CHAPTER 3

Things had calmed down considerably on Gunsmoke during Vash and Knives' absence. No bounty hunters were mowing down buildings looking for the bounty and no one was dying by Knives' evil plans. In fact, no one really even noticed the absence of the plants and their companions—Wolfwood and Legato, respectively—except for a few people.

--

"Where in the world have Vash and Wolfwood disappeared to?" Meryl Stryfe of the Bernadelli Insurance Society exclaimed. Three days had passed since the disappearance of the outlaw and the priest and the mysterious appearance of the giant banana.

"I don't know," Millie Thompson responded. "Although, I have the strangest feeling that the banana has something to do with it."

"They'd better not be causing any trouble…" Meryl said. She did not want any additional paperwork to slave over. "We should check the next town for them. Knowing them, they probably got drunk and wandered off."

The two insurance girls set off to the next town to continue their search.

--

Meanwhile, Knives' Gung-Ho Guns were meeting about the matter of their leader and Legato.

"Where do you think they've run off to?" asked Rai-Dei the Blade.

"Who knows?" Monev the Gale spat. "Those two are plain weird."

The Gung-Ho Guns all agreed on Monev's point.

Dominique the Cyclops scratched her head. "What should we do with them gone, I wonder…"

"Well, I don't know about you guys, but I'm going to that jazz festival in April City," Midvalley the Hornfreak grinned.

The Gung-Ho Guns started murmuring amongst themselves about their plans.

"I'll visit my friends, the sandworms!" Zazie the Beast decided.

"Oh boy!" Leonof the Puppet-Master exclaimed gleefully, "I can go to some puppet shows!"

Thus, the Gung-Ho Guns ran off to do as they pleased. You know what they say: When the plant is away, the assassins will play!

--

It was Vash and Wolfwood's, or should I say, Henry and Johnny's, first day of work at their undercover jobs. Vash was dressed in a lovely red janitor's uniform embroidered with the words "Neotopia Mall Janitorial Squadron" and Wolfwood wore a nice green apron with "Neotopia Green Grocers" printed on front in a fanciful font. The gunman and the priest tried their very hardest not to laugh hysterically at the other's appearances.

"Have a good day at work, Johnny," Vash giggled.

"You too, Henry," Wolfwood replied, trying not to laugh.

The two of them set off to work, chuckling to themselves.

--

Knives and Legato waited impatiently for the three Dark Axis officers with the Zako escort that had been sent for them. The two of them were unsure of why they had been sent for, but Knives was pretty sure it was for him to demonstrate his amazing plant skills. But Zako soldiers were not the greatest company, they soon learned.

Knives groaned in annoyance. "I wish they'd stop saying 'zako,'" he complained, "My head hurts."

"I would make them stop if I could, master!" Legato declared.

"Of course you would," Knives said dully.

Just then, Zapper Zaku stomped over. The Zakos cowered as the angry maroon robot approached with his gun at the ready.

"Knives! Come with me," Zapper growled. "My fellow officers and I are going to see what your so-called 'Angel Arm' can do." He led the plant away at gunpoint, leaving Legato with only a few Zako soldiers for company.

Knives allowed Zapper to lead him away from Legato. The blue-haired man waved goodbye again, and Knives wondered why he kept doing that. It was odd, even by Legato standards.

Soon, he and Zapper Zaku arrived in a large, spacious area, far from where he had arrived. One section was cluttered with scrap metal and what appeared to be bits and pieces of robots. Grappler Gouf and Destroyer Dom were waiting for them.

"There you are," Grappler said. "Let's get this test done and over with so we can start planning our attack of Neotopia!"

"Duh," Destroyer said.

Zapper gestured at the large pile of junk. "Alright, Knives. We're going to see how amazing your plant powers are. Use your Angel Arm thing to destroy as much as that pile of scrap as you can," he commanded.

"Not a problem," Knives responded, with a happy grin at the three officers. He drew his gun and let it begin fusing into his arm. Within seconds, his Angel Arm was formed and ready to fire.

