|Mystery Science Theater 1000!
Author: Hardman 5509 PM
Yuri, Alice, Johnny, and Shania are being forced by their foes to read horrible stories! Can they survive? Rated 'T' for later chapters. Reviews and flames are accepted.Rated: Fiction T - English - Humor/Parody - Yuri H. & Johnny G. - Chapters: 24 - Words: 113,939 - Reviews: 13 - Favs: 9 - Follows: 6 - Updated: 02-14-13 - Published: 05-05-10 - id: 5948484
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
BIG chapter coming up. It's the finale of My Immortal! I did all fourty-four chapters, and I feel pretty proud of myself. Please, enjoy!
"All right! GIVE ME FOURTY!"
Our four heroes hit the ground and started to lift their bodies up and down, while the average-looking male with glasses in a coach outfit was shouting things at him. He turns around to look at you with a smile.
"Oh, Welcome to the Hunk of Junk!" Syl said. "It's the finale of My Immortal, just seven more chapters and we're done with this forever! I'm just here to get these guys ready for the final battle. Once the sign comes on, I'm gone. Theses boys and girls have come far from simply doing pointless short stories. Now, they're going to finish tackling the worst fanfic in the history of the world. So far."
"Don't harsh my mellow!" Johnny shouted, going into a one-handed push-ups.
"Hey, hey!" Syl held up his hands defensively. "You guys may think this maybe the last bad story you tackle, but you're just starting out! Remember, My Immortal is CONSIDERED to be the worst fanfic. I'm pretty sure Gilbert and Nicolai can find something far worse! I'm training you guys to stay alive in case they do!"
"Speaking of Ugly and Bastard, did you figure out what happened to them?" Asked Yuri, stopping for a second to ask it.
"As far as I know, they're captured by a evil being from a alternate dimension." Syl replied, completely serious. "But no matter! I feel that this loosely-connected storyline will come to end at the end of this chapter."
"Sounds cheap." Replied Yuri.
"They had vacation time anyway. It's for the better for the company in the end. Prevents complaints."
"Look, just think about My Immortal and focus!" Syl said before blowing his whistle.
"NO TIME! IT'S STORY SIGN!" Johnny shouted, as three trampled over Syl to get to the theater.
AN: wut doez every1 fink if I end da strory and den I add sum more 2 it after vocation?
Yuri: Because you said it yourself?
oh yah asnd prepz stup flaming if u dnot lik dat story den take muh quiz ok den u wil c if ur gofik or not!1111111
Alice: She just got the quiz out of a People's Magazine.
Satan and I walked 2 his car.
Johnny: Ah, the walking to the car scenes. Much like the classic parking scenes.
It wuz a blak car wif pentagrams all over it. On da license plate said 666 just lik Draco's car.
Shania: In fact, it was the same car!
I went in it seduktivly.
Yuri: Smashing a tooth on the way in.
Stan started 2 drive it.
Alice: Sorry, I thought he was going to eat it!
Yuri: Hey! The story is using our nicknames! It's self-aware!
We talked about Satanism (lolz he wuz named after Satan),
Johnny: I would yell at her for explaining the joke, but at this point, it's part of this story's charm.
kuttting, musik and being goffik.
Shania: They went off-topic! I wanted to hear about Satanism!
"Oh my satan, Gerard is so fuking hot!11" Volxemort agreed as we smoked sum weed.
Yuri: Eew. It's like kissing a mirror!
Johnny: Not the drug weed. Just some weed they found in a garden.
Shania: Now everything makes sense!
(koz bi guyz r hot dey r so sensitive I luv dem lol goez fux a bi guy)
Alice: So what's happens if the guy is just gay?
Johnny: She'll make a unappealing face.
Yuri: Or write a forty chapter long story about the two mating like rabbits.
"Lol, I totally decided not 2 comit suicide when I herd Hilena." I said in a flirty voice.
Johnny: Not that didn't stop you before!
Yuri: Or effected anything!
"...Hey Satan do u know da cure 4 when ppl r adikted 2 Volxemortseruem?"
Shania: We've reentered the sub-par plot.
"Well..." he thought. "I fink u have 2 drink Vampire blod."
Alice: Thanks for wasting our time story. Again
Johnny: After a GREAT set-up, you give us an answer that wasn't that hard to find.
Shania: Purple is such a great friend…as in NOT bothering until now to find the cure and not getting the Volxwhatchacallit away from Whoever had the problem!
Shania: I doubt the author even passed kindergarten!
Suddenly Volxemort parked da car behind a blak movie theater.
Alice: He did the legal thing.
Yuri (Purple): I thought he wuz going to run over thirty people and park the car inside. What a prep!
Satan and I walked outside. We went in2 da movie tether were they were showing da Excercist.
Johnny: Make up your mind! In or Out?
In it a boy and a gurl were doing it sudenly a cereal killer came lol.
Shania: Oh, so they're watching one of the Scary Movies. Which one had Tony the Tiger killing the teens?
Alice: Given the story, I'm not surprised that Volderdork didn't try to kill Purple when she was doing it with whoever she was doing it with.
Satan and I laughed at da blood koz we're sadists.
Yuri: That, and anyone could tell that the blood was really velvet cake mix.
While Satan was watching da movie, I had an idea.
Alice (Purple): I'm going to mow his lawn!
I took Satan's gothic blak Nightmare b4 Christmas cigar sexily from his poket and put sum Amnesia potion in it.
Johnny: A fake accessory from a movie that wasn't out yet!
Yuri: By sexily, she actually means groping.
Alice: His back pocket, right?
I put it bak in his blak Emile the Strange bag.
Shania: What? No Author's Note telling to go kill ourselves because we didn't know who he or she was?
Satan turned arund and started 2 smoke it.
Yuri: Not noticing the liquid on the cigar.
Alice: No light or anything, he just started to smoke it.
Johnny: It's a electronic cigar then.
Shania: Good. He deserves to die by electrocution.
Blak cloudz wif red pentagramz ind em started 2 fly around everywhere.
Alice: Because they were gothic! Hahaha..
"OMG!111" Satan said jumping up. I gasped koz I wuz afraid hed notizd. "Enoby gess what?"
Johnny (Stan): I'm out of the closet!
