|A World Gone Mad
Author: Andrew Joshua Talon PM
Snapshots and snippets from the world of Love Ronin Solid.Rated: Fiction T - English - Humor - Chapters: 7 - Words: 7,219 - Reviews: 30 - Favs: 14 - Follows: 6 - Updated: 07-30-10 - Published: 04-11-10 - id: 5890869
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
My name is Ranma Saotome and I hunt Magic Girls.
To be precise, I don't just hunt them; I also hunt demons, mages, mad scientists, assassins, murderers, psychotics and magic girls.
Yes, I do class them all in the same group.
It comes down to a simple situation. I get paid a rather large sum of money to do so.
That's right, Mr. Incredible, Mr. Wonderful, Mr. Best of his Generation, is a mercenary for hire. Generally by the Government, but not always. Like, for instance, right now.
I've been hired by Shiba Konneko's parents to retrieve her from the magic girl squad that has abducted and brain washed her. Then I'll deliver her to the government facility which will fix her brain, from how some talking animal convinced her that she was the inheritor of the great magical powers of some ancient mystic land.
Goddam talking animals.
No, seriously, these bloody vermin, They are destroying good families by pandering to the delusion of some pubescent girl who grew up reading manga and when it is suddenly thrust upon them, actually thinks it's real and that they arent just a ordinary girl with special abilities that require years of training.
One of the Doc's I talk to on occasion, thinks the talking animals may well be some kind of Imp or lesser demon, a shape shifting one, who feeds off the magical energies of the girl they attach to,
I dunno bout that, what I do know is when you pop it's head off, knock out the target and high tail it out of there, the entire pack gives chase. Usually with screams about Love and Beauty, and Villain and stuff.
Still, *whoops* at least this lot don't have powered flying armor and city-buster energy attacks. *duck* I remember one of those groups, bout 6 months ago. I ended up having to drug them in their sleep, geek the critter and make off with them before they woke up from their experimental relationship based sleep.
Some people call it a puppy pile.
I try not to look at a pile of naked thirteen year old girls at any time, that's just pervy.
So, anyway, I tracked them down, drugged them into deeper sleep, killed their critter and sent them off to the Facility to get processed.
Good money if you can pull it off.
Hang on a sec, this jump is kinda tricky, when you have a sleeping teenager on your shoulder and a half dozen brats are trying to kill you with cute attacks.
*oof* Damn, almost got me there.
Anyway, where was I? Oh yeah. Good money.
But why do I need good money? That's what I bet you want to know.
Hang on, just gotta get this *Bam* yeah, much better, a few hundred punches to the face is going to deter even the most determined magic girl. Best way I know for them to give me space, is break some noses and their whole determination just falls right off.
Anyway, you wanted to know?
Oh, you wanted the whole story? You won't get it.
The basic run down is, you remember the Nerima Portal? Yeah, the first one. The big one. Turns out, it wasn't a Demon Lord that started that one, no. It was a human. Well, for given values of human. Happosai, my Pops old master was a complete bastard; he used to summon minor demons and the like to 'test' me and Pops.
The problem was the big surge in magic meant the scroll he used got out of control and before we knew it there was a freaking demon army on our front door.
It wasn't pretty or nice. I managed to get Kasumi away in time, Nabiki and Mom were injured and I had to leave them with Doc Tofu before going back.
It took almost a day and a half of nonstop fighting, in a fighting retreat before the Army finally turned up in force. By that stage, most of Nerima was rubble, Pops and Mr Tendo were dead, Akane had lost it, and she was all curled up under some rubble and catatonic. It's been 2 years now and she is showing no sign of ever coming out.
Turns out that Nabiki had the bottom of her spine damaged; she mostly uses a wheelchair now, but can get around on crutches if she needs to.
Mom, well, Mom and I had a little discussion and she's dropped the Manly bullshit.
Nobody knows what happened to the Amazons. I'd bet they made a quick retreat and are nice and safe back in their village. For given values of safe.
Ukyo and Konatsu managed to get out. Last I heard, they had opened a store in Kyoto, right next to a major temple, and had a quick way into it's grounds in case of demonic invasion.
Nobody had seen Ryoga for like a month before and nothing since. Either he's dead or he'll turn up.
So, anyway, I now have to support Mom and Kasumi as well as find a way to pay Nabiki's medical costs. Let's just say the insurance payout wasn't nearly what I'd hoped it would be.
also had to learn money fast.
Hang on a sec, incoming magic girls.
well, thats better. I've stopped using emotional Chi and now use pure Chi. It can punch through most magical defenses like they aren't there and puts down most things, up to and including hyper agressive 8 year olds in powered armor.
Goddamn Magic Girls.
Anyway, so there I was, spending more money than I had to keep the girls happy, and Daisuke's mom tracks me down. Turns out her family is loaded: Like, seriously loaded. And he has a niece that has gone missing.
Well, shit. That makes her as good as family in my mind, so I drop tools and go find out what happened. Turns out, the stupid bimbo met a talking puppy who told her she was a magic girl and the bint believed it. Anyway, she was now living in the ruins of an old temple, claiming it was the remnants of the Hidden Kingdom of the Fairies and that she would be it's new queen, once they defeated the evil Winter Kingdom.
That's when the puppy started savaging my ankles.
Then she hit me in the face with her Dream-sparkles-Ray
Okay, she got me, but anyone would have been surprised by that and she was one of the first Magic Girls since that damm Senshi thing a few years before.
So, after I woke up, I managed to track her down, in the next room, where she said how glad she was that I had been cleaned of Winter Taint, and would I like some milk.
Once I managed to get the whole story out of her, it wasn't hard to agree to watch over her while she slept, then hit a sleep point, surprise the stupid dog and carry them both home.
As you can imagine, the parents were not impressed and long story short, she is now working for some government agency dealing with magical threats to the world. The parents were so happy to have her home that they gave me a freaking huge amount of money.
That made Nabiki happy. It also meant we could afford to go on a shopping trip, so Mom and Kasumi were happy. If they were happy, I was happy.
Then about a week later, it happened again.
Long story short, pretty soon, I was known as 'The' go to guy when it came to dealing with Magic Girls. The government and army couldn't take them down without serious loss of life, and no one else was doing it.
So, a bit of studying later and I got some fancy bits of paper making me an official retriever.
So, long story short. If your teenage or younger girl goes missing and she has just found some new pet, people come to me. Sure, about one in ten has become a magic girl and the rest have run away, gone to live with a boyfriend, or been kidnapped for whatever reason, that's where the other things I hunt down come in, but when I do get a bloody magic girl...
So, anyway, Nabiki took up with the various parents, formed a support group and more importantly, got the necessary research done. End result is The Institute. It has military guards, serious security and structural integrity and damm fine head shrinkers.
They were the people that found out that if you kill the Pet, the girls recover much quicker.
Of course, like now, you need to get away from killing the pet and making off with their supposed little gang leader.
Anyway, I'm gonna wrap this up. The stupid bimbos have been giving nonstop chase for a few hours now; they are tired, sore, and lightly injured aaaaaandd... The army guys just popped them full of tranqs.
Yeah. I'm just that good.
That's 7 magic girls bagged and tagged, their pets dead and parents satisfied.
My Name is Ranma Saotome. My full time job, is tracking down teenage girls, killing their pets and if I'm lucky, I get to punch them in the face and tell them to stop being so stupid.
It's good to be me.
Also written by Finbar, but for the purposes of Love Ronin Solid you can consider it non-canon.