|As the Waves Crash
Author: frenchy-girl18 PM
Bella leads a depressing life near the sea. That is until its turned upside down when a figure from the past comes back to visit her. How will Bella react? What problems will occur? Will she get her happily ever after all? BxE First one shot.Rated: Fiction T - English - Romance/Drama - Bella & Edward - Words: 9,418 - Reviews: 7 - Favs: 8 - Follows: 1 - Published: 03-21-10 - Status: Complete - id: 5833064
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
A/N: Okay here's my first ever one-shot. I'm so excited. I hope you guys like it. Its sorta a cliché plot. Sorta not really. But I still hope you enjoy it. Okay now I'm babbling once again…Onward.
p.s start the song "Greatest" by Cat Power at the ***
Disclaimer: I don't own twilight, I just like to play with the characters.
As the Waves Crash
I woke up alone in my beach house. Once again. Why does it seem like I'm always alone? Alone. I have come to greatly dislike that word. Why? I banished my thoughts and got out of bed. Today was not the day to think about it. Today was the first day of summer. My favorite day of the year.
It was a beautiful day out. The water looked perfect for surfing and the Sun was shining down on the beach casting a heavenly effect. I couldn't resist the ocean. It had a pull on me that nothing else had. I was drawn to it and the crashing and building waves. The beautiful colors it had. The abundant life it held. The ocean was my haven.
It was also my hell.
Most people ignored me because I was too caught up in the ocean. They felt intimidated because my first priority in life was the ocean and myself. That's why I only had five friends. Five friends that understood me completely and didn't judge me and the way I thought. Alice, Jasper, Emmett, Rosalie, and Jacob. Alice was dating Jasper, Emmett was dating Rosalie, and Jacob was a player so I often felt left out.
That just left me and the ocean.
I sighed before putting on my brown bikini with gold rings connecting in the front. To keep people from staring, I put on my best pair of daisy dukes. I let my hair down.
Finally, I wrapped my tiny gold chain anklet around my ankle. I didn't go anywhere without it. I remember when I got it. Four years ago. It felt like it was just yesterday.
I remember because it was the summer I fell in love. I was sixteen years old and wasn't like I am now. I was outgoing and social. Different was the only way to describe it.
Different. Another word that I have grown to hate.
Different was also the way to describe what I felt that summer. I felt so happy and…in love. It was perfect.
I remember his name, too. Edward Cullen.
Edward was perfect in every way. He was my own living ocean. The only other thing I loved as much as the sea. He was the only one that had gotten that privilege. To really get to know me.
Edward came that one summer to California with his mom, dad, girlfriend, and brother. It was a crazy summer! One that I'm sure I will never forget. It had started that day on the beach when I was waxing my board. I could feel his eyes on me. I could feel the intensity of the stare. So I turned around.
Once I turned around and saw him, I felt the wind leave my lungs. He was gorgeous. He had bronze hair that stuck up in every direction which was surprisingly sexy. His eyes were a striking emerald green that was honey gold near the pupil. His features were perfectly chiseled and precise. But what really topped all his perfectness off was his smile.
It was crooked pulling up higher on one side.
My eyes traveled down to his naked chest and abdomen. It was firm and had a gorgeous six pack with a deep V that was visible on his low-riding swim shirts. He was perfectly tanned and toned.
And I got the strange impulse to lick him. To see if he tasted as good as he looked.
Then I saw her.
What I only assumed was his girlfriend. She was gorgeous too. She had a strawberry blond hair styled in a short, stylish bob that came to the top of her neck. Her eyes were a honey gold color with a fierce looking edge to it.
She came over in her skimpy white bikini that contrasted perfectly with her slightly golden skin and kissed him on his chest.
I felt my heart drop and I turned back to my board. Trying to ignore the sick feeling in my stomach.
For the next hour while I was waxing my board, I kept sneaking glances at the happy couple. Edward for some unknown reason seemed slightly uncomfortable and kept stealing peeks my way also. I smiled.
Then I grabbed my board and made my way to the water where I paddled out. I sat on my board waiting for a perfect wave when all of a sudden I felt someone paddle up to me.
It was him. That much I could tell. I felt the shock.
I turned my head and was once again astounded by his beauty. I smiled.
"Hey", I had said looking at him from under my lashes. He gulped.
"Hey. I'm Edward Cullen", he said in a voice that sounded like velvet.
"Bella Swan" I replied holding my hand out for him to shake. He did.
"This is my first time at this particular area in the world", he joked", and I have no idea how the waves are".
"They're awesome. You'll love them. I know I do. Well, I guess I have too. I mean I grew up here", I smiled shyly.
"Well, you'll have to tell all about this place sometime"
Then there was a moment of comfortable silence and I just stared at him. The sun played with his hair making it seem like there was a golden halo on his head.
"Where did you get your tattoo?" he asked and stared at my lower back, right above my swimsuit bottom, where a pair of black angel wings were inked. It had a sea shell in the middle.
"Oh! I got it just right down the street actually", I replied and noticed he had a Japanese character etched on his left bicep. "Where did you get yours Edward?"
"Oh I got it when I was in China"
"What does it mean?"
"Oh I don't really know. I was just really angry at my parents and I got it after a huge fight. After though, it turned out that I actually loved it"
"Oh my god! That's the same exact reason I got mine", I paused and put on a sappy face" We have so much in common", I mock sniffled.