I new that the amnesia had worked.
Shania: Which is why he called you by name.
"Amnesia potion has not been invented yet so it will not work." He said.
Yuri (Stan): I know this because I looked it up on Wikipedia! Though it hasn't been invented yet.
Johnny: Despite magic being around for over a thousand years.
"2 badd coz I wanted 2 use sum on u."
"Kul." I raised my eye suggestingly.
Alice: She wants to be raped?
Shania: It IS the prequel to Twilight!
And den... he tok of my cloves sexily and we started 2 make out.
Johnny: The audience started to boo. Both audiences.
I tok of his shit.
Shania: I wish I could the same for you.
He had six-pak justr lik Gerard Way!11
Yuri: You can almost see Tara's drool.
Alice: Stuffed French bread into thier nostrils.
"Xcuze me but u r going 2 have 2 leave!111" shooted da lady behind us she was a prep.
Johnny: No, you're the prep!
"Fuk u!11" I said. Suddenly... I attaked her suking all her blood.
Shania: Ladies and gentleman…OUR HERO! YAY!
Yuri: At this point, the last fan just gave up. He couldn't take it anymore.
Alice (Purple): Stop trying to hold me to the man!
Johnny: Well, at least the other characters have a reason to KILL HER!
"Noooooo!11" she screamed. All the preps in da theater screamed but everyone else crapped koz Satan and I loked so cute 2gether.
Yuri: That, and Stan locked the doors before hand.
Satan and I started to walk outside.
Alice: Leaving a trail of blood, guts and bodies.
"Zomg how did u do that?" Voldremort asked in a turned-on voice.
"I'm a vampire." I said as we went into the car.
Johnny: I think she's worth than the sparkly ones.
"Siriusly?" he gasped.
"Yah siriusly." I said drinking sum beer.
Shania (Purple): And don't call him Sirus. Geddit?
Alice: Don't go to her level.
Satan started 2 drive da car.
Yuri: Instead of humping it.
Yuri: It's in character!
I smelled happily.
Alice: But she was frowning from the lack of sex going on.
"Itz too bad we didn't get 2 c da rest of the movie, don't u fink?"
Johnny: You burned down the theater, you knob!
"Yah." I said as we kised passively.
Shania: How do you kiss passively?
Johnny: Let me show you…
Shania: Not now…
Satan parked in a blak driveway next 2 da place where Draco and I had watched GC for the frist time.
Yuri: In fact, they ran over Draco and Purple because they traveled to the same day!
Alice: Thus creating a time paradox!
Johnny: Without Purple, everyone returned to normal!
Shania: And thus the Goth-Prep Treaty of 2006 came forth!
We went inside where Marylin Mason wuz playing and started to mosh lol.
Alice: Mason took one look into the audience and ran away.
"Anti-ppl now uve gone 2 far Jeus Krist Superstar!1111" screamed Marlin on da stage.
Johnny: Wouldn't Jesus be on the prep's side?
We did the devil fingers.
Shania: We fingered the devil!
Shania: Woah. I apologize.
I started 2 dance really close to Satan.
Yuri (Purple): But he kept moving away from me. I wonder why.
He was so shmexay!1 He looked at me all emo with his gothic red eyes and he looked exactly like Mikey Way.
Alice: Or Draco.
Johnny: Or Vampire.
Shania: Or Navel.
I almost got an orgaism!1 Suddenly Marylin Mason stopped singing.
Johnny: Mason took one long…
Alice: I just did that one!
Johnny: Sorry, my mind partially melted some time during that.
"I wood like to peasant...XBlakXTearX!11" he said.
Shania (Mason): And I shall make my escape! ZIP!
I ran onstage.
Yuri: Tripping over several wires, causing a electrical fire that destroyed the building, and causing a huge time paradox!
Lucian, Samaro, Snap and Hades were there.
Alice: They farted in!
They started 2 play their instilments. I got onstag.
Johnny: She turned no-clip on!
"Wel if u wonted honesty datz all u had 2 say!1111" I sang. (I dnot own da lyerix 2 dat song)
Shania: If I ask you to leave, will you?
My voice sounded lik a pentagram betwen Amy Lee and a gurl version of Gerard Woy.
Yuri: You're three short.
Everyone clappd. Satan got an eructation. "I'M NUT OKAY!1" I sang finaly.
Alice: …don't say nut.
Suddenly Lucian started playing da song wrong by mistak.
Johnny: You mean he started to play it right.
"OMFG!1" yielded James. "Wut the fuck?"
"Woops im sory!" said Lucian.
"You fuking ashhole!1" James shouted angrily.
Shania (James): You played B note instead of C flat!
"U guys are such prepz!11" Snap said. "Cum on it wuz a mistake!1"
"Yah itz not his fault!11" said Serious.
"No he ruined the fucking song!1" yelled Samaro.
Yuri: You know. This is Purple's fault.
Johnny: Our jokes about time paradoxes has come full-circle.
"U guys stop!11" I shotoed angrily but it waz 2 late. They all began 2 fight. Sudenly Samaro took out hiz nife.
Alice: Don't you mean 'ring'?
"OMFG no!11" shouted Lucan but it wuz 2 late James tried 2 shoot off his arm.
And den...I jumped secxily in front of da bullet!11
Johnny: Can it be? The death of Purple?
Yuri: ABOUT DAMN TIME!
Alice: DIE AND GO STRAIGHT TO HELL!
"No!111" yielded everyone but it wuz 2 late suddenly everyfing went blak.
Shania: The end! Let's go!
Alice: …the door won't open.
Shania: Damn. She lived, didn't she?
Johnny: Or she failed to act as a meat shield.
AN: stfu prepz git a lif!111111 U SUCK!11
Yuri: You get a life, you toad!
Alice: You're the one who writes this crap all the time and post it online!
Johnny: Got to hell! Our patience has ended!
oh and form now on il be in vocation in englind until lik august so I wont be able 2 update 4 a while, lolz.
Alice: She's finally getting a job. Impressive.
fangz 2 evry1 hu revoiwed expect da prepz hu flamed FOK U!1 MCR RULEZ 666!111
Johnny: She's running low on steam.
I woke up in da Norse's offace on a special gothik coffin.
