Author: fembuck PM
Cara reflects on change, and how her life has changed since she started traveling with Richard, Kahlan and Zedd. Cara/Kahlan, Cara/Richard, Cara/Kahlan/Richard, ot3Rated: Fiction M - English - Romance/Drama - Cara & Kahlan A. - Words: 4,756 - Reviews: 2 - Favs: 39 - Follows: 3 - Published: 06-05-10 - Status: Complete - id: 6026974
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Fandom: Legend of the Seeker
Pairing: Cara/Kahlan, Cara/Richard, Cara/Kahlan/Richard
Warning: threesome, ot3-ness
Disclaimer: I don't own them.
Summary: Cara reflects on change, and how her life has changed since she started traveling with Richard, Kahlan and Zedd.
Note: Approximately seven of the ten pages of this story are Cara/Kahlan centric, but there is mention of Richard, relations with Richard, and Richard's peen (especially at the beginning), so if you are diametrically opposed to wang this might not be for you ;)
The Lord Rahl was a man and men had needs.
Cara was a good Mord'Sith and she took care of her Lord's needs.
They were discreet about it, but it wasn't shame, at least on Cara's part, that necessitated the discretion as much as it was consideration for the Mother Confessor's feelings.
As such, they usually took care of things when they were hunting.
Richard would stop walking, and standing with his back ramrod straight he would say Cara's name with a raspy quality to his voice that only meant one thing.
Cara would stop walking and reached behind herself, expertly unlacing the ties that held her leathers together. She would turn around and her eyes would meet his. She would smirk and then drawl, "Lord Rahl," slowly before she began to walk towards him, deliberately and sensually, peeling off her leathers as she moved.
When she reached for the laces holding his pants together her eyes would be on his, but when she took him in her hand and began to stroke him her head dipped until he could no longer see her eyes and then she closed them and allowed her mind to wander as he hardened in her hand.
At the beginning of their travels together Cara thought about her sisters as she stroked him. She remembered peeling red leather from their bodies to reveal firm breasts with tight, hard nipples. She thought about how tantalizing her sister's pussies looked from behind when she bent them over and made them spread their legs, exposing their pink, swollen, glistening flesh to her. She remembered how breathless it had made her when her fingers slipped inside of them and they moaned wantonly, their inner-muscles clamping down on her and claiming her fingers for their pleasure.
By the time the Lord Rahl was ready to take her, Cara's thoughts had always more than prepared her to be taken.
As their travels had gone on however, Cara found her fantasies changing.
It was a slow process at first. She had continued to think of her sister's, but every once in a while there would be a flash of a new face in her mind, Kahlan's face. And as time when on the flashes lasted for longer and longer stretches of time until most of the time Kahlan was her entire fantasy.
The change had disturbed Cara at first, not because her thoughts were about the Mother Confessor, but because of how her thoughts had changed because they were about the Mother Confessor.
Cara still thought about tight, hard nipples, but when it was Kahlan in her head, Cara imagined herself taking the hard buds gently into her mouth, sucking on them until Kahlan sighed softly and lifted her hand to Cara's head, tangling her fingers in her hair as she murmured tender words of encouragement.
When it was Kahlan's image in her head, Cara still thought about her fingers slipping into wet, waiting flesh, but she saw herself looking into Kahlan's eyes as she entered her, watching how they widened with pleasure and then closed as the Confessor's lips parted and she moaned.
When she thought of Kahlan, the fantasy of the woman's breath and lips on her neck as she clutched at Cara was as exciting to Cara as the fantasy wet, swollen lips, lewdly parted and waiting for her had been when she thought of her sister's.
When it was Kahlan's image in her mind, by the time the Lord Rahl was ready to take her Cara's thoughts had prepared her so well for him that she often found herself anxiously tugging down his pants and pushing him to the ground, eager to sate the arousal pounding madly through her.
When they first embarked on a sexual relationship Cara set the pace and the position, which suited her just fine. However, as the Lord Rahl became more acquainted with intercourse and with her body, he politely started to exert his will more and Cara accepted this as well. Richard was a considerate lover, but more importantly he was a fast learner and quite skilful and when she consented to give him control, he always brought her pleasure.
Serving the Lord Rahl had always been a Mord'Sith duty, but Richard was not Darken Rahl, and Cara found a sense of fulfilment when she was with Richard that she had never experienced with Darken Rahl though Darken Rahl had been practised enough to make her climax.