Then he threw his head back and chuckled a laugh that sounded more like music then a sixteen year old's laugh.
From that moment on we became inseparable that whole summer. We eventually started going out in July. We were so in love, well I was.
Then August rolled around and he had to go back home. It was tough and I thought we could get through a long distance relationship. After all, we had gone through brothers with crushes on me, his (ex)girlfriend trying to break us up, and a brief break up. I thought we could get through anything if we were together.
But I was apparently wrong. The day before he left, he broke up with me on the beach, but before he left he gave me the golden ankle bracelet to "remind me of a wonderful summer". I was depressed for a whole year until Alice convinced me to let go. Of course I pretended to let go, really inside I was still grieving and I am grieving. Still.
I shook my head clearing my thoughts before I started to cry again. Wouldn't want that to happen. I grabbed my board, ipod, and beach bag. I made my out to the beach where everyone was waiting.
"Hey Bella", Alice and Rosalie said with too much excitement.
"How are you guys so excited in the morning?" I joked and everyone laughed.
"Hey Bella. Play football with me and Jacob", Emmett practically screamed at me. Emmett was always blunt and straight to the point.
"Please Bella" Jacob said on his knees. I giggled. Jacob along with Emmett and Jasper reminded me of brothers. Big…and little at times.
"Fine, but we play in the water", I said with a defiant look on my face as if daring them to say no. They ran slower in the water, at least giving me a chance at winning.
They eventually agreed and we lined up at the waters edge. I was long receiver.
Emmett said hike as Jacob immediately lunged for him. I ran to the end zone and waited for the pass. Water was splashing around us and I couldn't help but smile. Alice and Rose were watching too and smiling also. My friends.
Then Emmett threw the ball and it went sailing towards me. I backed up and jumped to catch the ball.
I had caught it when all of a sudden, as I was landing, I fell into something tall and hard and warm hit me from behind.
"Sorry, Sir", I said and I got up.
I looked up to the man I had just ran into and gasped.
I would recognize that mop of bronze hair anyday anywhere. It was him. The wind left my lungs. He just continued to stare at me.
"Edward", I whispered as I stared at him.
"Bells", he whispered back using my nickname. I stepped backwards a little bit. Too afraid to admit it was him. He took a step forward.
"Edward. What the hell are you doing here?" Alice screamed. She was still angry at him.
That's when everything went black. I closed my eyes and fainted limply into the water.
Where I let the blackness take over.
I woke up on a beach towel surrounded by six concerned faces. I groaned groggily and rolled over. Sunlight was shining down on our group and was making it impossible to see without squinting.
Then I remembered. Everything.
"What the hell are you doing here, bastard?!" I asked Edward once I sat up. I backed up slightly.
It wasn't that I didn't want to be with him again.
Because I did.
Every fiber of my being was being gravitated towards him and the pull was almost too hard to play off as anger.
Because as much as I wanted to be wrapped up in his arms, I didn't want to get hurt again. No never again. In fact, I wouldn't want anyone in the entire world to feel the pain I felt.
It was like a slow burning that came from deep inside you. It slowly worked its way throughout your body and to your heart. Then it just disappears and by then your body has adapted to the heat so that without it you feel empty. The emptiness overtakes your entire being until your nothing but a shell of what you used to be. Your body internally and externally feels cold and lifeless. Like…nothing. Your nothing anymore. It goes from being alive and like a live wire to dead, cold, and lifeless. It can happen in a matter of seconds.
Edward staggered back a little bit, his eyes portraying many emotions. Anger, happiness, frustration, confusion, lust, desire, bliss,…love. No I mustn't let my mind wander like that. It would only build up my hopes.
The waves would crash again. I knew they would.
They always did.
"Bella. I'm….ummm….I'm… here on…vacation!" Edward said, sounding like he just made that excuse up.
I frowned at that. My unconsciousness must have wanted him to be here because of me.
"Well…okay…then!", I stammered out and managed to get up. I brushed off my butt and started walking towards my surfboard.
"Wait where are you going?" he asked flashing me those dimples.
"I'm going surfing genius", I joked slightly smiling. I couldn't help myself. He was just so damn cute!
I suddenly remembered I was mad at him and I shook my head to clear my thoughts. I sighed and ran out to the water, relishing in the feel of the water splashing at my feet.
It was one thing for Edward to come back to the beach, but a whole other thing for him to be here for me. I hoped that wasn't the case. Because if it was I'd have to kill myself for forgiving him…
I paddled the board out into the water where I waited patiently for a wave.
Then I saw it…
The perfect wave.
I paddled into it and got onto my feet. I slowly stood up and rode the wave with a small content smile on my face. I twirled on it practicing my skills and enjoyed the feeling of the water on my face.
Finally it ended. Too soon.
I wiped the water from my face and pushed my hair back while I tilted my head up to the sky.
I suddenly heard an intake of breath. I looked over and saw none other than Edward.
I gave him a questioning look.
"I wanted to talk to you but you were busy", he said quietly in a velvet voice.
Ughh! I'm getting turned on again. I straddled the board and faced him, only my calfs in the water.
"Okay. I'll listen", I whispered.
He got in the same position and grunted. I knew what this meant. He was frustrated. I had studied him long enough to know.
