A Lack of Courage

Oh my God there's his eyes again,

turn around fake indifference and I'll...

watch his smooth black silhouette disappear

Watch him leave the floor,

my body's edging toward the door.

I return instead...

I'm not done pretending yet...

He stares at her across the floor

my undressed hearts, now an open door.

He orders drinks now the scene is falling through.

Meg & Dia - Timmy

AN: Months ago when I heard this song I instantly knew I had to write a Scorpius/Rose story to it. I just watched it all play out before my eyes. I recommend you going to listen to the song before, to see if you see it to. :]]

Please enjoy, this is my second Scorpius/Rose FanFic, reviews are very much appreciated!

Rose's eyes dropped from his, her head turning back to the small notebook she'd been writing in. A cool look of indifference exuding the very movement. To anyone, especially him she was completely unperturbed by this man across the room. Seconds later his smooth black silhouette disappeared out the side door. Her eyes watching him the entire time.

Rose finally was able to breathe when she knew he was gone. Scorpius Malfoy, the man she was in love with. The man she'd let walk out of her life without him knowing he was doing so. Somehow they had gotten to graduation day, and gone their separate ways. She hadn't been able to work up the courage needed to tell him how she felt.

It was that day, her very last day at Hogwarts that she finally understood why she'd been placed in Ravenclaw and not Gryffindor. It hadn't been because she was brilliant and Ravenclaw needed her, it was because she didn't have enough courage. Something she hadn't realized she lacked until she was watching Scorpius walk away from her after they had said their goodbyes.

Her heart had broken that day, she'd been sure it would be impossible to live with the pain of knowing she'd never be given another opportunity to act on her unrequited love. She knew Scorpius wasn't staying in England after graduation, and that had been why she attempted to motivate herself to tell the truth. Apparently, death by broken heart wasn't unappealing enough.

Rose couldn't believe she was sitting here five years later, five years wiser, and prettier and more mature, and yet she still lacked the courage to act on her feelings. She'd already been sitting on them for the better part of a decade, so she had allowed herself to reason why not another month.

A whole month... that was how long she'd been back in his space.

In his space but not with him...

She thought back to a month and a day ago.

Rose had a very smug look on her face as she walked through the airport. She was very proud of the undetectable expansion charm she'd placed on her carry-on. She'd been able to pack basically her entire life into one small weekender.

Yes... her entire life...

She was working for a research lab, and had been for the last three years.

Upon approaching that first year after Hogwarts, she told her mom that she wanted to take a year off and just do nothing, at least not anything serious. It had been just days after she'd let Scorpius walk away, and everyone had been sitting around the Burrow talking about their plans for the fall... Rose had gotten a horrible anxious feeling in the pit of her stomach, and pulled her mom up stairs into an empty room. Herminone had started to say no when Rose broken into tears.

"Mom... I'm begging you, please don't make me do anything, I can't do anything, I don't have it in me to do anything right now."

Hermione had taken Rose in her arms and asked her to explain why she felt that way. Rose hadn't planned to tell her everything... hadn't planned to admit the truth, but she had. She'd told her about how she'd fallen in love with Scorpius, and how they'd always been friends but how there was always some kind of elephant in the room between them. How she'd assumed it had to do with her own awkwardness about her unrequited feelings.

She explained how she's tried to work herself up to confess her feelings to get everything out in the open. How instead she'd grabbed a handful of heartbreak instead. After explaining it all, Herminone agreed that Rose didn't have to get a serious job but that she did need to be actively doing 'something' every day. Rose had agreed.

When she was eighteen she tried her hand at a ministry job, but it hadn't been her fit and she'd quit after six months. Then she'd gone to work with her Uncle George, at the joke shop. That surprisingly was a lot of fun, and who knows how long she would have stayed there if she hadn't met Helda Bloomburg.

Helda had come into the shop looking for something for her son, when she had dropped the folders she'd had in her arms. Rose had bent to help her pick up the scattered pages, and realized it was all lab notes, of test done to create new potions. She had ask one question that had led to many, and an hour later they were sitting in the back office discussing Rose coming to work at the lab.

That day had led to three years later, and Rose was still just as happy with her work today as she had been back then. So happy in fact that she was getting on a plane to America for the next few months to a year.

