|The Word Of Your Body
Author: Katie 452 PM
Jesse and Rachel talk after the Run Joey Run fiasco. St. Berry fiction. Please read and review!Rated: Fiction K - English - Romance - Rachel B. & Jesse sJ. - Words: 2,005 - Reviews: 7 - Favs: 15 - Follows: 4 - Published: 05-12-10 - Status: Complete - id: 5965154
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Title: The Word Of Your Body
Summary: Jesse and Rachel talk after the Run Joey Run fiasco (she has a thousand questions from 'what are you doing here' to 'did our lives just turn into a musical' because she loves Glee Club but she's not delusional (life is most defiantly not a Cabaret)).
Spoilers: Up to and including "Bad Reputation"
Pairing: Rachel Berry/Jesse St. James ()
Authors Note: First Glee fic, please be kind.
Feed Back: I LOVE feedback, PLEASE send a little my way!
Disclaimer: I don't own … nothing.
She pulls her newly clean clothes from the dryer and tosses them into the waiting pink laundry basket covered in stars. When she's satisfied she's gotten everything she picks up her basket and starts off towards the stairs, "How do we look, honey?" her dad's voice stops her.
"You both look great." She says with a small smile. Her dads are going to see a play at the Community College tonight and are all dressed up in fancy tuxes. They will, of course, be over dressed for the production but they always talk about how little culture there is in a place like Lima and how sometimes you just have to make your own.
"Are you sure you don't want to come, sweetheart?" Her dads have been trying to pull her out of her sad mood ever since Jesse broke up with her three days ago.
She shakes her head a little, "No, I think I'll stay home and work on some school assignments and finish my laundry" they look at her skeptically but nod none-the-less. She smiles weakly before heading up the stairs.
She walks into her room and kicks her door shut behind herself before she sets her laundry basket down on her bed. She hits the play button on her CD player, releasing the disc inside from its paused state and as the music from Spring Awakening fills her room she hums along and hangs her newly clean clothing.
She's hanging a pink and black dress in her closet when her CD clicks over to the next song and The Word of Your Body filters out through the speakers.
Just too unreal, all this
Watching the words fall from my lips
She sings quietly. She doesn't hear the door creek open, or closed, and she doesn't see him when he moves to lean against the door frame. But she does hear his voice fill the small room and she jumps a little in shock before she turns to face him.
Baiting some girl with hypotheses
She wants to ask him what he's doing here, if maybe he's forgiven her, or if she could have another chance. But he's standing in front of her and he's singing and he's beautiful (just like his voice) so she swallows her questions hard and stares at his shoulder (because she can't look at his face – doesn't want to know if the sadness of betrayal is still etched there). So at the cue for the female lead to join in she stares at his shoulder and sings.
Haven't you heard the word of your body?
She glances around her room while he sings the next line.
Don't feel a thing, you wish
She closes her eyes for a moment, because she can hear bitterness in that line and she has to wonder if it's her he wishes he didn't feel anything for.
Grasping at pearls with my fingertips
She ghosts her fingers over her neck, wishing she was wearing a pearl necklace so she could make some kind of dramatic statement.
Holding her hand like some little tease
He reaches out and takes her hand, lightly, just barley holding it, but her eyes snap to their joined hands and as she sings she prays it means something.
Haven't you heard the word of my wanting?
O, I'm gonna be wounded
O, I'm gonna be your wound
O, I'm gonna bruise you
O, you're gonna be my bruise
Just too unreal, all this…
Her eyes fill with tears and she thinks she can feel him looking at her but she can't seem to look away from their still-joined hands and closes her eyes tightly (they wrinkle around the edges a little and a few tears squeeze out and start to tumble own her cheeks.
Watching his world slip through my fist
She tightens her hand around his a little and her dad's voice filers though her head (the best way to loose something is to hold on to tightly) and she thinks it's not bad advise but it's advise she's never been able to follow – she holds on to everything to tightly, and had hoped Jesse understood that about her.
Playing with her in your fantasies
He sings and she feels his thumb track lightly across her cheek, pulling tears away. She knows her voice is shaky when they sing.
Haven't you heard the word – how I want you?
Finally she blinks a few times and lets her gaze drift from their hands to his face and he's looking at her so intently that she wants to cry all over again (she feels every bit the drama queen he'd once accused her of being). They're looking in each others eyes as they sing words that she wish didn't hit so close to home.