Shania: Damn. She has the power to come back to life in the next chapter.
Hairgrid wuz in da bed opposite me in a comma coz Vampir and Draco had bet him up.
Yuri: For cleaning the floor.
Mr. Noris was cleaning the room.
Alice (Norris): They were raised in barns! All of them!
"Oh mi satan wut happened!" I screamed. Suddenly Volxemort came. He loked less mean then usual.
Johnny (Voldermort): Morning!
Yuri (Mud): Morning!
"Get the fuk out u fucking bastard!11" I yielded.
"Thou hath nut killd Vampire yet!11" he said arngrily. Sudenly he started 2 cry tearz of blood al selective.
Shania: It happened. He finally broke.
"Volxemort? OMFG what's wrong!111" I asked.
Sudenly... Lucian, Profesor Sinister and Serious came! B'lody Mary and Vampire were wif dem.
Yuri: They're showing the cast party, aren't they?
Alice: Or they're going to see off Purple to her doom.
Johnny: Or they're all came to together to kill the monster.
Every1 was holding blak boxez. VOLXEMORT DISAPAERD.
Alice: They were all going to propose to him.
"OMFG Enoby ur alive!111" Scremed Vampire. I hugged him and B'lody Mary.
"What the fuk happened?" I asked dem. "Oh my satan!11 Am I lik dead now?" I gosped.
Johnny: Yes! Oh, god, yes! You are dead!
"Enoby u were almost shot!11" said Serious. "But da ballet could not kill u since u were form anodder time."
Shania: That, and the bullet hates you. Yes, even intimate objects hate you, Purple.
"But fangz anyway!1" said Lucian holding oot his arm. I gasped. He had two arms!
Yuri: And two legs.
Alice: And two ears.
Johnny: And two noses.
Shania: And two fingers.
"OMG I cant beleve Vampirz' dad shot u!1" I gasped.
"Well 2 be honest Snap wuz pozzesd by Snap bak den." said James.
Alice: And Snap used to date Snap back then.
"Yah he wuz a spy." Serious said sadly. "He wuz really a Death Dealer."
"And he wuz such a fuking poser 2!11" said Lucian.
Johnny (Lucian): Unlike me, I'm a complete poser!
"He didn't even realy no hu GC were until I told him." Well anyway everyone tarted 2 give me presents.
Shania: Her Mary-Sue powers are coming on full swing!
I was opening a blak box wif red 666s (there wuz a dvd of corps bride in it) on it when I gasped. Mr. Noris looked up angrily coz he h8ed gothz.
Yuri: GEE! I wonder WHY?
"Hey haz aneone fuking seen Draco?" I asked gothikally.
Alice: I bet he's dead again.
"No Draco told me he wood be watching Hoes of Wax." said Profesor Trevolry.
Johnny: A movie about preps being killed by Tommy Wiseau. And Paris Hilton gets killed as well.
"He duzzn't know dat ur better. Anyway da norse said u could get up. Cum on!1"
I got up suicidally.
Shania: Go on ahead. We won't stop you.
Lucian, Serious and Profesor Sinister left. I wuz wearing a blak leather nightgun.
Yuri: She's in the play about gun-control.
Under that I had on a sexxy blak leather bra trimed wif blak lace, with a matching thong that said goffik gurl on the butt and sexy fishnetz that kind hooked on 2 my thong (if u don't get da idea massage me ill tell u).
Alice: Need a bed-mate, gov'ernor?
I put on a blak fishnet top under a blak MCR t-shirt, a blak leather mini with blak lace and congress shoes. I left the hospital's wings wif B'lody Mary, Willow and Vampire.
"OMFG letz celebrate!11" gasped Willow.
"We can go c Hose of Wax wif Draco!1" giggled Vampire.
Johnny: I don't put 'goth' with giggles.
"Letz go lizzen 2 GC and kut ourselvz 666!11" said Hermoine.
Shania: Tara has finally given up.
We opened da conmen room door sexily.
Yuri: A sexy bomb!
And den...I gasped... Draco wuz there doing it wif Snap!1111111111111111111111111
Alice: Wow. What a twist. My nerves are shot. I want to cut myself.
He wuz wearing a blak tshirt wif 666 on da front and baggy jeanz.
Johnny: Actually, the chair was wearing his clothes…
"U fucking prep!11" we all yielded angrily.
"Yah u betrayed us!111" shooted Vampire angrily as he took out his blak gun.
Shania: Fear his cap gun!
"No u don't understand!1" screamed Draco sadly as he took his thingie out of Snake's.
Yuri: A scene that doesn't need us.
"No shit u fuking suk u preppy bastard!111" said Willow trying 2 attak him (u rok girl!1).
Alice: Yes! Go, fictional girl I written into the story!
I ran suicidally to my room I sexily took a steak out.
Johnny: She's going to say she cooked it and give it to him, but it's actually raw!
"Enoby no!11111" screamed Draco but it wuz 2 l8 I had slit muh ritsts wif it suddenly everyfing went blak again.
Shania: She must have cheated and entered the 99 Lives code.
AN: 2 every1 hu kepz flaming diz GIT S LIF!
Yuri: Oh, shut up.
I bet u proly odnt no hu gerod way is ur proly al prepz and pozers!11111 neway sum1 hakked in2 mi akkount in November and dey put up my last chaptah but now der is a new 1. im surry 4 nut updating g 4 a while but ive been rilly bizzy. im trying 2 finish da story b4 da new movie kumz out. Im gong on vacation 4 a mons I wont be bak until abott 2 weeks. OMFG drako iz so hot in all da pix 4 da new movie!111 I wunted dem 2 put a kameo by geord way lol he hsud play drako. if u flame ill slit muh risztz!11 raven u rok gurl hav fun in ingland.
Alice: Yeah, yeah…preps sucks, goth rules, I'm lazy, I have dreams about a fictional character…heard it!
When I wook up I wuz in a strange room.
Johnny: A white padded room!
I loked around I wuz wearing da same outfit I had when is performed wif XBlakXTearX!11
Shania: Not clean at all.