The company she worked for had branch offices, and labs all over the world, and a week ago headquarters had decided that someone from each branch had to come and work on a special top secret potion that they were close to figuring out.

Rose had been happy to be chosen, she had been sure she was going to have to work hard to be given the opportunity over some of those with more seniority. It wasn't until she went home to her apartment that night that she realized she hadn't been chosen just because she was the best for the job, but because one of the companies stipulations to long term trips were that the applicant be unmarried. Which made sense because there wasn't always a way to know how long they'd be gone.

No matter the reason, Rose decided to enjoy the opportunity, and that was what had lead to her entire life being stored in a weekender.

A weekender that she was now trying to lift up into the overhead compartment. She had to laugh that she was capable of performing such an amazing charm and other difficult spells, but she was having trouble reaching high enough to place the actual bag in the compartment. She knew she couldn't use any magic here surround by muggles, she sighed glad that her five feet two inches wasn't a hindrance in the wizarding world, she had just gotten the bag above her head when two hands came from behind her and placed the bag securely.

She was about to turn around and thank her savior when he spoke first, "It's good to see you again, Rose."

Her eyes stretched wide, and her mouth popped open silently. She was so glad she was still facing away; there was no way to have covered the complete shock and excitement that spread over her features. She smiled to herself, before pulling it all together and turning around a much more subtle look of surprise showing in her features.

"Scorpius Malfoy, well I thought I would never see you again, I mean I knew you were leaving the country, but it's like you disappeared." She said, expressing what she thought while keeping her actual curiosity dormant.

The left side of his mouth lifted up in a grin, "I didn't think I'd be missed." He replied, and from the way he said it, she felt as though he were asking if he had been.

Rose knew better than to start talking about just how much he had been. "So what are you doing here?" Rose asked as he lifted his own carryon into the same compartment before shutting it.

"I'm being transferred to New York for work. I am a part of this research company that specializes in finding new ingredients and uses for..." he glanced around to make sure none of the muggles were listening, before adding in a lower voice, "potions."

Rose just stared at him for a second to see if he was joking, when he raised an eyebrow back at her she knew he wasn't.

"Me too," she said finally. "I work at the South London branch."

She decided to take her seat after telling him that.

"Well... maybe this will give us a chance to catch up on the last five years." he said, taking his seat as well.

She nodded her head and would have said something more, but the stewardess was beginning her speech on how they could all ensure a safe flight.

Scorpius shut the door to his dorm room and literally felt all the tension he was holding leave his body. Now that he was no longer in her presence he could actually breathe again. He brought his hand up to rub his eyes and he thought back over the world's longest plane ride and subsequent cab ride. Rose Weasley was the love of his life, and despite having been away from her for the last five years, five minutes had brought him right back to the love sick fool he'd been before.

He had hoped that moving to a different country would be enough to help him get over her; hoped that he would meet someone else who he actually stood a chance of getting to reciprocate his feelings. That had been a doomed mission. He'd instead poured himself into his work, not even bothering to think about love. Not while he still knew Rose was single.

For the last five years he'd managed to keep himself informed about the on goings of life in London. Not that his life in France had been boring, just that subconsciously he'd simply needed to know if there was even a minute possibility that he could end up with her. If she had fallen in love with someone else, he might have been able to force himself to move past that heart break, but she hadn't. So he knew in the back of his mind that someday he could possibly make a move.

That day was now upon him... he wondered how he'd never thought to look up the company she was working for. If he'd known... realized they were basically coworkers, he might have come home sooner, might have used it to finally tell her he loved her.

He shook his head; clearing his thoughts of 'what ifs' they did no good. Regrets were the past, crippling you in the future. He didn't need to worry about things he couldn't control, instead he needed to think about the situation they were in now. She was right down the hall from him, so close and yet so far away at the exact same time.

He sat down on his bed remembering the day he had swallowed his confessions of love and told her goodbye before walking away quickly as he could to hide his embarrassment. The words had stuck in his throat, he wasn't sure he was ready for her to reject him, and it wasn't until he was home packing that he truly realized now he'd probably never have to worry about it again.

That had hurt even more. He'd cried himself to sleep that night as quietly as possible. Letting the pain envelope him, he'd left the next morning, completely numb. That was how he'd spent his first year abroad, numb, and entirely unable to focus on anything but his work. Always simultaneously hoping both that he could end up with her someday, and that he could move on from the pain of hoping.