O, I'm gonna be wounded
O, I'm gonna be your wound
O, I'm gonna bruise you
O, you're gonna be my bruise
He pulls his hand over his face and turns to the CD player, hitting pause before the next song has a chance to start. She tries to clam down, take deep breaths or whatever, but she can feel or self shaking and she's preformed in from of hundreds of people before and felt comfortable (ish), one person shouldn't be able to throw her this far off balance.
She glances down at herself and realizes that she's wearing black shorts and a green hooded sweatshirt with a peace sign and a music note on the front. Her hair is in a low ponytail and she's not wearing any make up. She wishes she looked different (better) at this moment…it's not new, most of the time she wishes most the things about her were different.
He turns away from the CD player and looks at her and she wants to say something (anything), she has a thousand questions from 'what are you doing here' to 'did our lives just turn into a musical' because she loves Glee Club but she's not delusional (life is most defiantly not a Cabaret). But for the first time that she can remember she can't think of anything at all to say.
"Your fathers let me in," He clears his throat "they were on their way out, they said I could come up." Jesse says. She nods a little and they sit in silence for a moment before Rachel finds her courage (and her voice).
"Why did you come here?" she asks quietly her head bowed down a little not wanting to jinx any chance she might have to salvage the relationship she gave up so much for and wants so (too) badly.
He pauses for a long moment, spends it looking at her and she's vaguely uncomfortable under his gaze, wondering what he's thinking. He finally lifts up a bag (it's hers, black with a bright pink star in the center). "I had some of your belongings…" he trails off when she nods, her lips forming an O.
He sets the bag on the bed and she smiles faintly as he pulls out the walk of fame style star that he'd bought her and had engraved with her name at the mall. "Jesse…" she takes a deep breath as he looks up at her, pushing his hands in his pockets. "Jesse, I want you to know how truly sorry I am for what I did. I understand how it could make you feel inadequate," she sees him wince but keeps talking, so afraid that she won't get a second chance "but that was never my intention. You are enough for me…more than enough…and I never meant to imply otherwise. And I defiantly never meant to mortify you in front of the Glee Club -"
She's taking a quick breath so she can continue on in her monologue when he cuts her off, "Then why do it, Rachel?"
"I told you, I have this pathological need to be liked and to be popular, and although I never have been, and probably never will be, when I saw myself last on the Glist, something in me just went a little crazy and I just had to prove to those people that I'm not who they think I am, and all I did was prove that I'm exactly who they think that I am…" She says it all just a little too quickly, words all jumbling together a little until they trail off at the end.
He smiles at little (despite himself) at her obvious insanity before he shakes his head, "Those people aren't important, Rachel -"
She cuts him off, nodding slightly while she speaks, "You said yourself, Jesse, when you spoke with people about me – people I've gone to school with for three years – most of them didn't even know who I am…or only knew that they don't like me very much." She looks down before taking a breath and continuing, "I know that in the rand scheme of things these people aren't important – that one day I'll be on Broadway and be better off because of my struggles. But right now, we're in high school, and being popular seems really important."
He sighs before he speaks, "Rachel, these people throw slushy drinks in your face and talk about you behind your back," she starts to interject but he doesn't give her the chance "You have to stop caring what people like that think and start caring about what people who actually matter think."
"Like you?" She asks and smiles shyly when he takes a half step towards her.
"I like you Rachel, a lot, but I won't be played like that. I gave up my chance at a forth consecutive national championship to be the man in your life and then you triple cast the part…I won't be in that position."
She closes her eyes for a moment before she speaks, "Although I believe that New Directions has the potential to be your fourth consecutive Nationals win," she doesn't see him roll his eyes "I understand that you sacrificed a great deal to be with me" she looks up at him, moving closer and nervously sliding her hand into his. "I am honestly sorry and hope that you can forgive me" she says, her voice all most childlike in its hopefulness.
Jesse slides his free hand up her arm, over her shoulder and neck until it rests on her cheek, his fingertips playing in her hair, he kisses her forehead softly and he can feel her shake as she lets out a relived breath. He smiles as he tilts her head up so he can claim her lips with his.
AN2: So, I thought I was all ready to resist the Jonathan Groff charm and stay firmly in Camp Finnchel but it turns out I am not as strong as I thought. As much as I've love for Jesse's motives to be pure I'm not holding my breath, but it was nice to pretend long enough to write this fic! :) Please Review!