I looked arund confusedly. It wuz da Norse's office but it looked difrent! On da wall wuz a pik of Marlyin Munzon!1111 (just imagin dat he is an 80s goffik band 2 ok koz he is more old den panic? at da dizcko or mcr)
Yuri: I would imagine, but my brain shut down about…fourty chapters ago.
der wuz also a goffik blak Beatles calander with a picture of the beetlez werring iyeliner and blak cloves. On it said '1980.'
Alice: WRONG! OH SO…W…R…O…N…G!
"OMFG! Im back in Tim again!111" I screamed loudly. Suddenly Satan(dis is actually voldimort 4 photo refrenss!). Voldimort wuz wearing a blak leather Jackson, blak tight jeans and fishnet pantz. He looked so sexah I almost had an orgy!11
Johnny (Stan): Sorry, but we haven't invented the antidote for lead poison.
"OMFG Enoby r u ok." He asked gothikally.
"Yah Im okay 4 ur in4mation." I snapped sexily.
Shania: Do you love him or not?
"OMG am I dedd?" koz I remembered I had jumped in front off da bullet from Jame's gun. I also rememberd cing Drako doing it wif Snap!111
Yuri: The story collapsed upon itself.
I guessed dat when I had slit mi wrists I had went bak in tim instead of dieing.
Alice: …thankfully, in this reality, Doctor Who has a machine gun for a arm.
I knoew I could go forward in time if I found a time-toner or da tim machine.
Johnny: Or bash your head in. Really. Try it.
"No ur not dead." Satan reassured suicidally as he smokd a cigarette sexily and smoke came all over his face.
Shania: Doubling his chances for lung cancer!
"Ur a vampire so u kant die frum a bullet.
Yuri: WOW! Actual, correct information!
Alice: It's a turning point!
Johnny: Can it be?
Shania: No, we're actually dead, and this is our dying dream.
Cum on now lets go c how Hairy's dad is doing."
I noo dat da real reason I didn't die from da ballet was koz I was from da future.
Alice: That, and the bullet was a rubber bullet, you big baby.
"WTF! James almust shot Luciious!" I said indigoally. I knew that James had really ben possezzed, but I didn't want him2 know I knew.
Johnny: It's not like she went back in time to change it!
"Yah I know but he had a headache he wz under a lot of stress." Satan reasoned evilly.
Shania: Don't we all?
"I guess that's ok." I said because James hadn't really shot Lucian. Also I noo that Lucian wood now have 2 arms instead of 1.
Yuri: Unless you screw up again.
I walked seduktivly outside with Satan.
Alice: You mean like a drunk.
Suddeni I saw a totally sexi goffik bi guy!11 He had bleched blond hair wiv blak streaks up 2 his ears and he wuz wearing goffik blak iliner, a blak Green Day shirt (it showed billy joel wiv bolnd hair since it was da eighties), blak congress shoes and black baggy pants.
Johnny: Oh god…WE'RE STARTING OVER!
Shania: WE REALLY ARE!
Yuri: IT'S A TIME LOOP! SHE'S GOING TO RUN INTO HERSELF!
Alice: We're not that lucky.
He walked in all sexly like Gerrd way in the vido for I Don't 3 u lyk I did yesterday and you cud see a blak tear on his face lyk da wmn in dat video. "Hey." He sed all qwietly and goffically.
Shania: No, no, no…HHHIII. *Snort*
"Who da fuck is that?" I asked angrly cos I did nut kno him.
"Dis is...Hedwig!11" Sed Volximort. "He used to be in XBlackXTearX 2 but he had 2 dropp out koz he broke his arm.
Yuri: …so. We're going into anthro territory.
Shania: Of course, we have to accept Tara knows anything.
"Hey Hedwig." I said seductively evn tho I wuz nut tring to b.
Alice (Purple): I want to ruffle your feathers.
"Lol hi Enoby." He answered but then he ran away bcos he had hair of magical creature.
Johnny: He is the hair of the magical creature!
He was humming Welcum 2 da Blak Prade under his breth( I no dat is not 80s but pretend it is ok!)
Shania: How about…NNNNNNNNOOOOO!
"Bye." I sed all sexily.
Yuri: You know the drill. Replace sexily with a more appropriate term!
"Dat was Hedwig. He used 2 b my boifreind but we broke up." Satan said sadly, luking at his blak nails.
Alice: Great. We're now starting over with different characters in the same scenarios!
"OMFG I can get u bak 2gether!" I said fingering something I didn't know wuz in my pocket- a blak Kute is What we Aim 4 cideo ipod that I could take videos wif (duz ne1 elze no about dem? dey kik azz!).
Johnny: I'm sorry, don't type with marshmallows on your fingers!
"Ok u can 4get about ur class for now, Hedwig. Im going 2 show u something grate!1" I led them to da Great Hall. "Cum on u guys."
Shania: We're off to see the wizard…
Lucian, James, Serious and Snake were all in da Grate Hall. Lucian woudnt talk wiv James because he had tried 2 shoot him.
Yuri: That and they used to date.
Johnny: Well duh.
"Go fuk urself you fukking douche!" he shouted at him. "Drako is never gong 2 b frends with vampire now!1"
Alice: They hadn't been born yet!
Johnny: Or even decided to change their names yet.
Shania: They haven't been even been thought of yet!
"Yah go fuck urself Samaro!" Snape agreed but I noo he wuz lying koz it had been his folt James had almost shot Lucian.
Johnny: Can I see the flowchart?
"B quiet u guys." I said sexily. Mi plan waz working oot great.
Shania: Trying enacting your plan first.
Now I kood make Voldement good wivout doing it with him! Now Vampire's dad wood never die and
Yuri: …she would die instead.
Alice: …she would vanish from existence.
Johnny: …create a time paradox to prevent Harry's adventures and discoveries.
Shania: …open a McDonalds.
"OK Satan and Hedwig, u guys can start making out." I said and I started 2 film dem wiv da ipod.
Alice: Remember how she tried to kill Loopin and Snap when they were peeping on her?
Yuri: You're forgetting that Mary-Sues have double standards.
"Kool." said Serious as Voldemort and Hedwig started 2 make out sexily. We watched as tdey started 2 take each odderz cloves off sexily.
Johnny: Is this the bottom of the barrel, or have we gone through the bottom already?
Yuri: Actually, we just reached China.
Samaro, Serious, Snake and Lucian all watched koz dey wer prolly bi. I noo Snape was bi.
