|Happiness is Not a Riddle
Author: dance life away PM
MWPP. Rosalind Barlow receives a diary for her seventeenth birthday and proceeds to name it "Nora" for no particular reason. Nora becomes witness to her friendships, losses, and even some love on Rosalind's search for herself. ON HIATUS for an indefinite amount of time, possibly permanently.Rated: Fiction T - English - Friendship/Romance - Chapters: 3 - Words: 17,262 - Reviews: 2 - Follows: 1 - Updated: 12-14-10 - Published: 05-16-10 - id: 5975829
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Happiness is Not a Riddle
Summary: MWPP. Rosalind Barlow receives a diary for her seventeenth birthday and proceeds to name it "Nora" for no particular reason. Nora becomes witness to her friendships, losses, and even some love on Rosalind's search for herself.
Disclaimer: Guess what? I'm just a poor college student. I don't even own my own house. Like I own a franchise.
Interesting fact: this story's title derives from the George Gershwin song Slap that Bass. "...happiness is not a riddle when I'm listening to that big bass fiddle..." I would basically marry George Gershwin. He wrote the music, but then again, Ira did the lyrics and those are pretty awesome too. Either way, I feel like the phrase I chose for the title reflects the attitude that if you want to be happy, be happy. If you want to live, live. Life is what you make it. ETC. and that's an attitude I really like.
second interesting fact: the title for this particular chapter comes from Fiona Apple's song Never is a Promise. To be honest, I kind of just picked it- I hate titling things. So don't read into it.
Chapter Three: but never is a promise and you can't afford to lie
Monday, November 3rd
Sorry to end on such a note like that, about the dance...I still have no idea what to do. We were standing outside, laughing and talking and whatnot, when out of nowhere, Remus leaned forward and kissed me. I stood there, caught completely off guard, and jerked away with wide eyes. ...Then I kind of ran away. Well, not kind of; I definitely ran away. I have been avoiding him ever since, and have no clue what to do when we have rounds together on Wednesday.
"I don't know why you were so surprised," Lily commented after I spilled the beans to her and Emme. "It's so obvious how into you he is."
"And it's obvious you like him too," Emme interjected, and I started at her in shock.
"What on earth are you on about? Are you thick or something?" I asked. "It never even occured to me...I never..."
"Are you blind?" Lily asked, tone serious.
"I think she is," Emme piped up, and I hit them both.
Blind to what...Remus' advances? Because they were so not obvious, and neither are my apparent feelings for him. What the heck...people are stupid, especially my best friends. If I liked Remus, I think I would know, geez.
Lots of homework; professors have been piling it on, as if the first two months were just practice or something. No time to write.
Wednesday, November 5th
Today was probably the most awkward day of my life, and let me tell you, that is a feat, because I am an incredibly awkward person. For all the brains I've got in my head, there is certainly no common sense, and believe me, it shows. But tonight had nothing to do with that, just with the fact that I've been avoiding Remus like the plague and tonight we had to patrol together. At first, I tried to fake sick like a stupid coward but John told me to get my ass out from under the covers and face him like a man.
"But I'm a woman," I supplied, thinking I was being rather witty, but John only gave me the look.
And so I went. It was terrible, we were so quiet, we didn't look at each other or anything almost the entire time. What was I supposed to say? 'Uh, Remus, I didn't realize...I don't really like anyone, you see...Sorry if I lea you on...' and make an even bigger fool out of myself? And I didn't want to hurt his feelings - Remus is one of the coolest guys I ever met; I really enjoy spending time with him, because he makes me laugh but we talk about serious stuff too.
Oh my God...now that I think about it, it does sound as though I like him. But I don't...right? I don't know. bahhh. Anyway, the extent of our conversation last night was a "see you in class" before I bolted in the opposite direction. Now he probably thinks I hate him.
I don't like Remus Lupin. Well, I do, but not in that way. I don't like Remus Lupin. I don't like Remus Lupin.
P.S. My last two entries were almost entirely about Remus Lupin. Note to self: find something else to write about.
