wife haunt me. His wife will always do that job best, but his son will always come in a close second.

Will you PLEASE give me a review? Show me Snape fans are the BEST! Surprisingly, I don't have much else to say, besides that I may be updating this soon (for the better).

Lots of Love,

Mal *&* Syd

(EDIT)- October 15, 2010

NOT ON HIATUS we aren't hiatus people, nor are we quitters, and never will be. Don't give up on us. We are always thinking of our stories. Busy doesn't begin to describe my life right now: none does the job though.

Thank you for all the support, it's pretty cool.

LOVE