|Nothing Good About Goodbye
Author: phoenix-shalimar PM
He didn't know how long he could keep him alive any longer. Nothing he did made him come alive again. He was like a living ghost. His body full of sharp angles that could cut you deeply. His eyes looked right through you. He was never present. Kai.Rated: Fiction T - English - Angst/Tragedy - Kai H. & Ray/Rei K. - Words: 3,184 - Reviews: 4 - Favs: 2 - Published: 05-26-10 - Status: Complete - id: 6001041
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
I do not own Beyblade.
Nor anything associated with it.
This is purely a work of fiction and
in no way resembles the anime.
So don't sue k.
Hey duckies, Nyx here. I know i haven't uploaded in forever. It's been awhile since i've gotten any inspiration. This has taken me two days to write in between reading both Junjou Romantica and Hana Kimi manga. This is a very dark piece, and has no happy ending what so ever.
If you were looking for a fluffy happy fic, turn back now. You obviously clicked on the wrong button.
This is rated T for content.
Graphic scenes to follow, you have been warned!
Dedicated: This is dedicated to my oldest(friends for around 9 years) friend Jess. Thank you for coming over last night, even though it was only for a little while you helped cheer me up a little bit. You are the only person who knows practically all of my secrets, and who i trust wholeheartedly. Thank you for trusting me too, knowing you went through the same thing i did, it helped. And don't worry, i'll always be there to protect you from creepy guys in Cambridge, i'll beat them down with my sweet and sour pork. Love you!
It had been dark all day, the heavy black clouds had never once parted to let the sun through. Thunder rumbled ominously over head, lightning once again split the sky illuminating shadows for a split second before everything once again settled into darkness. As if on cue, the heavily pregnant clouds opened up and the rain not only poured down, it bucketed. In great torrents, the water spilled from over head. Puddles coalesced together forming small rivers on the deserted roads out in the country side.
With his head bowed and his shoulders hunched, Ray stared at the ground which was becoming slick with mud. It was easy enough for him to dig his slender fingers into the slick, soft mud underneath his hands. The mud squelched as his hands closed. Tears rolled down his high cheek bones becoming invisible against the rain that pounded down upon his slender body. He hated to leave his side. He had promised long ago that he would never leave him. So how could he possible leave just because of a little rain? Hunched shoulders shook in grief, large sobs were carried away with the howling of the wind. His chest felt like someone had punched a gaping great big hole in it and split his heart into tiny fragmented pieces.
It was impossible to tear himself away from the forgotten grave. A promise was a promise and he came here everyday. Even to the extent of losing his job because, this person, despite the fact that they were now dead and long gone from the world of the living, was important to him. He couldn't dare let go now. Closing his eyes he curled in on himself to better protect his fragile form from the harsh battering of the wind and rain. The wind moaned as it smashed into him, giving voice to the grief that lay so heavy inside him. Rain continued to pour down, heavier then before. See, even the heavens weep for your death.
Ray tried so hard to forget the feelings he felt when he wrapped his arms around his love, the tingles of desire that ran up and down his spine when he pressed his lips against his lovers. The way their breaths would mingle and join as one when they made love. Magic. Fairytale magic is what it was. Forbidden, Taboo, maybe. But still magic.
Kai sighed as he drove his black Hummer into the cemetery's small almost nonexistent parking spaces. He couldn't understand just why Ray appeared here daily, no matter the weather he would always be here. Sitting for hours on end at the grave of a long deceased man. Kai knew, without a doubt that if that man hadn't died when he did, he would have killed him himself. No, not merely killed. Tortured and then killed, and maybe quartered too. Turning off the engine he sat inside the safe confines of his vehicle. How stupid of him, to not bring the umbrella. Now he was going to have to get wet.
He couldn't even see Ray, the weather was far to fierce. Hounding upon his windshield with such force no sight was to be seen even with the wipers going full force. It was lucky that he had driven out here so many times that he could do it blindfolded.
He was at a loss as to what to do with Ray, he was a shell of the man he used to be. He was always a slender man, but now he was skeletal, his cheeks were sunken and his eyes couldn't focus on anything anymore. His hip bones jutted out above pants that barely stayed on, shoulder blades dented the back of his shirt like some dangerous weapon, and you could practically play the xylophone on his rib cage. Hands shaking he pulled out a smoke and lit it in three turns. He gripped the steering wheel so tightly his knuckles turned white and jutted dangerously out. It wouldn't be the first time if he popped a knuckle.
