Author: Shadow Crystal Mage PM
In his misspent youth, Zor-El, brother of Jor-El, goes to earth to see if it is really suitable for sending their family to when the end comes. He meets a young, balding martial artist and… well, did you happen to read the title? CRACK!Rated: Fiction T - English - Humor/Parody - Words: 1,361 - Reviews: 15 - Favs: 28 - Follows: 32 - Published: 04-14-10 - id: 5896420
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
A/N: Because reading too much of the so-called "Filipino Canon" is driving me insane. Honestly, don't those old guys know what a 'point' is? I'd rather read O. Henry, and he SUCKS!
Up to date as of issue 2 of 'Last Stand of New Krypton'. Might or might not take revelations in later issues into account.
by Shadow Crystal Mage
Chapter 1: A Typical Beginning
Disclaimer: Supergirl and all related paraphernalia belongs to DC. Her mom really needs to unclench. All else belong to respective owners.
Kara was in shock.
According to Earth Biblical tradition, the first murder was a familicide. Amazon lore said that the first thing Zeus did was to kill his father. The Book of Rao said that the first destructive impulse that was against the natural order was between siblings.
One of the more submerged parts of her psyche, one that would probably wear black trimmed in white, and a thong instead of bike shorts, was making a very small, if loud declarations that she kick her mother's ass– never mind this was all technically her father's fault– and see if they'll be willing to give her asylum in Themiscyra, and to Rao with the consequences.
Clearly, wanting to kill your family for stupid things was a universal trait.
Her more active mind, however, was currently stuck on the current situation, recalling how she'd gotten into this mess…
They'd beaten Brainiac. The Legion Espionage Squad had helped save the day and recovered the stolen bottle cities, thus ensuring the future. Brainiac 5 had kept his ancestor from killing Superman, kicking said ancestor soundly in the ass. Project 7734 had been discredited, what was left of it being subsumed back into the army, Science Police or (shudder) Amanda Waller's Suicide Squad. Commander Gor and his squad had been extradited to Earth to face murder charges. Chris's age problem had finally stabilized, reverting him into a 10 year-old, to some awkwardness with Thara. Zod and his loyalists were back in the Phantom Zone for his negligence during Brainiac's most recent attack. Earth was no longer so actively hateful of Kryptonians, with some small exchange occurring, particularly with Markovia. All was as happy and well as they're likely to get.
Then they'd found that recording crystal at the back of Zor-El's filing cabinet when they'd finally gotten around to cleaning up his lab for Kara to use herself.
The crystal that contained the secret files regarding Zor's participation in his brother Jor's 'surveys' to see if earth were a suitable place to send their children should Krypton explode.
About his meeting with a young, balding man who wore a white garment and called himself a martial artist.
About his little… 'arrangement'…
"I'M WHAT?!?!?!?" Kara cried one morning. It would have been heard on the other side of Kandor even without people having super-hearing.
"Getting married," Alura said calmly, as she had a rare breakfast with her daughter.
There was a cracking sound as Kara's grip broke the tableware. "H-how…"
"It was several months before the destruction of Krypton," Alura narrated as she ate. "He used a probe system Jor-El had developed to bring the consciousness of a human to Krypton within a solid hologram. I met the man, though I did not learn what he truly was until I found your fathers notes on the matter. He apparently forgot to tell me. In any case, the man apparently impressed him so much that your father brokered a deal with him to marry you to his son. As soon as we can renew contact with him, you're going to."
"You and your cousin keep saying we need to find a way to make peace with Earth," Alura said, looking over her electronic notepad. "We're your chance." She got up and flew out the window towards her office, already putting the conversation out of her mind, leaving her daughter staring at her in shock.
"The hell?!?!?!?!?" her friends chorused as they met with her in one of the apartments she maintained on Earth.
Kara nodded morosely as she hugged a pillow to herself, wiggling her feet out of her pink bunny slippers. "It's a political marriage, something about uniting and common people and all that symbolic political crap. They're saying that a human and a Kryptonian would be a good symbol for the future, blab-blah-blah…"
Wondergirl, Flamebird, Kid Flash, Red Robin and Superboy– or more familiarly, Cassie, Thara, Bart, Tim and Conner– stared at her, Conner sticking his finger in his ear as if to clean it out.
"Sorry, I don't think I heard it right the first time," he said. "Did you just tell us your mom is marrying you off?"
"Yes," Kara muttered into her pillow.
There was a stereo cracking of hyper-stressed knuckles as Cassie and Conner both clenched their fists. "Who is it?" Cassie growled through gritted teeth.
"We don't have the guy's name yet," Kara said. "Though the father's name was Genma Saotome… I don't suppose I can defect to Themiscyra and you can give me asylum?" She looked at Cassie hopefully.
The other blonde shook her head. "Diana just brokered the peace treaty with New Krypton. I don't think that'll be a good idea."
"Maybe I can move to Oa," Kara mumbled.
This, she decided, was all Clark's fault. If Alura knew about his marriage with Lois…
A discount light bulb that was probably bought second hand when Young Justice closed lit up in her head. That's it! She had to tell her mom about Lois!
"Guys" she said, eyes not quite all there. "I have a plan…"
Somewhere, Clark Kent felt as is another Crisis was looming…
…must be Thursday.
- To be continued...
A/N: I'm actually starting to like Zod, as he is portrayed in 'World of New Krypton'. He kinda reminds me of Lord Vetinari, only not as smart. Pity 'Last Stand' seems about to drop character decay on him…
Once upon a time, I swore to myself I'd never write a Ranam ½ 'new fiancé' fic. Apparently, my promises to myself are worthless when there's crack involved…
I know Ranma would not have been born yet when the deal was made. Gotta give Genma credit, the idiot planned ahead…
I'm convinced that Supergirl and Wondergirl have a Romantic Two Girl Friendship (or are possibly Schoolgirl Lesbians. See TV Tropes for more) going on. Why else the sexual hugging in Teen Titans and demonstrating to other Amazon trainees how to kiss with tongue? Yes this actually did happen. I love the liberation of comics. It's practically canon! Heck, as far as I'm concerned, it is!
Yes, I'm a Yuri Fanboy. You know that's why you're reading this…
As for Connor… read his POV Blackest Night comic… Since he's only a half-clone– effectively making him Superman and Lex Luthor's messed-up lovechild– it should be okay, right?
I love Young Justice, and think that the current Teen Titans series needs to remember it. Whatever happened to their magical– excuse me, New Genesis-ian– flying ATV? Or APES? Or Harm? Heck, all of it?!?!?! Johns, bring it back!
"Wah! Ranma's going to marry an alien princess!" Soun bawled.
"Dad, stop over-reacting," Nabiki chided her father. "The Kryptonians practiced a council-representation form of government, similar to a parliament, only much smaller. Ranma's going to be marrying a prime minister's daughter, nothing else." She tapped her copy of 'Everything You Need To Know About The Kryptonian Menace' by Former President Lex Luthor and Gen. Samuel Lane.
Ranma hung his head in despair. "This means I'm going to have to turn into a superhero, isn't it?"
Please review, C&C welcome. Next, maybe I redeem Superboy-Prime by having him kill Joe Quesada…
Until next time, this is Shadow, signing off.