Friday, November 7th
I feel terrible. 'Thello wrote me a letter and I feel like an awful older sister, neglecting my duties while I have been off learning magical things and having fun with my magical friends, leaving my brothers in the dark. Well, I don't feel sorry about Mercutio, because he thinks I'm freakish and weird anyway, but I do feel sorry about 'Thello. Here's the letter he wrote:
ROSALIND JUDITH BARLOW,
This is Othello. I am writing to tell you not to call me 'Thello anymore because everyone at school has decided to call me 'O', not that you would know or even care, because you haven't written to me in ages. I am upset. I can't wait to go to Hogwarts next year, you know, like I said in my last letter, but all you did was say 'congratulations.' You didn't tell me anything about it, or how cool it is to be magical. Dad says you're just getting older and it's to be expected, or something like that, but I think he's lying because I know it makes him upset to.
So you should write. And tell me about Hogwarts. And make Dad feel like you're still his little girl or whatever it is you write to him about.
P.S. if you promise to write back I'll still let you call me 'Thello. Sometimes.
People call him 'O'? What is this, some stupid action film? God, he's turning into one of those teenage-y boys already. Merlin's pants...he's eleven. Where has the time gone? So anyway, of course I wrote back:
Mister Othello James Barlow,
I see that in my absence you have clearly grown up. The Othello I remember would have called me a poop head and threatened to eat my lipstick. I'm so proud.
Let's see...what is Hogwarts like? It's the most amazing place in the world (way to be vague, Rosalind) and it is always full of new surprises, even after soon to be seven years. I guess the first, most basic thing, to know is that students are separated into four houses, according to character. I dunno if I'm allowed to tell you this, but they stick a talking hat on your head and he decides which house you belong in. Obviously, I am a resident of the best house in the ENTIRE world, Ravenclaw, which is only for the witty/smart/studious. Some of us are boring, but don't worry, plenty of your own kind here too (that is to say, my beloved brother, that you are weird, as am I). Gryffindor is for the "brave" and "chivalrous", but that's code for reckless and stupid (most of the time, at least), and Hufflepuff is where most of the really nice people are, the so nice it's disgusting. There's also Slytherin, for the cunning and ambitious, but these days they're mostly dark wizards and blood purists, so don't worry about having to be there. I guess that's another thing I should prepare you for...there will be people in the wizarding world who think you are worthless, because your parents were not both magical, or because you don't come from a long line of inbred witches and wizards. They will call you awful names and demean you whenever they can, they'll think they are better than you, but 'Thello, don't believe a word of it. They are just backward people stuck in the ancient past. You are a Muggleborn but there is nothing wrong with that. They hate me too, if it makes you feel better, even though my birth mother was a witch.
The staircases move, the pictures move (and sometimes even talk). One of your professors can turn into a cat. The celing of the Great Hall mimcs the sky 's a giant squid who lives in the lake. Instead of playing football, they play Quidditch and zoom around on flying brooms. It'll start out as your home away from home, but then turn into your home and become your favorite place to be...so much so, that when you're my age, the thought of leaving and starting your life, while exciting, will make you cry.
Is that good enough? Tell Dad I'll write him later.
See you at Christmas,
I got a little teary-eyed writing it, actually. I can't believe, by some chance of fate, that 'Thello is a wizard. Maybe Dad is descended from Squibs or something.
Oh well, not gonna think about that right now. I have to go TA, and then tonight I have Astromony. Later.
Remus must have told his friends about what happened, about me and him and me running off and whatnot. I honestly can't tell if Sirius' look is because he's angry or because he's happy I'm not with anyone, and that scares me. He'd better stay away from me or I'll give him something to be angry about, that's for sure.
Okay, seriously, this is creepy. He keeps staring.
That's it. I can't take this anymore. I'm going to eat my dinner in peace and then finish up my homework in the safety of the Ravenclaw CR. Try and stare at me there, Sirius Black. (knock on wood...really don't wanna jinx myself or anything; you never know with those trouble makers).
Sunday, November 9th
Lily cornered me today. Damnit.
