|Roadmap to Irritation
Author: Mk Marie PM
Three super hot but annoying guys, one cramped car, 3,000 miles of open highway, and me, Bella Swan... No good can come from this. All human. OOC. Read if you liked truck-napper!Rated: Fiction T - English - Humor/Romance - Bella & Paul - Chapters: 2 - Words: 2,660 - Reviews: 147 - Favs: 121 - Follows: 188 - Updated: 08-18-10 - Published: 08-16-10 - id: 6243328
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
DISCLAIMER: The plot belongs to me but all things Twilight belong to the lovely Stephenie Meyer
Author's Note: I'm glad everyone seems to like the new story so far, even though it is Paul! Here's the first official chapter. Enjoy!
I don't care hot hot they are. I never wanted this insight into the male sychie. The trip had officialy begun with the third guy, Paul was his name, announcing that all arms, legs, and feminine products be kept in the Rabbit at all times. And believe it or not that was their good behavoir.
We were about an hour into the trip now. Jacob had already stopped for Taco Bell once and I heard more jokes that began with, "So there's these two hot lesbians and a pastor right," than I knew existed. I had mentioned that none of them were funny so now they were burping the alphebet. They were up to M when Jacob released an earsplintering fart. It did sound eerily like an N.
"God, Jake!" I groaned, trying to roll my window down. "What did you eat?"
It smelled like rotting onions or a decaying corpse maybe.
Jake just grinned as Seth burst into a rousing rendition of beans, beans, the magical fruit.
"That window gets stuck," Paul snapped from the backseat. "If you roll it down it'll take us friggin forever to get it back up again!"
What a ray of sunshine the sexy Paul had turned out to be. The others were loud and annoying but he was something else all together.
"It's worth it," I gasped, sticking my head out of the now open window. My eyes were starting to water and that stench was not fading. It needed an exit strategy before it killed us all.
"Remember the time I put a dead frog in your pillow case when you were eight?" Jacob asked when I finaly pulled my head back inside.
My mouth dropped open but although the stench had faded the taste remained so I settled for narrowing my eyes into slits instead.
"That was you?" I gasped. Ugh, gasping not good either.
He nodded, seemingly proud of himself.
"Who'd you think it was, princess?" Paul smirked. "The toothfairy?"
Actually I had thought it had been Renee's sick idea to get me to try fried frog legs. I've never been big on trying new things. It didn't make any sense now that I thought about it but nothing my mother did made sense.
"That's only fair," I said, trying not to let my embarrassment over sounding stupid show. "You know, since I'm the one that super glued the toilet lid down that time you had the runs."
Paul grinned, raising his eyebrows as if I'd surprised him in a good way and I secretly beamed as Seth loosed another diabolical, "Your mother!"
"Bella," Jacob frowned. "I can't believe you did that! Everyone called me 'runs' for months!"
"And Jacob Brown," Seth chuckled.
"How about, Jacob-can't-make-it-to-the-bathroom-on-time-Black?" I laughed.
I was laughing alone.
All the boys blinked in unison and Seth shook his head as if my attempted insults were the saddest thing he'd ever heard.
Damn! My cousin, Leah had been right when she said my insulting nick-names were always idiotic. I'd thought she was just being mean.
"Hey, remember that time we fed her a mudpie?" Paul restarted the conversation.
Wait-Paul? Paul hadn't been there. That had been Jacob and the fat kid he had sit on me.
... Oh my god!
"You were the one who sat on me?"
Pail nodded, smirking as Seth hooted and gave him one of those stupid cangratulatory arm punches.
"You were a chunky monkey!" I screeched.
Seth and Jacob disolved into laughter. Well that one wasn't idiotic. I'd have to tell Leah.
"Chunky monkey," Jacob gasped. "What a way to be remembered."
"Shut up and drive, Black!" Paul demanded, his fists clenching on the knees of his faded jeans. "At least I'm not the guy who pooped himself."
It was quiet in the car after that. Paul was the kid who'd sat on me? The fat kid who trapped me and held me still so Jacob Black could feed me a mud pie? That's the reason I'm clastrophobic now!
My eyes flashed to the rearview mirror to find Paul, his muscled arm hanging outside the open window, the sun hitting his square stubbled jaw, and the wind blowing his raven hair around.
Well I've got to find a new way to pass the time because I'm sure as hell not going to fantasise about making out with him anymore.
The next time Jacob stopped to refuel I dug out my notebook. Since I'd stopped imagining Paul's plump lips and warm hands I needed something to do to keep from going insane.
Jacob had tried to get us to stop at every attraction advertised on all the road signs but I kept saying no because I wanted to get to Forks sometime before the world ended. 2012 was right around the corner after all!
It's not like I was all of the sudden excited to go fishing but I was overly excited to get this roadtrip over with. Jacob was finished filling the car up and Seth was coming back from the store across the street with a grocery bag, a package of sesame seeds, and a straw. That did not look promising.
Jake got back in the drivers seat and I got out to let Seth back in.
"Thanks, Bella," he grinned as I held the door for him. "Here's a little something for your troubles."
I caught the package of Twinkies he tossed me, my mouth watering already and smiled.
"Thank you, Seth."
"Where's mine?" Jacob frowned.
"They must still be in the store," Seth shrugged.
Jake shot an envious glance at mine and I moved them a little closer to me. Jacob got this kind of shifty rabid look when it came to food, his eyes twitching.
"You bought Bella one," he pouted, still eyeing the cream cake like it was a blond double d in a mini skirt. I turned a little away from the car, hoping to sheild the golden delight in case he made any sudden movements.
"I like her better," Seth explained simply. "She's funny."
"Plus she looks better in tight jeans," Paul smirked as he came up behind me.
I whirled around, caught off gaurd. There he was, towering over me with all his muscles and strong jaw line. His dark eyes got a kind of devious glint to them when he teased me that made me forget how to breath.
"Keep telling yourself that," Jake winked playfuly.
"Where'd you go anyway, man?" Seth asked as Paul slid around me closer than necesary to crawl into the back seat.
"There was a hot blond at the pump across from us," he said. "I showed her a little Meraz charm and she was putty in my hands."
He held up one hand and I could see a name and telephone number written over his palm in swirly letters. Who has the time to dot their I's with hearts? Cindy. That's who. Stupid ho.
"Meraz charm, huh?" I grumbled, getting in and slamming the car door. "I didn't know you had any."
"Your mother!" Seth cheered.
"That's because I only use it with the really pretty girls," he glared.
My eyes narrowed as I ground my teeth together.
"Want a Twinkie, Chunky monkey Meraz?" I asked saucily.
His eyes darkened to dangerous shades but Seth cut in.
"A blond?" he questioned suspiciously. "But you like brunetts."
I can't know for sure but I think Paul growled. Whether he did or not I do know he tried to covertly kick Seth because his legs were too long and they ended up kicking the back of Jacob's seat which in turn made Jacob honk the horn.
I was pretty sure we were making the gas station attendent nervous by this time.
I flipped around, clicking my seat belt into place.
"Let's just go," I grumbled.
As the car puttered out of the parking lot I flipped my notebook open.
Day#1, I wrote. Two days to go. Number of honk if you love Jesus bumberstickers I've seen? Six. Number of times Jacob has honked, startling everyone in the car? Seven. He swears the odd one was because he saw a mutant wolf on the side of the road but he really just likes watching us jump. Number of reasons why I wish we'd left Paul at the gas station with slutty Cindy? Too many to count.
Author's Note: I know there are probably mistakes. There probably always will be, at least until my beta gets home. Lol. But other than that did you like it? Any thoughts? Reviews=love. Reviews also=faster updates.