Scorpius couldn't help that the second he entered a room his eyes unconsciously searched for Rose, couldn't help when they finally found her an locked on. It was a habit he'd developed when they were in school, a habit that had returned almost like second nature. She was all he'd ever want.

Her eyes looked up to meet his, and as he was considering approaching her she looked away and back to what she'd been doing as though she hadn't seen him. As if he was just another person standing here at the bar, she was completely indifferent to him and that was a sobering revelation.

He staggered back a step as the full impact of that hit him. He didn't stand a chance.

He left immediately, dragging himself back to his dorm to reflect on this new information, and how much it hurt.

That had been yesterday, today though he decided he would drink away his troubles. Attempt to return to the numb place he'd retreated to once before.

He was at the bar just next door to the dorms, it was one everyone frequented on their days off. He was just about to place an order when Rose slid into the seat next to his, giving him a friendly smile. He gave a small smile back, and wondered if he was going crazy. Hadn't she just less than 24 hours ago been giving him the cold shoulder?

"Do you mind if I sit here?" Rose asked uncertainty in her voice.

Scorpius decided right then and there that he was going to go for it with Rose, and tonight was his night. Now all he needed was a little liquid courage. He turned back to her, giving his best smile, "I would love for you to join me, what can I get you to drink?"

He watched her smile back, a small blush coloring her cheeks, "I'll take a Vodka Martini"

Scorpius waved over the bartender and put in for their drinks.

A few drinks and a couple shooters later, and Scorpius couldn't believe what was happening, was he really kissing Rose? Were his hands really roaming her body? They were outside her dorm room; she was unlocking the door while they attempted to keep kissing. Finally she got the door open and they were inside, and pulling at each other clothes.

He pushed her back against the closed door, attempting to slow them down. He wanted to remember every second of this, every touch and feeling. He pulled away from kissing her, his eyes locking on hers as he slowly slid his hands up her body, until he was cupping her face in his hands. He starred into her eyes, wondering in passing if to her this was just a meaningless hookup. He decided he would take her anyway he could get her, and hopefully after tonight he could work on making her fall in love with him.

With that he closed his eyes again and dove into the deep end.

Rose felt her heart racing in every piece of her body. Felt as though she were going to explode from the happiness of this situation. She, Rose Weasley was finally kissing Scorpius Malfoy, and if she could finally get the door to her room unlocked, she would most certainly be doing much more. Although in the back of her mind, she couldn't help wondering if this was just a drunken hookup to him. If tomorrow he would regret it...

Right after that thought passed; she was opening the door, and pulling him in, her hands already attempting to get his jacket off. He suddenly turned her around pushing her back against the door, and with his body pressed up against hers; he pulled away from kissing her, his eyes trained on her. She felt her breath hitch in her throat at the intensity in his eyes.

Then his hands were moving from her hips, and over her waist, brushing past her breast as he brought them to cup her face, and she feel like she was melting. It was as though he was searching for something in her eyes, and then he seemed to make a decision based on what he saw, because he closed his eyes and was kissing her again.

This kiss was different from the frenzied ones they'd searched on the way here. This one was slow, meticulous and deliberate, as if he were memorizing her, and Rose sighed into this kiss, her own hands moving to cup his face in the same way. She was determined to show him how much she loved him tonight. To live tonight as though this were her last chance to be with him.

She pulled her lips away from his this time, her mouth moving to kiss him all over, on his cheeks, his forehead, his chin, she giggled to herself when she kissed his nose, and he smiled back at her seeming to realized she was memorizing him too. When she pulled back she kept her eyes on his as her hands slowly pulled her shirt over her head. His eyes stayed on her, and she was surprised they didn't dart straight to her breast.

Instead he leaned forward kissing her in all the same places she'd kissed him, his hands moving torturously slow as they moved up her torso before finally coming into contact with her bra. She mentally did a high five, that she'd started only wearing sexy underwear since arriving in New York in case a chance encounter like this one were to take place.

She was wearing an unlined lace balconet, and as his hands palmed her breast it almost felt like nothing was in the way. She moved to kiss him again, her hands moving to the bottom of his shirt this time, and sliding it up and over his head. Her hands roaming his upper body while they kissed, enjoying the feel of the muscles underneath his skin.