Richard thanked her after they were done, and he held her close afterwards even though such actions were not necessary. He inquired whether she had reached completion, and he watched her and listened carefully to determine the honestly of her response. If she hadn't climaxed, despite the fact that he was satisfied, Richard would always tend to her, using his fingers or his mouth to bring her to orgasm.
Being with Richard was more like being with her sisters than was like servicing Darken Rahl. She enjoyed their time together and after the first few encounters she stopped thinking of it as a duty and began to think of it more as a benefit of friendship, as such relations had been at her temple. As a woman Cara also had needs, and it pleased her to satisfy her desire with Richard instead of clumsy farmers.
They went on like this for months, finding a time in the woods once or twice every week to be together. It was a very agreeable arrangement and Cara was pleased with it, but as with all things they could not carry on exactly as they had been forever, and at the Pillars of Creation things had changed.
Cara had not been certain how much the Mother Confessor remembered about her time under Confession. Mord'Sith that were confessed never lived long enough to see the death of the mistresses and so no Mord'Sith had been able to relate what the experience of being confessed was like. However, Cara soon learned that a confessed person remembered everything.
Over the past months Cara had come to have some appreciation for the new feelings that were emerging within her. She enjoyed the feeling of peace and contentment that suffused her when Kahlan would wrap her arms around her in a hug, or would take her hand in her own when they were walking. She enjoyed the trust in their eyes when they looked at her. She liked that she could kick the wizard awake while holding her agiels and when he looked up at her he simply frowned and muttered crabbily instead of scrambling backwards while his hands searched for something to throw at her.
She did not have any appreciation for the feelings emerging within her that evening at the Pillars when they made her eyes start to water and her chest constrict, however.
She had been forced to accept that he had love for Richard when she was traveling with the wisp, and Kahlan's failure to confess her that very day had forced her to admit that her feelings for the Mother Confessor went beyond that of friendship and respect.
She cared for them both and she desired them to be happy, but watching the joy on their faces as they realized that they could finally be together as lovers that evening had made Cara feel has if she had been kicked in the chest by a particularly muscular donkey and she had removed herself from her traveling companions presence as soon as possible.
Change was coming.
Cara could feel it in the air and she didn't like it.
Change always brought pain, and loneliness and confusion.
She was Mord'Sith. She liked order. She liked routine. She liked consistency. She did not like change.
She was content with her life as it was and she did not want it altered.
As much as she met Richard's needs, he met hers and she knew that the time they spent together in the woods would come to an end now that Kahlan was able to pleasure him without stripping him of his freewill. She should have been happy for them, but Cara now knew what it felt like to be with someone who cared for her. She now knew what it was like to feel a person's affection for her in the way they touched her and kissed her and held her. She knew what it was to see trust and warmth in someone's eyes as they found satisfaction with her, and she did not want to go back snatching empty moments of bodily pleasure with strangers.
The enviable loss of Richard's touch upset her, but it was the thought that she would lose Kahlan's touch as well forced Cara to take a seat on the ground, draw her knees up, and wrap around her arms around them as she tried to gain control of her breathing which had become erratic.
She knew that Kahlan and Richard avoided more than basic physical contact with each other so that they wouldn't tempt themselves into potentially will-threatening behaviour. Occasionally they would hold hands, sometimes when they were walking Kahlan would lean over and kiss him on the cheek, and when they were forced to part they would clasp hands and kiss on the mouth for few seconds before slowly pulling away. But they did not sleep in each other's arms at night, nor did they lounge by the fire draped around each other. They did not bath together or help each other dress. They couldn't lest they be tempted to touch more.
However, Kahlan was a tactile person. She liked to touch. Physical contact comforted her. She was nourished by the feel of another's body next to her own. Confessor's were not trained to be void of affection and to view it as weakness as Mord'Sith were, and from listening to Kahlan talk Cara knew that growing up among the Confessor's hugs and kisses and hand holding among them had been quite commonplace, and from the longing in her voice she had known that Kahlan missed the contact.
Cara would never be as open to Kahlan's displays of affections as her Confessor friends had been, but as they had gotten to know each other better and Cara's feelings for the Mother Confessor had deepened, she had allowed Kahlan certain privileges with her body just as she allowed Richard liberties denied to others.
At night, when Kahlan needed to feel the presence of another body next to hers, Cara allowed the Mother Confessor to press herself against her and she would wrap her arms around the brunette, holding her securely.
