Author: maxandmo PM
What happens when the Colons...err..Cullens move into the Trailer Park? 2nd place winner of the Trailer Trash Cullen Contest. A humorous tale of trailer trash love.Rated: Fiction M - English - Humor/Romance - Bella & Edward - Chapters: 2 - Words: 9,263 - Reviews: 77 - Favs: 74 - Follows: 40 - Updated: 02-14-11 - Published: 08-16-10 - Status: Complete - id: 6243592
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Trailer Trash Cullen One-Shot Contest
Bella/Edward, Alice/Jasper, Emmett/Rosalie, Carlisle/Esme
Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight. Rated M for bad words and lemons.
"Bella, get your sweet ass over here!" Emmett yelled, to his second cousin. "You're looking hot today."
"Well, maybe because it is hot, you dipshit," she answered.
Emmett never ceased from telling Bella how hot she was even when it was cold. He thought because they were second cousins, that their relationship could be taken to another level. Bella was disgusted by the mere thought of this.
The sound of 'Sweet Home Alabama' radiated throughout the Forks Trailer Park. It was a hot summer day, and everyone was hanging out at the pond in the center of the park. Most of the trailers had no air-conditioning, and the residents welcomed the feeling of the crisp, yet murky water.
Emmett lived with Bella and her father ever since his own ran off with her mother. They had all learned to get along through the years, and Bella thought of him as a brother, thus adding to the disgust she felt when he ogled her.
Bella's father, Charlie, was a security guard at the 7-eleven store up the street from the trailer park. It served as a haven for lottery players from around the state. A few years back a winning ticket was bought by a passer by, so folks would camp out when the drawing was big, thinking they too, could be a winner. There were often fights, as people were forced to wait in line for hours. Charlie took his job very serious, earning the nickname of 'chief', which he loved.
It was a special weekend for Bella since her best friend Alice, and her baby's daddy, Jasper, were in town. They were carnies, and traveled all over during the summer months. Alice ran a booth reading tarot cards, and selling people a load of crap while holding their hands. So Jasper watched their son, Little Jazz, and ran the Corn-in-the-Hole game.
It was unusual for them to be home, but Alice's mother was celebrating her third divorce, so they had promised to help her move into their trailer. She was going to keep an eye on things while they were on the road.
"Hey Bella," said Alice, who was siting with her at the edge of the water. "Did you hear that some family is moving onto James's old lot?"
James, and his wife Victoria, were forced to move, after he set fire to their trailer in a jealous rage. He apparently caught Victoria making out with some chick named Jane. While he was pissed at first, his buddies urged him to embrace his luck, and the three of them moved to the park down the road.
"I heard that," Bella said, while chewing her gum. "Alice, you do know that rubbing baby oil all over yourself is gonna fry you like bacon, right?"
"Hell yeah. Jasper likes me all tan. You look like an old fuckin' lady with that big ass hat on," she said to Bella, who was lathering 50 SPF all over herself, while wearing a humungous straw hat.
"Girl, you know how bad I sunburn. Plus, I'm looking for a job. I can't look like a lobster."
Bella had just graduated from high school. She was the first one in her family to do so, and now was hunting for a job. Times were tough, and even with a high school diploma, she was having trouble finding something worthy of her time.
"Yo Alice, were you trying to suck the life out of Jasper, or what?" Emmett yelled, while pointing at Jasper's neck full of hickeys. "Damn, girl!"
"I was just tryin' to mark my territory when y'all take him to Juicy Lucy's after the demolition derby," she answered casually.
"Emmett, you're lookin' fine. Are you still engaged to Tanya?" Alice asked.
Emmett was standing in front of her in his wife beater tank top, confederate flag swim trunks, and had a big wad of chew in his mouth.
"Hell no. That bitch was crazy," he said, as he pulled his tank top up to reveal a huge 'TA' that had been scratched into his chest. "She carved this into my chest one night. I thought I was getting lucky cuz she tied me up, but shit, she took my pocket knife and fucked me up." Emmett spit his tobacco into the pond.
Bella couldn't help but snort at his explanation. "That's because you spelled her name wrong on your tattoo."
She pointed to his extremely large bicep, on which a rose was tattooed. The vine made cursive letters to spell 'Tonya'. Emmett mistakenly told the tattoo artist an 'O' instead of an 'A', hence the 'TA' on his chest.
"Well, I'll never forget how to spell it now. I caught her checking my phone, and looking through my shit one too many times. She had to go. It's a good thing I got her ring at the flea market since she flushed it down the toilet. I was not sticking my hand in shit to get it back."
Bella hung out by the water, alternating between reading her favorite book, and scanning the want ads, the rest of the afternoon. Though she enjoyed relaxing, a part of her couldn't help but be envious of Alice, Jasper, and Little Jazz, as she watched them playing in the pond.