He was so tired, tired of caring for Ray and not having him get any better. 10 years of the same thing over and over again. The only thing that kept Ray alive was Kai's nightly force feedings. It pained him to do it, but Ray wouldn't eat any other way. It wasn't hard to pin him down and bind his hands and feet to the chair. Although getting him to actually open his mouth and not bite back wasn't easy. Kai still bore the teeth marked scars on his hands. Ray had even once managed nearly to chew through the delicate skin between his thumb and fore finger.
A fork of lightning illuminated the barely visible hunched figure for a all to brief instant. But it was time. Stubbing out his smoke in the cars astray Kai pulled the collar of his jacket up around the back of his neck, even though he knew it would do nothing against the downpour.
Leaving the keys in the ignition he braced himself as he opened the cars door and was immediately assaulted by the wind and rain. By the time he reached the end of the gravel park he was completely soaked through. Even his boxers were saturated. Water plopped off his nose and clung to his eyebrows and eyelashes, dripping into his eyes every time he blinked. He moved slowly as the chance of him tripping over something was very high, especially with no visibility.
Kai's body shook and his teeth chattered from the cold. He had only been walking slowly for a few minutes and already he felt like he was incased in ice. Every step was calculated carefully. One wrong move and he could be down with a sprained ankle. And then he'd never be able to physically force Ray into the car. Sighing he wound his arms around his torso hoping to at least keep some warmth inside himself. Once he got Ray home, he would throw him into a steaming hot bath and hold him in it until the water went cold.
The last thing he needed to deal with was Ray getting sick. He was already working at home far too often as it was, as CEO of the Company he should be the one there first thing in the morning and last person left at night. He was not a babysitter damn it!
Ray was his friend, a very close friend. But Kai couldn't keep him alive for much longer. Not by himself, anyway. And certainly not if he had to run the Company as the same time. The days that he did spend at the Company made him stress and worry over Ray. Over the fact that he knew Ray would spend all day sitting at the grave of a man who never deserved his love. And then after a 15 hour day he would have to take a hour detour to the cemetery and waste energy he really didn't have getting Ray into the car and home, bathing him, tying him to a chair and force feeding him before strapping him down to his bed and locking the door. And after all that he would find time for 2 1/2 minute shower, grab something, anything from the fridge stuff it down his throat and fall asleep on the couch while watching the 12:30am news and wake up 4 hours later.
Kai's shivering increased, whatever he was feeling Ray's more fragile body would be getting it worse. He needed to find him and fast. A loud booming roll of thunder rolled over top of him shaking him to the core. He was far to wound up to be looking for Ray in zero visibility. He just might kill him once he found him. A fork of lightning lit the night sky for that split second. His eyes found Ray at that exact moment. He was no more than 5 feet from his prone form. Idiot!
In a few long strides he was able to gently nudge Ray's body with his foot. Growling low in his throat Kai leaned down and gathered Ray's all too light body over his shoulder, standing up he made his way slowly and carefully back to the car in what he hoped was the right direction.
He found his way back far more easily that he suspected that he would. The constant battering of the elements didn't faze him as much not that he had been out in it for at lest 15 minutes now. He was far too numb to even feel the coldness that seeped into his very being. Ray's body was limp against his back, which was a good thing, meant he wouldn't have to fight Ray to get him in the car and then into the bath.
The rain meant driving back home took an hour longer than it normally would have if he had been able to see clearly. He didn't believe in global warming but if this weather didn't lessen up soon he just might have to. Squinting into the oncoming onslaught left him with a terrible headache, making him wish his glasses weren't still at the office. Not that they would have done him any good with the visibility issue he was having.
The further away from the cemetery he drove, the further the away the thunder rumbled, the less the lightning could give him small glimpses of what was in his path. He just wished the rain would recede as well. The sound it made when it hit the Hummer was deafening, he couldn't even hear his own breathing. Nor clear his head well enough to think properly. Growling under his breath Kai cursed Ray to the heavens and back down to hell. It was all his fault that he was out in this insufferable weather after all.
Kai pulled the car to a stop outside his house. Well, at least he hoped this was the right house, after all it wouldn't be the first time in weather like this, that he's walked in to someone else's house by mistake. Embarrassing and awkward, especially when Ray's slung over his shoulder. He knows what they all think of him. He's the gay tenant. The one who dresses immaculately, keeps his lawns and gardens tidy. Never has rowdy house guests. Is always curt and polite when spoken to. While it may be true that he had had his fair share of male lovers, he had also had many female lovers as well. Some times one of each at the same time. But, he never brought them home. They never knew where he lived, it was always a few hours or so in a luxurious hotel room that he met them. Always secret, always at night once he had locked Ray up securely in his room.