After a long day of travel when Kahlan flopped down onto the ground beside Cara, the Mord'Sith allowed the Confessor to rest her head on her shoulder and did not protest when Kahlan take her hand into her own.
When they came across a body of water, Cara would slowly and gently run her hands over the Mother Confessor's shoulders and back, cleaning and comforting her with her touch, and would then turn and allow Kahlan to tend to her the same way.
When they had enough to coin to stop in tavern when they passed through a village, Cara allowed Kahlan to sit pressed up against her, and after a drink or two when the Mother Confessor would lean over and impulsively kiss her cheek, hug her or take possession of her hand, holding it tightly for minutes upon minutes, Cara simply sighed and let her do as she pleased.
Cara was not one to thank Kahlan for the touches as Richard always thanked her for the closeness she granted him, but Cara did appreciate the contact, and as time had gone on she had come to crave it.
She did not want that change. She did not want to be denied the feel of Kahlan lying half on top of her at night, or the feel of Kahlan's lips on her cheek, or the gentle stroke of Kahlan's thumb against the back of her hand as they walked together.
The thought that Kahlan wouldn't need her for such things any more, in addition to the knowledge that Richard wouldn't need her any more, left Cara shaken and upset, and as she stared out at the desolate expanse of sand surrounding her she cursed the day she had started traveling with them.
She didn't know how long she was staring out at the sand but it must have been a while because Kahlan came looking for her.
"There you are," Kahlan said as she moved beside Cara and took a seat.
Cara said nothing.
The sound of Kahlan's voice was like tiny razor blades slashing at her flesh.
Kahlan reached out and took Cara's hands in hers.
Cara felt as if she were taking an agiel to the heart.
"You love me," Kahlan stated softly.
Cara said nothing. She was alive which meant she obviously did.
"Why didn't you ever say anything?" Kahlan asked shifting so that she was crouched in front of Cara and could see something of her face though the blonde was making a concerted effort to avoid looking at her.
"I'm not in the habit of pointing out useless things," Cara muttered tugging her hands to free herself from Kahlan's touch, but the Confessor's arms flexed and she managed to hold on.
"Useless?" Kahlan repeated, confused. "Why would telling me how you feel be useless?" she asked pressing forward until she was practically sitting in Cara's lap.
"You love Richard," Cara said breathing in deeply and turning her head to the side to avoid Kahlan's searching gaze.
"I don't understand, Cara," Kahlan said gently, her bewilderment clear in her voice. "Why would how I feel about Richard have any impact on how you feel about me?"
"You're committed to him," Cara snapped finally turning around so that her fiery green eyes were burning into Kahlan's. "Why should I have admitted to feelings that you could never return?"
Kahlan blinked once, and then breathed in sharply before blinking again as she bit down on her bottom lip.
"Cara," Kahlan finally said, releasing one of the blonde's hands so that she could reach for her face.
"No," Cara said belligerently, jerking away from Kahlan's touch as she awkwardly tried to rise. "Do not coddle me," she continued trying to pull her arm out of Kahlan's grasp more forcefully now. "I don't want your pity."
"It's not pity," Kahlan said rising with Cara, struggling but managing to keep hold of her left hand. "I love you, Cara," Kahlan declared, her eyes on Cara face so that when the blonde looked up at her she could see steadiness and confidence of her gaze. "I love Richard, yes. But I love you too, and the way I feel about him is no greater, nor more special than I the way I've come to feel about you."
Cara looked up to meet Kahlan's eyes and held them for a moment, searching for something placating or insincere in them and finding nothing.
"It is," Cara insisted despite the truth she saw in Kahlan's gaze. "All you go on about is wanting to have his babies," the blonde complained, struggling to verbalize that while she was new to feelings she knew that the love one had for a friend and the love one had for a lover were different, and that when they were put in competition, the lover always won.
"If I could, I would have yours as well," Kahlan replied calmly, her eyes never straying nor even blinking as she looked at Cara.
Cara exhaled loudly and her eyes shifted around from side to side for a moment as she tried to process Kahlan's words.
"What?" she finally choked out, sounding just as lost and confused as she felt.
Kahlan smiled at her gently and finally released Cara's other hand so that she could take the blonde's face in her hands.
"I love you, Cara, very much. I want to kiss you, and make love to you, and lay in your arms."
"No," Cara said though she didn't sound certain. "You want those things with Richard."
She was certain of that. She'd heard Kahlan talk about it enough.