Most of her friends already had kids, but she was adamant about having them with the right guy. She was old fashioned and wanted to at least be engaged first, and hoped that she could be ten times the mother her own turned out to be.
She had only had one boyfriend, and Jake had moved across the country with his family years ago. They kept in touch for a while, but last she heard he was in prison out in Washington State. Charlie had forbid her from keeping in contact with him after that. He had no tolerance for law breakers, and Bella respected her father's wishes.
Bella hadn't planned on being a virgin for so long, but it was the way things had worked out. She hoped she would meet someone worthy of her virginity, and couldn't wait to see what all the hype was about regarding sex.
"Earth to Bella! Girlfriend, I've been calling your name for ever. Hellooo," Alice was yelling, from atop Jasper's shoulders. "It's chicken fighting time."
Great, Bella thought. She refused to get on top of Emmett's shoulders, instead opting for Riley's. Even when Riley would 'accidentally' cop a feel, it was still less creepy to her. Riley was great looking but was very bossy and was always getting into fights. Bella wasn't interested in the drama that came along with him.
Bella decided to call it day after being beaten by Alice several times. Alice may have been small, but she was a mighty spit-fire, especially when it came to chicken fighting.
The group as a whole decided to walk back with Bella. The demolition derby was later, and Emmett was the star driver. Upon their arrival at the trailer park, they spotted a huge double wide at the entrance.
"Holy hell, y'all. That there's the mother load," said Jasper, in awe of the enormous trailer that was entering the park.
"That's not going to fit nowhere," said Riley.
"Hmm, that must belong to those Colons. They're the ones moving to Vicky's old lot," Emmett said, with certainty.
"Vicky?" Alice said, with her eyebrow raised.
"Alice, don't you remember? Vicky was Emmett's first. They did it behind the roller rink in ninth grade. He came inside to skate with his green Guess jeans all full of blood. It was disgusting," Bella said, with a grimace.
"Oh, shit. That's right. He kept going on and on about how he was in love with the fire bush. I must have pregnancy brain," Alice said, with a smirk.
"Alice!" Bella exclaimed.
"I know, right? Jasper pulled out every time except for the once in the fun house at the county fair. We didn't think it was right to get spoo where kids would be playing," Alice said, in all honesty.
Ew, Bella thought. "How considerate of you," she said, dryly.
"My Alice is a barracuda in the sack," said Jasper, proudly.
There was movement behind the double wide, which thankfully ended their talk of fun house sex.
"Would you get a hold of that. Woo hoo, you're the hottest piece of ass to ever step foot in this place," Emmett yelled, to a big blond girl with huge brown roots, who was standing next to the enormous trailer. He proceeded to whistle at her, while grabbing his package.
She was standing next to two little boys who were obviously bi-racial. They were peeing at the same time on the side of the trailer. "Fuck you, you ugly big bastard," the mean looking girl yelled back.
Her response only made Emmett more interested in her. "I think I'm in love," he said to his friends.
They continued their walk to their own trailers while talking about having a cook-out before heading to the derby. Alice was taking Little Jazz in for a nap, while the guys were going hunting for some appetizers. The woods nearby made for some convenient hunting grounds. Most anything tasted like chicken if it was cooked correctly.
Bella spent her time before the cook-out baking brownies and then showered. When she came out of her trailer a while later, she noticed a septic tank truck parked on the empty lot. She was curious because the whole trailer park had just been taken care of the year before, and weren't due for another two years.
She took a big whiff of air to see if she could smell a problem with their septic system. Though she didn't smell any sewage, the smell of BBQ mixed with stale cigarette smoke floated through the air.
Interesting, she thought. The last time the park had septic problems the whole place smelled like shit. She also noticed that the truck had a clever logo on the front; The Stool Bus. She giggled to herself as she walked to meet the others.
As Bella reached the designated cook-out area, she noticed a striking man with blond hair and blue eyes talking to the guys. Next to him stood a woman with bouffant hair, who was smoking a Swisher Sweet cigar.
"Hey, Bella, this here is Carlisle and Esme. They own that double wide we saw earlier," Jasper said, by way of introduction.
Emmett, Riley, and Jasper already had their kill skinned and cooking on the fire. Bella rarely asked what type of meat it was, as she liked to imagine it was just chicken. The boys were always proud of themselves, and she didn't want to balk at their successful, yet less than appealing, meat choices. They invited the couple with the odd names to join them.
"Bella, honey, it's so nice to meet you. Would you like a smoke?" Esme said, as she held a cigar out to Bella.
The Esme woman must have held stock in the Aqua Net hairspray company. It was close to one hundred degrees out, yet the woman's hair was completely intact.
"Hey, I'll take one of those yummy smelling cancer sticks!" Alice exclaimed, while grabbing one from Esme's hand. "I love me some Swisher Sweets. I'm Alice," she said, as she held her free hand out to shake Esme's.
