|100 Things I'm Not Allowed to Do in Middleearth
Author: Do a Barrel Roll PM
Everything you shouldn't do if you want to survive in Middle-earth...yet the Fellowship and friends are going to do it all anyways. After all, where's the fun in war without a little chaos? Oh dear...It looks like Sauron will have a lot on his plate.Rated: Fiction T - English - Parody/Humor - Aragorn & Sauron - Chapters: 20 - Words: 15,819 - Reviews: 582 - Favs: 200 - Follows: 110 - Updated: 07-11-12 - Published: 04-06-10 - Status: Complete - id: 5876172
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
This story won't be going in chronological order.
I don't own Lord of the Rings, Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, or The Wizard of Oz.
1: I will not give hobbits green hair and orange skin and call them "Oompa Loompas".
Frodo sat up from his bundle of blankets and yawned. The sun was bright, not a single cloud was in the sky, and everything was looking fantastic. Aragorn and Boromir were already by the fire, cooking a light breakfast. Frodo grinned at his two friends. "Good morning!"
Aragorn and Boromir grinned and looked away, clearly smothering a fit of laughter. Frodo frowned. "What's so funny!" But Aragorn and Boromir didn't respond, for they had burst into uproarious laughter.
Bamboozled, Frodo glanced down at the stream in front f him--and discovered his hair and skin had been dyed green and orange, respectively. Glancing at the other members of the Fellowship, only Sam, Merry, and Pippin had this same problem.
"You silly Oompa Loompas," Aragorn said, grinning at his short little friends. "Always getting so worked up."
"Ooh!" Legolas exclaimed. "Sing a song for us!"
2: I will not swallow the Phial of Galadriel to see if it will shine inside my stomach.
"Darn it all!" Frodo shouted, kicking out at the wall in frustration. "Sam, have you seen the Phial of Galadriel anywhere?"
Glancing up from the stew he was making, Sam shook his head. "No, Mr. Frodo."
A loud whooping came from a few yards away. "What the--" Aragorn unsheathed his sword, looking alarmed yet calm. But the noise was merely from Pippin, who now had an odd lighting coming from his stomach.
"Pippin," Legolas glanced at the young hobbit, alarmed. "What is that?"
"Well, you see..."
"PIPPIN!" hollered Frodo. "Is that the Phial of Galadriel?!"
"Well, yes, but--"
"GIVE IT BACK!"
"You will get it back! ...In about a day or two."
3: I will not eat popcorn during dramatic moments.
"You cannot fool us with your words, Saruman!" Gandalf bellowed dangerously. All was silent, and apprehension was in the air--until a loud crunching sound interrupted it all.
Everyone glared at Merry and Pippin as they grinned. "What? You guys don't like popcorn? This whole adventure could be something in one big movie trilogy!"
4: I will not ask Saruman if a house fell on his sister.
Saruman ignored the hobbits' attempt at comic relief. "Gandalf, can't you understand? I am not evil, I have merely become more powerful than you could possibly imagine. Join me!"
The thing is, you can never shut up Peregrin Took. "Mister Saruman? I have a question."
Saruman turned his cold eyes onto Pippin. "What is it?"
"Did a house fall on your sister? Because that would explain why you're such an evil idiot."
5: I will not claim Sauron's Eye watches me while I'm showering.
"AHH!" came the scream of Frodo Baggins. Gandalf glanced up from his book in alarm What could possibly be troubling Frodo here in Rivendall?
"Gandalf!" Frodo cried, fear evident in his voice. "I felt Him watching me!"
Gandalf shot up from his comfortable seat and ran to Frodo. "Frodo!" Frodo sprinted into the room. "Frodo, when was he watching you?"
"It was so awful, Gandalf!"
"Well," Frodo's look of terror changed into one of sheepish humor. "I was in the shower...Maybe He is a total creeper, you know?"
Gandalf sighed to himself and muttered, "Hobbits!"
So that's one through five. Ninety-five to go! What was your favorite?