|This Is Goodbye
Author: A True Dreamer PM
Leah loved him, loved him more than she'd ever loved anyone, and still she knew she couldn't stay. She had to say goodbye or she would never be happy; because who can really be happy when the one they love, loves someone else. Blackwater.Rated: Fiction T - English - Romance/Hurt/Comfort - Leah & Jacob - Chapters: 4 - Words: 5,207 - Reviews: 21 - Favs: 23 - Follows: 11 - Updated: 05-29-11 - Published: 03-15-10 - Status: Complete - id: 5818677
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
AN: I was listening to the song Forget to Breathe by Renee' Cassar, an amazing Australian artist, and I saw a Blackwater story develop before my eyes, or rather a snippet of a story.
Please enjoy, I've decided to include a portion of the lyrics at the end instead of at the top. Please go listen to this song after reading, I hope you'll see the story I've told in the lyrics. :]]
This Is Goodbye
"Leah! You don't have to go; I don't want you to go!" Jake pleaded, walking alongside her as she dragged another piece of luggage to the car.
"You don't want me to go... but you're not willing to try and make me stay..." she said, barely glancing at him as she stuffed the suitcase in the trunk, before turning to go get another one.
"Leah... you know it's impossible..."
"Don't! Don't tell me that! You don't know that!" she shouted, back at him over her shoulder as she started to walk faster to the house. "You didn't even try..." she whispered, picking up a duffel bag and realizing this was her last one. She shouldered the bag, shutting the door to the house as she walked out.
He didn't say anything as he stood behind her, watching her put that last bag in the car, the last piece of her life here fitting snuggly next to the others.
She shut the trunk and turned back to him, tears in her eyes. "I'm leaving... for good... I can't stay around and watch the men I've loved be happily in love with other women. I just can't..." she said biting her lip, her head shaking back in forth, resolving once again that this was the right choice. "I don't plan on phasing again, so this is goodbye."
Leah starred at him, his face tortured, a frown line creasing deep into his brow. He looked heartbroken, but no matter what he said, or how he looked, he would smile and be happy the next time he saw Renesmee. No matter what, his actions would always contradict his words. She closed her eyes, and the tears spilled over. She had always thought he would fight for her, he had fought for Bella... maybe even after everything, she hardly knew him at all.
She opened her eyes again, taking a quick breath and turned to walk to the driver's side door. He quickly followed her, his hand pushing the door closed before she barely had it open.
She turned to look at him, "Listen, this is Goodbye. Like forever Goodbye, but... if for some reason we should ever meet again, and I'm standing here and your standing there... do me a favor… and don't say what you wanna say..."
He opened his mouth to say something but she held up her hand to silence him.
"A maybe you could not smile at me, because you know I love your smile... and maybe you could not stand as close as your standing right now, because you know your presence, heck your smell makes me weak in the knees... and maybe you could not stare, maybe not even look... because you know I can't breathe when you do..." she trailed off her eyes dropping from his.
"Leah..." he started to say again, a pleading in the word, his voice cracking slightly.
"Jake, I love you... I'll probably always love you, and if you care at all you'll let me go. You'll let me go and you'll do what I ask because you can't give me what I want." she said, her eyes on his again.
He stared back at her for a minute before he took a reluctant step back. As he did she let out the breath she'd be holding, more tears rushing to her eyes. He really wouldn't do anything to stop her, he wouldn't act... even in the face of losing her forever.
He didn't love her enough.
With that she got into the driver's seat, and took control of her life, by starting the car and driving away. She refused to look in the rearview mirror until she was sure she wouldn't see him.
When she pulled onto the interstate, she heard an agonizing howl in the distance; she bit her bottom lip again as it quivered, her hands tightening their grip on the steering wheel. She was doing the right thing.
The further away she drove the more she remembered... Somehow despite everything she'd been through... losing Sam, losing her Dad, she'd forgotten life's not fair. Her mind went back to a year ago, when Jake had promised he would do whatever he could do to break the imprint, promised he would love her forever.
She had believed him, honestly trusted he would put her first. For the life of her she couldn't remember why. It had been three months ago when she'd first begun to realize that he wasn't going to try... Renesmee had, had her seventh birthday, and Jake hadn't done anything to suggest he would follow through on his promises.
She had stopped phasing the next day, she hadn't wanted to face the truth in his thoughts. Jake wasn't going to chose her, and she hadn't been ready to clear the air, so she'd stopped phasing. All the while he still came to her, and they were still together, and she could pretend to be happy as long as she didn't have to see the truth.
She had chosen to ignore what was right in front of her... and it wasn't until a week ago that she realized... maybe the past tense of ignoring is ignorance.
Because a week ago was when she'd found out she was pregnant, and five weeks along. Pregnant with a child she never thought she'd have... whose father she knew she never would.
It had been then that she'd decided to take control of her life.
To get away.
To say Goodbye.
AN: Well there it is... short and bittersweet. Because sometimes we don't get the guy... sometimes we have to realize when to let go even when it hurts and it's the last thing you wanna do. Sometimes you just gotta say goodbye.
Forget to Breathe - Renee Cassar
I forgot to tell you something, I forgot to clear the air
Forgot to apologize for nothing, and I forgot that life's not fair.
But I remember you swearing to me, and I remember you never cried
I remember wanting to believe, but now I don't remember why
So if we ever meet again, and I'm standing here and your standing there
Would you do me a favor and don't say what you wanna say
Would take off that smile you do so well, and don't stand so
Close so I don't catch your smell, and would you do your best
Not to stare at me, cause I can't breathe when your there.
I forget to breathe
I can't believe after everything, I hardly know you at all
Cause you're just so contradicting, and words to you mean so much more
Than showing me what I need to be shown, and proving it right now.