Author: Lunatic Silver PM
I never stopped to think that maybe with claws I could finally reach the life I wanted.Rated: Fiction T - English - Angst/Drama - Katherine V. & C. Varek - Words: 837 - Favs: 1 - Published: 08-11-10 - Status: Complete - id: 6229812
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Disclaimer: I do not own Skinwalkers nor its characters. They belong to LGF, After Dark, and whoever else screwed the movie up.
Note: Sort of a companion piece to "Just One". This was another request by the same friend, who wanted Kat's POV as she's changing near her end.
"You live a lie."
Whatever happened to absolute truth? I used to believe in it. I used to believe that we were right, they were wrong. We were victims, they were monsters. I believed in hope and freedom and humanity and a life of innocence and happiness, just beyond my fingertips.
I never stopped to think that maybe with claws I could finally reach that life.
"We are not human."
Is it wrong to spend your life wanting to be something you're not? Perhaps that's what made me the most human. Wanting the American, human dream. Doesn't every little girl want to be a princess, pure and sweet? I tried so hard.
I used to be Daddy's princess.
I used to be Adam's sugar.
Now I'm a beast. Now I am blood and fire and I feel the wild spreading through my body.
"I will give you life."
Once upon a time, I was a happy little girl. I had a beautiful, alive mother and a happy father - and an uncle who loved and spoiled me. I knew nothing of monsters lurking in the woods and under my own family's skin. I did not feel the beast that rested within my own soul, waiting for her release. I knew nothing of death, of sacrifice, of loss.
Every little girl loses something the moment it sinks in that they'll never be what they want to be. Or maybe it's just me.
"You will be free."
I love, but it's tainted. I live, but it's restricted. I feel, but it's subdued.
Whispers fluttering through my head like flies buzzing around a carcass, and I slowly am forgetting all my little girl dreams. I'm surrounded by strangers that no longer love me.
He looked so different, Daddy. He was a stranger.
You look so different, Daddy. Maybe he isn't the stranger anymore.
"They will fear you. They will mean to hurt you, punish you. They will want to end you. End all of us."
Maybe none of them were strangers.
I look at the body on the ground. I look at the strangers bound. I knew these people, once upon a time.
Thrashing, flailing. Like panicked prey – like animals cornered, like lambs before the slaughter. I saw this last night. I tasted this last night. Struggling, fearful creatures with survival instinct kicking in.
I smell their fear. I smelt this last night.
"I will open your eyes, Katherine."
They're yelling, they're thrashing, they're trying to hurt me.
They want me dead.
They aren't the strangers at all.
"I will show you truth."
I used to believe in absolute truth. Now I know; that truth was always the real lie. I am not a victim. I am not a monster. I am. I am wolf and I am woman and I want both worlds. I can have both worlds. I know that now. Everything else was a lie. Everything else was wrong. Everything else was wasted, and I won't waste myself anymore.
They won't take my new dream from me.
I'll dig my claws in deep.
"Kill the boy, Katherine. Don't let them stop you. Don't let them kill us."
Something's tearing inside of me, and for the first time I laugh, I truly laugh. Because it's the first time that frightened, weak part of me is the one trapped inside. She is crying and clawing and trying to hold me back all by herself.
Because they are helpless and trapped.
Now they fully understand what I've suffered. They could never know what it was like.
I could show them. I could open their eyes.
She's crying, and I'm hurting everywhere. Vermillion sway tugging at my senses, and my heart wants to bleed out. Soon it will all be over.
"They won't understand. They can't. It isn't their fault. But don't let them stop you."
They want to stop me. They want her back, but she's almost gone. She's me. It feels good to be one at last. Soon it will be over, and there won't be any more confusion. I'll see perfectly, clearly, once and for all.
Come nightfall, I half-expect to find myself in full control. For the first time I will have full control. Last night was a taste. Tonight will be more.
They won't stop me.
"I love you. And you love me."
"No, no, Katherine, don't."
I love you both.
But you don't want me anymore.
"I will show you the truth."