"So what are you going to do? Because James keeps pestering me and I'm tired of it," she said, frustrated. Well what the heck was I supposed to tell her? Oh yes, Lily, I have my entire life figured out, or better yet, I will figure it out at your convenience. Alright, so figuring out the mass of confusion surrounding this sandy-haired boy isn't "my entire life", but I'm a teenager, it is my prerogative to see every crisis as the end of the world, thanks. I mean, my mom always says that when you're young, everything feels like the end of the world. Thankfully, she always adds "it isn't". That's what she told me when I spent a week locked in my room after Alex broke up with me. It no longer feels like the end of the world...but that doesn't really make it stop hurting.
See, this is why even if I did like Remus, I couldn't date him, and is also why I can't. I am still so hung up on Alex. It's incredbily pathetic (but maybe not, when you really think about it). Two years...two years of my life romantically, and most of my life non-romantically, and I'm just expected to say 'oh, alright, I will now quickly move on and forget all about how much I loved you'? What is wrong with people? So all these thoughts were wizzing through my head and I said some mean things to one of my best friends, and I feel only slightly bad about it.
"Well Lily, what the fuck do you want me to say? Let me put aside everything just so I can help you," I snapped. "Sometimes, it's just not about you, okay?"
I then stormed away and she looked like I ran over her cat...twice.
To top it off, Sirius also confronted me today, except without words. He tried to push me into an empty classroom to talk to me, giving me that creepy look that's been occupying his face lately, but before he could really say anything I slipped under his arm and ran for my life.
I'm just too angry and frustrated for this right now. Like I really need this kind of stress on my plate right now, with my ridiculous amount of homework and my own confusion. I feel stupid because I never get to write in here anymore about just what I did on any given day, or even copy my assignments, because for the past week this crap has taken over my life. Whatever, I am so done with this. I'll write when this stuff if officially over.
Wednesday, November 11th
Tonight I'm going to talk to Remus and tell him to tell his friends to back off. It's not that I really minded him kissing me, like it wasn't bad or anything, but I think I've already made it clear to you, Nora, that I can't get into anything with anyone. Alright, well, I haven't exactly explained the details, but I figure I might owe it to Remus so I'll end up recounting it to you. Because looking back, I kind of did lead him on. Heck, I even convinced him to take me to the dance. We flirted in our own awkward, nerdy ways. And after realizing that, I also realize if Alexander Wallace weren't part of the picture, maybe that night would not have ended up with me running in the opposite direction. Aghhh. I hate what if scenarios. I hate the mess this has created. Maybe I should have just indulged Sirius Black in the first place, and maybe this could have happened sometime later when I could deal with it better.
history of magic
blah blah. I hate this class. I hate sitting awkwardly next to Remus when I haven't spoken to him in forever; it's so weird. It's even more awkward than having Lily on the other side after what I said to her on Sunday. I haven't said I'm sorry, dunno if I ever will, because even though it was rather rude of me, Lily can be self-centered at times. It's not that she never thinks about anyone else, but she can get caught up in herself and forget. It just gets so frustrating sometimes!
Look, I'm tired of you avoiding me. -RL
Great. Thanks for interrupting my venting and PRIVATE THOUGHTS. This is not one of those times when I'm basically vomiting words, okay?
I'm sorry for messing things up between us.
Look, I forgive you, but can we talk about this later, like on patrol? This will take a lot more than a little bit of space in my journal.
Shut up. I'm trying to take notes.
I mean it! LATER.
...Yeah, that's what I thought.
later, after patrol
So here's what went down:
"I really am sorry," Remus said as soon as met on the first floor. "I didn't know that-"
"Shut up and let me talk," I told him, interrupting his spiel. I understood he was sorry, and it wasn't really his fault. It wasn't anyone's fault, really, so forgiveness is easy to provide in this instance...even if it took me a while to sort things out.
"I didn't even realize I liked you until about yesterday, after lots of overanalyzing my every thought and action, and if I had noticed what I was doing, I would have stopped," I began. "It's not you, and it's not even me. Do you remember when you thought I had the hots for Sirius, and I said he wasn't my type, so you asked what my type was and I explained in depth...you said it sounded like I'd already found someone, but I replied that's what I thought too."
