|KH Hates Making Movies
Author: DivineSoul PM
Think Kingdom hearts was a game? wrong, it was a movie and our favorite characters are bitchy actors. What happens when one of the characters is kidnapped during filming? Riku/Sora Axel/RoxasRated: Fiction M - English - Parody/Romance - Sora & Riku - Chapters: 5 - Words: 13,376 - Reviews: 16 - Favs: 11 - Follows: 10 - Updated: 08-29-10 - Published: 07-22-10 - id: 6165263
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
This idea came to me after I watched the movie Tropic Thunder and I thought how funny it would be if something along those lines happened to the kingdom hearts crew. It will share some similarities to the movie, but not to much. Hope you like it!
Disclaimer- If I owned Kingdom hearts, I'd be a fucking billionaire, not middle class fanfic writer for shit.
KH Hates making Movies
Scene 1: introductions
"I shall release you now princess," Riku replied to the frightened, injured Sora and the unconscious Kairi, "Use your power and lead me into everlasting Darkness!" Riku yelled and brought the blade down over the unknowing Sora…and hit him on the head.
"Damnit!" Sora yelled loudly.
"CUT" The director, Ansem yelled and Riku sighed and threw the fake sword to the left and ran a frustrated hand through his hair. Sora was rubbing his head and glaring at the giggling Kairi, "Kairi," the director sighed. She looked down, "You were supposed to yell 'Sora'." He sighed.
"My head fucking hurts like a bitch, Riku!"" Sora complained and Riku threw his arms out to the side as he sat in his chair.
"What?" he asked loudly, "Kairi was supposed to grab your attention so you'd defend yourself!" he said ludicrously. Sora looked away, "Not my fault the bitch was to wrapped up in some god damn staring contest with a pair of fucking shoes in a magazine!" he directed the last part to Kairi who shot him a daggering glare.
"Ansem!" Roxas yelled as he walked up from the back of the studio, "You said we'd get to my part today!" he yelled in a pissed off voice. Ansem tried to calm him while he tried to deal with a bitchy Sora and prevented Kairi and Riku from killing each other. It was going bad until the fire alarm went off.
"Ahhh!" a women screeched and the camera man, Leon, laughed like a nut. Ansem facepalmed while his arguing cast members turned their attention to the source of the scream.
"AXEL!" yelled the shrill voice of Larxene. There was laughing heard and the sprinkler went off in that area. Said guy came out of the break room covered in soot next to a giggling Demyx. Ansem felt like smacking his head off the wall; he turned to Roxas with an apologetic glance, "Tomorrow for sure." He said and Roxas turned on his heal and left for his trailer.
"I can't work with her, Ansem!" Riku yelled pointing to Kairi as she made out with Hayner, "Look at her for God's Sake!" he yelled out and the poor director just sighed.
"Riku, I'm sorry, but you'll have to put up with her a bit longer. Places! Take the scene from where we left off!" he yelled into his megaphone and sat in his chair next to Leon. Riku walked back to his spot and flicked on the voice scrambler to the lowest level to get the monotone undertone to his voice. Sora got on his hands and knees while Kairi took her place the edge of the set. "Action!"
"I shall release you now princess, use your power and lead me into everlasting darkness!" Riku yelled as he brought down the blade.
"Sora!" Kairi yelled this time and Sora brought up his weapon to counter Riku.
"There's no way your taking Kairi's heart!" he yelled and pushed Riku away. Riku in turn started the battle by quickly charging Sora who dodged and hit him with the blade. Riku recovered quickly and fired back with another strike that Sora dodged. Riku whirled around as did Sora and they charged each other to meet in a powerful strike in the middle of the set…until Sora tripped on a bump in the carpeting of the set, and Riku tripped on him.
"CUT!" Ansem yelled and Riku got up and gave a hand to help Sora up, "That's all for today, I guess." He said sadly. Axel walked up and patted his back and received a glare for it, "Go get drunk with your cast mates, Axel." He sighed and walked out. Riku flipped Kairi off and left the studio before Sora had the chance to ask him out for drinks.