"Alice, you're pregnant!" Bella whispered.
"Girl, this baby is so small it will hardly matter," Alice said, as she patted her non-existent baby bump.
"That's right y'all, Alice and I are expecting another bundle of goddamn joy!" Jasper exclaimed.
The guys lined up shots, and everyone, to include Alice, downed them in one big gulp. "Fuck yeah!" exclaimed Carlisle, as he placed his plastic cup next to everyone else's.
"So who's shit pumper is that?" Alice asked, as she pointed to 'The Stool Bus'.
"Dear, it's our family's. You dump it, we pump it. That's our motto," Esme explained. "Carlisle works when he feels like it, but our son, Edward, runs shit these days."
Bella couldn't hold in her snort of laughter any longer. She clutched her gut, and was in complete hysterics. Everyone was staring at her with confused looks on their faces.
"Oh, come on. She said Edward runs shit. That is funny!" Bella was still giggling and everyone was still looking at her with blank expressions on their faces. "Whatever. You fuck-sticks wouldn't know funny if it kicked you in the ass."
"Edward takes his job very serious. Your shit is our bread and butter," Carlisle said, with a smile.
Emmett was staring at the couple and suddenly had an amused look on his face. "Get the fuck out of here. You people are honey dippers with the last name of Colon! Fuck me!" he said, through his laughter.
"Our last name is Cullen, not Colon, you cocksucker," said a voice from behind them.
Emmett turned to see the mean, pretty girl and the two little black and white boys. "You must be a Colon..err..Cullen then. I'm Emmett, the baddest demolition derby driver on this side of the Mississippi. Whose kids are those, and why are they peeing on the shit truck's tires?"
"They're my kids you dick-licker, and who gives a rat's ass where they piss?" she said, while grabbing for a cigar.
"Baby, you are hot," Emmett said, while he admired her much too tight tank top and short shorts. He started to lick his lips and even a blind person could tell he was starting to pop a boner.
Before anyone could take notice of Emmett's woody, a Firebird sped towards them. Just as the group was about to jump out of the way, the car skidded to a stop kicking up dust everywhere. Kid Rock blasted form the speakers, and fuzzy dice hung from the rearview mirror.
The car door opened and everyone's eyes were waiting to see who drove such an awesome hot rod. Out came a guy wearing a Budweiser tank top, acid washed jeans with holes in the knees, a NASCAR hat on backwards, and his left ear was pierced. The flowing locks of his auburn hair could be seen from underneath his hat. He had a thin frame and was a little taller than average. His eyes were covered with orange Oakley shades, and he was wearing red rubber flip flops.
"Mm, what a fox," Bella said, under her breath. Alice heard her and looked over towards her knowingly.
"If I wasn't knocked up and crazy for Jasper, I'd be all over that. Bella you've got to have a piece of that and tell me how it is," Alice said.
"Alice. Shh, he's going to hear you." Bella elbowed her loud-mouthed friend.
"Hey, ladies. Sup?" he said, with a wink. "I'm Edward. It's nice to meet y'all."
"Y'all want to go to the Demolition Derby with us tonight? You totally should. It's fucking rad, dudes," Alice said, elbowing Bella and showing her crossed fingers.
"As long as you're going," Edward said, as he pulled a surprised Bella in for a hug.
"Um, yeah, I'm so there," Bella said, as she looked into his eyes.
"Yo, babe with the colored kids," Emmett said, to the blond girl with brown roots. "I want you to go as my guest, and I'll personally see to it that you get a piece of the car I demolish first. The kids can have some beef jerky for free. That's how I roll."
"My name is Rose, and if you ever want to use your nuts again, you will stop calling me babe. Throw in some cotton candy for these brats, and we are so there. Tony, Alec, get your black asses over here before I get out my paddle," Rose yelled, to her kids.
Bella raced home with a plate for Charlie since he was stuck working the 7-eleven. She then curled her bangs and spritzed some body spray all over herself. She put on a pair of daisy duke shorts and a Kid Rock concert t-shirt that she picked up on clearance at the Winn Dixie. She was dressing for Edward. He obviously loved Kid Rock, and now, so did she. She threw on some big hoop earrings and used the new blue eyeliner that she had been saving.
She had never experienced such a rush of electricity before Edward's hug. He was hotness complete with wheels and a j.o.b. Bella made it her mission to lose her virginity to him, and soon.
Bella heard a horn blasting outside of her trailer. When she peeked out the window she saw the Firebird, and her heart skipped a beat. She was loving Edward's assuming nature, and loved a man to take the lead.
Bella got into his car and he took off like rapid fire. He had the music cranked loud to old time rock-and-roll, and before she knew it they were at the arena. Edward raced to her side of the car so he could open the door for her. As he helped her out of the car he produced a mix tape from behind her ear, as if it was magic.
"Stick with me, and I'll show you all my tricks," he whispered into her ear.
Bella blushed and accepted the mix tape from him. It was the nicest thing she had ever gotten from a guy. He grabbed her hand and they found seats next to the others.
Emmett completely dominated the derby taking first place. As promised he brought a large piece of metal to Rose. She slapped him in the face and then smacked him on the ass. "They say once you've gone black, you never go back. Well fuck them and the horses the all rode in on. I want you, you big stud. Y'all hear that? This is my man, so all you other bitches can step off!"
Emmett was grinning from ear to ear. "I want you Rosie, and them black kids of yours. I'm gonna take care of them too."
With that, they started making out right in the grandstand. Applause could be heard around the arena. Rose fingered the tattoo of the rose on his arm, and then got a huge smile on her face when she saw the 'Tonya'. "Emmett, it's like fate. You have a rose for me and Tony and A for my boys. We were meant to be." With that revelation, Rose felt sure that she belonged with Emmett.
Edward raced Bella home in his car. This time he had his music turned down enough so they could talk. They parked in front of his parents' gigantic double wide that was now safely situated on the lot. He cut the engine and they continued to get to know each other. Edward knew that Bella was the girl for him, the moment he laid his eyes on her.
"Bella, if we are going to be together, I need you to see my first love," he said, as he led her toward the septic tank truck, while cracking open a beer. "This...is my past, present, and my future. I have been looking for someone who will take as much pride in it as I do. Will you be that person, Bella?" Edward said, sincerely.
She was trying not to breathe deeply, as the smell of raw sewage was nauseating, though she did want to be his girl. "Oh, yes, Edward. I will be your proud and faithful pumping companion."
He opened the door to his truck, popped in the mix tape, and laid her down on the long and wide bench seat. They started to make out and she could feel how much he wanted her. "Bella, you know once we start this, there is no turning back. I can't pump right if I have blue balls."
"Edward, I want to be with you!" she exclaimed, as she reveled in the smell of the beer on his breath.
Edward shed his clothes, except for his tightie whities, and Bella did the same. "I love that you wore a Kid Rock shirt tonight. You looked hot," Edward said, as he gave her a sucker bite.
Bella was panting, and could feel the dampness pool between her legs. This was all new to her, but she could tell Edward knew what he was doing. She was more than happy to let him take the lead.
He was sucking on her nipples and rubbing his thumb across them. She grabbed his ass through his underwear and he moaned, "Fuck yeah, baby." He continued to suck on her nipples and then moved back so he could admire them. "Bella, I just love your titties," he said.
"Thanks, Edward. You make me feel so pretty."
She brazenly grabbed the front of his underwear which caused him to hiss. She took that as a good sign and placed her hand inside. She couldn't believe how silky smooth his dick was. It felt large, and she panicked at the thought of fitting that inside of her. She pushed the fear aside, and started to stroke him.
It only took a minute and then he was swearing and convulsing at the same time. The next thing Bella knew, her hand was completely sticky.
"Damn, darlin'. You give one hell of a hand-job. Fuck yeah," he said, as he high-fived her non-sticky hand.
Edward produced a crusty hand towel from behind his seat. Bella wiped off her hand, and wasn't sure what was going to happen next. She heard a noise next to her and when she looked over, Edward was snoring.
She was not only disappointed, but frustrated as well. Her panties were in a ruffle and she was ready and willing to have him deflower her.
She lightly tapped his chest, and when that didn't work, she took his nipple into her mouth and bit it. "Ow, fuck," he said, obviously now awake.
When he assessed the situation, Edward realized what had happened. "Oh, baby. I'm sorry. I busted a nut and then fell asleep. That happens sometimes," he told her, with a smile. He gently pushed her down so that she was laying on her back. "I'm gonna give you some lovin' you ain't never gonna forget."
He slid her panties off and licked his lips. He placed his finger on her clit and started to rub it gently. Bella was panting, "Oh, that feels so good."
Edward continued to play with her love button, and she continued to find pleasure from it. He then slid a finger into her wet opening and started to move it back and forth. Edward added another and was taking Bella places she didn't know existed.
He removed his hand from her wetness and started to stroke himself with it. He put his hand to his mouth and spit on it. Before Bella could question his actions, he stroked himself some more, and moved towards her wet and ready pussy.
Edward placed himself at her entrance and pushed forward. When he was met with the resistance of her virginity, he stopped and looked her in the eyes, "Bella, you're going to let me pop your cherry inside of my livelihood? You fucking rock! Don't worry, you can't get pregnant the first time."
With that, he pushed into her harder and felt her expand to fit his manhood. She let herself relax, and met his quick and feverish movements. She locked her legs around his waist, and moved to the sync of the ever rocking mix tape.