Shania: You're forgetting Samaro, Serious, Snake, Lucian…oh, let's just say everyone male is bi.
"Oh my fukking god! Voldimort! Voldimort!" screamed Hedwig as his glock touched Voldemort's.
Yuri: I prefer the Desert Eagle.
Alice: I know.
But suddenly everything stopped as da door opend and in kame...Dumblydore and Mr. Norris!111111111111
Alice: They came to return logic!
AN: omg da new book iz kumming out rlly soon I kant wait!1111.
Johnny: And her hopes are dashed when she discovers that no one is bi in the new book.
I fink dat snap will be really the same person as Volximort koz dey are both haff-blood so dat will explain y he kild dumblydore and he hated hairy!1111
Shania: Sounds like a Mass Effect 3 ending.
nd den hairy wil have 2 kommit suicide so voldimort will die koz he will rilly be a horcrox!111
Yuri: Woah! She got it right!
Alice: Harry did commit suicide…he let Voldermort kill him!
Johnny: That's implying she read the books to begin with.
Shania: Or she broke into Rowling's castle and looked at the manuscript.
omg I hope draco nd harry get 2getha dat will be so shmexxy, wont it?
Alice: Leaving Ginny and Astoria to marry each other.
If dey don't den JKR is hamophobic!111111
Johnny: Dumbeldore is gay. Does that count?
fangz 4 da help wiv facts, medusa u rok!111
Shania: The wrong facts, anyway.
I sat depressedly in Dumbledork's office wiv Hedwig, Satan, James, Serious, Snap and Lucian.
Yuri: The chairs were actually electric.
Dumbledore was sitting in front of us cruelly.
Alice (Dumbledore): Do you realize how much damage to the canon you caused?
He looked more young den he did in da future.
Johnny: Okay. That confirms that he isn't Benjamin Button?.
He had taken da ipod away and wuz now lizzening 2 a shitty Avril Levine song.
Shania: Meaning that Purple had the song already.
"What da hell is this anyway?" he cackled meanly.
Yuri (Dumbledore): What is this 'musick'?
I hoped he didn't find out dat I was frum another time.
Alice (Dumbledore): You're from another time!
"Whatever u do don't blame Ibony, u jerk." Satan said.
"Yah, siriusly she was trying to get Satan and Hedwig back together." Serious said deviantly.
Johnny: Bestiality is a crime punishable by jail time. Just saying.
"Be quiet you Satanists." Dumbledore cockled. "If ur lucky I'll probably send u all to Akazaban! That will teach u to copolate in da Great Hall."
Shania: Just do it and end the story!
He changed the song on da ipod 2 a n'Sync song.
Yuri: I knew it! Purple is a prep whom lost her memory and became a goth!
Alice: Only she regained her memory and decided to remain as a goth.
Johnny: She's secretly a traitor to all sides!
Shania: She's a traitor to everything.
Suddenly I noticed sumfing strong about da Ipod. It was slowly chonging! Dumblydore didn't notece.
Alice: He preferred Cheeching.
"You fucking poser." I muttoned.
Johnny: Coming from you, you boneless carrion!
"I bet you've never herd of GC." James said.
Shania: Guitar Center?
Yuri: Gurkha Contingent?
Johnny: George Cross?
Know I knew waht da iPod was chonging in2- Morti McFly's tim machine!11
Yuri: CONVIENCE! JUST ADD WATER!
"Shut up Jomes!" Drako's dad shouted.
"Yeah shut up!" Snake said preppily.
"No u shut up Dumblydore!1111" said Tom.
Alice: Shut up John Boy!
"I've had enough of u Satanists in my school!" shouted Dumbledore spuriously.
Johnny: So have we. Kill them.
Suddenly I grabed da iPod from him. "Evry1! Jump in b4 itz 2 l8! I jumped in2 it. But only 1 odder person jumpd in. It was...Satan.
Shania: I'm sure that one more paradox won't hurt the timeline that much.
"You dunderheads!1111111111" screamed Dumbledore wisely as we went.
Yuri: Is the narrative agreeing with us?
Johnny: Yes. A part of Tara's brain is trying to stop the insanity.
I looked around. I wuz in da Slitherin conmen room wiv Satan.
Alice: The DTs are kicking in.
I was wearing a blak plaid miniskirt with hot pink fishnetz, a sexy blak MCR corset and blak stiletto boots with pink pentagroms on dem. My earrings were blake Satanist sins and my raven hair was all around me to my mid-black.
Johnny: So time travel here is the opposite of the Terminator? You get a change of clothes?
Alice: Either that, or this time travel is more on par with Silent Hill's otherworld.
"Hey kool where iz dis?" he asked in an emo voice.
Shania: It's the Slytherin Common Room, you dolt.
"Dis is da future. Dumbeldore's iPod dat he tried to take away from me wuz really also a tim machine." I told him.
Yuri: Great, now she's doing his shtick.
"Kool what's an ipatch?" he whimpered.
"It's somefing u use 2 lizzen 2 music." I yakked.
Alice: No, it fixes the security settings on a iPod.
"OMFG kool wait whatz a 4-letter-wurd 4 dirt?" he esked in his sexah voice.
"Um I guezz sand?" I laid confuesdly.
Johnny: That is the wrong answer. The following words are correct:
"Yah I wuz just triinyg to make sure u were stil da same perzon." He triumphently giggled.
Shania: Dumb minds think alike.
Suddenly some of my friends walked in.
Yuri: Enter Stage Left!
"OMG you're fucking alive!" said Ginny wearing a blak leather jocket, blak baggy pants and a goffik black Frum First to Last shirt. I explained 2 her why I was alive.
Alice (Purple): I'm a Mary-Sue. That's all.
"Konichiwa, bitch." said Willow.
Johnny: She waved 'hi' with her middle finger.
She was wearing a blak corset showing off her boobs with lace all around it and red stipes on it. With it she waz wearing a blak leather miniskirt, big blak boots, white foundation, blak eyeliner, red eyeshadow, and blak lipstick.
Shania: The Golden Girls with Goths!
"Hey, motherfucker." Said Diabolo with his red hair.
Yuri: He regained some control of his former self.
