First of all, I'm sorry it's taken so long to update. _ Guess I've kind of neglected this haven't I? Sorry.

Also thank you to Ryuus2 for giving me the idea of Excalibur 'wooing' Mary and Irene, I've changed the idea a little, mostly because it was funnier, but still you gave me the idea so thank you.

The tasks mentioned are also actual ones requested by Excalibur. :)

"FOOLS!"

Watson scowled and looked down at the annoying creature stood next to him who was once again swinging its cane round and round.

"If you want the ability to fly and for me to become your weapon you must perform a thousand tasks for me," Excalibur stated.

Watson gave the thing an incredulous look. "A thousand tasks? How on ear-"

"FOOL!" Excalibur shouted again, jabbing his cane into Watson's chest. "I will tell you some of these tasks! Always place a dehumidifier in your room!"

"A de what?" asked Holmes.

"FOOL! Never talk to me while I'm humming to myself!"

"But you weren't-"

"FOOL! You must praise me at all times!"

"I don't think it's possible that there's anything to praise," snapped Watson.

"FOOL! Only the finest toilet is acceptable!"

"GO TO A HOTEL THEN!" Holmes bellowed, whilst simultaneously pulling at his own hair in frustration.

Excalibur ignored this and continued. "You must also attend my five hour story telling party."

"Five hours! Five hours! I can't even stand five seconds of you! You despicably annoying excuse for a living creature!" Holmes shouted.

Outside it had started to rain, and neither of the three had noticed and did not notice until the sound of a loud rumble thunder permeated the air. At which point the door to Holmes' room was opened and Irene Adler herself sauntered in with a huge smile on her face and holding a large closed umbrella in her right hand.

"Hello Sherlock! Oh and the Doctor too, how nice!"

"Hullo Irene," said Watson, almost cheerfully, he would have sounded more cheerful if it hadn't been for Excalibur's continued presence. "D'you want some tea?"

"Yes please," Irene replied, with a worried glance in Holmes' direction, who, upon her entry to the room, had sat down at his desk and put his head upon it, making a little noise of distress.

"Oh don't worry about him, he's getting too annoyed with…that thing," said Watson in exasperation, gesturing towards Excalibur.

"What the hell-" Irene began, but was interrupted because Excalibur had bounded over to her and taken her left hand in his own.

"FOOL! I am Excalibur! What a pleasure it is to have such a beautiful creature like yourself joining us for my five hour story party!" And with that Excalibur kissed Irene's hand.

Her reply was to give him a brutal whack around the head with her umbrella.

"Touch me like that again you weird little thing and I will stick this," she brandished the umbrella again, "somewhere incredibly uncomfortable…if you in fact have such a place. Also calling a lady a fool is not the best line to start with!"

Watson laughed and Holmes exclaimed cheerfully, "Brilliant!"

"He's been annoying us all day," Watson explained, "we can't seem to work out how to get rid of him."

"I suggest we drown him, Holmes snarled.

"I second that," agreed Irene.

"We can't kill him," argued Watson.

"Why not?" replied Holmes and Irene in unison.

"Because it's murder that's why, no matter how annoying he is!"

There was a sound of footsteps outside and Holmes let out a little frustrated cry.

"What now?" he growled.

A very soaked looking Mary Morstan walked through the open door to the room, looking rather miserable.

"John, it's hammering it down out there, I didn't have my umbrella with me…gosh I'm soaked through…" she said, looking down at her dress.

Before Watson could reply, Excalibur had practically leaped at Mary.

"Allow me to dry you my lady!"

He was stopped by Irene, who smacked him once again with her umbrella and then proceeded to beat him with it, while Mary looked absolutely horrified.

"Leave. Her. Alone. You. Little. Pervert!" she shouted with each whack.

"That's it! We've got to get him out of here! NOW!" Watson shouted.

"I think I may have an idea old boy," said Holmes with a grin.

I find that umbrellas make the best weapons…