"I didn't mean to hurt you. I only wanted what was best for you", he began in a pained voice. I interrupted him. I wasn't able to stand remembering, it hurt too much…
"Edward, I'm fine now. We don't have to relive those memories. Yes at one time, I was drawn to you. Yes at one time, we used to be in love. Yes at one time I smiled whenever I saw you. But Edward those times are gone", I said as I tried to make myself believe the lie. Because really, I would never forget.
That summer will be forever embedded into my mind. Like a dream that never ends but its nothing more then that. A faraway dream that I will never get to relive again. I started crying softly at that. Edward leaned forward and cupped my cheek. He wiped away my tears that somehow ended up trailing down my cheek.
"Shhh… When I saw you on the beach today, I felt that sudden jolt of electricity I always feel when I'm around you. It was even more powerful then when I was dating you. Believe it or not, I was stunned by your beauty today. The way your hair flowed down your back. The way you smiled so carefree. The way your whole face lit up when you smiled. The way your eyes seemed to go on forever. The way your daisy dukes exposed your tattoo. Everything", he said as he looked me in the eyes.
"I realize that I hurt you. But I thought it was for the best. I couldn't hold you down", he paused", Bella, you have to understand. The past six years have been hell without you. Once I left, I realized I needed you like I needed air. I couldn't live without it. So after six years of brooding I decided to," he paused again", to just go for it".
"So I moved here to see you again. I realize you may not want me anymore, but I want to at least be friends", he finished.
I smiled because, well, he was perfect.
"Edward of course we can be friends but im not ready for more", I paused:," I'm not ready to let you completely in yet", then I said joyously", now, lets go surfing, stud".
That day was one of the best of my life. If only I knew, it would be the start of a chain of great days.
Because, I think I knew in my unconsciousness that this was the turning point of my life.
Because Whenever I saw Edward, I'd smile. That means in the next month I'd be doing a lot of smiling.
Its been a month of pure bliss with my entire family: Emmett, Rosalie, Emmett, Jacob, Jasper, and…Edward. Yes Edward has been accepted into our little group. In fact, he's my best friend.
Just like we agreed.
The whole group has come to love my Edward. Except Jacob who is a little too protective of me. Hmmm….
"Ouch Alice! What the hell?" I asked as Alice picked at my scalp. She was making me look "decent" for our karaoke night at the bar.
"Stay still. Edward's gonna be here soon', she said and continued her "magic".
I smiled at the thought of Edward. The feelings I have for him have only grown this past month.
And I was in love with him before.
In fact, I don't think I've ever felt like this before about anyone. Edward Cullen, what are you doing to me…
Tonight, our group was going to karaoke at the town bar. Edward was driving me to get some alone time. I couldn't have been more ecstatic. Despite, not making a move on Edward, I planned on making him mine sometime in the future. I often daydreamed about it. But I wasn't ready.
No not yet.
"I'm done", Alice squealed.
I got up and walked to the full length mirror. I gasped. Staring back at me was a brunette beauty with dark smoky make-up. She was wearing a tight t-shirt/dress that went to her mid-thighs. It was off the shoulder and was a gray color with purple streaks on it. To top off the look, Alice gave me a pair of black ankle boots. I smiled.
Suddenly, there was a knock at the door.
I ran to the door and flung it open revealing a handsome Edward. He was wearing a pair of khaki shorts, white t-shirt, and a button down black and white plaid shirt unbuttoned over it. I think I licked my lips.
"Hey there, stud", I said and smiled. Ever since that one day, I've taken a liking to calling Edward "stud".
"Okay guys. You can go on with your weird conversations once I leave", Alice chuckled as she walked out the door and into Jasper's car.
I looked at Edward once she left.
"Shall we?" he asked in a British accent making me giggle as he gestured towards his sexy motorcycle. I nodded.
We walked out and I climbed on the back on the bike and latched my arms around Edward's torso. I won't lie, riding on the motorcycle with Edward is one of my favorite things to do. For obvious reasons…
Before I knew it, we were at the bar. I hopped off and smoothed out my shirt/dress.
"I'm nervous", I whispered as I grabbed Edward's hand. Oh yeah, we've taken a liking to doing that too.
"Don't be. You're perfect", he whispered huskily.
"Well, I think you're a bit biased", I joked trying to light up the mood from that serious comment.
I wasn't ready. I knew that, but if Edward kept testing my patience, I might let him back into my heart without a fight. That wouldn't be good.
Suddenly, Edward pulled me through the door and into the bar. He dragged me to our usual table where everyone was waiting. We sat down.
"So, stud, what are you singing? "Sexy back" perhaps?" I joked while poking his ribs.
"Bell, I can't do that song," he gasped in mock horror," because I didn't bring sexy back, I invented it", he joked.
I slapped him playfully in the chest.
"Shut up", I said and sipped my margarita.
"I'm going first", Emmett screamed and walked up to the stage. Yeah he was a bit tipsy.
Suddenly, the strains of "Billie Jean" by Michael Jackson came on. All the girls squealed, including Alice, Rose, and I.
" She was more like a beauty queen from a movie scene
I said don't mind, but what do you mean I'm the one
Who will dance on the floor in the round
She said I am the one who will dance on the floor in the round"
"People always told me, be careful what you do
Don't go around breaking young girls hearts
And mother always told me be careful who you love
And be careful what you do, cause the lie becomes the truth'
"Billie Jean's not my lover
She's just a girl who claims I'm the one
But the kid is not my son
She says that I'm the one, but the kid is not my son'
Emmett then proceeded to do the moonwalk effectively throwing me, Rose, Alice, Jasper, Jacob, and Edward into guffaws of laughter. After the song ended, Emmett waved his hand like a beauty pageant winner making Rose shake her head in mock shame.
'I'll go next", Rosalie said.
She walked up on stage earning a few cat calls. Then she started singing to the sounds of Avril Lavigne's "Girlfriend".
"Hey! Hey! You! You!
I don't like your girlfriend
No way! No way!
I think you need a new one
Hey! Hey! You! You!
I could be your girlfriend"
"You're so fine
I want you mine
You're so delicious
I think about ya' all the time
You're so addictive
Don't you know what I could do to make you feel alright?
Don't pretend I think you know I'm damn precious"
Rosalie continued working the stage and everybody cheered her on. Especially Emmett who sang along with her at parts. Ahh, my friends…
After the song, Rosalie walked back to her seat and Emmett practically lunged at her face.
"Ewww", our whole group chorused.
"I'm next", Alice chirped and skipped up to the stage. Alice was always bubbly. She whispered in the karaoke man's ear and he nodded. Suddenly, I heard the sounds of "Just Dance" blare through the speakers and me and Rose squealed. This was OUR song. Alice, Rose, and I would blast out to it during our sleepovers.
"I've had a little bit too much, too much
All the people start to rush
Start to rush by
Crazy twister dance
Can't find my drink or man.
Where are my keys, I lost my phone
What's going on on the floor?
I love this record baby, but I can't see straight anymore
Keep it cool what's the name of this club?
Can't remember but its alright, alright"
Alice then proceeded to act tipsy and sway a little bit. The weird thing is she didn't look retarded doing it. God, only my friends could pull off looking drunk!
Jasper was drooling a little bit when Alice stepped off the stage. And then they were in each other's arms…
Except they weren't making out, they were just staring in each other's eyes. It felt too intimate to look at, so I averted my eyes, desperately trying not to cry. When I looked over at them again, I felt a sudden pang of envy and sadness. I turned my head and instead, stared at Edward who was looking at the wall looking somewhat anxious…desperate…disappointed. Hmm…
Before I knew it, Jasper had hopped on stage.
"This is for you Ali", Jasper said into the microphone.
"I've been meaning to tell you
I've got this feeling that won't subside
I look at you and fantasize
You're mine tonight
Now I've got you in my sights"
"With these hungry eyes
One look at you and I can't disguise
I've got hungry eyes
I feel the magic between you and I''
I looked over at Alice and noticed she was silently crying. I could fully understand though… I think it'd be great for someone to sing "hungry eyes" by Eric Carmen to you.
It was incredibly romantic. I sighed just thinking about it.
"Wasn't that incredibly, extremely, wonderfully sweet Edward?" I asked dreamily and stared at the wall with a lazy smile.
"That it was, Bella" he said and started averting his eyes. I looked at him quizzically.
Suddenly, I was overcome with the desire to sooth his anxious ways.
It was such a powerful force, that I got the wind knocked out of me. My breathing was coming in short, raspy breaths. The pull Edward had on me literally got me short-breathed. The electricity was humming between us. I had to do something. My hand was twitching towards him who was, currently, running a hand through his gorgeous locks of hair.
Then I did it.
I slowly lifted my hand and placed it on his warm chest, right on top of his wonderful heart. Edward cautiously let his eyes wander down to my hand, now resting on his chest, and smiled. I gulped from the amount of pleasure that one little touch sent through my body. He brought his hand over my hand and let it sit there.
I was brought out of my reverie by a loud grunt. I looked over at the source of the sound, only to see Jacob grabbing his coat and starting to get out of the booth. He looked pissed beyond belief. I extracted my hand.
"Where are you going, Jake?" I asked concerned. He was after all, one of my best friends.
"Somewhere, Bells. Somewhere away from here", he said and stormed out of the restaurant. I looked after him still confused and concerned.
Then I heard it.
"Let me tell you about a girl I know
She like hip-hop and rock and roll
She walk slow down the avenue
I ain't met her, but I get her when I do
Let me tell you about the girl I love
She stay at home cause she hate the club
Baby but, pretty little features
I ain't met her but I get her when I see her"
"Baby will you be my corona and lime
And I will be your main squeeze
And if your brother don't like my style
We can take it to the streets
We can take it to the street"
I knew that voice. I could tell that voice anywhere.
It was Edward's.
I'm sure my face betrayed my disbelief, but at that moment, all I cared about was the soft melodic cooing coming from the stage. I let my eyes wander up to the stage and saw Edward staring back at me. It was such an intimate moment, yet it felt so…right. Comfortable. Wondrous. All the great adjectives in the world. I forgot about Jacob. I forgot about our bad break-up. Hell, I forgot my name.
My hand reached my throat and I cupped it around my slender neck. This was too much. If he kept this up, I would fall even harder. I would let him weasel his way back into my heart.
Or was he already there?
Then he sang the last chords of the song and I literally tripped towards the stage. I was practically floating.
Edward stepped gracefully off the stage and ignored the cheers coming from the amazed crowd. I ran forward desperate to hold him again. My Edward….
Suddenly, my hands latched themselves onto his plaid button down and I buried my head into his smooth, gorgeous neck. I just hugged him for a few moments before pulling away.
"That was….amazing. No words could describe it", I said while looking into his wonderful green eyes. The honey in them was somehow more noticeably tonight. I just stared at them in complete utter bliss.
"Bella….do you wanna go home with me?" he asked somewhat nervously. But it was still seducing in a twisted kind of way.
I nodded and grabbed his hand.
He chuckled and started to lead me out to the back door. I smiled and latched the side of my body onto the side of his. Tonight, I was going to loosen up a bit. For Edward.
"Come on bells…before I grow a beard", Edward joked and hopped on his sexy motorcycle. I followed willingly.
"Edward…I'm all yours tonight", I whispered into his earlobe. I think he shuddered.
Then we were off. Speeding down the road towards my beach house.
I hopped off the motorcycle and skipped up to the front door, all the while giggling like a school girl. Edward was following in a daze, it seemed. I was too.
I opened the screen door and skipped through the threshold and into the kitchen. I sat down in the bar chairs next to the island that spun.
"Oh Edward!", I called as Edward emerged from the screen door.
"Oh Bella!", he mocked and started walking towards me.
"Well, Mr. Edward, what do you suggest we do? After all, YOU are the one that dragged me from the wonderful bar?" I teased.
"Well, Miss. Bella. I do recall you following me. You weren't exactly protesting", he paused and smirked," Anyways, how 'bout we go for a walk on this beautiful beach?" he asked and gestured towards the beach outside my back door.
I nodded enthusiastically.
He chuckled and grabbed my hand and pulled me out the door.
We walked hand-in-hand down the beach when all of a sudden, I felt a splash hit my feet. I looked to see it was Edward.
"Oh, your gonna get it, mister", I laughed and started running after a retreating Edward.
Once close enough, I jumped and landed on his back. Edward let out an "oofff" sound and toppled to the ground. I, being on his back, toppled down with him. Laughing all the way.
Finally, I stopped laughing and took in our position. I was laying on top of Edward who had his arms wrapped around my waist. His eyes were wide and sparkling. His lips slightly parted. The corners twitched up slightly into that crooked smile I love.
I cleared my throat.
No matter how much I wanted that moment to happen, I didn't trust myself enough to do it. I wasn't ready to let him back into my heart. No not yet.
I was brought out of my thoughts by a very dejected looking Edward. I smiled and brought my finger to his eyes. From there, I started tracing his features. His eyes, his nose, his cheekbones, his lips, his chin…
It was strangely relaxing and in that moment, I was completely blissful. For the first time in a while, I was utterly happy and content.
I smiled and let a content giggle leave my lips. I dropped my hand and let my head loll onto his firm, strong chest. I closed my eyes at the sensation. It felt like…home.
"Your beautiful", I whispered.
'Not as much as you, my Bella", he said back and rubbed soothing circles into my back.
We spent the next few hours talking on the beach, on top of each other. It was the happiest moments of my life. We talked about everything. Preferences, family, childhood, pet peeves… Everything.
"Bella", Edward cooed softly. I opened my eyes and lifted my head up.
I gasped silently.
His eyes were filled with determination, love, adoration, desperation… I was suddenly aware how very close we were.
He closed his eyes and leaned forward slightly. It was then I lost control of my body. My eyes flitted close and I leaned forward also. My mind was screaming back off, but I was too into the moment to really pay attention to it.
Then his lips were on mine.
I parted my lips and swiped my tongue across his bottom lip asking for permission. Which he eagerly allowed. It was very sweet, and I couldn't help but think that this is what life is supposed to be like… Under this moonlight, next to Edward, kissing. It was all perfect.
Then I heard my mind screaming.
I froze and started pushing on his chest. I had to stop. He had to stop. I couldn't do this now. Tears were pouring down my face and I let go of all my emotions. Edward finally got the idea and stopped kissing me. I took that as a chance to get up. Once up, I backed away a few steps avoiding his gaze.
"Bella…what's wrong?!" Edward asked frantically, moving forward a few steps. I backed away.
'Edward! I can't do this! I'm not ready! I…I…", I screamed suddenly at a loss for words.
"Why not, Bells?! Hmmm?! Why can't you let me love you again? Why can't you let me adore you?! I waited six years for you. I never stopped caring for you. Why?!" he screamed back and started throwing his hands wildly in the air. I whimpered and started sobbing.
"I'm not ready", I whispered in pain.
Edward started huffing and breathing raspy breaths. He looked like he was about to cry. He had an angry exterior, but his eyes were filled with an unfathomable pain.
"When will you be ready? Bella I can't wait my whole life for you. Do you realize how much pain this is causing me?" he asked in a quieter voice.
"Bella. I can't be with you anymore", he said and closed his eyes.
I thought my heart had just broken into a million pieces.
"What?! You don't love me anymore", I asked in a broken voice.
"Of course I still love you. I just…can't…take the pain anymore. It kills me everyday. I want you Bella. Every single part. Including your heart", he said, his eyes still closed," but if you can't give it to me then I would be suffering for a lost cause. I'm sorry if I've broken you beyond repair".
"No Edward…please don't", I said sobbing. I clutched at my chest desperately trying to make the pain go away.
***Edward kissed me on the cheek and started walking away. I sobbed harder and fell to my knees as I saw Edward disappear from my sight. For the whole night, I lay there completely numb.
I cried and cried.
I had him in my grasp. I had my Edward.
Then I loosened my grip and he slipped through my fingers. Like water. It never comes back unless by force. The water is gone.
Its all gone.
With that I got up and started making my way back to my beach house and opened the door and walked in numbly. I threw off my tight t-shirt/dress without really thinking.
Only in my black bra and underwear set, I got a glass of wine and made my way to the bathroom. I filled up the bathtub and got in. Moonlight was streaming in from the window so the water in the tub seemed silver. I sipped my wine and started sobbing uncontrollably.
I rolled over to my side and let the wine glass fall from my hands onto the floor, spilling the red liquid across the tiles. Pieces of glass covered the bathroom. But I couldn't seem to care.
I couldn't seem to feel anything. The pain inside me was growing more and more with each second. Like a disease. Slowly spreading.
I closed my eyes and emerged myself into the warm bath water. Under the water, I could faintly feel my eyes streaming tears. I could faintly hear the sound of my phone ringing. I could faintly hear the soft sounds of an acoustics guitar from my ipod.
Then I heard a knock at the bathroom door. I quickly pulled my head out of the water and turned towards the bathroom door, where it was slowly inching forward.
But I couldn't seem to care.
Then in walked Jacob looking concerned.
"Bells. Your door was open and I was worried", he paused and looked at me" Bells, honey, are you okay? Ahh… what happened?" he asked and got in the bathtub with me. He cradled me against his chest and I sobbed even more.
"Okay…you don't have to tell me. Just relax, sweetie", Jake said soothingly.
It was these times that I was thankful for Jake. He really was like my older brother. I could always come to him. He was my protector. You'd think in this situation I would feel a least a little bit of romantic feelings for him. I didn't.
He was the closest to family I got.
I closed my eyes and planted my hand onto his chest.
"Jake…it hurts…so much", I whimpered.
"I know", he said and kissed my head.
The rest of the night was spent crying in the bathtub with Jake soothing me.
It wasn't until later that I dozed off, exhausted from the crying.
I woke up in my bed . Alone.
But I could faintly hear Jacob talking on the phone quietly. I wiped away a few tears and made my way down the stairs. I walked towards my glass back door and stared at the crashing waves. Crash! Swoosh! Crash!
"Bells, honey, we're all gonna go down to the beach today", Jake said from the kitchen.
I didn't pay much attention.
Crash! Swoosh! Crash!
I started sobbing uncontrollably, clutching at my chest. I dropped to my knees and started rocking. I still clutched at my chest.
"Bells, stop! Your gonna hurt yourself! Stop scratching your chest!" Jake screamed as he rushed into the room. He unwound my arms and cradled me against his chest.
"Its gone…Its gone…its gone', I mumbled and sobbed at once.
"Bells, what's gone? Are you okay, sweetie?" he asked and paused," What's gone?"
I suddenly stopped and stared at him incredulously.
"MY HEART! ITS NOT THERE ANYMORE! DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND?!", I wailed and sobbed.
"Its not there anymore. Just an empty hole", I mumbled quietly into his chest. I got up and sprinted towards the beach. I knew Jake wouldn't come. He would understand, I needed to be alone.
I ran along the water's edge until I came to a big brown boulder. I walked in front of it and leaned my back against it. The mist from the water was surrounding me and I closed my eyes. I could see his face behind my eyelids. His inhumanly perfect face was there. Taunting me. I let out a strangled sob.
I opened my eyes only to see two brilliant green orbs staring back. I smiled.
"Edward! What are you doing here? I thought you had to work today", I asked excitedly and latched myself onto his body. He looked pained.
"Edward, what's wrong?" I asked worriedly.
"Not here", he whispered and grabbed a hold of my hand. He smiled slightly at the contact, but there was a hint of despair in his beautiful green eyes.
He dragged me down to the part of the beach where no one goes in front of a big brown boulder with coral sprouting off it. He leaned against it and closed his eyes.
I walked forward and brought my hand up to his face. I traced all his features and leaned my head on his chest. I kissed him once between the pecks and sighed.
"Edward, its gonna be alright", I whispered. He froze and let out a wail.
"How do you know? I haven't even told you anything yet," he asked and wrapped his arms around my waist. I sighed inwardly at the familiar contact.
"Edward, I don't know much about life. About me. About the future. About anything really, but one I am positively certain of is that I am head-over-heels, completely blissfully in love with you", I said and looked into his eyes," and if I know that then I can get through anything if your there".
His lower lip quivered and he let out a whoosh of breath.
Then he crashed his lips into mine and held me in a vice-grip. He closed his eyes and let all his emotions into this kiss. It was urgent, lustful, desperate, and…sad? We finally broke apart and he leaned his forehead on mine. He breathed in my scent and sighed.
"God, I love you…so much", he whispered painfully. I kissed his nose in response.
"What was it you wanted to talk about?" I asked and held him tighter to me. He shook his head.
"Not today", he said and slowly opened his eyes.
Then he smiled slightly but it didn't reach his eyes. We spent the rest of the day cuddling on the beach. He kissed me whenever he could. He said he loved me after every sentence. He held onto me in any way possible. But there was a sad streak across my beautiful day.
Every kiss. Every embrace. Every "I love you" seemed like our last.
How right I was.
End of flashback
The next day Edward broke up with me. Just the memory brought a fresh round of tears to my eyes. God, how did everything become so messed up?
I tried to think of Edward when he loved me. I found out it helped. In fact, I could imagine his loving voice so vividly. Like a picture. It never goes away.
Bella, stop crying, it hurts me inside, is what the Edward that loved me would have said right now. He would have wiped away my tears. Kissed away my worries. I sniffled and walked knee-deep into the waves.
They crashed around me and I couldn't help but feel a bit better. The waves reminded me of Edward. They crash and built. But you would always love them. They had a pull on you nothing else had.
I spent another half an hour out there before running back into my beach house. When I walked in, I noticed Jake asleep at the table with a worried expression. I walked over to him and gently rubbed his back.
"Jake...I'm back", I whispered into his warm neck. He immediately awoke.
"Bells, what the hell?! I've been worried sick", he said loudly and embraced me.
"I have to tell you something", he said and dragged me towards the porch.
I willingly, numbly followed.
He sat me down on the porch and crushed me to his chest. I sighed and felt a few tears escape my eyes.
I wanted a different set of arms. It wasn't fair.
"Bells…you know you're my best girl right?" he started nervously. I nodded and sniffled.
"Well…I sorta…am in love with you", he whispered to me and kissed my hair.
I froze. No, this can't be happening. Not now.
I escaped from his arms and backed towards the door.
"No, Jake, don't do this", I paused," I…don't…love you".
"I know", he paused and I saw a flicker of despair in his eyes," I just wanted you to know. Best to put options out there. Anyways, I can't help you feel better unless you want to feel better".
I looked at him confusedly.
"Bells, any normal person would have at least stopped crying by now", he continued," I don't think you want to feel…better".
By this point, I was shaking my head viciously.
'No…no….no…", I mumbled and started sobbing.
"I want to feel better. I do…I do", I said to him as he started making his way to me.
"Then let me help you feel better", he said and rubbed my cheek with his hand.
I froze and nodded slowly.
I had to move on.
I got dressed in a pair of short jeans and a button down plaid green shirt. I topped it off with my anklet and green flip-flops.
But I felt naked. All over.
If was as if when Edward left me he took my skin and heart with him. He just left me bare and I would never feel covered again.
I sighed and wiped away a few tears. It was no good to dwell on that stuff now. Not now since I was supposedly trying to "let go".
I held in a sob as I walked out to the kitchen. To Jacob. He was taking to the village to help me in my quest to move on.
But inside I knew I couldn't. It was one of those things in life that inevitable. Loving Edward…It was like destiny. Despite how corny it sounds, Edward was like air to me. I needed to it to go on.
That was one way to look at it.
Another way to look at it is that he's a drug. My own personal brand of heroin. Once you had a dose, you can ever recover. It was like permanent withdrawal.
"Bells, you ready?" Jacob asked gently. I could tell he meant that in more than one way.
I nodded numbly.
With that, Jacob grabbed my hand and started pulling me towards the door and onto the street.
We walked in silence. Jacob I'm sure had nothing to say. It was one of those moments where everything just felt hopeless. Where you felt like nothing can help you now.
I didn't like it.
The pain of it all attacked my senses and I felt as if I wasn't me. I was some doll and it seemed like I was watching my life from the sidelines.
I froze and just clutched at my chest.
Sometimes, the pain is too much. This is one of those times.
"Bells, come on. Not to much farther", Jacob whispered and started pulling me forward.
I numbly followed until we were there. Seeing the activity in the village caused a slight smile to grace my face. This was home. My home.
It was almost like a small portion of me was banging on the shell of my body, begging to be let out.
I was glad to know a small part of me was still alive.
With a new sense of confidence, I walked through the gates Jacob trailing behind.
"I think we should eat something', Jacob said and wrapped his big, warm hand around my small cold one.
I nodded a and we made our way to the seafood stand that was famous in tow.
We stood in line and Jacob kept my mind from wandering with inane chatter. But I was soo glad he was here. Without him, who knows what state of sanity I would be in.
I closed my eyes and tried not to dwell on that right now.
I had to clear my mind. Clear my mind. No Edward…Ummm…No Edward…Ummm…No Edward.
Okay so freaky meditation thingy not working.
I huffed and blew my bangs out of my eyes only for them to fall back in front of my eyes again. I returned my attention back to Jake who seemed positively joyful as he chatted my ear off. This was what Jake was supposed to be like. Happy, blissful, content…He was happy that Edward wasn't here and he had me to himself.
My heart ached to know I couldn't return those feelings.
I knew Jake was the more rational choice to love. But I was a hopeless romantic. Love shouldn't be about rationality or playing it safe. In my mind, love was supposed to be an adventure from the start to the end. Someone who set your body on fire but still made you feel safe, protected in their arms. Someone who loved you for you, who didn't care if you were moody or had bad habits.
I returned my attention back to Jake who was ordering our clams.
That's when I saw him.
The insanely, breath-takingly gorgeous love of my life.
I heard my breath catch as I watched him walk gracefully towards the café across the street. I allowed myself the guilty pleasure of watching him.
He was wearing a tight gray muscle shirt with a pair of black swim trunks. And my god!, he was so gorgeous it hurt.
He was just stirring his coffee looking into it like it held some distant memory that was dear to him.
That's when I saw her.
By her, I mean the lucky bitch that got his attention today. She was gorgeous, even more so than Tanya, Edward's first girlfriend. She had blue-black straight hair that flowed down to the small of her back. Her eyes were a striking crystal blue with darker blue specks in it.
Her skin was like porcelain. The perfect kind of white.
And the worst part was that Edward's face lit up when she sat down next to him.
I clutched at my chest again filling the hole consume me. I buried my face into Jake's shoulder and whimpered quietly.
He looked over my head and let out a growl.
"That little son of a bitch", he said and unlatched himself from me. I looked up at him in confusion.
"Jake? What are you doing…", I questioned as he made his way to the café.
"Hey Edward freaking Cullen. I have a bone to pick with you!!", Jake screamed and walked straight up to Edward.
The gorgeous girl looked confused and I felt completely embarrassed.
I ran up to Jake who was currently poking Edward in the chest letting out a stream of profanities.
"Jake let's go', I said quietly, tugging on his sleeve.
"No Bella! First he has the audacity to 'dump' you, then he has the guts to have lunch with another women…the day after!" Jacob ranted.
My cheek flushed a scarlet red and I ducked my head. I mustn't cry, I mustn't cry.
"Bella, you don't understand", Edward said quietly.
I looked over at him and gasped.
I hadn't really took in his appearance until then. But now that I was looking, I could see how exhausted he looked.
His green-gold eyes had purplish bags underneath them and his hair was even more in a mess, like he had been running his hands through it. His broad shoulders were slumped and his mouth seemed to be permanently set into a frown. But the worst part was the look. It was the look of a lost little boy in the dark. He was still completely gorgeous.
But I would do anything, anything to rid his face of that look.
It was like a part of me was breaking while looking at him. His pain was my pain. If he hurt, then I hurt. It was inevitable. The connection we had…
Was so strong. Like magnets.
Unable to separate. Edward was my other half, my soul mate. He was like my air, I needed him. His broad shoulders that I could latch onto, his strong arms that would circle me and keep me safe, his loving eyes that held mine, his golden heart that touched me deeply, his brilliant mind that I would spend hours talking about, his glorious soul that encompassed my very being.
It was in that moment, I realized…I needed him. I couldn't just move on like Jake said. He was my forever.
But I couldn't let him know that.
"Well then what's going on? If your not having lunch with a woman the day after you left me!!", I said forcefully.
"Please just let me explain. Let's go talk in private", he pleaded as he tried to get past Jake.
I chanced a peek at his eyes and I felt my body go limp.
There was that haunted look in his eyes. It was in that moment, I realized I wasn't the only one hurting. I also realized that our connection was stronger because of that. If I hurt, he hurt. If he was happy, I was happy. And if he wanted to talk, I would talk.
I nodded numbly as he grabbed my hand and started pulling me towards the beach.
I closed my eyes and relished in the feeling of his hand around mine. He was so warm. Inside and out.
Finally he stopped near the boulder where we broke up. The big brown one with coral sprouting off it.
"Bella. That girl here with me at the café was my cousin. She's a certified therapist and…you have to understand…I needed help. This connection we have", he closed his eyes", is not normal. The intensity of it all didn't scare me and I wondered if it was healthy. I need you Bella", he opened his eyes.
'When I left you on the beach two days ago, I cried all the way back to my condo. I NEVER cry, Bella. It was as if you caused something to snap inside me. I realized in that instant, that I would never be enough for you. You were like an angel. Too good for anything on this Earth. I sat up all night thinking about you and our relationship. Every moment together was being replayed in my mind."
"Bella. You're beautiful. You have long, chocolate brown hair with natural red highlights in it. Your eyes are a matching chocolate brown with gold specks in it making it seem depthless. You have an infectious smile with gleaming white teeth. Lips the color of strawberries. Your skin is completely tanned. The color of baked bread."
"But what I love even more than your beautiful looks is your gorgeous personality, heart, brain, and soul. You encompass every personality trait that could be classified as good. You're a living, walking angel. I then realized that I would wait for you. I would crawl to the ends o the Earth just to see you smile. I love you, and I'll wait until your ready", he finished excitedly.
My mouth dropped in shock because somewhere in the middle of his perfect speech, I realized that I was always ready to let him back into my heart. I was just scared. But he was always mine as I was always his.
Instead of answering, I jumped onto him latching my legs around his waist, arms around his head, and kissed him with a passion I never before knew I had.
The tide washed up around us, going to about Edward's knees. We were surrounded by water and it was getting us both wet.
And then it started raining.
I unlatched my lips from his and just stared into his beautiful eyes.
"I love you", I whispered simply.
'I love you too", he whispered back and brushed a piece of hair from my face.
He walked out deeper into the water and dropped me so that we were both standing. The water was up to his waist, and my navel.
I pulled his grey t-shirt off and kissed between his pecs. I let my hands roam over his sculpted chest and hummed in satisfaction.
He was mine.
He then leaned down and kissed me again.
And that's where we remained for the rest of the day. Kissing as the waves crashed.
OMG! It's over. I was actually supremely happy with the outcome of this story. It was originally just a way for me to get rid of my writer's block, but once I started writing it I couldn't stop. Hence why, it became a one shot. Lol. Push the button below and review please.