"Don't worry, Sora," Axel said as he appeared next to him suddenly, "Riku needs to cool off, besides, Roxas is gonna explode from aggravation. Sora turned away from Axel and left for his trailer, "Don't you wanna come out for drinks?" Axel yelled behind Sora who simply shook his head. "Ok, see you tomorrow!" he yelled happily. Sora sulked back to the trailer (hotel room) and sat on the king sized bed and fell back. He really liked Riku, but couldn't be gay. It was bad publicity since the tabloids already guessed it to be true, but that didn't make Sora any less love crazed toward the white haired 23 year old. Sora rolled over and pulled the covers around him and clapped his hands and the lights turned off. At least he got to work with Riku, giving him the excuse to talk to him.
Since Sora was in his trailer (sulking most likely) Riku was really pissed off (reminding Axel of a girl PMS-ing) and Kairi was off being the reporter's favorite bad girl, Axel was alone with Roxas….just how he liked it. Axel knocked on the door of Roxas's room and waited for the short blonde to answer. He was dressed in his ripped up jeans and a tight black shirt. He was ready for either 2 things, drink with your friend in comfort, or fuck your boyfriend senseless. He was ok with either, but preferred the later. Roxas opened the door and Axel almost caved at the sight. Roxas was letting a lit cigarette hang from his mouth and held a bottle of Miller beer in his left hand while he leaned on the right with the open door. He gave Axel the stare of 'Get the hell out of here I'm to fucking tired for your happiness'. Axel wouldn't have that and grabbed the cig from his boyfriend and took a drag. He noticed it wasn't just a regular cig, it was laced with some other drugs and he knew something was bothering Roxas. He never resorted to getting high, ever. Axel released the smoke in Roxas's room.
"Roxy," Axel started as he snuffed out the cig, "I said you should never smoke." He said and Roxas backed up a bit and Axel pinned him to a wall and kicked the door shut. "What am I gonna do with you?" he whispered into Roxas's ear. Then Roxas smiled innocently, trying to avoid the inevitable and Axel forced a heated kiss to his lips and that was that. Axel forced Roxas to his bed and removed his and Roxas's shirt. He began to kiss all over Roxas's neck and pale chest. Roxas squirmed and moaned under Axel and it only got worse when Axel began to stroke him through his pants.
"Damnit, Ax!" Roxas cursed in a moan, "Oh fuck yes!" Axel squeezed harder and unbuttoned his pants agonizingly slow and let Roxas squirm in discomfort.
"What a trashy mouth, Roxas. I'm gonna have to punish you," Axel kissed and sucked on Roxas's left nipple "unless you can please me…" Axel let that hang in the air as he continued his onslaught on his tiny boyfriend. Roxas thought it over in his head (as best he could considering what Axel was doing with his tongue to his chest area). Axel's punishment usually led to a blindfold and handcuffs and a whole lot of bruises on his wrist that even make up can't hide completly, so Roxas decided the later was the better option for his sake. He pushed Axel over and got in between his legs and pulled the boxers down slowly while he kissed the newly shown skin. Axel seemed to be getting inpatient so Roxas just took him into his hot cavern and Axel called out his name, fisting his hands in his hair.
We'll finish this particular venture saying Axel and Roxas went home happy…and sore.
Riku was pissed. Why you may ask, well he didn't even know. He was just pissed off. He was sitting infront of the plasma screen of his room and debated calling Sora over. For the total 6 months of filming this damn movie, Sora was the only new face; not to mention the only face he liked most of the time. It was funny too, Sora was Roxas's brother and he knew Roxas for a full year before meeting his brother. Axel had been in the same movie with Riku when they were both discovered and their careers started at the same time so they were pretty close. Riku also didn't know why he hated Kairi so much.
Maybe it had something to do with her making him hit Sora on the head with the fake sword today. He rolled his head to the side and stared out the window and sighed loudly. He looked at the phone next to him quietly. I could always call a hooker…no. Sora would be pissed. He hates woman who do that and feels terrible since his mom was one and that's how he was born. The result of business…he was only worth 100 dollars since that was the price his father paid. Riku decided to text Sora, see if he was even up. It was past midnight and he did a lot of work today sine he was the star.
Sora? You awake, I'm bored.
He waited for the phone to go off, but it never did. He decided he could maybe call axel and go get some drinks at the bar, but thought back to earlier. Roxas was mega pissed, and when Roxas is pissed, Axel gets turned on, and when axel gets turned on Roxas in pinned to a wall, and when that happens…ew. Riku decided sleep would be the best and went to bed.
Ansem grew a look of worry when the call arrived to the webcam. Xemnas was a hard ass and treated most people like shit. In summary, Ansem was scared of Xemnas. He walked through the halls of the lobby of the hotel and saw the table set up and several people waiting there as they set up the cam. Ansem took a little comfort when he saw Naminé's smiling face and she handed him a coffee.
"Relax." She said and Ansem pulled on a brave face and sat the table and Naminé stood behind him as emotional support. Then the cam flickered to life and they were met by Xemnas's cruel face. He had grey hair, but wasn't old at all, and cruel, cold orange eyes.
"Ansem!" he barked and said man stayed firm, "How's the filming coming?" he asked evenly and Naminé smiled when she saw Saix standing beside Xemnas. Saix was Xemnas's personal secretary as Nami was to Ansem. He was really nice to her and every time they met, he gave her a flower.
"Uh…well, but…" Ansem trailed off. Xemnas raised a single eyebrow, "We're set back another 4 months." He said and waited for Xemnas to snap, but it never came. Ansem opened his eyes and stared at Xemnas as he breathed deeply.
"What?" he asked quietly and Saix turned to him and said what Ansem said to his boss in his quiet voice. "Ansem, were already 8 months behind and this will set us back a full year. That's a lot of money." He said evenly, and Ansem was shocked he wasn't yelling.
"THEN FIX THE FUCKING PROBLEM OR I'LL KICK YOUR FUCKING ASS BACK TO WHERE EVER THE HELL YOU CAME FROM!" Xemnas snapped and Ansem flinched as did Naminé, "IF THERE IS NO CHANGE I'M TERMINATING THE MOVIE AND FIRING YOUR ASS BECAUSE A FUCKING OSTRAGE COULD DIRECT BETTER THEN YOU!"
"Sir?" Naminé spoke up and everyone turned to her. She was normally the quiet assistant that no one could yell at, not even Xemnas.
"Yes?" he asked calmly. Naminé coughed into her hand quietly.
"It's not Ansem's fault completely, the actors you chose don't really work well together. I've seen it." She said quietly. Xemnas thought for a minute and pointed to the sound man, Reno.
"You, repeat what she just said!" and Reno did confused.
"IT'S HIS FAULT SINCE HE CAN'T CONTROL THE CAST! IF HE GREW A SET THIS MOVIE WOULD BE HALFWAY OVER. GET THE FOOTAGE OR DON'T BOTHER COMING BACK TO YOUR FUCKING MANSION SINCE I'LL STOP PAYING FOR IT!"
"Thanks for trying, Naminé." Ansem said quietly as he trudged off to his room. Reno looked over to her.
"Why didn't he yell at you!" and she only giggled as she walked off to her room.
"Morning, Riku!" Sora smiled brightly as he arrived outside his brother's room with Riku. They waited in silence when they heard the voice of Roxas…and Axel. Hey couldn't hear everything, but they heard things like 'get your fucking pants on' and some 'where the hell is my shirt' not to mention the top of the cake 'get your hands off you horny fuckstick!' He loved his brother's vocabulary. The door opened and Roxas walked out and hide behind Sora and looked like he would pass out from exhaustion any minute.
"He didn't let me sleep for more than an hour!" Roxas wailed loudly and Sora held his older brother. Axel laughed darkly.
"You enjoyed yourself last night, Roxas. Don't make me the bad guy." He smirked.
"Yeah maybe the first 3 times, but 13?" Roxas complained and Sora's eyes widened; 13 rounds of sex…brutal. Riku smacked his friend on the head.
"I'm sure Nami can make you something to keep you up. She always can!" Sora smiled. They walked into the lobby and met up with Kairi and the others.
"Ansem wanted us to meet him here.' She said before they could ask why everyone was waiting here. Ansem then showed up and gave them each a plane ticket.
"Road trip, kids." He smiled. Well, Ansem made a fool proof plan that was sure to save his ass, and teach the kids how to really act. Though he didn't know how bad things would turn out.
Ok, this was just to get an idea out of my head. I may or may not add to this. Depends if I'm asked.