He waz wearing a black P?ATD t-shit and blak baggy pants.
"Hey whose that, Ibony?" B'loody Mary questioned as she walked in wearing a black t-shit with a red pentarom on it with lace at the bottom, red letther pants with blak lace, and black stolettoes.
Alice: The room is having a blackout with the lights still on.
"Oh its Satan." I told her and she nodded knowing da truth.
Suddenly Satan started to cry.
Johnny: Like a normal person would after being displaced in time.
"Are you okay Satan?" we asked concernedly.
"OMFG ur from da future!1! What if u don't like m anymore koz were from difrent times?" he asked.
Shania: He's fine. Still as shallow as ever.
"No I still like you." I said sexily to him.
"Ok." He said ressuredly. I let him lizzen 2 Teenagers by MCR on my ipod while I was about to go outside to find out some fingz.
Yuri: Like finding the rest of her harem.
I gave Diabolo a signal to keep Satan occupied. Satan fell asleep.
Alice: Diabolo! No more sleeping potion!
I took the iPod. I was about to walk outside. Profesor Sinister ran in!1111
Johnny: The world is literally a stage, and all the people are horrible actors.
She was wearing a gothic blak minidress with depressing blak stripes, white and blak stripped tights, and red converse shoes. She was wearing LOTS of blak iliner.
Alice (Tara): I mean, she was made of eye liner!
"Oh my fucking god, where's Draco!111 How did Snap get back here! I tohot he wuz in Azerbaijan." I asked sadly.
Johnny: Our plot has fallen into a hole.
"Ebony I was so worried abott u but I know you can't fucking die because you're a vrompire. Snape came back because that girl Britney freed him. I never liked her she was a bad student." Trevolry said reassuredly.
Shania: I bet the real life Britney is probably the perfect woman.
Alice: Could cook various European foods…
Shania: Plays for her state soccer team…
Alice: Married a good man…
Syl: Isn't white…
Yuri: Piss off.
"That bitch!11 Did she also free Hargrid and Loopin?" I shouted angrily. I hated Britney because she was a fucking prep.
Yuri: Lay off with the insults! She's the best character in this damn travesty!
"Yes they are on the loose at this school. Dumblydore is back Cornelia is on his way to help evry1. Tell evry1 u see to lock themselves in their conman room!" Trevolry said worriedly.
Alice: Order is being restored? Don't worry, Purple will stop that.
"OK. But where's Dracko? How cum he was doing it with Snap?"
"I dunno why but I know he almost tried 2 commit suicide after he saw u almost kill urself." she said.
"OMG dat's terrible!" I gasped.
Johnny: Not really. The first two times ended quite well.
Satan was still asleep, so he couldn't tell what was going on. Then I said "Lizzen evry1, I have sumthing imptent to do. in hr evry1 stay!" wiv dat I ran out.
"Good luck Tara!11" everyone cried.
Shania: Her powers are going into overdrive!
Alice: She's going Super Sue!
I ran sexily down the staris in2 da Grate Hall while da portraits around looked at me scaredly.
Yuri: Rightfully so.
There was hardly ne1 else in the stairs nd tere was an atmosphere of horrer.
Alice: Because she was in it.
On da way I saw Britney laughing on da stairs.
Johnny: She finally discovered the perfect chocolate cake recipe.
She was wearing a a slutty pink shirt wiv flowers on it, a blu jean skirt Abercromie and pink stiletoos. She looked jest like a pentagram of those fucking preps Hilery Duff and Lindsey Lohan.
Shania: Said the woman who bought her wear at a sex store!
"You fucking bitch!111" I shouted angrily.
"No, your totally a bitch. Now Voldemort will like totally kill u!" she laughed.
Yuri: Good idea.
Alice: You're correct!
Johnny: You win!
Shania: A winner is you!
"Crucious!1" I shouted selectively pontificating my blak wand and she started screaming koz she was being tortured and I laughed sodistically.
Alice: Our hero. Laughs as she stoops lower than the villains.
"No!1 Help me!1 Please!1" Britney screamed terrifiedly.
Johnny: That's it, I'm going in!
Yuri: I wish we could.
I put up my middle finger at her. In her hand I saw da video camera Snape and Lumpin had used to take da video of me.
Shania: The storythreads are coming together.
I put the tape of Voldimort doing it with Hedwigg onto it. Then I continued to rown down the stairs with the camera. When I had reached da Grate Hall I saw Vampire Potter. "OMG Vampira!111" I yielded.
Yuri: Gender-blender. Sure, why not?
We hugged each udder happily. He locked at me wif his gothic red eyes and spiky blak hair. Around them were blak eyeliner and iShadow.
Alice: The gothic android's makeup. Exclusively at HotApple.
His He wus wearing a blak leather Jackson, ledder pants, a Panik at da Disko concert shirt and his blak congress shoes. He looked mor like Joel from Good Charlote than ever. (did u hear der song da river it rox!1)"I wus so worried you died!" moaned Vampire.
Johnny (Mud/Vampire): I thought I would have to think again!
"I know but Im a vampire lol. When I woke up I wuz back in 1980, so neway I bought Voldimort from when he was yung with me."
Shania: 1980, huh? Bite me.
Yuri: That's mine.
Shania: I don't care.
"Where's Draco?" I asked spuriously.
"Draco? You mean that fukking poser who betroyed you?" Vampir snarkled with anger in his sexy voice.
Yuri: You betrayed everyone.
"I NO BUT WE HAV 2 FIND HIM." I SED SMARTY.
Alice: ME THINK THAT CAP LOCKS ARE GOOD WRITING.
"I'll do it den." Harry said angstily.
Johnny: The miasma of Tara is finally wearing away. Things are finally returning to normal.
"OK." I argreed. Suddenly...all da lights in da room went out. And den...da Dork Mark appeared.
Shania: What, no note telling the joke?
Alice: I think she thought it was so clever, she didn't think it was needed to explain it.
"Oh my fucking satan!" Harry shouted.
"I fink Voldimort has arrivd." I sed anxiously. "Fuck, I have to find Draco!1 I guess we shood separate."
Yuri: Good plan. Increases your chances of dying alone and scarred.
"Ok." Vampire sed diapperating. Sadly I ran into the Great Hall.