"Yeah," he answered uncertainly, probably hoping I wouldn't tell him to shut up again.
"His name is Alexander Wallace and we've known each other since my father got married and we moved to the neighborhood where we live now," I explained, and part of me wanted to cry because I couldn't believe I was about to divulge feelings I didn't really like to talk about. "I don't know when our relationship first changed, but we did start dating the June before fifth year began. He knew I was a witch; I told him when I first got my letter, before I knew I wasn't allowed to tell, and he was always okay with it. I thought he was perfect, heck, I thought he was the one, which now that I think about it, is an absolutely ridiculous notion. But anyway, we were really happy...until I came home over the summer and something was wrong. In August, he said we needed to 'talk' and we got into an argument about magic."
"I thought you said he was okay with the magic?" Remus asked quietly as we patrolled the hallways.
"I thought he was, too, before he found out about You-Know-Who and the war we're in. That's why we argued-he said he didn't want me to stay in the magical world, said it wasn't safe. Alex wanted me to, after graduating from Hogwarts, just marry him and live a boring, muggle life of safety with him. So, naturally, I told him he was crazy, and if he really loved me, he could never ask me to turn my back on something that's a part of myself. He said I must be crazy if I thought he'd let me be in danger that way. We argued and argued and everything fell apart after that. We broke up a few weeks later, about a week before I left for Hogwarts. He said maybe I wasn't as serious about him as he was me, that he wanted to settle down and marry me or something but clearly we didn't have the same goals," I kept rambling on, and I'm pretty sure I'd started crying.
"Which, you know, is complete rubbish. I'm seventeen years-old, why should I be thinking about marriage and children? Why would I ever want to be a muggle housewife anyway? How could he know me my entire life and think that's the kind of life I wanted? I mean, I'm no Gloria Steinem, but I face enough sexism in the wizarding world, why do I have to put up with it at home, too?" Looking back, I kind of want to hit myself at this point. I can't stand when someone blurts out their life story and innermost feelings. It makes me really uncomfortable.
You want to know what was even worse? Remus stopped, in the middle of the hallway, and so did I, confused, and he hugged. me. Why does he have to be so nice? Why do I have to be so hung up on Alex? Why can't humans reproduce asexually? Life's important questions.
"Rosalind," he said seriously, his voice muffled because his face was buried in my hair. I kept waiting for him to, I dunno, finish his sentence, but we just stayed like that for a while, and I really didn't mind.
I hate my life.
Thursday, November 12th
I wrote home to Mum about my conundrum. I can't wait for her to write back-she gives the best advice in the world. It doesn't matter what the problem is, who it involves...she always knows just what to say and what I should do. It's times like that I think it wasn't a bad thing my biological mother left, the times I honestly believe everything happens for a reason. But then other shitty things happen and I reconsider.
When did I become so pessimistic?
Sometimes I wonder why I chose to take this class. Most of the time, I regard this all as fakery. I suppose it's because there are some days, when I make a chart or do some sort of reading, I feel like there's something special going on, like maybe it's not fake.
"You have a diary?" Jessica sniffed, seeing my writing. Grrr—I really don't like her. People like her are the real disgrace to magic, their narrow-minded idea of it and who is allowed to wield its power. I try to imagine what kind of parents raise their children to have such thoughts, and it makes me sick to think of what else those families get up to. Followers of the Dark-Lord-Extraordinaire, no doubt.
"Actually, it's Nora," I informed her stiffly, hoping for a loss of interest on her part.
"You're a filthy, half-blood freak, Barlow; why else would the only decent member of your family abandon you?" she sneered, and seriously, I felt anger beyond the whipping-out-the-wand kind, and more towards the pounding-her-face-and-ripping-out-her-hair-with-my-bare-hands kind of feeling. Times like this I wished I could g back in time and tell my first-year self and tell her to be quiet!