"I want those things with you too," Kahlan said, punctuating her statement by leaning forward to kiss Cara gently on the lips.
The feel of Kahlan's lips on her own undid Cara for a moment, and she found herself relaxing into Kahlan's hands and opening her mouth to the brunette, allowing Kahlan to deepen the kiss until Cara was moaning into her mouth.
"So, you love me, and you love Richard, and you want us both," Cara said breathing heavily when they pulled apart, trying to get what Kahlan was staying straight in her head.
"And you love me, and you love Richard, and you want us both," the brunette said stroking Cara's cheek, verbalizing the truths that Cara would speak.
Cara opened her mouth to protest that, but a look came into Kahlan's eyes that made Cara clamp down on the words before they could escape her lips.
"I know what you two have been doing while out 'hunting'," Kahlan said.
Cara's back straightened and her lips parted to speak. Her chest felt tight and she had a powerful urge to explain her actions even though her mind told her she didn't need to explain anything.
"It's okay, Cara, I'm not upset," Kahlan breathed out before Cara could speak, her eyes skittering away from the blonde's evasively for the first time since their conversation had started.
A sudden understanding seized Cara and her green eyes widened as she gazed at the brunette.
"It was your idea wasn't it?" Cara asked though her tone suggested she already knew the answer. "Richard never would have approached me without your consent," she said more and more certain of her words with every passing second.
She didn't understand how she hadn't realized it before. She sometimes found herself bending to the Confessor's will, but Richard had next to no ability to defy Kahlan.
Kahlan sighed softly and nodded.
"He tried to hide it from me, but I could see the way his pants bulged occasionally and the shame in his eyes as he 'went to fetch water or berries' or whatever excuse it was he used to take care of his needs," Kahlan began softly.
"I thought once, that perhaps if I simply touched him and he didn't touch me that ... but a Confessor's life is dedicated to others and his seeing his pleasure, feeling it in my hand ... it threatened my control too much to continue," Kahlan related softly, not missing the way Cara's breath had increased and her pupils had dilated as she no doubt pictured what Kahlan was describing in her head.
"I knew we couldn't go on much longer as we had been, and then you came along," Kahlan said softly stroking Cara's cheek fondly.
"He trusted you and cared for you, and I knew if he thought it was okay with me that he wouldn't be able to resist you. In those early weeks together I saw the way your eyes studied him hungrily before you stalked off to find more convenient prey and I knew you wouldn't resist him either," Kahlan related, her breath hitching a little as she remembered the look Cara used to get in her eyes.
"I know you'll think me ridiculous, but it worried me how you would go off without any knowledge of the men or women you took with you on those nights."
Cara looked surprised, and Kahlan allowed herself a small smile. She had been trained to notice everything, and when Cara was in the mood for pleasure she was not especially stealthy or subtle, and Kahlan was not sheltered to the point where she had never heard of relations between women. She had had to gentle disentangle herself for one or two that she had confessed in the past, and from the way her body had momentarily reacted to them she knew that there was plenty of pleasure to be found in a woman's touch.
"I thought," Kahlan continued, brushing her thumb against Cara's smooth cheek once more, "that it would be better for all of us, if things ... if we ... if kept things ..."
"In the family," Cara finished for her seeing how Kahlan was struggling to find the right words.
Cara understood Kahlan's reasoning. It was a principle she had grown up with. She just never thought that Kahlan would have held such pragmatic views.
"I didn't think you had such pragmatism when it came to matters of the heart."
Kahlan smiled ruefully.
"Confessor's are very pragmatic," the brunette sighed. "Our magic forces us to be."
Kahlan looked subdued for a moment as she finished speaking, but then there was a flash in her eyes and she smiled.
"What?" Cara asked warily.
"You said matters of the heart," Kahlan pointed out grinning. "You're getting soft in your old age, Cara," she teased.
At first it had been about bodily pleasure, but feelings had come into her encounters with Richard eventually and she knew that it would be useless to pretend otherwise with Kahlan. The woman was irritatingly observant.
Cara sighed and then grumbled, "I'm younger than you," which made Kahlan laugh.
The sound of Kahlan's laughter lightened Cara's heart and she found herself smiling back at the Confessor. When Kahlan's laughter finally faded, the Confessor then ducked her head towards Cara and kissed her again, slowly and deeply, sighing into Cara's mouth when the blonde's arms wrapped around her holding Kahlan tightly to her.
"So what do we do now?" Cara asked when they pulled away from each other.
"Be together," Kahlan sighed happily as brushed Cara's kissed bruised bottom lip with her thumb.
"The three of us?" Cara questioned lifting a pale eyebrow.
"Yes," Kahlan responded simply, though her eyes were intent, watching Cara closely. "If you want," she added softly.
Cara was silent and still for a moment as she considered Kahlan's words, and then her lips curved up slightly and she nodded.
"Acceptable," Cara murmured, and then she leaned in and captured Kahlan's lips with her own, finally allowing her hands to roam over the Confessor's body, exploring curves she had thought about and dreamed about but never let herself believe she would be able to touch.
When they arrived back at the patch of sand they had earlier claimed as their campsite for the night, Richard had looked between the two of them and a wide, knowing smile had spread across his lips.
Cara thought that it was strange how much things had stayed the same after that night. She and Richard still stopped every now and then while hunting to indulge in each other before returning to camp with game. She and Kahlan still bathed alone together, only now Cara's hands were able to wander below the Confessor's waist and Kahlan's lips followed the path of the cloth she used to clean Cara's skin. When Richard and Kahlan giggled and then said they were going to collect firewood, Zedd would smirk and Cara would roll her eyes, watching them go before she went and collected some kindling herself knowing that when they returned the only twigs they would have with them would be stuck in their hair. And at night, once Zedd was soundly snoring, Cara would nudge Kahlan, or Kahlan would nudge Cara, or Richard would nudge one of them, and they would sneak away from camp to all spend some time under the twinkling stars.
Presently, the bed was large, the fire was warm, Cara's eyes were closed, and her breathing was still erratic as she basked in the afterglow of her orgasm. She could feel Richard, still hard against her thigh, and Kahlan was behind her, her hand ran lazily up and down Cara's torso, brushing her breasts and caressing her stomach soothingly as Cara recovered.
"Is she broken? Did we break her?" Kahlan asked playfully.
Richard poked her in the stomach and Cara made a disgruntled sound which made Kahlan laugh.
"Still alive," Richard murmured lightly.
"Oh, that's good," Kahlan sighed contentedly. "Neither of us have the breath of life."
Cara ignored Kahlan's comments and kept her eyes closed as her heart finally began to calm, but a few seconds after Kahlan spoke Cara felt Richard hand moving against her leg rhythmically and knew from the motion that he was stroking himself and her eyes fluttered open, which made Kahlan laugh again.
"Keep teasing me and you're both going to need resuscitation," Cara threatened forcing her eyes fully open so that she could glare at them both in turn.
"Actually, Richard's doing the teasing," Kahlan replied, her sparkling blue eyes dropping down to watch Richard's hand as it moved up and down the length of his shaft.
"She's having way too much fun at our expense," Richard sighed.
"Someone's going to have to shut her up," Cara murmured pushing up onto her hands and then rolling over so that she was on top of Kahlan.
"Mean," Kahlan breathed out pouting, but when Cara leaned down to kiss her the Confessor's lips turned up in a smile.
Richard moved in behind Cara and took hold of her hips and the Mord'Sith smiled against Kahlan's mouth and then murmured, "Shift toward the pillows." Kahlan moaned against Cara's mouth and dutifully followed the blonde's command, settling down so that Cara's face was aligned with her sex. Cara's head dipped down, her forehead momentarily resting Kahlan's thigh as Richard smoothly entered her, and then Cara's mouth was moving, licking and kissing a trail up to where Kahlan was desperately awaiting her touch.
It took hours, but eventually they fell into an fatigued slumber tangled up together in the large bed, the sheet that had once adorned it tangled up somewhere on the floor. They didn't often get a chance to rest like that together, and when they did Cara wasn't always in the mood to indulge such contact, but the combination of the wine they had consumed and the satisfaction of the love they had made worked to leave Cara exhausted and content to stay exactly where she fallen after Kahlan's fingers had brought her to her final climax of the night.
Cara was Mord'Sith. She liked order, routine and consistency. She did not like change because in the past it had brought her nothing but pain, loneliness and confusion. However, as Kahlan shifted against Cara's side and the Confessor's warm breath ghosted pleasantly over the blonde's nipple, Cara couldn't deny the fact that this time change had brought her pleasure, companionship and a sense of peace she hadn't known since she was a child. Cara didn't often admit to being wrong because she was almost never was, but as she closed her eyes and allowed sleep to claim her, she realized that there was nothing wrong with change, as long as it was in the right direction.