|Perhaps Not to Be
Author: mamasutra PM
When he chose another I refused to be broken over it. I went on and made a near perfect life all the while I mourned my loss of who I thought he was. I had found comfort in that we were just not meant to be. Why is he reappearing in my life now?Rated: Fiction M - English - Angst/Hurt/Comfort - Bella & Edward - Chapters: 62 - Words: 230,648 - Reviews: 2,448 - Favs: 985 - Follows: 863 - Updated: 12-27-11 - Published: 09-01-10 - Status: Complete - id: 6289230
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.
In the meeting that morning I could tell that it was going to be one of those days. It was going to be one of those days were lust and need would bubble over causing panicked coupling to squelch the burning need that would have been built up by all day foreplay. These types of days were the best since I knew that I would end the day in a sweet soreness that would make me smile in relief, but they were also the worst since they always ended the emptiest.
I looked over at my friend and found him looking at me in a manner that made the ache in my lower belly flair out like a flash fire. His blue/green eyes held mine for a moment longer than how he looked at others in the room and in that minute I could see his hunger, his frustration. He looked down at his phone, breaking the gaze he had with me.
It's been too long.
I smiled as I read his text message. Yes, it had been too long it had been 18 days since we had a release, had sex, fucked or whatever it was you wanted to call what we did together.
Your lipstick is still on my cock.
I giggled a little to myself at his new message to me since I knew that my mark was still on him from this morning. I also knew that he loved it when I left a mark as a reminder of what was to come tonight. He loved the lipstick kiss marks on his belly, and thighs leading up to the smear of lipstick on his cock from when I had taken him in my mouth.
It was that reason that I had applied my red lipstick on heavily before greeting him in his office this morning for surprise office head. He loved surprises. I smiled to myself as I ran a self conscious hand through my loose curls on my head, knowing that my hair was still a little messed from his hands in it, guiding me on as I worked him harder with my mouth.
This morning was no exception. His hands where in my hair, holding, guiding, tugging when we were so rudely interrupted by his secretary before he had a chance to cum. This epic cock block of being so close and yet so far away would serve to benefit me later since it would make him crazed with hunger to the point of being insatiable tonight.
I smiled to myself as I thought about how angry he was when Shelia called to announce that he had a phone call. I knew that his need would have me bent over his desk in his office being fucked hard before ever leaving work tonight. The thought of it made me smile since I was in need as well.
We texted back and forth and all the while we teased. We exchanged what we wanted to do to each other tonight and replayed over how long it had been since we had been together. It was silly foreplay. It was almost high school like in the manner that we texted back and forth, but I could not help it. I was ready for him and I had waited for him long enough.
The meeting ended and soon we were sent about our day. I knew that I would not see again until much later so I approached him as I walked by wishing him luck since the case he was handling was in the jury selection process. He smiled at me and then left. Yes, it would be a long day without him.
My day dragged on as I thought it would. I had meeting with clients. There were men divorcing their cheating wives and women leaving their bastard husbands. It was an interesting job being a divorce attorney. Though it left me with not much faith in love, but it also could be blamed on him.
I continued on with my day and at 8 pm I finally left the office. I knew that he would be waiting for me at his place. He had texted me to tell me not to stop for food since he was ordering pizza. He didn't ask me what kind since after two years of this special type of friendship as well as three years working together almost nonstop he knew everything about me any way without asking.
I got in my car and drove to his townhouse that he purchased last year. It was quite and small, but that was ok since he was hardly ever at home any way or that was what he told me at least. I walked up the drive and as I did the anticipation of being fucked properly took over me.
It had been 18 days and I was more than ready. I needed it. I needed to connect with him on this level. He was the only one who understood me anymore as far as why I did what I did and what pushed me further. He was the only one who got me.
I opened his front door, not even bothering to knock since I knew there was no need and I just walked in. I found him ready, waiting for me with a wicked smile. He looked so beautiful that at times I wondered if he was the devil himself full of sin as he looked at me like that.
He was naked and eager as he approached me with an evil gleam in his eyes. God, how I loved when he was like that! I did not say anything to him, but instead was greeted by his warm skin. His mouth, his lips they moved against me as I felt his hands shed my work clothing. My silk blouse was gone soon as was my pencil skirt leaving me in my stocking and bra, but no panties. I knew how much he loved it when I went without panties so I wanted to treat him with that tonight.
I watched him smile as he pulled my bra off leaving me in front of him with only my stockings and heels on. Such a guy in his fantasies I swear!
All thoughts left my head as he backed me up against the door. I knew tonight would start out hard and fast since it had been so long. I knew that he was every bit as needy as I was in this department so I cannot explain to you why I was surprised that I found myself pressed against the door as his hands roamed over my skin while his tongue tangled with mine.
It was impossible to reconcile the sensations of the cold steel door and his warm skin: The combination was driving me insane with need. I felt his hands dip into my pussy, touching teasing, as he stroked his fingers in and out of me for a moment as I moaned into his mouth. He quickly moved his fingers and soon I found him thrusting inside me, filling me full as I let out a low whore's moan of approval which caused him to laugh seductively at me.
"It's been too long," he said in a gravelly voice that made me hotter as he stayed inside me being still, letting me feel him stretch me in the most delicious manner.
"Way too long," I managed to moan to him before he started to pound relentlessly in and out of me. I hitched my legs around his waist and pressed my back against the door to gain leverage as he pounded into me.
It was hot and dirty. In all the places that we have had sex in his townhouse he had never ever greeted me naked at the door and we had never had sex just as I walked in. He licked and nipped at all the skin of mine that he could reach as he fucked me so voraciously as if I was some sort of salvation to him and I guess in a way I was.
I offered him the same thing that he offered me in our twisted meetings. I offered him comfort, warmth and most importantly a method of forgetting the past. He was close to completion and I knew that by the harshness of his breathing and how much more aggressive he was getting with me. I felt my body right there on the edge ready to fall into the wonderment and then he thrust inside me at an angle that caused me to see stars as I came, calling his name as I clawed at the skin of his shoulders to pull him closer.
I had missed this. I had missed him being this close. I had missed the connection and I nibbled on his ear limply as he finally came filling me with his spent aggression. We both sighed as he held me there still, enjoying the feel of our connection before he slipped out of me with a promise that he was far from being done with me tonight. I loved it when he made promises like that.
I watched him as he slipped on his boxers and then handed me his t-shirt and another pair of his boxers since the pizza delivery guy would be here any moment and there was no need to give him a show even thought he had fucked me silly against his front door with his curtains open were his neighbor could see. I didn't mind though since I didn't care if his neighbor saw us, maybe it would inspire him with his wife, who knows?
We filled that night with pepperoni pizza and beer while having sex on his couch as a very lame '80's movie played on TV. He made me promise that I would stay for a while in the morning since it was Saturday and we could go into work together. We always worked the weekends together.
At the end of the night I found myself curled up in his bed by him watching him smoke while he was lost in thought. I knew him well enough to know what he was thinking since it was similar to my own train of thought. He was thinking about her. The girl he wanted. The girl he gave up. I could not blame him about it though since I was thinking about him.
I wondered if he was still with her. I wondered if he ever regretted his decision. I wondered if he had children. Did they look like him? I wondered what my life could have been like. I wondered if he ever thought about me at all.
It was always these thoughts that plagued me after my time with Riley. I wondered about the one who got away, who choose to get away. I wondered a lot.
"Do you think…?" Riley started out saying, but then stopped. I knew what he was going to ask. It was the same question every time. Do you think that they think of us? I never had an answer for him over that one.
"Good night ducky," Riley whispered in a sleepy tone that made me smile a little since he sounded like a little boy not the 28 year old man that had just blissed me out completely. Ducky was his pet name for me that only he used. He wasn't very original when it came to names given that my last name was Swan.
"Good night Ri," I whispered back to him and then curled closed to him so that we were pressed together to try and erase the emptiness that seemed to sneak in once we thought of those we had loved and lost in life. I closed my eyes and prayed tonight would be one without dreams of him.