Alice: She didn't save, heal herself, stock up on items, or even equip the best weapon. Good move.
AN: I fink after dis I wil hav abott 2 or three mor chapterz.
Johnny: Two will do. Don't bother on our account.
Fangz 2 all muh revyooers not das flamers if u flamed sis story den u suk!111111 if u flam den fukk u!111
Shania: Just one more message like that and we're done.
I walked sexily into the Great Hall. It was empty except for one person. Draco was there!
Yuri: Cue the overblown choir and the orchestra for the final boss theme.
He sat der in deddly bloom in his blak 666 t-shirt and his baggy blak pants. He had slit his wrists!111 I felt mad at him for having sexwith Snape but I felt sorry for him.
Alice: Make up your mind. It's the end.
He looked just like Gerard Way with his red eyes and his pale white face.
"Draco are you okay?" I asked.
Johnny: You're not dead, are you?
"I'm not okay." he screamed depressedly. I thought of the MCR song nd I got even more depressed koz that song always makes me cry.
Shania: Mmm…what'cha say-ay….
I gave him a pot cigarette and he started to smoke it.
Yuri: Just like in a videogame, his wounds heal, and the bloodstains fade.
"Oh Draco why did you do it with that fucking bastard Snape?" I asked teardully.
"I-" Draco began to say but suddenly Lupin and Mr. Norris appearated in2 da room! They didn't see us.
Alice: They didn't care.
"Im so glad we me and Snape were freed." said Loopin.
"Dam, this job would be great if it wasn't 4 da fukking students!" Mr. Norris argreed.
Johnny (Norris): Now why did I get a job at school?
"Pop addelum!111" I yielded angrily pointing my wand at them.
"Noooooooo!1" Lupin shouted as chains came on him. Mr. Norris ran away.
Shania: Hey, Johnny. Logos Brokos!
Johnny: My spleen!
"You fukking perv." I said laughing wiv depths of evil and depressedness in my voice.
Yuri: I think most people don't describe the hero of the story as evil.
Johnny: I mean, there are stories like that…but can we really call Purple a character?
"Now u have 2 tell us where Voldimort is or I'm gong 2 torture u!"
"I don't now where he is!1111" said Loopin. Suddenly Satan and Vampire ran in2 da room. Vampir didn't know who Satan was really.
Alice: It's really turning into a soap opera. This is the series finale, so all the characters run in, and die.
"Oh my satan, we were so worried about u guys!1" Vampire said. I looked sexily at Draco with his goffik red eyes with contacts, blak t-shirt that said 666 on it and pale skin like Gerord Way, Vampir with his sexy blak hair and red eyes just like Frank Iero and Satan who looked jist like Brandan Urie then.
Johnny: Say what you will…Attack of Clones…is better than this.
I selectively took the caramel from my pocket. And then... I began frenching Draco sexily.
Shania: No man can withstand the smell of caramel.
Johnny: I know!
Loopin gasped. Draco began to take all of his cloves off and I could see his white sex-pack.
Yuri: His pasty, mayonnaise and wonder bread pack.
Then Vampire took his own clotes off too.
Yuri: Go ahead. Just this once.
Syl: This reminds me of the end of the Yakuza game series. Two powerful men, one of them Kazuma Kiryu, take off their shirts at the Millenium Tower and duke it out. And this is like that.
Syl: Yeah. Yakuza is really good. This is really bad.
We all began making out 2gther sexily. I took off my blak leather bra, my blak lace thong and the rest of my clothes. Every1 took their glocks out except 4 me im a girl lol.
Alice: Please, holy story, kill her.
"Oh mi satan! Draco!" I screamed as he put his hardness in my thingy Den he did da same fing to Harry. I began making out wiv Satan and he joined in. "OMS!111" cried Vampire. "Oh Vampire! Vampire!" I screamed screamed. "Oh Satan!" yelled Harry in pleasore. Loopin watched in shock. Wee took turns doing torture curses on him koz we were all sadists. Suddenly...
Johnny: GOD STRUCK YOU DOWN.
...a big blak car that said 666 on the license plate flew strait through da windows. And Snap wuz in it!11
Shania: Run them over! Run them all over!
AN: well I hav noffing 2 say but evrt1 stup glamming ok!111
Yuri: But it needs glam!
if any gofik ppl r reading dis den u rok!11
Alice: And you should feel very stupid.
omg I stil kant wait 4 da movie!1 tom fleton is so hot lol i hop harry wil bekum gofik koz mi frend told me he iz rlly emo in dis book!1111
Johnny: This friend…really doesn't know what he or she is doing.
Yuri: SHE HAS FRIENDS?
omfg im leeving dubya pretty soon kant wait! Diz wil prolly be da last chaptah until I kum bak.
Shania: It is the last chapter! YAY!
"Dat's mi car!" shooted Draco angrily.
Yuri: Or it could be Satan's car. Same license plate.
But suddenly it was revealied who was in da car. It wuz...Snape!
Alice: As previously implied, it was Snape driving the car.
"I shall free you Loopin but first you must help me kill these idiotic donderheads."
Johnny (Snape): Ram your body into them!
he said cruelly from the car as it flew circumamcizing above us.
Shania: The air doesn't…
"Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way must be killed. Den the Dork Lord shall never die!"
Yuri: Good plan.
Alice: Go on.
Johnny: Be our guest.
Shania: What are you waiting for?
"You fucking prep!" yelled Draco. Then he loked at me sadly. "I forgot to tell u, Ebony. Snape made me do it with him. I didn't really have sexx him but he's a ropeist!"
Alice: Get it! It's deep!
We all put our clothes on quickly except Satan.
Johnny: Because he needed to die first.
We were so scarred!1 But Satan didn't change. Instead he changed into a man with gren eyes, no nose, a gray robe and white skin. He had changed into... Voldemont!111
Shania: Don't you just hate team autobalance?
Johnny: Not that it doesn't work here.
"I knew who thou were all along." he cackled evilly and sarcastically at me. "Now I shall kill thee all!" Thunder came in da room.
Yuri: There goes the budget.
"No plz don't kill us!" pleaded Vampire. Suddenly Willow, B'loody Mary, Diabolo, Ginny, Drocula, Fred and Gorge, Hargrid, McGonagall, Dumblydore, Serious and Lucian all ran in.
