Disclaimer/Notes: I don't own these characters. Remus' thoughts have *asteriks* around them, the wolf speaks inside of ~squiggily lines~.
Remus woke up to a growling. "Padfoot, is that you?" The growling came again. *oh, it's my stomach* Remus felt very stupid. The growling continued, now loud enough to wake his roommates, if he wasn't careful. Remus decided that there was only one solution for this. He needed food.
"Hey, Prongs! Prongs!" he shook James.
"Wha...whattya want?" he asked sleepily.
"I have to go to the kitchens to get some food or I'm going to starve! Can I borrow the cloak?"
"Not a problem, mi amigo," he yawned and rolled over.
Remus grabbed the invisibility cloak out of James' trunk and the Marauders' Map from the decided secret place (A/N: i can't tell you where, it's secret!) and started to make his way to the kitchen.
*~*~*~*~*~later that night~*~*~*~*~*
Remus put the cloak and the map back and sat down on his bed with a lap full of cauldron cakes. He started to rip into the first one when he heard a voice (never a good sign).
~hey, where's the meat?~
Remus paused mid-bite. *who said that*
~me stupid. well, actually, you did.~
~you know it~
*you and i are NOT the same person*
~whatever. you're still in denial about that, huh?~
*i don't know what you're talking about*
Remus tried to chew louder, hoping to block out the voice. That was impossible, however, because it was coming from inside him.
~what is this crap? where's the meat!~
*i abstain from meat*
~what are you, catholic?~ (A/N: i'm catholic, i'm ALLOWED to make that joke)
*no, i'm a werewolf*
~well no sh-~
*hey, watch your language!*
~why on earth are you eating all this pansy food! c'mon, live a little! where's the chicken? get some beef! or even better....~
*what's even better*
~aw, never mind, you wouldn't like it~
By this time Remus had finished the cauldren cakes and was still very hungry, and getting anxious for anymore food suggestions.
*no, come on now, tell me!*
~well, if you insist.... you see your friend james over there?~
*yeah, what about him?*
*because....because....that would be WRONG*
*so! i would feel guilty about it!*
~dammit, you ARE catholic. fine fine.....hey, what about peter?~
*i'm not going to bite peter*
~i know you're not just going to bite him, you're going to eat him too, silly!~
*first, NO I'M NOT. and second, since when do big ferocious wolves use the word silly?*
~ever since werewolves don't eat meat~
~just look at peter. so nice a porky....all fatted up and juicy...~
Remus' mouth started to water.
~you know you're hungry remus, just do it! you'll feel much better once you have.....~
*i couldn't. they've been so nice to me....*
~mMmMmMmM peter....the other white meat~
Remus snapped out of it.
*okay, this has gone on long enough! it's time for you to leave, wolfie!*
~but i'm just getting started. after you eat peter, i think you should eat james~
*don't make me use the silver!*
~shut up you self mutilating freak! you know you want to eat them, just admit it~
*well, i AM hungry...*
~thatta boy.... go on now, over to peter's bed~
*well, i dunno....*
Remus found himself getting up and walking over to Peter. He was snoring lightly, looking like a fat little angel in the moonlight. The moonlight.
*ooooh, so THAT'S why you're doing this. it's almost your week. i'd almost forgotten*
~who cares about that! eat! look how nice and tender he is.....~
* i don't think so*
Remus walked back across the room, pausing in front of James' bed.
~hey, look at the quidditch captain. he's got some meat on his bones~
Remus licked his lips.
~start with the neck, work your way down. get some barbeque sauce, it'll make it go down easier~
*but...but...won't his girlfriend mind?*
~naw, you can eat her too~
Remus slapped himself in the face.
He threw himself back into bed and under the covers.
~okay, FINE. what about sirius?~
*why would i want to eat him? he's scrawny*
~ah, thinking like a real wolf now! but he made that awful joke today, remember? about you and lacy barker?~ (A/N: not that lacy barker. i thought i got rid of her after "Something Rotten in the State of Hogwarts")
*yeah, he did! that bloody git*
*why, i think i will*
Remus got back out of bed and crouched over Sirius, whose bed was right next to his own.
~YES! YES YES YES!!!! EAT HIM NOW YOU INSOLENT FOOL!~ (A/N: i don't know what the word "insolent" means. it might not even be a word)
*if you SHUT UP i will*
Remus took his friend's arm in his hand and carefully clamped his mouth around it.
~now bite down~
*are you sure about this?*
~but doesn't he taste good?~
*yeah...he sure does.....yummy....*
"Remus?" Sirius asked into the darkness.
A muffled reply came from Remus; muffled because he had an arm in his mouth.
"Do you think you could let me go without biting me?"
Remus held onto his arm.
"Remus," Sirius warned, "if you don't stop it, you know what's going to happen."
*oh no, you fool, drop the arm!*
~BITE HIM EAT HIM KILL HIM SLIT HIS THROAT! KILL THE PIG, SLIT HIS THROAT, BASH HIM IN! KILL THE PIG, SLIT HIS THROAT, BASH HIM IN!~ (A/N: cookies to anyone who can tell me what book that's from)
"Fine, Moony, I hate to do this, but you leave me no choice," Sirius said, relatively calm for a man whose arm was in the mouth of a werewolf.
He picked a sickle up off the nightstand and pressed it to Remus' skin. Remus gave a little yelp and dropped his arm.
~i'm melting...i'm me-e-e-e-e-elting.....~
*bye bye wolfie*
"Thank you. Ew, you drooled all over me," Sirius said, wiping his arm off on Remus' pajamas. (which are light blue with teddy bears. aw........)
Remus started to cry, just a little bit. "I'm sorry Padfoot, I'm so ashamed..... It won't happen again."
Sirius sighed. "I'm sure it won't, Moony." He picked up a quill and made a little dot on the calandar. He spent a minute counting dots. "That was the fourth time this week, Moons."
"And it's Wednesday."
"Good night, wolfman."
there's that! hope you liked it....it's a little demented. but, hey, coming from me, what do you expect, right? SHAMELESS PLUG!!!!!!!!! please go read my other stories! most are marauder era, but "Harry Learns the Facts of Life" centers around our favorite scarred hero. It's a really funny story. Also, someone please review "Marauders:Exposed" I love that story so much, but no one else seems to.... Well, see you later!