|Last Goodbye: Dimitri's POV
Author: Northern-Soul PM
Title says it all. My fic Last Goodbye but in Dimitri's POV.Rated: Fiction T - English - Tragedy/Romance - Dimitri B. - Words: 2,264 - Reviews: 23 - Favs: 17 - Follows: 5 - Published: 08-25-10 - Status: Complete - id: 6270543
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
AN: Hey. This is my one-shot fic 'Last Goodbye' but in Dimitri's point of view. I found this harder to write than I did Rose's POV so let me know how you think I did. Reviews are greatly appreciates.
Richelle Mead owns all.
Last Goodbye: Dimitri's POV
These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase
~Evanescence- My Immortal
The last months of my life have been filled with such utter turmoil that I'm surprised I haven't collapsed under the strain of it. The fight on the Academy when I was turned, my brief stint as a Strigoi, my turning back to a dhampir; it had brought me so much pain, physical and mental, but none of it could compare to the gut-wrenching unadulterated horror I felt in this moment.
Rose Hathaway, the young teenage girl who stole my morals, my control and my heart, who I have loved, respected and abused during the time I have known her, was going to die.
That one solitary word put the fear of God in me. I saw Abe 'Zemy' Mazur, known mobster and man to always get what he wanted without question, shouting demands and hidden pleas at the judging panel. In a way that only confirmed Rose's fate. If someone like Abe could become this desperate in any such situation then it was more than clear that there was no hope.
At this realisation my body began to shake as the fear finally consumed every single pore in my body. I'd already lost Rose in so many ways in such a short space of time that I should have been able to deal with this better, I was a guardian, emotions always taking the back seat in any situation. But I was a changed man and the most important thing in my life-the most important thing ever- had less than two hours to live.
I felt my body go cold as my heart rate picked up dramatically. I gripped my forearms forcefully to try and quell my shaking but even with my nails biting into my skin through my clothing it was a futile attempt. I couldn't suppress the sobs that brought up from my throat as I watched the cold manacles being fastened around her beautiful wrists. I hated that, it made her seem guilty, disrespected, denounced.
I remembered the first time I saw her, her fiery protectiveness over Lissa making her glow with a life and spirit that I saw in few others. It was her fierce nature that attracted me to her so much as I saw in her everything I aspired to be. Of course she was beautiful, her long, brunette falling full and thick over her shoulders and framing her perfect face and dark, beseeching eyes. Her slim figure and sensuous curves begging to be worshiped nearly brought me to my knees on numerous occasions. She was my Roza, my everything, and I loved each and every part of her.
She was close now, no further than a few feet from me and I continued to let the tears fall uninterrupted down my face. I wanted her to see my pain, to see how she affected me so, and I pray to God that she can see the love I have for her radiating out of every inch on me. I couldn't live with myself if she were to meet her fate not knowing how much I adored her.
She met my eyes and stopped suddenly her expression turning from saddened resignation to shock as she took in my features. I in turn drank her in. She looked tired and forlorn as if she had aged beyond her years during her stint in the cell. How I hated the thought of her being banged up and treated harshly like some sort of pariah. But I was powerless to do anything about it and with the number of guardians kept on watch every escape attempt ever planned had fallen flat with the realisation that the only way she was ever getting out was through nail biting legal arguments or on a gurney. It made me sick that we had concluded on the second story.
The guardian leading her gave her a forceful shove on the shoulder to get her to keep walking, for which I was thankful and resentful. I wanted her closer so I could talk to her, to say that dreaded word; Goodbye. But at the same time I was fully against anyone causing her any harm, no matter how inconsequential.
She was within two feet of me now and I felt the urge to reach out and wrap her up in my arms, give her any comfort she would take from me. Her guide grunted in annoyance and shoved on her shoulder again. This time I sent him a menacing glare that immediately had him backing up- my reputation did have its uses. I silently pleaded with her to understand and accept what I was about to tell her, but I had no idea how to begin. We had so much to talk about but so little time left to us.
"Roza," I whispered brokenly, "I don't...I didn't..." I opened and closed my mouth, searching fruitlessly for the right words to say. However I was drawn up short when she gave me small, tearful smile and whispered "It's okay. I know. I understand"
I frown at the sadness in her voice. Surly she wouldn't be so distraught by my love? I have to make her realise just what exactly she means to me, what exactly she will always mean to me.
"No, you don't. You have to know that...that what I said...in the church." My voice breaks as the memory comes back and I watch her squeeze her eyes shut, obviously receiving the own internal pain. "I didn't mean it, any of it." I continue. "I'm so sor-"
"It's okay," she repeats, meeting my gaze again. "I do understand. I-" Her guardian gives another impatient push on her shoulder and I want to turn round and punch him for so much as touching her but Rose's next words bring me up short.
"I love you too Comrade."
I laugh once at the long forgotten nickname and am momentarily filled with an unendurable happiness before it all comes crashing down with a resounding thud, leaving me broken and empty. At least she can still read me as clearly as ever before, and will die with the knowledge of my everlasting adoration of her. It is a partial relief to the sea of pain I'm currently swimming in.
"My Roza," I want to scream it but all the fight seems to have left me and desolation has filled its place. "I can't believe I've lost you." My voice breaks again and I'm unashamed to say more tears spill from my eyes. I'm losing the only person I've ever loved, the only person I'm ever going to love.
"It's okay," She reiterates softly. "You'll be okay. Just live your life. And look after Lissa for me. Please."
I want to scream at her, to plea with her but it would all be in vain, so I give her the only thing I have left, the honest to God truth.
"I won't be okay, not without you in my life." The urge to hold her, kiss her, taste her salty tears and mix them with my own until we become one being, becomes overbearing and I make a move towards her but am immediately held back by three guardians. I struggle against them fiercely but it's a futile attempt. I begin to panic when I see her being steered out of the room as I never had the chance to actually tell her how I feel. Frantically I call out to her, in the hope that she will still be able to hear me.
"I love you Roza! I'm so sorry!"
I continue to struggle with sharp, frantic movements but the guardians don't relinquish their hold and I am jostled out of the room, into the night air. I beg for the sun not to rise, but even I can see the light appearing on the horizon. I am deposited on a wrought iron bench and immediately try to make a break for it but am brought back again by two firm hands on my shoulders. Giving in I slump on the seat and bury my face in my hands. I am openly sobbing now but don't feel it in me to feel embarrassed. The guardians give me my space to grieve, as they have been trained to. Me, I delved into every memory I had of Roza; sparring, arguing, teasing, kissing, touching, loving.
Soon my violent sobbing settled down to a silent grief as I kept my face buried in my hands. Soon I heard movement near me and a hand closed down on my arm. I flinched involuntarily from the touch and moved in the opposite direction. The guardian cleared his throat apologetically and muttered only two words, but they brought my world to a standstill.
My head shot up and I stared at him wildly. I hadn't realised the sun was rising but sure enough a pink hue had taken over the sky. He flinched back from my gaze and without giving him a second thought I jumped to my feet and ran towards the execution room with wild abandon. I was becoming unhinged.
In a panic, I pushed through the crowd with little notice of the people gathered. They only wanted to watch the show, they didn't care about the young girls life I was about to take. I heard the pleas of Lissa and Adrian both, resounding through the hall overpowering the murmur of voices, but I paid them no mind. My attention was grabbed by the beautiful goddess tied to the alter above me on the raised platform, like a lamb to slaughter. Her gaze was faced solely on her feet as if she were ashamed.
The slight of her looking so submissive and shattered brought a new round of silent tears. I gripped the railing in front of me, causing the metal creak in protest but I ignored it. The judge began the mandatory speech that made me want to vault the rail and strangle her.
"Rosemarie Hathaway, you have been tried and convicted of the murder of Her Majesty Queen Tatiana. You have been sentenced to death for your crimes and shall be staked and bled until you are dead. The dawn has come and it is time to pay for your crimes."
No, no, no, no no. This couldn't be happening. Roza couldn't die, I needed her. As if hearing my desperation, my beautiful girl's head snapped up and her gaze met mine. The fear in her eyes made my chest ache and I felt my heart shatter as she mouthed 'I love you' once last time before, the masked dhampir before her raised his stake and swiftly pierced it through her heart.
"Roza!" There was screaming, a high, gut-wrenching, animalistic sound and it took me a while to realise the noises were being emitted by me. I was on fire, burning, an undeniable pain being delivered upon my heart as if a hundred-thousand shards of glass were being dug into my skin and twisted. I felt sick to my stomach as I watched the blood drip down Rose's front from the entry wound and congeal into scarlet lumps as her head flopped foreword in an uncharacteristically clumsy movement.
Rose was dead.
Rose was dead.
This time the pain hit even more forcefully that before, severing all ties I previously held with sanity. I was drowning in it and still screaming out her name, begging, pleading. I was vaguely aware of being dragged out of the room again and released into the morning air. I stumbled into a wall, still shaking and sobbing as my grief consumed me. I heard worried voices nearby but proceeded to ignore them as I bent over and proceeded to vomit violently into the rose bushes. I looked down at the defaced flowers and felt a new round of hysteria pull me under.
Hours later I leant against the wall utterly spent, unable to cry anymore and felt my body slowly go numb. A small hand was placed on my arm and I flinched away from the touch before looking up into the swollen eyes of the Dragomir princess. Wordlessly she stepped forward and wrapped her arms around my waist, trying to comfort me. I didn't bother to let her know I was far beyond comfort.
"It's going to be okay," she whispered into my chest, trying to convince herself as well as me. "It hurts but I know it'll be okay."
I didn't bother to correct her, to tell her no, I wasn't going to be okay. Not without her. Instead I wrapped my arms around the small Moroi girl and promised to myself that I would make sure she was always safe and relatively happy. For my Roza.
AN: Tell me what you thought.