"I'm a better person than you ever will be," I said simply, turning away from her and back to our latest project. Even if hurting her would make me feel great, it wouldn't be very logical to get myself in trouble over Jessica Avery…she's so totally not worth it.
Apparently being ignored really bothers her. Well, too bad. I'm the queen of ignoring people. So take that, Jessica.
Sunday, November 15th
I wonder. Would muggle school have been easier?
Answer to my previous question: even if it were, I'd be worrying about university right now and totally stressing out on top of crap like A-levels. Bring on the NEWTS, thanks.
even later...like ten minutes later
Lily and I just made up. Finally! She came up to me and apologized, because it didn't occur to her what kind of a time I was going through. She said she was sorry for not considering my feelings. So I said I was sorry for being so rude about telling her to bugger off. She laughed and we ended up sitting in the library together for the next hour going over Charms homework. I love my friends.
"So…what is up with you and Remus, then?" she asked after studying.
"I don't really know," I sighed. "It's confusing."
"Boys usually are," she agreed, cracking a smile. We laughed some more. It was good.
I have so much homework it is ridiculous. I don't know why I'm writing here instead of getting this stuff done. Focus!
Wednesday, November 18th
I am currently sitting in History of Magic dying. I'm trying to remember a) how I got a good enough mark of my OWLS to get into NEWT level and b) why I thought it would be a good idea to take NEWT level History of Magic. Definitely one of the worst decisions of my academic life! I mean, sure, NEWT level is better than back when everybody had to take it, but there is also significantly more work involved. And at this point, I am tired to discussing boring historical events, which overshadow much of the interesting parts of the curriculum.
Anyway, things are getting better. Life is less awkward. I am still awaiting an answer from my mother regarding my current life situation. I wonder what is taking her so long…she's usually very prompt. On the subject of letters, I should probably write home, babble on about life and send it to Dad. Part of my daughterly responsibilities, and all that. In fact, that sounds like a much better idea than taking notes right now.
Usually Hogwarts has excellent food, but today they are serving something I truly despise: split pea soup and some odd bowl of something (if I don't know what it is or what's in it, I'm not eating it). Great. Dinner had better be good.
Going off the Charms and the Potions. It's going to be a long day.
Noooooooooooooo! What is this, 'Serve Rosalind's Least Favorite Foods' day? CREAMED CORN EVERYWHERE….I can't stand creamed corn. It's smell has filled my nostrils and left me nauseous. I can't even look at, forget about eat, the delicious bread in front of me. Bleeeghhh.
Later, after patrol
Remus Lupin is officially a lifesaver. I explained the whole situation of my starvation to him while we were patrolling and he got the most peculiar smile on his face…so uncharacteristic of him that I would call it a roguish grin.
"Just wait until after we finish up," he explained. "I have a surprise."
"I don't really like surprises," I said warily, eyeing him with caution.
"You'll like this one," he assured me. What else could I do but trust him? And boy was that a good idea! Because guess what? Mr. Gryffindor Prefect took me down by the Hufflepuff Common Room and we snuck into the kitchens! That's what I call a good friend – one who breaks the rules to feed you.
Yum yum yum. I am deliciously full.
Thursday, November 19th
Mum's letter came today. I am mildly afraid to open it. Well, more than mildly. It's funny…I was waiting and waiting and waiting for this letter to come, but now that it has, I'm rather scared to read it.
I think I'll pretend it doesn't exist for a few days. Calm myself down and all that.
Sunday, November 22nd
Here's the letter:
To my lovely Rosalind,
I am very sorry to hear that you are in such a predicament. I know very well how you felt about Alex, and how he felt about you. I also remember how much you cried after you two fought and eventually broke up. The idea of being with anyone else scares you, and understandably so. Alex is the only boy you've ever dated and he was also your best friend from a young age, but in life, there are always going to be things that scare us.
