Author: A.D. Williams PM
In a simple mistake of trying to go to the clock tower in Twilight Town, Axel, Roxas, and Xion find themselves in Forks, Washington and having quite the odd conversation with a young--or not so young?--vampire there... Comical randomness abound!Rated: Fiction K+ - English - Humor - Axel & Edward - Words: 1,786 - Reviews: 20 - Favs: 24 - Follows: 2 - Published: 03-10-10 - Status: Complete - id: 5806355
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
I'm more of a KH fan than a fan of anything else I have ever written, so it's a bit strange for me to have mixed something like Twilight with Kingdom Hearts. But, it's wacky, it's funny, and both are right up my aisle, ^_^ So, do enjoy!
Disclaimer: Keep the Twilight characters, Steph (Well…can I have Jasper?). Tetsuya Nomura, be kind and share at least Axel with me since I don't own any of the KH characters…
So, today being like any other, tired bones and all, he patiently waited in the Organization's Grey Room (used somewhat like a living room or lounge) for the two children to show up so that they may all get their ice cream together.
"Yo! There you two are. What kept'cha?" He asked them when they came through a portal in the wall.
"Bleh, as the 'Keyblade's chosen', I swear Xemnas wants to make sure we destroy basically every living thing that gets in our way," Xion sighed. "I don't wanna see a Keyblade until tomorrow morning…and even that's too soon."
Roxas maneuvered his arm around in a circle, rubbing the shoulder. "I completely concur," he mumbled. "Someone needs to make child labor laws for Nobodies."
Axel couldn't help but chuckle. "Well, let's wash away those blues with the usual treat. Today, it's all on me." He opened his own black hole and led the way through it.
The moment they reached the other side though, he had to wonder if he'd gone to the right location. "Whoa…Toto, I don't think we're in Twilight Town anymore…"
"You know, I don't remember Twilight Town having many trees, if any," Roxas said. "Much lest forests!"
"And I've never seen it rain there before either," Xion put in, looking at the overcast sky. "It looks like it just rained here and like it's about to do so again pretty quickly."
Just then, right in front of them, a large wolf ran across the road, only a few feet away.
"HOLY FRICKIN' KINGDOM HEARTS, WHAT WAS THAT?!" All three screamed. Both Xion and Roxas jumped behind Axel, but he was trying to hide behind them!
As if that wasn't bad enough, an entire pack chose that moment to dash across the road, all of them the size of a large pickup truck. The only sounds for a few seconds were that of their paws on the pavement and the ground slightly trembling from the force of their running. As they continued on their way, howls rose up in the distance.
Xion spoke first. "I think I just had a heart attack."
"I second that notion," Axel whispered. He looked around them, ensuring that there were no more wolves to be run over by before taking a cautious step forward. The others carefully followed after him as he headed into the forest the wolves had just come from.
"Isn't this kind of asking for certain death?" Roxas asked as he swatted away tree branches. "We just saw a pack of wolves on steroids run by and here we are, exploring the woods. This might not be the smartest id…what the hell?!"
They had come to a small clearing. Like some cliché movie scene, the sun had decided to beam down a ray of light there. Standing in the center was a pale, shirtless boy.
"What's he doing?" Xion asked.
"He's…performing a ritual…" Roxas said.
Axel cocked an eyebrow at the guy. "Dude. He's glittering. Like, sequins and sparkles glittering."
The other two looked closer and sure enough, the boy was.
Xion was about to ask something else when the boy spoke. "No, this isn't a commercial. And you shouldn't be here."
"Hey, it's the woods," Axel told him, coming forward with the kids on his heels. "Public property. I don't see a no-trespassing sign."
The boy frowned then harshly pointed to a tree. Bolted into the wood was a sign that said "No trespassing. Trespassers will be shot. Survivors will be shot again." Underneath it just so happened to be three silhouettes that looked like Axel, Roxas and Xion.
Axel blinked. "That doesn't mean anything!"
The boy face-palmed. "Whatever. Look, you should go. It's not safe here."
"Pfft, like we haven't figured that out already!" Roxas said. "Did you see the wolves that went by?! You had to at least have heard them! It was like a stampede!"
"Yeah, well…that's exactly why you should leave," the boy persisted. "You don't know what all could happen…my name is Edward," he broke off from his speech to suddenly say. He was looking directly at Axel. "And you three are Axel, Roxas and Xion, correct?"
"Whoa, he must have ESPN or something!" Xion said.
"I actually do," Edward told her. "Plus 5000 other channels, all for the low, low price of $59 a month from Dish Network. It's a pretty sweet deal, you should look into it."
Axel stared at him like he'd lost his mind. "We're going to ignore that subliminal advertising and move on. You knew our names without us giving them to you. You have ESP," he emphasized for Xion's sake. "What…what are you?"
Edward's face contorted into a pained expression and he began pacing around the clearing. "What if…I told you, I'm not the good guy, but I'm the bad guy?"
"You glitter like fairy dust, man, that's impossible," Roxas said sardonically.
"But it's true! I'm the bad guy…I'm dangerous, you should get away from me!"
The trio looked at one another before chuckling. "Okay, humor us," Xion smirked. "What sort of bad guy are you? I mean, to sparkle like that."
"Would you look past the glitter?!" Edward shouted. "Just because I twinkle like diamonds doesn't mean I can't be bad!"
By now the three were in hysterics. "Sure, sure…alright, but just tell us, what are you then?" Axel asked.
Edward sighed. "Guess."
"A pillar of salt!"
"The Tooth Fairy!"
"What kind of guesses are those?!" Edward said. "Okay, here's a hint. Moon is to werewolves, as blood is to…"
"The Tooth Fairy!"
"NO!" Edward yelled. "Vampires! The moon is to werewolves as blood is to vampires!"
"Oooohhhhh!!!" The three said.
"Yeah, never would've guessed that," Axel said. "Ya know, with the whole glitter thing and all."
Edward cast him a dirty look.
"No, but really…just what is up with that? Aren't vampires supposed to be allergic to sunlight and stuff?" Xion asked.
"Myth," the vampire muttered, shaking his head.
"Water?" Roxas threw in.
"Garlic?" Axel tried.
"All of that is human junk…along with the ones about crosses, silver and coffins. Now if you'll excuse me, my family is about to arrive. I have a baseball game to play."
It didn't surprise him when the three doubled over in another fit of laughter. His family chose that time to show up. "Come on, Ed, you're pitching first," A boy that looked fit to be a linebacker said.
Before Edward could start forward, a girl with long brown hair ran to him. "Edward!" She said in a dramatic voice, like she hadn't seen him in forever.
"Bella!" He yelled and in 00.2 seconds he was right beside her. "What are you doing here?"
Roxas glanced to his left and noticed another warning sign with pictures of a wolf, Edward, and then the girl Bella, but her figure was circled with an X through it. Damn, they were good with those things!
"I had to see you, Edward. I'm not afraid of you! You won't hurt me!"
The boy angrily shook his head and pushed her away. Instead, she went flying completely across the clearing.
"Okay…maybe you will…" she muttered as she got back up. "But I still love you Edward! Always and forever! Bite me, Edward!"
"Sooo…do you love me, or are you angry with me?" Edward asked.
"I love you! Bite me!" She yelled dramatically again.
"I'm not understanding you, Bella. You're telling me one thing, then saying another."
"Bite me, Edward!" She said to him. "Just bite me!"
"Okay, if this is about me pushing you, I'm sorry, I guess I don't know my own strength. But why do you keep telling me to bite you? What'd I do wrong?"
"What?!" She stopped her passionate shouting. "What the heck are you talking about? I just want to be a vampire too."
"Ohhhhh!! 'Bite me!' I get it!" Edward laughed. "Yeah, no, sorry, can't do that." Before she could answer though, he swung her up on his back. "I'll hang out with you though until you gain some common sense. Let's go, spider monkey!" With a leap, he bounded out of the clearing, his family going with him.
"What…the frick…was that?" Xion asked.
"Madness at its finest," Axel said. "Let's go home. After this, the Organization seems sane by comparison."
"I will definitely concur with that," Roxas nodded. He opened a portal for them and they returned back to the castle.
From that day on, whenever they were heading to Twilight Town, they always grew apprehensive that they might once again find themselves there. Roxas and Axel never did. Xion however…
She had somehow walked into the wrong world. She found herself standing on a beach, everything in shades of gray due to the lack of proper sunlight. She was about to try to head back when she saw a very muscular boy (quite manly in fact) turn her way, wearing nothing more than a pair of boxers, a pair of jeans in his hands, and the last vestiges of fur fading from his face.
He played this off quite smoothly though.
"Hey, I'm Jacob."
On that note, maybe Axel and Roxas could have ice cream without her for a day…
Heh-heh, Xion you lucky dog you.