Not Peaches
Word Count: 1,055
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Eva/Proctor
Disclaimer: I can't own anything. The pygmies and debt collectors own me.
Summary: Variety is good.
Spoilers: Up to 1x09.
Author's Note: I asked people about weird fruit for this. They thought I was crazy and were a bit suspicious, but I owe Snerky for the suggestion of a durian because it was perfect for what I wanted. :)

Not Peaches

"What's this?"

Proctor frowned at her. "What does it look like?"

"It looks like an apple, but I'm not really sure what it's doing in front of me," she answered slowly, watching him with suspicion. It was always interesting to see what exactly his mind was up to when he said and did what he did.

"I figured you were tired of all the peaches."

She laughed, picking up the apple with a grin. "I am, and thank you."

He smiled back at her.

The next day, when she went to do her rounds, there was an orange waiting for her on top of her charts. She picked it up with a smile and looked over at Proctor. He shrugged. "I felt, perhaps it was remiss of me not to start with an orange given our location."

She rolled her eyes, but she kept the orange, later eating it when their shift turned into an unexpected double. She made the comment that it was nice having something around that hadn't come out of a vending machine and didn't require walking to the other building for the cafeteria, and the fruit-a-day trend continued. Raspberries, blueberries, tangerines, limes, lemons, even some more exotic ones that she'd never heard of before.

She wasn't sure what amused her more, the random and almost always surprising choice of fruit or where he managed to put it. He always seemed to manage to leave whatever fruit it was where she would find it just as she got a free moment, and it was always still there, despite everyone coming and going. Either someone had told them not to mess with Eva's fruit, or he was just good and the timing was perfect.

She supposed it could have been a bit of both.

It was the durian that almost stopped the whole thing. Eva had just finished the most disgusting bowl resection of her life, and she was not even remotely hungry when she discovered the odd shaped and worse smelling fruit sitting next to her water bottle. "What the hell is this?"

Proctor, who had been humming a song that she found irritatingly familiar but hadn't been able to place in days, stopped and looked at her. "It's a durian."

"A what?"

"Durian. They are considered the 'king of fruit' in many parts of southeast Asia," Proctor answered.

"Are those... thorns?" she asked. "And why does it... smell?"

"Ah, so you find the smell offensive. Some people do. Others do not. It is actually very fascinating—"

"Proctor," she interrupted quickly. "Get rid of it."

"If you like," he said, gathering up the durian without further comment. He didn't seem to mind, though she had to wonder if she'd offended him until the next day when the pears showed up on her instrument tray. She supposed he was still bulletproof.

At the end of the month, Eva sat down and made a list of all the fruits that he had given her over the course of the month or so he'd been doing it. He told her he got the peaches when he found them, and she supposed he took them, but he'd really gone above and beyond what she would have expected. She had gotten so many different things, some that weren't even in season but did not seem to have been frozen, and she was starting to feel a bit weird about it.

"Okay, so, how much did all this fruit cost you?"

Proctor stopped mid-hum again, taking something out of the fridge. "What?"

"The fruit. You didn't have to do that, you know. The peaches thing stuck, like you said it would, but really, I'm fine with it. I don't need every possible fruit on the planet instead."

He shrugged. "Variety is always useful, but if you would rather I stopped, I will."

She bit her lip. "I don't know that you should stop, but I—"

"I did have something for today," he said, sitting across from her and offering her a container of strawberries. She looked at them and at him and shook her head. "You don't want them?"

"No, I do," she said, reaching for one before he could take it away. She bit into it and moaned. It was probably the best strawberry she'd ever had. "Hmm..."

He pushed the tray over to her, and she reached for another. She ate it, aware that he was watching her. Staring at her. She supposed she was making a fool of herself over the fruit. "What?"

"Nothing," he answered, shifting a bit uncomfortably in his seat.

She didn't believe him, but she reached for another strawberry. "What is that song you have been humming?"

She drew out each bite of the strawberry, sucking on it a little before taking small bites, and he seemed to squirm a bit more. She looked at him as she reached for another. He cleared his throat. "Um... It was... It is... The Joker."

She frowned. Why did that seem so familiar? Wait. She knew that one. After her dad had told the peaches story, there had been some of that going around before. "Really? As in..."

"Forgive me," he said, "but I do have a tendency to associate peaches with that song."

"Because you really like my peaches and want to shake my tree?" she asked, smiling wickedly as she ate another strawberry.

He smiled back at her and then looked at the empty container with a frown. "They're all gone."

"I'm sorry," she said. "I should have saved you one so that you could have a taste."

He shrugged. "I can still have a taste."

"Can you?" she asked, getting to her feet and picking up the container. He stood as well, and though she knew she'd pretty much teased him into it, she was still a bit surprised when he kissed her. He was slow, exploring her mouth as though he was trying to get every taste of the strawberry from her. She heard herself moan again.

"I can see why you devoured them all," he told her. "Very nice."