"Stay back, now," Knives warned Zapper, Grappler, and Destroyer. He knew his Angel Arm didn't hurt humans, but he didn't know what it would do to robots. As much as he would have liked to kill the three of them, he had no idea how to get back to Gunsmoke from this dimension without their help.

The massive weapon discharged with a blinding flash. When the energy from the shot finally dissipated, the pile had disappeared completely. Knives let his arm return to its normal state and turned around to see the Dark Axis officers' reactions.

Grappler stared amazedly. "I have to admit, I was not expecting that."

Destroyer laughed dumbly. "Big weapon!"

Zapper clapped Knives heartily on the back. "That was amazing, Knives! With this power, we'll be able to defeat the Gundam Force and conquer Neotopia in no time! Destroyer, bring him back to his mind-controlling friend and we'll begin planning our invasion," the maroon Zaku instructed.

Knives grinned happily. He was one step closer to destroying all of Gunsmoke's accursed humans.

--

Zakos did not make the best company, Legato learned quickly. He'd waved goodbye to Knives like he had before, but Knives didn't wave back again. Legato had decided to sulk until his master returned, but the Zakos continuously pestered him.

It all started when they refused to stop staring.

The blue-haired man had been brooding when he suddenly felt very uncomfortable. He looked up to see the Zakos surrounding him, staring with their empty red eyes.

"Would you stop staring at me?" Legato asked.

One of them blinked, but they did not stop.

Legato unsuccessfully tried to ignore them so he could sulk and brood, but something about the stubby little green robots unnerved him. He tugged at his hair and groaned in frustration. He wished Knives was back and that they were on Gunsmoke with all of the nasty humans instead of the Zakos… anything but Zakos!

--

Vash, aka Henry Broomhead, whistled cheerily as he mopped. Neotopia Mall was rather clean to begin with, so his cleaning duties were very quick and easy. He'd spent more time relaxing in the break room with his new co-workers, than actually cleaning.

"Henry, come in, Henry," crackled his walkie-talkie.

"This is Henry," Vash responded promptly. "What do you need?"

"There's been a spill in Auntie Susenberry's Doughnut Shop," said Chuck, the GM in charge of the Janitorial Squad. "Can you help?"

"Of course!" Vash replied, already en route to the doughnut shop. Anything to see his beloved pastries!

--

Meanwhile, Wolfwood, alias Johnny Appleseed, was arranging a display of potatoes in the produce section with his co-worker, Harold, the Ball. He'd never seen this much fresh food before, since the desert climate of Gunsmoke couldn't support much agriculture. He hadn't even heard of half the stuff they sold here.

"Clean up in aisle three," the loudspeakers blared.

"I'll do it!" Wolfwood told Harold.

"Thank you, Johnny," Harold called as Wolfwood went to clean up the collapsed display in aisle three.

"Oh, I'm so sorry," apologized a little old lady on a motorized shopping scooter.

Wolfwood smiled amiably as he fixed the display. "Not a problem, ma'am! Now, is there any other way I can help you?"

"Now aren't you the sweetest," the lady cooed.

--

Soon the workday was over for both Vash and Wolfwood. The two of them walked back to Shute's house, discussing the day's events at their new jobs.

"Auntie Susenberry is the best!" Vash declared around a mouthful of doughnuts. "Her doughnuts are the most delicious ones I've ever tasted!"

"Well, I saw a kumquat!" Wolfwood responded.

"A what?" Vash asked.

"A kumquat. It's a type of fruit," Wolfwood explained.

"That's a silly name," Vash said.

"You're a silly name," Wolfwood muttered.

Before long, the outlaw and priest had returned to Shute's home on the outskirts of Neotopia. Vash changed out of his janitorial jumpsuit into his red duster while Wolfwood took off the apron from the greengrocer's that he had worn over his suit.

Shute, Captain, Bakunetsumaru, and Zero were all at Shute's house that afternoon.

"Hello Vash and Wolfwood," Captain said.

Vash immediately felt the urge to hug the Gundams again, especially Bakunetsumaru. The little Gundams were so cute, and he just couldn't resist! Disregarding Baku's former threats, the outlaw swept the little musha into a bear hug.

"You are so dang cute!" squealed Vash.

"YOU ASKED FOR IT!" Baku bellowed. The red-and-white musha broke free and drew his swords. His adorable eyes narrowed into slits. He was steaming mad—and considering the fact that he went by the title Blazing Samurai, Vash wouldn't have been surprised if Bakunetsumaru was actually steaming.

"I think he's going to challenge you to a duel," Wolfwood said.

"Oh, like the Quick Draw Competition you entered me in?"

Wolfwood nodded. "Something like that."

"A Quick Draw Competition?" Captain inquired.

"It's a gunslinging contest Wolfwood entered me in without my permission—" Vash shot a dirty look at Wolfwood, "—when we were in May City to win money for this poor family he was working for," the outlaw explained. "I entered Wolfwood to return the favor—" Another angry glare"—and we ended up having to duel each other."

"Sounds exciting!" Shute said.

"And then what happened?" Baku shouted.

Zero stopped Vash before he could explain further. "Don't give him any ideas!" the knight warned.

Unfortunately, Zero was too late.

"Vash the Stampede! Your hugs have soiled my honor! I challenge you to a duel!" Bakunetsumaru shouted angrily.

Taken aback, the outlaw looked both to Wolfwood and Captain. The priest shrugged.

"I'd say accept, as long as Baku does not mean to kill," Captain said.

"He doesn't," Zero insisted.

Vash approached Baku. The top of the musha's crest barely reached above his knees. "Okay, I accept. Let's do this like the Quick Draw Competition—if it's fine with you, of course."

Bakunetsumaru nodded.

"We'll start back-to-back and each take ten paces… well, maybe you should take twenty. After that, turn around and shoot," Vash explained.

"Alright. Let's begin," Baku said, turning away from Vash. The outlaw wondered how the musha was going to shoot with swords as they walked apart from each other. Maybe he had a concealed gun.

Vash counted his paces in his head: …eight… nine… ten! Vash spun around, drawing his .45 Long Colt revolver, which glinted dramatically in the sunlight.

But then he saw Baku. Behind the musha Gundam, flames burned dramatically. He drew his swords and moved them in a strange pattern. A large circle mysteriously formed and Baku's crest appeared in the center. Before Vash could even begin to register what was going on, the little musha was charging at him with a mighty yell.

Vash's finger pressed on the trigger of his gun, but he was too late. Bakunetsumaru leapt forward, and slashing the swords in a crossing pattern.

"TENKYOUKEN!"

A flaming X smashed into Vash and he fell backwards, stunned. Baku stomped over to the outlaw.

"Did I win?" he demanded.

"Yes," Vash wheezed.

Because of his mouthplate, the Gundam couldn't smile, but he definitely looked like he was grinning triumphantly. "Great!" Baku exclaimed, and cheerily walked off.

Wolfwood approached the defeated outlaw. "You okay, Spikey?"

Vash sighed wearily. "Yeah. I'm never hugging another Gundam again, no matter how cute they are!"

--

When Destroyer Dom returned Knives to Legato, the blue-haired man was cowering with his hands over his face. Knives stared at his henchman with a look of bewilderment.

"Legato, what are you doing?" the plant demanded.

"Ah! Master!" Legato exclaimed, peeking through his fingers. "Thank goodness you're back! It's the Zakos! The Zakos! They wouldn't stop staring at me!" The man was in hysterics and Knives questioned his mental stability.

"Calm down," Knives demanded. Legato immediately straightened up and listened attentively to his master. "The Dark Axis officers were impressed by my powers. They're going to begin planning their invasion of Neotopia." The evil plant grinned. "Do you know what that means, dear henchman?"

Legato's eyes lit up. "We're going to Neotopia?" he asked excitedly.

"Well, yes," Knives replied, wondering why Legato seemed so happy about going to that dimension, "but that also means that we are closer to freeing all of plantkind on Gunsmoke from the horrible humans!"

"Oh, right!" Legato nodded furiously.

The two of them grinned evilly yet again as their plans moved another step forward…