Alice: Great! Now they can all die!
"What is da meaning of dis?" Dumblydore asked all angrily and Voldimort lookd away (bcos dumblydore is da only whizard he is scared of.)
Johnny: That's correct. Now shut up.
He did a spell and suddenly his broomstick came to him sexily.
Volxemort flew above the roof evilly on his broomstik.
Yuri: Hitting his head on the roof, yeah.
"Oh my goth!" Slugborn gosped. (geddit kos im goffik)
Alice: It doesn't work because you're not Slugborn, you little dumbass!
Alice: I'm sick of this!
"The Dark Lord shall kill all of you. Then you must submit to him!" Snape ejaculated menacingly.
Johnny: It's not trying any more.
"You fucking preppy fags!" Serious shouted angrily.
"I know a four-letter word 4 dirt, CRUCIATUS!" screamed Harry but da sparks from his wand only hit Draco's car.
It fell down Snap quickly crowled out of it and picked up the cideo camera.
"Oh my fucking god!1" I cried becoze the video of me in da bathrum, the video of me dong it wif Drako and the video of Satan doing it with
Yuri: WHICH YOU RECORDED YOURSELF!
"If you kill me then deze cideos will be shown to everyone in the skull. Then u can be just like that goffik girl Paris Hillton." He laughed meanly.
Alice: THEY'RE ALREADY LIKE THAT!
"No!" I scremed. "FYI I hav da picter of u doing it with Loopin!11"
"Whats she talking abott?" Lupin slurped as he sat in chains.
Johnny: YOU DEAF?
"I saw 2 she's gunna show evry1 da picter!111" Harry shouted angrily.
"Shut up!111'" Lumpkin roared.
"Foolish ignoramuses!" yielded Voldemort from his broomstick. "Thou shall all dye soon."
Shania: JUST DO IT! KILL THEM!
"Think again you fucking muggle poser!1" Harry yelled and then he and Diablo and Navel both took out blak guns! But Voldimort took out his own one.
"U guyz are in a Latin stand-of!111" I shouted despariedrly.
Yuri: MEXIAN STANDOFF, YOU DOORKNOB!
"Acco Nevel's wand!11" cried Voldrimort nd suddenly Nevil's wind was in his hands. "Now I shall kill thee all and Evony u will die!11111"
Alice: STOP SAYING THAT AND DO IT!
He maid lighting come all over da place.
"Save us Ebony!" Dumbledark cried.
Johnny: SAVE YOURSELF, THE ONE WIZARD THAT VOLDERMORT FEARS!
I cried sexily I just wanted 2 go 2 the commen room and slit my wrists with mi friends while we watched Shark Attak 3 and Saw 2 and do it with Draco but I knew I had 2 do somefing more impotent.
"ABRA KEDABRA!11111" I shooted.
Shania: SHARK ATTACK 3 IS MUCH OF A COMEDY MOVIE…hey.
Yuri: It's over? It ends like that?
Alice: Yeah…I remember it cuts off here.
Johnny: We're done. Hehehehe…WE'RE DONE!
Shania: LET'S GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE!
"Thank god that's over!" Yuri shouted, after draping a wet towel on his head and taking a sip from a water bottle. "Hoo boy…that last part might have been worse than that story about Lenny and his ball."
"I don't think we can sink lower than that." Johnny said in a quiet voice. "That's a good thing, right?"
"Yeah." Wheezed out Yuri.
WHEEP WHEEP WHEEP
"Now what?" Asked Johnny. "Oh let me guess…the actual Tara Gilesbie is actually the evil force that captured Nicolai and Gilbert and now she's going to try to capture us and turn us into 'goths'. Am I right? AM I RIGHT?"
"Actually, no." Replied Alice, who she and Shania had ran in holding some papers.
"So what's the problem?" Asked Yuri.
"Tara Gilesbie has captured Nicolai and Gilbert, and now is trying to kill us for making fun of her story." Alice read off one of the papers.
"Makes sense." Johnny nonchalantly said.
"She should be contacting us…now." Shania pointed a finger to the descending screen. The screen fizzled for a couple of seconds, before showing…well, Ebony wearing whatever clothes she was wearing. I couldn't care less. After writing all that, my mind is fallen into a dark void.
"U preppy fags!" She said, in a perfect voice. "Huw dare u make fume of mi stroy! Its better thun yoru story!"
"I think she's talking about me." Said Syl, who reappeared with a can of root beer.
"Yut, you!" She said, while perfectly pushing back a strand of perfect hair. "Hurts of da Kingdumb', 'Grindline Luv', 'Luw Ut First Sught', 'ThAnk you', and 'Tales From Anuther The World'!"
"Those?" Syl sipped some good A&W. "I disowned them. Those were WAY back in the day when I was insane, and did some pretty damning stuff. Heck, even the first few chapters of this story are not that good."
"Hey, I just admitted to me sucking the big one! I have no shame!" Syl threw the can. It hit Ebony.
"You just blew up a spaceship with a empty aluminum can." Shania said, a mixture of both confusion and amazement in her voice.
"I tapped into a little bit of my powers for a single second to remove something annoying." Syl sounded like a bad actor; little volume and little emotion. "I'm going to leave now, and restore things back to normal." He vanished.
"Well…" Johnny blinked.
"Okay." Alice just said.
"We're back!" The screen shot down again, and this time both Nicolai and Gilbert were on screen. For once, Nicolai looked interested in what was going on. Gilbert was the one who spoke, and he continued. "Now, back to My Immortal…"
"Too late." Johnny said. "We just finished it."
"Really?" Nicolai smiled. "Oh. Gee. We missed out on watching you suffer."
"Oh well." Gilbert shrugged. "Let's start again!"
"WE GOT THE STORY SIGN! AGAIN!"
This was a pain to write. Like with Forest Passion, as the characters were breaking down, so was I. It turned into a large clustercrap near the end. I lost track of who the characters were, where are we, what time, and why the flying hell I should care.
I'm taking a break from writing this. Don't worry, just a small vacation to recover from this. I got other things to write.
Spend the word! Surely my ticket to fame and fortune is using MST3K tactics on My Immortal! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA