|Time Slipped Away From Me
Author: LuvFlorence PM
Time waits for no man. Time heals all wounds. All any of us wants is more time. But then there are moments when time just gets away from you. When the world stops spinning and you realize that your shiny little scalpel isn't gonna save you.Rated: Fiction T - English - Romance/Drama - Lexie G. & Mark S. - Chapters: 4 - Words: 24,428 - Reviews: 53 - Favs: 20 - Follows: 58 - Updated: 08-11-10 - Published: 06-27-10 - id: 6088909
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Disclaimer: I don't own Grey's Anatomy or the characters of Grey's Anatomy.
A/N: I know that I'm slack and haven't updated sooner like I promised but I've been really sick and now I have major internet problems so I won't be able to update as regularly. So to make up for it I've made this chapter extra long, hope you all like it.
"Mark you have a visitor" Callie declared having just walked into her apartment to find Mark and Cristina sitting on the couch, the coffee table covered in beer bottles.
"Whoever it is tell them I'm not home" Mark grunted before taking a long sip of his beer. After the conversation he'd had with Alex earlier today he wasn't in the mood to talk but he didn't really want to be alone either. Hence why he was sitting in Callie's apartment having beers with Cristina Yang…Cristina wasn't a chatty person, she preferred silence and that's how Mark wanted it.
"Uh well your visitor seems rather anxious to talk to you and I don't think that she is planning on leaving anytime soon" Callie pointed out cryptically.
Picking up on the emphasis of the word she Mark put down the half-drunken beer bottle without a second thought and quickly got off the couch, "we'll it's been fun Yang".
"Hey you owe me some beers" Cristina called out pointing to the discarded beer bottles.
"Yeah, yeah whatever" Mark agreed nonchalantly as he made a beeline for the door. But as soon as he stepped out into the hallway Mark felt his heart stopped, he couldn't remember the last time she had stepped foot inside the building.
He wasn't sure why she was there but for the moment he didn't care if it meant they could actually have an honest conversation. "Lexie I…" Mark began to say but he was interrupted by the stinging slap of her hand against his cheek.
"Where the hell do you get off talking to Alex about me?"
Slowly turning his head back towards her Mark rubbed his left cheek to try and soothe the pain. For a second he was lost for words because Lexie had never done that before, even after the fights they'd had over Sloan she had never hit him.
"I thought…" he stuttered in defence only to be cut off.
"No!" Lexie exclaimed pointing a finger at him with a glaring look, "you don't get to have thoughts or feelings about my relationship with Alex because it has nothing to do with you".
With his hopes of having a civil conversation being dashed Mark clenched his jaw tightly to make sure he didn't say something stupid. He could see the fire in her eyes and after everything that had happened it was clear to him that she was geared up for a fight. "Why don't you come inside so we can talk" Mark suggested holding his door open, trying to remember what kind of state his apartment was in.
Storming into the apartment she threw her handbag down on the kitchen counter, "you had no right to tell Alex about the whole Izzie thing" Lexie declared before he could get a word in.
"I wasn't gonna just stand aside and watch you get hurt by a guy who's in love with somebody else" Mark argued slamming the door shut. He'd been doing a good job keeping everything bottled in for the last two weeks but that night Mark had finally reached his breaking point.
They hadn't talked about the shooting or about what happened inside that conference room. For the last two weeks he had been trying to give Lexie some space, to let her deal with the shooting in her own way and on her own time. But when her method was caring for a man who loved somebody else Mark struggled to respect her choice.
He knew that confronting Alex was the cowardly thing to do but if he was honest with himself then Mark had to confess that he couldn't bare the idea of confronting Lexie. He decided that it would be easier to confront Alex, easier to reason with him considering that Alex still loved Izzie Stevens.
"Who asked you to?" she yelled throwing her arms up in the air in exasperation.
"It's what you do for the people you love; you look out for them and try to protect them…"
"Just stop it" Lexie exclaimed holding a hand up, "stop saying that you love me when we both know that you really don't".
Looking into her eyes Mark could see the resentment as she stood there with her hands on her hips, furry festering inside of her. But he had an inkling that this was more than just about his meddling in her relationship because if Alex had ended things, which Mark suspected he had, then Lexie now had to deal with reality, to deal with all the emotions she'd been trying to avoid.
Trying to cut the cord between his thoughts and feelings Mark headed straight for the fridge and grabbed another beer, "is that what you think?" he asked before taking a sip.
"Yes…no…I don't know what to think anymore" Lexie struggled to answer. Making her way over to him Lexie took a long swig of his beer before thrusting the bottle back into his hand. "What did you say to him?" she asked adamantly but Mark refused to answer the question.
"Why do you wanna know what I said?" he answered her question with a question and a smirk that Mark knew would piss her off.
"Because you chose Sloan and I had to find a way to repair the damage that you left behind" she stated pointing a finger at him accusingly. "So at first this thing with Alex was just about the sex, it was about doing something for me, something that had no strings attached because you hurt me. And just when I think I've finally moved on from you, that I've glued myself back together you tell me that you don't want to sleep around anymore and that you love me" she exclaimed disbelievingly as Lexie began to pace around the apartment.
"I needed you to know how I felt about you…about us" Mark argued in his defense though he refused to apologise for complicating things, especially if it meant there was a chance for them again.
"But I moved on" Lexie exclaimed running her hands through her hair. "I got over you! Alex and I are…were happy. I mean sure right now he might be trying to act like a duck but there's nothing wrong with that, there's nothing wrong with wanting nice, normal and healthy. It's easy being with Alex because there's no pressure, there's no talk of babies and marriage or pregnant teenage daughters; it was fun and easy and we were…we were happy having fun together until you said something" Lexie rambled on like a crazy person who had completely lost control.
Shaking his head in disbelief Mark smiled sadly at the Lexie that stood before him. While trying to convince Mark that she was happy with Alex Lexie had managed to talk herself into a dark corner of the living room and the irony wasn't lost on Mark.
"Look at yourself, look where you are! You're trapped, you just talked yourself into a corner" Mark pointed out disbelievingly.
Crossing her arms Lexie stood her ground stubbornly, "so what if I did? We're not talking about me here, we're talking about you and how it was inappropriate for you to be interfering…especially when things are finally going good for me" she argued with a steely face.
The booming sound of Mark's depressing laugh echoed throughout the apartment, "you're not trying to convince me that Karev made you happy, you're trying to convince yourself" he pointed out confidently.
Lexie kept opening and closing her mouth, she couldn't think of a comeback and that's how he knew that her defences were beginning to weaken. "You wanna know what I said to Alex" Mark offered with genuine sincerity, to which Lexie nodded her head.
"I told him that you could do better than him…better than either of us" Mark declared sombrely. "That you were a real person with real feelings and not some plaything that he could amuse himself with until the hard stuffs over with. So I told Karev that he needed to think about you instead of himself for a change, to walk away if he couldn't offer what you needed from him but I never really thought that he'd listen to me" he explained.
"Well he did" Lexie snapped frustratingly. Mark could see that she was struggling to stay made at him and he knew that was his chance to strike. Looing her in the eyes Mark slowly inched closer towards the corner Lexie had talked herself into, she didn't show any signs of running.
"Karev's made his decision and I've made mine; the only one here who's undecided is you" he pointed out hesitantly because Mark didn't want to scare her away.
"You can't possibly expect me to make that kind of decision after what happened, it's not that easy" Lexie argued shaking as though she was about to crawl out of her own skin.
"Yes it is" he answered softly with a calm and reassuring voice. "All you have to do is say it, just say whatever or whoever it is that you want" Mark encouraged her with a hopeful smile. As the tears began to well up in her eyes Mark could see that she was struggling with herself.
"I don't know" said Lexie shaking her head adamantly, "I don't know what I want anymore. All I know for sure right now is that I'm scared! I'm scared to walk into that hospital, I'm scared to go see Derek and I'm scared to fall asleep because I keep seeing Gary Clark pointing that gun at me" she cried with tears running down her face.
"Wait a minute what gun…when did Gary Clark point a gun at you?" Mark asked suddenly on high alert.
"When I went to get the blood for Alex" she answered, he could see the terror in Lexie's eyes as she remembered that moment. "I walked straight into him and if it wasn't for that SWAT guy I would have been dead…I should be dead but I'm not, I'm not dead. But Charles Percy, Reed Adamson and all those other people are and it's my fault…"
"Lexie there's no one to blame for what Gary Clark did but him" Mark tried to reason while he kept his anger in check. The idea that he had been one bullet away from losing Lexie forever made his heart race…Mark wanted to kill him for what he'd done to Lexie, to all of them.
"I'm the one who killed his wife" Lexie screamed pressing her hand to her chest. "He begged me not to do it, not to unplug his wife but I wouldn't listen".
"You were doing your job" he pointed out hoping to reason with Lexie's guilt.
"Three people" she whispered loud enough for Mark to hear with her eyes shut tightly.
"When Mr. Clark found me he said that it was an accident; that he didn't mean to kill all those people. I only planned on killing three people today…Dr. Shepherd, Dr. Weber and you were his exact words" Lexie choked back as she shook with silent tears.
Mark could fee his body shake with fear as the reality sunk in…as he finally understood just how close he had come to losing Lexie and Derek. They were the only family Mark had ever really known so the idea that one man had the sole purpose of hurting Mark's family terrified him and infuriated him all at once.
"So I'm sorry Mark; but telling myself that I was only doing my job doesn't make up for all those people who are dead now…or for all those people who were hurt" she spat out bitterly as the tears began to subside.
"Wait a minute is that why you told Karev you love him…" Mark trailed as he was hit with another realisation; "because you feel guilty about him getting shot, because you think that it's your fault?" he watched her intently as she struggled to think of an answer, twiddling her thumbs nervously as she bit down on her bottom lip.
"Lexie I might not like the guy but I think you owe him a little bit more credit then that, I mean do you really think that Karev would want you there out of some screwed up sense of obligation…out of pity?" Mark argued.
"It isn't out of pity" Lexie snapped in frustration.
"Really?" he questioned her sceptically, "then let's go back to my initial question and tell me what you want Lexie…make a decision once and for all and this will all be over with" he challenged her.
Wiping her eyes to clear away the tears Lexie made a beeline for the door but Mark's reflexes were a lot quicker than hers. Before she could even grab the doorhandle Mark managed to grab her by the arm and turned her around, forcing Lexie to look at him.
"Come on Lex" he urged still holding onto Lexie by her wrist, "you can do this, you can…"
"I can't" she cut him off; "I'm sorry Mark but I can't give you the answer that you're looking for" she sobbed with fresh tears running down her cheeks.
"Lexie…" Mark choked out dejectedly.
"I know you wanna hear me say that I love you, that we can go back to the way things were before Sloan showed up, and I wish I could, but we can't go back" she cried. "We can't pretend like the last few months never happened because too much has changed between us…between me and Alex. And right now I don't know what that means, I need you to just give me some space" Lexie sniffed.
Cupping her face in his hands Mark gently brushed the tears away before pulling Lexie into a hug. "Lexie I'm sorry the last thing I wanted to do was to hurt you or to make you feel cornered. So as of right now I'll back off, I'll be whatever it is that you want me to be…even if that means just being a friend or a shoulder to cry on" he offered timidly.
Tilting her head back Lexie smiled wearily, exhaustion written all over her face. "Right now I could really use a friend…" she whispered softly before surrendering to the comfort of Mark's hug. "I could really use a friend" she repeated with her face buried in his chest.
Rubbing circles on her back Mark pulled Lexie in closer. "I'm right here" he reassured her with a soothing voice, Mark wasn't sure how long they stayed like that but he really did miss it…
"You ended up staying the night at my place" Mark finished telling the story that Lexie requested.
"Did we?" she asked pointing between the two of them with a suggestive look.
"No" Mark answered abruptly wanting to make it clear to her that nothing happened, "you took the bed and I slept on the couch that night".
Smiling appreciatively at him Lexie looked around the room with a curious look on her face. If nothing had happened that night then how did she go from that to this?
"So what I woke up the next morning and decided all of the sudden that I wanted to get married?" Lexie tried to tease but the joke fell flat, she could see it in his eyes.
Mark forced a smile while he shook his head, "it's wasn't that simple" he declared taking her hand in his hesitantly. "It took a lot of time and a lot of talking to work past all our issues but we eventually managed it".
Signalling for Mark to wait a minute Lexie made her way to the bottom of the staircase. "Brigitte, Christopher can you two please come downstairs, your dad and I need to talk to you" she called out.
The wheels were turning in Lexie's mind as she tried to think of the best way to handle this…to handle the truth. Because she realised in that moment that Brigitte and Christopher deserved the truth, they deserved to know what was going on with her.
"We do?" Mark asked sceptically as he watched Lexie walk back into the room.
"We need to tell them the truth…we need to explain to the kids what's going on" she stuttered. The butterflies in her stomach were quickly morphing into a sickening feeling and she couldn't sit still.
"Why?" Mark asked with a completely dumbfounded look while his heart was racing.
"Because they have a right now" she hissed pacing up and down the room. Noticing the rigid posture of his back and his clenched jaw Lexie took a deep breath to clam down; yelling at each other wasn't going to help anyone.
He wasn't so sure that telling Brigitte and Christopher the truth was a good idea; dinner had already proven to them how upset Brigitte was. He'd been hoping that Brigitte would forget all about this morning…but then he remembered that she was a Grey and a Grey never forgets.
Mark opened his mouth, ready to deny her request and make it clear to Lexie that for now they needed to pretend like everything was fine. But he couldn't do it. Seeing the scared look in her eyes and the way she chewed on her bottom lip made it impossible for him to say no.
He was stuck between his wife and his children, between doing everything to help Lexie and everything to protect Brigitte and Christopher. "You know Brigitte might look like me but she's a Grey girl through and through" he pointed out with a tender smile.
Stoping mid stride Lexie shot Mark a glaring looking with her hands on her hips, "and what's that supposed to mean?" she asked defensively.
"Brigitte is exactly like you and Meredith. She can be stubborn as hell when she wants to be…she's also outspoken, indecisive and if you push too hard she'll try and run away. But she's also far too perceptive for her age and if she knows that there's something wrong, that you can't remember who she is, then we'll only end up scaring her and we both know that when a Grey girl is scared she shuts people out…I mean just look what happened at dinner" he answered with a pleading look.
Feeling her defenses start to relax Lexie made her way over to the coffee table and sat down in front of him. "Mark I understand that you wanna protect Brigitte but lying to her isn't the way to do that" she contested. "This morning at the hospital she could already tell that there was something wrong, and when she starts to notice the blank look on my face everytime she asks a question things are only gonna get harder".
Hesitantly she took his hand in hers; it was still awkward for Lexie to initiate the physical contact, and gave it a comforting squeeze. Seeing the tortured and fearful look in his eyes reminded Lexie that she wasn't the only one scared…she wasn't the only one suffering because of this.
"We make it a need to know thing" Lexie answered sounding confident with her plan. "We only tell Brigitte and Christopher the things they need to know and in the mean time we go on with our lives".
Hearing the sound of her own voice Lexie knew that she sounded a lot more confident and a lot more resolute with the situation then she did earlier. But then she'd also had a lot of time to think things over, to think about her talk with Meredith and Alex. Obviously a lot of things had changed over the last six years but Lexie was determined to take things as each day comes.
"Okay" he agreed nodding his head wearily.
Shifting her body back onto the couch Lexie wrapped her arms around his waist and pulled Mark into a hug. Resting her head on his shoulder Lexie's thoughts drifted off as she basked in the feeling of Mark's hands rubbing circles on her back.
It might sound juvenile but that was her favourite thing about Mark. Just being around him always made her feel safe and warm, loved and cared for…something that had been missing with Alex. "Thank you" she whispered softly, feeling overwhelmed with so many emotions.
All I'm saying is that you could have a husband.
Lexie could still remember the way her heart was thumping against her chest while she heard Mark say 'I love you' and tossed the idea of marriage out there into the universe. At the time what terrified her most was that Lexie had this indescribable urge to scream yes off the top of her lungs but before she even had a chance to process what it all meant Alex had interrupted.
Cupping her face in his hands Mark leant forward, and with their lips only an inch apart Lexie felt her body tingle. And as it looked like he was about to kiss her there was a 'should I or shouldn't I' moment running through her mind when Brigitte and Christopher came charging into the room.
"Are we in trouble?" Chris asked with caution while letting his dad help him up onto the couch.
"No one's in trouble" Lexie assured them as she shifted back onto the coffee table, that way she could look both kids in the eyes while they explained things to them.
"Your mom and I just wanna talk to the two of you for a minute…" Mark hesitated looking across at Lexie; he didn't know where to go from there.
"Umm...sometimes things happen and it's hard to explain why…" Lexie struggled.
"Do you two remember yesterday, when I told you that mommy had an accident at work and hit her head?" Mark asked pausing for a second to get some sort of response, the kids nodded their heads.
"Well after mommy hit her head Uncle Derek made sure that she was okay before he brought her home…"
"Did Uncle Derek do something wrong?" Chris asked with a scrutinising look that would have been comical to both Mark and Lexie if this wasn't serious.
"No Christopher your uncle didn't do anything wrong?" Lexie quickly came to Derek's defence.
"Look you both know what uncle Derek does right?" Mark asked expecting another nod of their heads but waving his arm in the air Christopher smiled proudly.
"He fixes brains!" Chris exclaimed eagerly like Mark was testing them and the first to answer wins.
"That's right but sometimes it takes a long time before Uncle Derek can see that there's something wrong…"
"And sometimes he can't fix someone's brain no matter how much he wants to" Mark added seeing where Lexie was going with this. They both needed to make sure that Chris and Brigitte understood this wasn't Derek's fault.
"Is there something wrong with your brain mommy?" Brigitte whispered with a sad face.
"Yeah bumble Bee there is" Mark answered hoarsely while trying to keep the tears away. The distraught look on Brigitte's face was tearing him up inside, Mark was struggling to keep it together but he had to for the kids sake…and for Lexie's.
Getting down off the couch Christopher climbed up onto the coffee table beside Lexie. Holding onto her sleeve Chris tried to balance his body while sitting on his knees, he then craned his head up as high as he could reach and kissed Lexie on the temple.
"There mommy now you're all better" Chris declared confidently with a proud smile.
Smiling poignantly at Chris Lexie was taken aback at her sudden need to hold him, but she didn't fight it. Securing an arm around his small waist Lexie pulled Chris onto her lap.
"I'm sorry buddy but it's a little bit more serious then that" Mark revealed with a sad smile. "You see me and Uncle Derek both thought that your mom was okay but when she woke up this morning she couldn't remember a lot of things…she still can't" he explained trying to keep that grim look off his face.
"But Uncle Derek can fix you, he's good at fixing things…Uncle Derek's the best brain doctor in the whole world" Brigitte asserted naively because as far as she was concerned Mark and Derek could fix anything.
"Brigitte this isn't something that Uncle Derek can fix" Mark answered pulling Brigitte into a hug.
"Then who can?" Chris asked finally starting to get the picture that this was something serious.
"Me, I'm the only one who can fix this but it's gonna take time" Lexie answered noticing the sad look on Brigitte's face. In one swift move Lexie passed Chris over to Mark and sat down beside Brigitte, pulling her into a hug like earlier before.
"But you remember us don't you mommy?" Brigitte whimpered softly.
"Of course I do sweetheart" Lexie lied sharing a silent understanding with Mark, this was one of those need to know things and right now they didn't need to know the truth about just how much she remembered.
Brigitte frowned at her mother's choice of words. "Bumble Bee" she corrected her with a crestfallen look; "you always call me your little bumble Bee".
"Well that's exactly what your mom and I are trying to explain to the both of you, there are a lot of things that mommy can't remember right now…"
"And as much as I want to remember all the things I've forgotten it's gonna take a bit of time…because like I told you earlier before Brigitte, you can't force yourself to remember things that your brain isn't ready to remember yet" Lexie reiterated.
"But as long as the three of us keep reminding her of the things she's forgotten then in time mommy will start to remember on her own" Mark vowed optimistically.
"So we pretend that mommy's brain is okay" Chris surmised with a confused look on his face, it didn't make any sense to him.
"No Chris we don't pretend" Lexie corrected him. "We're just gonna keep going on with our lives like we would any other day, but sometimes you might see me look confused…"
"Or ask a question that might seem silly to the two of you" Mark cut in, "and when that happens we'll try and explain things as best we can".
Looking back and forth between his parents Chris was thinking really hard about something but he didn't know the answer. So leaning over to Brigitte he whispered something in her ear so that Mark and Lexie couldn't hear him.
"I don't know" Brigitte answered shrugging her shoulders, "you have to ask daddy".
"Ask me what little man" said Mark tapping Chris gently on the shoulder to get his attention.
"Can I still give mommy a hug?" Chris asked timidly, "or do her bones hurt like when Uncle Owen broke his ribs?"
Putting aside the fact that at one time or another Owen had broken his ribs, Lexie smiled amorously at Chris with her arms held out. "I'd love it if you gave me a hug" she replied and not a moment later Chris jumped into her arms and hugged his mom as tight as he could.
Not wanting to be left out Brigitte climbed down off the couch and wrapped her arms as far as she could reach around Chris and Lexie. Mark couldn't help but smile at the three of them…at his family because in that second Christopher and Brigitte unknowingly gave him enough hope to believe that it would all be okay…that they'd get through this.
"Okay you two head upstairs; brush your teeth and put your PJ's on because it's time for bed" Mark instructed rising to his feet.
Climbing down off Lexie's lap Chris turned to face his father, "do I have to" he whined with a whimpering look like he was on the verge of tears.
Rolling his eyes Mark shook his head, he'd become immune to the "Grey pout" as Derek kept referring to it. "Yes you do now march" he ordered pointing to the stairs and without another word of protest Chris did as he was told, Brigitte following behind.
"Well that went better then I had hoped for" Lexie commented after making sure that both the kids were out of ear shot.
Nodding his head in agreement Mark moved around the living room, making sure that all the lights and the TV were switched off. "Brigitte took it a lot better then I thought she would" he confessed, but he still couldn't forget the fear in her eyes.
"That's because she's a Grey and we Grey's are resilient human beings" Lexie declared proudly.
Shaking his head Mark chuckled at the way Lexie always managed to the see the bright side of things. "Why don't you head upstairs and I'll be up in a sec, I've just gotta lock up down here" he suggested before heading to the kitchen.
"Okay" Lexie answered laughing nervously, she didn't know why the thought of going upstairs made her stomach flutter but it did. Climbing the stairs slowly, one step at a time, she decided to check on the kids first and Lexie could already hear Chris.
Reaching what used to be Alex's old room Lexie leant against the doorframe and watched on with a look of amusement. Dressed in PJ's covered with pirates he was too busy running around the room, with his arms spread out like wings, pretending to be an aeroplane to notice Lexie.
"I thought your father told you to get ready for bed" Lexie called out grabbing the little boy's attention. Christopher immediately stopped what he was doing and looked over at his mother with a guilty look on his face.
Lexie shook her head in disbelief, one smile from Chris and he could get away with murder. Which was probably why Mark seemed to be the disciplinarian when it came to Chris?
"It's too early for bed, and besides I'm not sleepy" Chris protested while he could hear Lexie giggling at him. "That would be more convincing if you hadn't yawned your way through that whole sentence" she laughed.
Lexie paused for a second to get a better look at the room that Chris now occupied, it was definitely a boy's room. Covered in different shades of blue and green there were toys strewn all over the floor while the toy chest was filled to the brim, there were probably more toys there then Chris knew what to do with. There was also a kids table that had papers, crayons and pencils all over it and a bookcase opposite the door.
"Chris where did those come from" asked Lexie curiously as she pointed to the top of the bookcase. Sitting there on the top shelf were little toy models of old trains and cars, there was even one of a paddleboat. All of them were placed strategically around a signed baseball which was housed in a glass case, Lexie had seen it before. She couldn't remember the Yankee who had signed it but she could remember that was Mark's favourite present, a gift that Mr. Shepherd had given to him on his tenth birthday.
Taking her hand Chris guided Lexie over to the bookcase where she picked him up so he could get a better look. She finally noticed that the small models which were all made out of some sort of metal, probably tin, were more for collecting then playing with.
"This one's from Uncle Owen" Christopher announced pointing to the model of an old army jeep, "and those are from Uncle Derek" he went on pointing to the car models and a paddleboat.
"And who bought you these?" Lexie asked pointing to two different looking steam trains.
"Uncle Alex" Christopher answered before pointing to the centre piece of his collection. "And Daddy gave me that, but he said I'm not allowed to play with it because it's a special ball that Grandpa James gave him. So my special job is to keep it safe" he declared proudly.
"I thought I told you it's time for bed" Mark called out standing in the doorway; he was glaring playfully at Lexie.
"Uh oh you're in trouble" Chris declared pointing to Lexie with a cheeky grin.
"Me, what did I do?" Lexie asked pretending to be shocked by his accusation.
"You kept me up" he answered mischievously before turning to Mark, "I was going to bed daddy when mommy asked about my collect-da-bles".
"Yeah right like I'm really buying that one" he scoffed walking into the room, "and you mean collect-ables" Mark corrected his pronunciation.
Throwing his arms around Lexie's neck Chris buried his face in the side of her neck. "Mommy daddy thinks I'm lying" he whimpered pretending to be upset.
"No I don't think you were lying, I know you were lying" said Mark tickling Chris. "My guess is you were running around the room pretending to be an aeroplane again" he guessed while he continued to tickle him
"Daddy stop" Chris laughed squirming in Lexie's arms, "okay, okay, I was playing" he conceded with a hug grin on his face, huffing and puffing from all the laughter.
"If you wanna head on to the room I'll put Chris down" Mark suggested taking him from Lexie's arms.
"I can do it" she offered without any hesitation, she didn't know why but seeing Mark play with Chris made Lexie feel like she was missing out on something.
Smiling lovingly at Lexie Mark shook his head, "this little monster" he said throwing Chris over his shoulder playfully, "likes to put up a fight before bedtime…unfortunately he inherited the Sloan's displeasure for sleep".
"Oh…okay…" Lexie trailed trying not to sound excluded. She knew it was silly, especially considering that it was merely hours ago that she'd declared feeling nothing for them. But after spending time with them today and seeing the way they had reacted to their conversation there was something there…something deep inside of Lexie itching to break through and she knew that it had something to so with Brigitte and Christopher.
Holding on to Chris tightly while he tried to wriggle out of his father's grasp Mark smiled sympathetically at Lexie. He could see that rejecting her offer to help had hurt Lexie but on the inside Mark couldn't help but do a little happy dance because it meant that she wanted to be involved…that she wanted to be a mom.
"Brigitte's probably already in bed waiting for one of us to read her a book, if you want you could check on her" he suggested.
"Sure" Lexie nodded her head. She paused in the doorway to see Mark playfully throw Chris onto his bed, ordering him to get under the covers. Lexie couldn't help but smile, he was an amazing father.
Nervously making her way over to Izzie's old room Lexie walked in on exactly what Mark had predicted. With her teeth brushed and changed into her polkadot PJ's Brigitte was already in bed, waiting for Mark or Lexie to tuck her in.
"Hi" Lexie spoke softly as she tiptoed in to the room. Her bedside lamp cast a dull glow over the darkened room, but it was enough for Lexie to see that it wasn't your typical girl's room. The room was painted sunshine yellow with three of the walls covered in bumble bee stickers that ranged in various sizes. But besides the change in the colour, and the fact that there weren't toys scattered all over the floor, it was practically identical to Chris' room.
"Hi mommy" Brigitte answered timidly. She had listened when Mark told her to act normal around Lexie but knowing her mom was sick scared Brigitte.
"Do you want me to read you a story?" Lexie asked pointing to the bookcase but Brigitte shook her head. Letting out a small sigh of defeat she sat down on the edge of the bed with caution, she could still remember what Mark had said.
When a Grey girl is scared she shuts people out.
"Are you sure because your dad told me that one of us usually reads you a story before bed…or I could go get daddy if you'd prefer him" she offered.
"No thank you, I don't want a story tonight" Brigitte shook her head with a sad smile.
"Oh okay then…um goodnight I guess" Lexie hesitated because she wasn't sure what she was supposed to do now.
"Mommy" said Brigitte before Lexie could get up and leave, "can't daddy do it?"
"Can't daddy do what sweet…bumble Bee?" she asked, confused whether Brigitte was talking about the story or something else.
"Can't daddy give you a kiss and make it all better?" Brigitte whispered softly, she knew that Chris had already tried it but her father was something else…her father could fix anything.
Taking a deep breath Lexie brushed a few stray hairs out of Brigitte's eyes and smiled at her, she could remember that time in her life…that age where every little girl believed that her daddy could fix anything.
"See you're the princess and Daddy's prince charming" Brigitte cut in ready to explain her theory, "so if daddy gives you a kiss on the lips then everything will be okay again"
"Brigitte if it was that simple I'd let your daddy kiss me a thousand times but it's not bumble Bee" Lexie pointed out regretfully. She hated being to one to dash their hopes.
"It worked for Snow White and Sleeping Beauty, the princess wakes up after their prince gives them a kiss" she argued. Not able to understand why Sleeping Beauty and Snow White were different to her mom.
"But Snow White and Sleeping Beauty were asleep…" Lexie tried to reason with her but Brigitte interrupted again.
"But you're asleep too…at least the part of your brain that helps you remember is. You're brain isn't really broken, it's just sleeping" Brigitte declared adamantly, "so if you let daddy kiss you then your brain will wake up like Snow White and Sleeping Beauty".
Lexie smiled adoringly at Brigitte because it was a good theory to have, at least for a five year old little girl. And if believing that Lexie's brain was just asleep comforted Brigitte then she wasn't going to correct her anytime soon…but the kiss part, well that needed to be cleared up.
"That's a very nice idea Brigitte but a kiss from your daddy won't wake mommy's brain up" Lexie tried to emphasise that point.
Brigitte thought about it for a second when her face morphed into a look of shock and horror, "what if daddy isn't your real prince?"
Giggling at Brigitte's suggestion Lexie shook her head, ready to reassure Brigitte that she had nothing to worry about. She might not remember the last six years but Lexie knew that Meredith was right; Alex wasn't in the same league as Mark. She had tried telling herself otherwise for all those months she had been with him. But deep down Lexie knew that Mark Sloan was her end game, he was the love her life…her Henry, her prince charming.
"Brigitte I might not remember a lot of things but I know that he's my prince…"
"How do you know" Brigitte asked sceptically.
"Because your dad always knows how to make me laugh, how to make me feel safe and what to say to make me feel better…but most importantly I know that daddy's my prince because I love him and, besides you and Christopher, he is the one person I can't live without" Lexie confessed.
Seeing the bright smile on Brigitte's face and the reassurance that all her fears were gone Lexie took a moment to let that all sink in. She'd never admitted to anyone before, not even to herself, just how much she loved Mark and all at once it made her feel both relieved and guilty…she needed Mark.
Smiling back at Brigitte awkwardly Lexie rose to her feet and tucked Brigitte in, "now close your eyes and go to sleep".
"Only if you promise to let daddy give you a kiss" Brigitte bargained with her mother like she had a leg to stand on. With a lump in her throat Lexie nodded her head, "I promise" she whispered kissing Brigitte on the head.
Slowly retreating out of the room Lexie could feel her heart race as the guilt weighed on her mind, as she was reminded of that moment the elevator doors opened up to reveal a bloodied Alex. She could still remember that second when Lexie had silently thanked god that it wasn't Mark lying in that elevator, it tore her up inside.
Bitting her lip anxiously Lexie took a deep breath to try and calm herself down. She didn't understand why her declaration of love for Mark was having such an affect on her, it just was and she needed it to go away. Heading into what used to be Derek and Meredith's room Lexie stopped in her tracks at the sight of a naked Mark…or at least nearly naked.
With a towel wrapped around his waist Mark was rummaging in his draw, and momentarily she had forgotten all about Alex. Standing tall, his taut muscles were accentuated by the glistening water that was running down his chest, he looked better then he had six years ago...a lot sexier.
"Lex…" he called out hesitantly, he could see her body shaking slightly and it worried him.
Climbing up onto the bed Lexie shook her head, "I'm a horrible person" she sniffed pulling her knees up to her chest. Not a second later Mark joined her. Pulling her into a hug he ignored the fact that he'd probably make her clothes wet.
"No you're not" he whispered running his fingers through her hair.
"I am" Lexie sobbed burying her face in his bare chest, trying to ignore the sudden wave of comfort that flooded her body just from the touch of his skin. "When we found Alex on the elevator you had your arms around me, and all I kept thinking was thank god that wasn't you…I'm a horrible person"
"Hey that doesn't make you a horrible person okay" Mark argued while trying to hide his surprise, despite all their talks over the years she'd never confessed that to him.
"But…" Lexie sniffed looking up at Mark with puffy red eyes.
"But nothing" he cut her off. "You and Karev were both trying to kid yourselves that whatever it was you two had was real and it's in life threatening situations that people realise what's important to them. It doesn't make you a bad person".
"You were right" she whispered softly, "the only reason I told Alex I loved him was because if felt guilty…I blamed myself for Gary Clark shooting him and it was eating me up inside, knowing that if he had made me choose between you and Alex then I would have picked you".
Tightening his grip on Lexie Mark kissed her on the head, "well I'm not gonna say I feel sorry for Karev because I don't. This between us Lex…our marriage, our family is real and that isn't something we should have to apologise to anyone for, I love you".
Tilting her head back Lexie looked into his eyes and smiled at him as she was reminded of her promise to Brigitte. Cupping his face in her hands she slowly kissed him on the lips, she wanted to the savour the feel of it but Lexie needed to pull away before Mark had a chance to deepen the kiss.
"What was that for?" he asked with a stunned look on his face, it was actually quite funny because it wasn't often that Mark Sloan was taken off guard.
"Brigitte's devised this theory that my brain is sleeping like Snow White and Sleeping Beauty, all I need is for my prince to kiss me on the lips and everything will be okay again" Lexie told him with a fond smile. "And I promised her that I'd at least let you try so I'm keeping a promise".
Shaking his head Mark reluctantly slid off the bed and a grabbed his sweatpants from the chair, "I have a good mind to throw everything out with the word Snow White or Sleeping Beauty" he grumbled playfully.
"Did you just come out of the shower?" Lexie asked changing the subject; she could feel the butterflies in her stomach while her eyes insisted on staring at Mark's chest.
"Chris didn't put up much of a fight like he usually does and since you didn't come looking for me I assumed you had everything under control with Brigitte. So I decided to jump in for a quick shower, hope you don't mind" said Mark walking back into the bathroom.
"Uh no, that's okay" Lexie called out through the open door. She had to fight the temptation of taking a quick look…she wasn't hurting anyone was she? As she started to move across the bed Lexie jumped when Mark unexpectedly came back into the room, this time wearing pants.
"Are you sure you're okay?" Mark asked while he tried really hard to hide an amused smirk. She was staring at him intently while Lexie unconsciously licked her lips, and after six years and two kids Mark knew exactly what that look was. And if it had been any other day he would have made some suggestive remark while luring her into bed but he couldn't…not with the way things were.
"Yep" Lexie answered with a forced smile but it falter when she saw Mark pulling the bedcovers back.
He noticed Lexie look at him uncertainly and Mark let out a small sigh, "I can sleep on the floor or on the couch if it makes you uncomfortable" he suggested signaling to the bed.
Shaking her head Lexie laughed awkwardly, "Mark we're adults who shared a bed for months, actually more like years, but nevertheless we're adults. So I think we can manage to sleep in the same bed"
"Are you sure, I mean I know you said to go on like everything's normal but I don't want you doing anything that makes you feel uncomfortable" said Mark with a worrying look.
"Mark I'm fine" Lexie emphasised pulling him into bed. "Now I'm gonna tell you the same thing I told Brigitte, close your eyes and go to sleep" she teased him. Realising that her conversation with Brigitte about Mark had more meaning behind it then either she could have thought.
Like I said, unfortunately I won't be able to update a lot sooner then I'd like because I'm having internet problems, but I'd still appreciate some feedback and see what people think.