When I first met your father, I didn't know you were part of the picture. I never asked, he never brought it up (good thing too, I might have run off), and so after we had been dating a while, you couldn't stay a secret any longer. I don't think I loved your Dad at this point, to be completely honest. We'd been together for six or so months, and we were pretty serious, but the idea had never really crossed my mind. So when he decided I needed to know about you, to meet you, it came as a shock to me. He looked me in the eye and said: "Anna, I love you and because of that, there's someone I need you to meet." Then he leaves, comes back down with a baby in his arms and tells me your name was Rosalind, that you were his daughter, and the most important thing in his life. I loved him in that moment because I saw in him such intensity that had never surfaced in our relationship before, and it scared me more than anything.
I'm ashamed to say this, but I essentially ran away and ignored your dad for a week or so before showing up at his doorstep, crying, saying that I loved him too and I was willing to love you. I knew things weren't going to be easy, and they weren't. I was scared because I had no idea what to do, I was playing second fiddle to an infant and I'd also end up an automatic mother to a child that wasn't mine. It wasn't my idea of the ideal, and I ran because I hadn't known how to handle it. But I mustered the courage to face that fear, and look at me now – along with Mercutio and Othello, you two are the best gifts life have ever given me, that I could ever have hoped for.
The moral of the story is that things will be scary, but that doesn't mean they aren't worth it. For instance, the idea of life without Alex at all terrified you but here you are, living a normal (albeit magical) teenage life without him because you had to. But it can also be rewarding to do those things because you want to. I'm not saying that you should go out and marry this Remus boy, but from what I understand from your letter(s), he's a very nice young man who cares about you, and that's a wonderful thing. The fact is you cannot sit around moping about Alex for the rest of your life, dearest. You must stand up, face the wind, and live your life again, without him, and still be happy. It's possible; it's more than possible! Alexander Wallace will not be the only man to love you, and you cannot let him be the only man for you to love.
What I'm saying is this: give this one a chance. Don't hide behind what scares you. In the end, you'll be better for it.
And that, Nora, is why I have the best mother in the entire world. I swear I teared up while reading this, just because it's so beautiful and inspiring. Don't hide behind what scares you. She's right – hiding behind the memory of Alex will not get me anywhere, but I think this is one of those things that are easier said than done.
Tuesday, November 24th
Today was uneventful. Did the whole TA shebang as per usual, luckily no tutoring lately. I think they younglings have realized I'm tired of repeating class and that's not what I'm here for. Ha!
Later, doing homework
It amuses me how I will say I'm doing homework when really I'm doodling in here. It's not very productive to write a few sentences on my Potion's essay but then go to you and start babbling about one thing or another. I mean, I guess it's kind of like a rewards system, but apparently not a very effective one. I'm going to hide you under the couch cushion until I finish this essay. Don't take it personally…hope it's not too dirty down there.
Thursday, November 26th
Lily Evans, of all people, has told me that this week I've spent too much time studying and not enough time with my friends. Lily Evans! Miss I'm-Head-Girl-Because-I'm-Such-a-Goody-Two-Shoes is telling me that I've been studying too much? Normally she's lecturing me for goofing off in prefect meetings and other things of the sort. Obviously dating James Potter has gotten to her, he's corrupted her! I will have to voice my objections…just kidding. Like I'm bothered by her becoming less uptight. I think it's good for her.
Lalalalalala. Sitting in the CR with John and Emme, looking through old Hogwarts yearbooks. You have no idea how amusing this is, Nora. There is a guy with the most ridiculous mustache I have ever seen from back in like 1860. I swear, he could hide an entire army in there. I wonder if there are Charms for that?
Ps. Clearly I am taking Lily's advice. Harharharhar. And apparently I had too much sugar today!
Saturday, November 28th
I have mused this week on the letter from my mother. I've really considered her advice…and, like almost always, I have reached the conclusion that she is right. As soon as I muster about the courage, I'm going to talk to Remus. Well actually, if I waited until I had the courage we'd be waiting forever. I'm a Ravenclaw, remember?
Later, in Hogsmeade
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna…fuck it, here goes nothing.
