|Because My Name Is Envy
Author: colordrifter PM
The one thing Envy hates and wants to be most in the world. Oneshot.Rated: Fiction K+ - English - Angst - Envy - Words: 753 - Reviews: 9 - Favs: 9 - Follows: 1 - Published: 03-09-10 - Status: Complete - id: 5804542
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
I had this sudden thought the other day to write about Envy's jealousy from his POV, and this is what came out of that.
Disclaimer: I do not own Fullmetal Alchemist although I would love to. :3
Lust said they were weaklings, good for nothing.
Wrath said they were pawns to be used.
And Father…he said that humans were spineless, pathetic worms, sacrifices for the Plan.
But I knew better.
After I killed Maes Hughs for sticking his nose too far into our plans, I decided to stick around during the funeral to see the fun. I wanted to see the anguish on those foolish humans' faces. I wanted to be able to laugh at them, to ridicule them for their tears. And I did see. I saw the pain on that bastard Mustang's face. I saw tears fall from the eyes of Hughs' worm of a wife. I heard his little daughter cry for him. Even Wrath put on a good show. And I realized that those humans truly cared for him. Loved him.
I didn't feel scorn, or even amusement. At that moment, for the first time of my existence, I felt a violent pang of unmistakable jealousy. It became fixed in my head, a little flame flickering in my mind.
Weeks later, Lust died. Killed by the bastard Colonel. Not unlike the way I killed Hughs. But our period of mourning didn't last ten minutes. The only tears offered were from Gluttony. I was furious. Those humans were allowed to kill Lust, but we couldn't to kill them? No, Father wouldn't allow it. We had to save them as precious sacrifices. And we went right back to carrying out Father's next commands.
I felt anguish for Lust. Loss. My mind jumped back to Hughs' funeral. None of those overwhelming emotions shown for him were shown for Lust.
It just wasn't fair.
Because in my world, love is scorned. Spit on. Looked down upon.
Love is only for the weak.
At least, that is the theory.
But love was what made those weak humans strong.
When Father created Greed by putting him in that shifty-eyed Xing prince, the Fullmetal bean urged squinty-eyes to keep fighting. "He has someone waiting for him!" I laughed and shook my head, knowing that it was hopeless to fight Greed. But I was also surprised. Even as dumb as they are, don't they know when to give up? They were beaten down, had fallen so low they couldn't get back up. And yet they kept on fighting.
I have a family, sort of. A "father" and "siblings". Modeled after a "normal" human family. I feel affection for them. Respect. But nothing more. Or rather, I shouldn't. No one would tell me to keep fighting because my family was waiting for me.
But I want to. I want to have someone love me enough to say that. I want to love. I want to laugh and cry without feeling guilt. Humans have that freedom, and they don't even realize it.
Even now, reduced to my most pathetic form, stuck in the Fullmetal bean's hand, staring at the Ishvalan murderer, Mustang, and that whore of his, I feel jealous. The little flame inside me has grown into an all-consuming inferno. And still, those humans are pitying me. That Fullmetal shrimp actually knows how I feel! Why?! Why can't they just kill me? Why can't they just give in to their rage and revenge?!
I hate them!
I hate their ability to support each other, to fight even if the situation was hopeless. I hate the fact that they are strong-willed, that they can count on each other to catch them if they fall.
I hate them…and I want to be one of them.
I want to be a human.
I would give up everything. Immortality, my shape-shifting skills, my cuteness, my flawless youth, everything to become human.
Yes, I feel jealous.
A huge fireball of all-consuming jealousy.
Because that's what I am.
Because my name is Envy.
I hope you guys like this short oneshot! I couldn't write the scene where Envy committed suicide; I actually really liked Envy as a character. Props to my friend Anna, who helped me go through this and work out the kinks. PLEASE REVIEW! Tell me what you thought of my attempt to write a story! (: