A/N: Her name is Hortense. Why? Because I wanted it to be. This is FICTIONAL. I don't even know OB, so please, take this for what it is, a brief foray into lunacy for the sheer entertainment value it may bring. If nothing else, it should give you a good laugh...at my expense. Reviews make me happy, flames...look, if you hate it that much, just stop reading. Oh, and...yeah, here it comes...I've never met/talked to/seen/touched/kissed Mr. Bloom, so I'm making all of this up. What right do I have to write a story about someone I don't know? None. But I'm doing it anyway, so tough nookies!

I Think I Hurt Myself

Prologue: Who needs sleep? Certainly not me...

It was three in the morning. Who on earth would call someone at three in the morning? Rolling onto her side, Hortense reached out a limp arm for the phone.

"Hello?" she managed to mumble.

"Horty? It's Lisa, I've got an AUDITION!"

"Wh...What?"

"I've got an audition! For a moovvviiieee!"

Hortense grunted.

"It's called Everyone Falls for a Finish Man...can you believe it! I'm going to be in a movie!"

"Mmmm?"

"Well, maybe, but...oh, how could the not like me?"

"Hmmm..."

"Well, I thought about taking you with me...you know...for moral support?"

"Where?"

"New Zealand!"

"What?"

"Well, I figure I'll start with foreign films, and work my way up. Oh...didn't I mention, it's in Portuguese! Isn't that exciting!"

"But, you can't even speak Spanish!"

"I'll learn!"

"How?"

"Don't you speak Latin?"

"How is that going to help!"

"I dunno. But I'm sure they'd let you be an extra or something," Lisa said with a giggle. Hortense sighed. She missed her pillow.

"To New Zealand? Lisa, I'm still in middle of classes!"

"I know, can't you take a leave of absence or something?"

"NO! We're only two days away from the end of school! Can you wait that long?"

"Well, if it means that much to you, I suppose," Lisa sighed on the other end. Hortense rolled her eyes. Deprivation of sleep made her grumpy.

"Alright. I'll call you tomorrow...morning."

"Ok. Bye!"

Hortense slammed the phone down, and collapsed back into her bed. New Zealand? She looked at the clock. 3:30 in the morning. Well, the first day of her final exams was already shot. She only hoped she could keep her eyes open during her first exam. She was pursuing a physics major, against her better judgment. It basically killed her social life. She could do nothing but worry about grades and tests, and trying to balance the millions of math and science courses she was trying to wade through.

She rolled out of bed and stumbled towards the door. Her roommate had yet to return, no doubt caught up in an all night study session. New Zealand. This was going to be a catastrophe.