Here's how it happened:
I shoved you in my bag and kind of sort of pretty much pathetically ran after Remus and his group. Luckily, they did not notice and so I quickly smoothed my skirt and hair before making my presence known. James was off with Lily somewhere (corrupting her further, I suspect), and so it was just Remus, Sirius, and Peter. I know I never talk about him, but Peter seems like a really sweet, but really awkward kid. It's gotta suck being the oddball of the group, but it's what happens, you know. Every group has one. John, for example. Just kidding – it's really me. Anyway.
"Hey," I said as I caught up with them. "Remus, do you think I could talk to you?"
"Yeah, sure," he said, sounding pleasantly surprised (good sign, good sign) and turned to his friends to explain he'd meet up with them again later.
"So…." I began, my confidence faltering as it became just him and I. "Are you feeling better? I heard you were sick earlier this week."
"Yeah," he shrugged, and maneuvered us over to a bench to sit down, since I clearly was trying to make small talk. "I'll live. So what is it you want to talk about, or are you planning on discussing the weather, too?"
Ouch, he got me there. Awkward small talk is a no-no, though seriously, I'd worried about him. I'm not completely insensitive, goodness.
"Well, I'm not exactly good at the spoken word, as you know," I joked. "But I it's just that…Remus, I really do like you and I'm so sorry for—"
"You don't need to apologize, Rosalind," he cut me off. "I understand."
"Yeah, well, let me finish, will you? I was trying to say that I'm sorry for what happened at the dance and then afterwards, as you already know, but I've been really thinking about things for a while and I can't let Alex keep me from living my life, Remus, and I'm done with giving him that power."
"That's great," he said, looking as though he wasn't sure where this is going.
"Oh for heaven's, sake," I exclaimed. "Remus, if you're still interested, so am I. That's what I'm trying to say.
"You've to be crazy… if I'm still interested?" he asked stupidly and I felt my heart sink. "Rosalind, I've liked you since last term. If there was something that could stop me from being interested…honestly."
While I was sighing with relief, he leaned in and kissed me. Not hesitantly this time, and this time I certainly didn't freak out and run in the opposite direction. Instead, I kissed him back. In short, it was wonderful.
And now I'm on cloud nine, because even though it was unsaid, we are together now. We spent the rest of the day together. It was wonderful. I'm officially moving on! Gotta write my mother.
Tuesday, November 31st
It is the last day of November. I cannot believe how quickly these past few months have passed – in a few weeks it will be time for midterms and I will be at home for the hols. I'm thinking about digging out some of my old books to 'Thello, I'm sure they are in the attic somewhere or my closet or something like that for Christmas. I mean, I know he's probably not ecstatic for hand me downs or anything, but first of all, wizarding textbooks are not cheap and second, I have plenty of non-textbooks he might enjoy, like Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them. I think I even have Quidditch Through the Ages and the Tales of the Beedle and the Bard. After I got my first summer job, I went crazy on buying as many books about the world I lived in as possible (ha, and you may have doubted my validity as a Ravenclaw!). He'll like it. Because I say so…just kidding, he really will. I wonder what house he'll be in? I mean, Ravenclaw is obviously the best, so that's what he should hope for, but I'm trying to think of where else I could see him. Slytherin is out of the picture, as a muggleborn, and I think he'd make the worst Hufflepuff ever…so I guess Gryffindor or Ravenclaw it is for him.
Oh well, I'll just make him write me incessantly while I'm off doing whatever it is adults do. Working, probably. Specifically, I have no idea. While most of my classmates have either something lined up (oh the benefits of well-connected parents) or at least an idea of where or what they'd like to do, I am severely lacking in that department. I guess I'll just have to add "figure out what you want to do with the rest of your life" to my to-do list.
I can't believe I finally got this up...I honestly thought that I would never be able to do anything else with this fic because I had misplaced the flashdrive (I thought it fell off my keychain and I would never see it again). Imagine my surprise when it showed up in my backpack while I was searching for my lost debit card a few days ago. Expect an update on this and Weather Girl sometime after the 22nd, which is when the semester finishes and I get to return home. Flying seriously freaks me out - please pray that my plane does not crash, explode, become extremely delayed, etc, etc, etc so that I am not scarred for life.
Have a happy holiday everyone! God bless!