She felt his hands move to cup her bottom and moved to wrap her legs around his hips at the same time. He moved to stand even closer to her then, and that was when she felt him between her legs, felt his need for her and she smiled into the kiss. Forever, from this moment forward, she would remember the feeling of the first time Scorpius needed her. Even if this never happened again, and she hoped it would, but even if, she was happy she could keep this memory.

She kissed him harder, and her hands slide down to unfasten his pants, her own need now pounding furiously between her legs. She needed to move this along, needed to feel him moving inside her. She had just gotten his belt undone when he pulled her hands up and wrapped his arms around her waist, before turning and walking them to her bed. He laid her down on her back, and stood over her, taking her in. His hands moved to undo her pants, and pulled them off of her tossing them to the floor. He then starred, his eyes full of wonder, and she blushed, her whole body warming up.

"Well, don't let me be the only one undressed," she said, smiling at him after a minute or so.

He smiled back at her, his hands moving to his pants, and he dropped them to the floor with his boxer kicking them off to the side. She pushed herself up to support herself on her elbows as she took him in. He was magnificent, so much more than she'd imagined him to be. He seemed to like the way she was looking at him because he smiled a big smile as he moved closer to the bed.

He grabbed a hold of each of her ankles, and slowly moved his hands up her legs, the anticipation killed her and her center hummed and pounded more than it ever had before. Then his hands grabbed hold of her kickers and pulled them down, tossing them behind him to join all their other clothes on the floor. The cool air touching her now exposed lower regions made her bit her lip and shift her hips slightly.

Scorpius then proceeded to kiss her up her legs following the same course his hands had taken, although much to her frustration he ignored the place most craving his attention.

His lips trailed kisses up her stomach, and up the hollow between her breast before reaching her lips, and kissing her hard on the mouth. She felt him again between her legs has he hovered over her, and she instinctively moved her hips up to rub against him. He laughed into their kiss, pushing her hips back down with one of his hands.

She whimpered at that, he was teasing her. She was aching with want, she had been waiting for him for the past seven years. She remembered the first time she'd thought of Scorpius in a sexual way. It had been fifth year and he'd come out of the prefects bath, as she was waiting to go in. His face was flushed and she had blushed when she saw it was him. She had gotten inside and sitting in the warm bath, she had touched herself for the first time imagining him in here moments before naked and wet.

Now he was hovering above not wet, but certainly naked and she was glad he would be her first. It was then that she decided she didn't like him having the control, not right this moment. If he didn't want to rush, fine, but she wasn't going to be the only one whimpering. She slid further back onto the bed, and he followed in an effort to keep their lips locked.

She turned her body onto her right side, hoping her would taken her lead and lay on his side facing her as well, then she scooted forward her whole body pushed up against his and deepened their kiss, her hands cupping his face again as they had earlier. His hand rested on her hip, and she decided then to swing her leg over his, and pushed him onto his back, happy to be in the higher position.

She lost her breath when she looked down at him, Scorpius Malfoy sexy and waiting beneath her. Something she had only ever fantasized about, and now it was happening. She leaned over to kiss him, making sure to keep her lower body away from his; she placed both hands on his nipples, palming them first, before rubbing them with her thumbs, at the same time she moved from his lips to nibble on his neck, leaving soft kisses after every tiny bit.

He moaned at her actions, and she smiled loving that sound, and how it came from the back of his throat. She slowly slid herself down his body, kissing in a similar way that he'd kissed her, down his center, around his belly button; she licked down his pale blonde treasure trail, eliciting another groan from him. Then pausing a moment before completely ignoring his large pulsating member just as he'd ignored her, she began kissing her way back up.

He groaned in a similar frustration, before chuckling "Okay, point taken." He said when she reached his lips again.

She laughed to, giving him a couple quick pecks on his lips, "No more teasing." She said as she sat up again, her eyes connecting with his again. She found them so memorizing, especially now, filled with some much desire, desire for her.

"Okay, no more teasing." He smiled, before rolling them back over so he was hovering above her again. He kissed her once more, and she knew she would never get tired of kissing him, his lips so soft and firm against hers seemed to mold perfectly as though they were made for kissing her lips and hers alone.

She felt his hands move to her knees, as he slowly spread her legs apart, and she opened them willingly. She breathed in through their kiss, and her heart picked up speed as she waited to see what he planned to do next.

