Shoes

This poem I am just going to spout,

Shoes are what it's all about.

Sure, you've heard fashionistas impend,

That shoes are a girl's 'Best Friend'.

This is the stupidest thing I've heard,

I think it quite most absurd.

Shoes are terrible companions and among,

Some of us have made better pals with cow dung.

How can you converse with a lump of leather?

Or suede? Or plastic? All tied together?

I personally think shoes are just for your feet,

To protect them against anything that you meet.

However, making them look nice is fine with me.

However, it isn't to go on a shoe shopping spree.

I have reasonable reasons to back this up, too.

So sit back and allow me to tell you

Why a certain type of shoe makes me appeal

To them as a hazard: The evil High Heel.

Now I'm not talking kitten heels or mitten heels at all,

I'm taking about heels 100 FEET TALL!

You could kill someone with those! Blimmin' heck!

Every day, left and right you'll be slicing someone's neck!

Or stabbing them! Impaling them! Or worse yet

They could snap off and in someone's shoulder be set.

Now if I could, If I was able,

I'd clap all high heels into jail!

A health hazard! Yes! Oh yes siree!

I won't have people disembowelling me!

So you see, shoes are NOT a girl's 'Best Friend'.

I'd prefer a human being forever on end!