Stepping out of the car he was instantly assaulted by the weather. It was a good thing none of his clothing had dried. Feeling his way around to the passenger side he made sure to place his footing securely before moving forward. Slipping now would not only be embarrassing, but painful. Ray's body was slumped down almost on the floor. He looked far too pitiful. Kai couldn't imagine living like that. Hoped he never would have to, after all there wouldn't exactly be anyone who would go the distance to look after him like he looked after Ray. People were selfish, there was nothing wrong with it. It is just the way it is.
It was far too easy to get Ray inside, the only movement he made was the slow rise and fall of his chest with his breathing. Laying him down on the cold tiled floor of the bathroom, Kai put the plug in the large bathtub and turned the hot tap on and water while the steaming water filled the porcelain tub. His body shook with shivers as he paced the length of the large bathroom waiting for the tub to fill up. As he paced he removed his sodden clothing layer by layer. The heavy wool cloak fell with an unmistakeable thump to the ground. His muddy shoes lay near the door. unbuttoning his shirt he flung it off to one side while turning his attention to his belt buckle and removing his pants. The white singlet was the hardest to remove, it clung to his body like suction cups and took all of his strength to pull if off over his head.
Standing in only his dripping wet boxer shorts, he turned the hot water tap off. Placing a couple fingers in to test the water. If felt like his fingers were on fire. Good, the temperature was just right. He knelt down next to Ray and started undressing him. It was harder to get Ray's clothes off then it was to remove a plunger suctioned to the tile wall. Finally Ray's clothes lay in a pile beside him, he picked him up as if he was a small child. Ray's body looked like a skeleton that someone had tried to make human by sticking skin and a wig on it. He could feel Ray's rib bones sticking into his bare chest. His elbows and knees jutted out at dangerous angles and his clavicle looked as if it could slice your throat like a knife through softened butter.
His face was long, his chin ending in slight point, his cheekbones were prominent and the focal point of his face. Cheeks and eyes were sunken, as if they had just collapsed. Every inch of skin on his body was pulled taut as if someone had just come along and pulled tight. His genitals had shrunk and receded. They resembled that of a small boys.
Kneeling beside the tub with Ray's body still in his arms, he slowly lowered the skeletal being into the steaming tub. Ray's eyes widened as his body was submerged into scalding water. But he made no move nor sound otherwise. Taking a deep breath Kai placed a hand on the top of Ray's head and exerted pressure until Ray slowly sunk underneath. Instead of letting go and dragging him back up Kai held on tightly forcing Ray to stay underneath.
Ray's head moved back and forth as he both expelled and breathed in the bath water. Bubbles formed around his mouth and rose to the surface like that of a boiling pot. Ray's arms and legs thrashed about frantically, often catching Kai in the arms and torso as he battled. Water spilled out of the tub scalding Kai with an intensity that made him hiss in pain. Time seemed to slow down, or maybe it sped up, he wasn't quite sure which. But gradually, Ray's flailing body slowed, his movements became sluggish and lethargic before they finally stopped moving. His arms floated by his sides eerily, Kai removed his hand and Ray's body stayed under, floating not quite at the bottom, but not close to the surface.
Standing, he observed the macabre scene. Shaking he backed out of the room hastily. Running a hand through his wet hair and down over his face, he stumbled down the hall and towards the front of the house. His knees shook, his head swam. He felt dizzy and nauseas. And barely made it to the kitchen sink in time to empty the contents of his stomach. He was horrified. Filled with dread. There was a buzzing in his ears. Everything spun around him, he had to get out. What was he supposed to do with a dead body floating in his bath tub? How was he supposed to explain? He could say that he didn't remember doing it, but that was a lie. He could see over and over again in his mind, Ray fighting him, struggling to breath. His body shook harder, he could barely move one step at a time. He had to sit down.
Crumpling to the floor was the best he could manage. He was numb, deadened. Was this what Ray felt like? Was this how he lived day to day?
He wasn't sure how long he had been lying on the floor. He couldn't feel his body, it was like he was floating, hovering just above it unable to move. Dimly somewhere at the back of his mind, he registered that someone was at the door. And that the rain had long ago stopped. He thought that sun might even be up, but he wasn't sure. He could barely see anything, despite the fact that his eyes were open. He figured he would just lay here until he ceased to exist, or something as pitiful as that.
His best friend, was dead. Dead! And he had done it, with his own hands. Hands that he had once used to caress lovers and bring them pleasure. Hands that were now marked with death and blood.
Like i said. A dark fic with graphic scenes.
This was in no way intended to have a happy ending. It started out like this and it was only ever going to end badly. I wasn't intending on having Ray killed at the start but as i progressed further, i knew that he had to die.
Please review and let me know what you thought. There shouldn't be any spelling mistakes in this but if there is i apologize.