Time seemed to move at an irritatingly slow pace, and then she felt him sliding inside of her, and it was completely worth the wait. Just the feeling of him moving his body to fit into hers, made the last twelve years of being in love with him worth it. Made the last five years of heart break sufferable, made the last month of cowardess forgettable. She arched her back and lifted her hips to help him move deeper inside of her.

"Rose," he whispered her name, his eyes closed as he buried himself within her, and she felt her heart soar at the sound in his voice.

They stayed that way, neither of them moving, just remembering the feeling of completeness that came with this moment.

Then at the same time they began moving, both eager to help the other reach satisfaction.

Rose bit her lip attempting to keep the noises she wanted to make to herself, but the more she felt the heat within her growing, the less she cared who heard them. She sighed and moaned, and did everything but scream which she knew she would do if they were in a better place doing this. Her sounds seemed to encourage him, and he picked up speed to help her along.

Rose was so close, she could feel her body tightening up her stomach clenching waiting for the one thing that would send her over the edge but it wasn't happening, it wasn't happening, and she worried he would finish before she could.

"Scorp..." she said pleaded, her voice worried "I cant... it's not... I'm almost... I don't know..." she said unable to explain exactly what she meant.

He seemed to understand because he wrapped his arm around her waist and pulled her up, as he sat back into a sitting position. She was now sitting in his lap, and he began to rock within her, his arms still wrapped around her waist, holding her tightly. She moved against him and the new position gave her pleasure spot direct stimulation against him.

She sucked in a deep breath tossing her head back as she picked up speed, rubbing and moving against him, as he continued rocking up and into her. She grabbed onto his shoulders, her nails digging lightly into his skin. She buried her face into his neck, she knew she was seconds away, and then he picked up the speed of his motions and she fell.

"Scorpius...." yelled out before biting into his shoulder. She couldn't catch her breath, she just held onto him as he continued moving within her.

Her whole body was humming, and she couldn't believe it when the heat in her belly began building again. She'd never come twice before, and already she could feel she was close to being there again. This time coming so much easier than the first, she took stilted breaths, and her eyes squeezed shut tightly, "I think... I think... I'm gonna... I think I'm gonna come again." She finally got out.

"I know," was all he said, as he continued moving in the same way that had pushed her over the edge before.

She couldn't help herself, she screamed as she fell further this time, the feeling so much stronger than ever before. Everything faded out, her sight, her hearing, everything… so much so that she was sure she imagined him saying I love you as he came within her. The moment she thought she heard it, everything rushed back, but he was in his own world. As he came and she watched him, his eyes squeezed closed, his lips pressed together.

He was amazing, when he opened his eyes; she grabbed his face and kissed him lazily.

Then she moved to slid him out of her and he followed suit. Then he pulled back the covers and they both climbed inside together. Rose was glad he wasn't leaving; glad he was going to stay with her, glad when he wrapped his arms around her as they both drifted to sleep. She smiled to herself, this was happiness.

This was worth it.

Scorpius woke up just as the beginnings of daylight were creeping in through the window. He immediately remembered everything from the night before and smiled when he saw Rose was still lying next to him. He sat up and leaned back against the headboard.

He still couldn't believe that he'd finally been with Rose. He smiled as he remembered telling her he loved her last night; though he had a feeling she didn't hear him. He ran his hand through his hair, thinking 'Scorpius Malfoy... no longer a virgin...' he laughed lightly to himself.

He let his eyes scan the room, and realized Rose had really made it a home. It seemed as though she'd brought her entire apartment with her. He glanced over at the night stand and saw an open notebook, and he would have looked away if he hadn't seen his name. He hesitantly reached for the book, his eyes darting to see that she was still asleep.

He picked up the book and realized it was an unending journal, similar to the one he kept. He wondered how far back hers went. He flipped backward, stopping randomly on a date from their first year at Hogwarts.

Scorpius and I were made lab partners today in potions, his hand brushed against mine when we both reached to place the cauldron over the fire. I can still feel a tingling where our skin made contact. I still can't believe we both got sorted into Ravenclaw. Things in my first year are already off to a great start....

He smiled, flipping back a few pages, landing on an entry from third year.

Scorpius and I both went to Hogsmeade today. It was cold and I'd forgotten my scarf so he gave me his. I got to smell him all day. I wish he liked me like me.

He flipped again, landing on an entry from fifth year.

I just... I can't say it... not even in my own journal... I did the "M" word today, and I was thinking about Scorpius the whole time. It was amazing and I can't wait to do it again... although I wish I was actually with him instead.

He blushed, flipping again, to seventh year.

I can barely write this, barely admit it aloud let alone in a journal where it will be permanently documented forever. I am I coward... I let Scorpius walk away today. Let him leave and say goodbye without telling him that I love him, that I've loved him since we first met. I am sitting here in my room, for the first time not looking forward to going to the burrow, not looking forward to having a fun summer, because I know I don't have school in the fall to look forward to seeing Scorpius. He's gone... and I let him go...

He closed the book, his heart was racing, Rose... Rose Weasley was in love with him, or had been, he opened the book up again to the most recent entry.

I can't believe I can't work up the courage to tell him, I can't believe I let him walk out of here again thinking I wasn't interested. His face when I looked away seemed almost hurt... I think... I think tomorrow I'm going to just go for it. Tomorrow I tell Scorpius Malfoy I love him.

At that he got up as quietly as he could as not to disturb her. He pulled on his clothes and walked back down to his dorm, shutting the door behind him.

Rose woke up, her eyes still closed as she remembered last night in amazing detail. She realized them taking their time, and locking it all in their memories really had worked. She would never forget last night and hopefully this morning... She reached her hands out for Scorpius, feeling for him but his side of the bed was cold. Her eyes opened and she saw he wasn't there.

She sat up quickly looking around the room, and saw he was gone. She swallowed hard, tears rushing to her eyes. Then her eyes landed on her journal. No longer sitting where she'd left it on her night stand, now sitting in the middle of the bed. She picked it up, her heart racing...

"Oh... my... god." She said as she realized he must have read it... read it, and left anyway... this was the rejection she'd been hoping to avoid... the reason she'd never worked up the courage before last night. She flopped back down into her pillow, crying as the realization hit her that he was gone, and this time it really was forever.

She gasped when she heard the door to her dorm room opening again. She sat up, and saw him standing in the door way, he looked surprised to see her awake, and then shocked to see she was crying.

"What's wrong Rose?" he asked, approaching her slowly.

She starred at him, surprised to see him standing there, "You weren't... I thought... did you read this?" She asked, holding up her diary.

He glanced down sheepishly, his hand reaching back to scratch the back of his head. "I did, I'm sorry I read a few entries."

Rose closed her eyes, as the embarrassment took over, her entire face turning red. She wondered why he was back, was it to enjoy her discomfort at having her most personal thought laid out in the open.

Then she felt the bed shift, and opened her eyes to see him holding out a book to her. The side binding held an engraved S.H.M. and she realized it was his journal. Her eyes looked up at his, curiosity in hers. She grabbed the book and slowly opened to the most recent entry.

She doesn't love me, I know this, but if there's a chance that what I know is wrong. If there's a chance that the indifference she's giving me is fake, a chance that she might one day love me... shouldn't I do something about it... maybe not... maybe I should just go back to the numb place I went five years ago when I was forced to live without her. How do I do that though... I'll always wonder what if... what if I had finally acted like a man, and told Rose Weasley that I have loved her half my life, and I will love her for the rest of it...

Rose's eyes shot up to his, she couldn't believe it. She realized a few seconds later that she'd stopped breathing, a suddenly worked to catch breath, "You love me?"

He nodded, "I love you." he said, smiling, "Wow, it feels so great to finally say that to your face, I love you Rose."

She smiled and reached forward to touch his face, "I love you too."

Rose hugged him, realizing that it all was working out in the end. Scorpius loved her, and she loved him, and they were going to be happy. They were meant to be... they had to be if they were together after all this time. She pulled away quickly her hands cupping his face.

"I love you, and I have to tell you everything while I still have the courage to do so. I want us to be together forever, I want to get married, soon if possible, and I want to have kids, and I want you to meet my parents, and I want to meet yours, and I want to always tell you everything because I know what it's like to keep it from you." Rose said her eyes on his.

Scorpius smiled back at her, "Well I do hope we'll meet each other's parents before we get married and have kids, but other than that I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with you Rose Weasley."

End.

AN: OMG... I'm so proud of myself for starting and finishing writing something. I've had such a severe case of writers block lately this is a great feeling!

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